SETTING: Bullpen of the Bridgeport Zebras on Opening Day. It is the seventh inning and bullpen coach, ELENA, just got off the phone with the Zebras’ manager.
ELENA
Kristin, you’re in.
KRISTIN
What do you mean, I’m in?
ELENA
You’re in the game.
KRISTIN stares at ELENA.
ELENA
You gonna get going?!
KRISTIN picks up a ball to start warming up.
ELENA
What are you doing?!
KRISTIN
Warming up…
ELENA
GET IN THE GAME!!!!
KRISTIN
Oh…right now?
ELENA looks furious. KRISTIN walks out of the bullpen and approaches the mound.
ELENA
Sorry everyone. My work voice came through there.
TRISH
Your work voice?
ELENA
That’s what I said, isn’t it?
TRISH
What’s your job? Besides like, this.
ELENA
Oh. I’m a schoolteacher.
TRISH
Gym?
ELENA
No, English.
TRISH laughs.
ELENA
What’s so funny?
TRISH
Your joke.
MARISSA
Trish, I don’t think she was joking.
ELENA
I didn’t want to be the bullpen coach you know. I wanted to be the real coach. You’re all lucky to have me.
CAROLYN
We are!
ELENA
Was that sarcasm I sensed?
CAROLYN
No I really mean it!
ELENA stares down CAROLYN
CAROLYN
I’m serious!
Suddenly, it starts raining. The rain is light at first, but quickly turns into a downpour.
MELISSA
Well isn’t this wonderful.
ELENA laughs.
CAROLYN
Wait just a second, I thought you hate sarcasm!
ELENA
Not as much as I love rain!
ELENA runs onto the field and soaks in the rain.
MARISSA
That is one weird coach we got there.
TRISH
Think we’re gonna make it through the season with her?
VAL
Yeah. This is no crazier than the Primitives dude I saw run out of the bullpen to buy cotton candy.
TRISH
To buy WHAT?!
VAL
Oh I have so many stories. But that’s for another day.
VAL signals to the grounds crew rolling out the tarp over the field.
VAL
I’m leaving, this game’s not gonna start back up any time soon.
Everyone leaves, causing KATIE to walk back to an empty bullpen. She picks up the baseball that landed there when she gave up a lead-off home run that no one in the bullpen noticed.