Marietta walks into the mayor’s office while singing.
Marietta: I’m walking on sunshine, yeah!
Tammy: Someone’s in a cheery mood today!
Henrietta: I’m so used to her coming in and looking sad to be here.
Tammy: Well, to be fair, who would be happy to spend the day with Amy?
Amy: You’re not a ray of sunshine yourself.
Marietta: You guys do know I like my job, right? Just because I take it seriously doesn’t mean I don't enjoy it.
Amy: Of course we know! You can see the pure joy you have for the job every time you get to meet up with the city council.
Henrietta: All you have to do is say Reggie’s name and her eyes light up!
Marietta: Don’t you start now, too!
Henrietta: Sorry, Marietta.
Marietta: For your information, there is actually a very special reason why I’m so happy today.
Tammy: Yes, we guessed that a while ago. What’s up?
Marietta: I’m having lunch with Kyle and Maria today. They said they have very exciting news to share.
Amy: Aww, is she pregnant?
Marietta: Yeah, we’ve known about this for a while, Amy. Since November.
Amy: I’m sorry I forgot, it’s been a bust few months.
Tammy: That’s your excuse for everything!
Amy: Yeah, Don’s gotten tired of the excuse as well.
Marietta: Anyhow, they recently told me that they’re having another girl, and they also said they were trying to pick out names for her. I think what they’re going to tell me today is that they’re naming her after me.
Tammy: How’d you come to this conclusion?
Marietta: They asked me to meet for lunch and said the news is “exciting!’ What else could that mean?
Tammy: Many other things. One time, my daughter said she has exciting news to share and asked me to call her back and I left a Senate meeting to call her and it turned out that she wanted me to know that she finally watched Forrest Gump. Forrest Gump, Marietta.
Amy: Maybe that’s what Kyle will name his daughter! “Forrest Gump Landfield.”
Henrietta: I like it, it’s earthy.
Marietta: None of you are taking this seriously! I’m about to have a granddaughter that is my namesake!
Amy: That’s wonderful. We have a lot of work to do today. Marissa is stopping by for a meeting.
Marietta: Okay, mom…
Amy: I could never be your mother. Patty Lynn’s told me so many stories, I’d be in the nuthouse if I had to raise you.
Henrietta: There are about four or five moment sin every day that Charlotte makes me think I’m going to need to be hauled off to the mental ward.
Tammy: Ah, the joy of children. You couldn’t pay me to do it again. I much prefer to be the fun grandma or great aunt.
Amy: You’re sort of Marietta’s work mom.
Tammy: Does that mean I can put her in time out?
Marietta: No, but it does mean that I can fire you!
Tammy: Does it though?
Marietta: No, but I can fire you, so watch out!
Amy: Speaking of watching out, Marissa is here!
Marissa: Am I interrupting something?
Amy: Nothing substantive.
Tammy: Marietta threatened me!
Marissa: This feels like a bad time, I can go if you want.
Marietta: No, it’s the perfect time.
Marissa: Are you sure?
Tammy: Please do it so something distracts her and she doesn’t fire me.
Marissa: Okay, meeting time
Marietta: I’ll deal with you later, Tammy.
Tammy: I’m frightened.
Amy: You want help packing your things?
Later that day…
Marietta: Oh, I’m so happy to see you guys! You look great, Maria!
Maria: I look like Shamu.
Kyle: You do not!
Maria: You have to say that!
Kyle: I do, but it’s true. You’re gorgeous.
Maria: You really think so?
Kyle: Of course!
Marietta: Before you try to go for baby #3 right here, remember that your mother is right across the table!
Kyle: Oh, right!
Maria: We’re so glad you’re joining us for lunch! We know how busy you are.
Marietta: I always have time for family. Even Milton.
Kyle: Why do you always have to make fun of uncle Milton?
Marietta: I wouldn't be doing my sisterly duties if I didn’t mock him.
Kyle: I guess I missed out on that, being an only child and all.
Marietta: But you’ll get to experience your children bullying one another, that’s nice!
Maria: I won’t let the kids bully each other.
Marietta: You say that now. Wait until you have to deal with both of them. You’ll be highly entertained by their petty little arguments.
Kyle: Did you feel that way about me when I was small?
Marietta: No! You were an angel, of course!
Kyle: Well that’s a relief.
Maria: I guess we should tell you why we wanted to meet for lunch before you have to go again.
Marietta: I think I have an idea!
Maria: You do?
Marietta: You’re not too subtle about it, but I’ll let you try to surprise me.
Kyle: We’ve settled on a name for the baby.
Marietta: I knew it! I knew it!
Maria: We sort of figured you did. We’ve told you all the other news already about the baby, so this was really all we possibly could’ve had left.
Marietta: I’m ready to hear it!
Kyle: Our baby is going to be named Laura Christine Landfield. I think it’s a b-
Marietta: Laura?
Kyle: After Maria’s other.
Marietta: Oh, I see.
Maria: Are you upset?
Marietta: Where’d the Christine come from? Are you naming her after Christine Baranski?
Kyle: Christine McVie, from Fleetwood Mac. Songbird was out wedding song, remember?
Maria: Also, Everywhere was playing when we first met.
Marietta: Uh huh.
Kyle: You look upset, mom.
Marietta: Christine McVie is better than me?
Kyle: We never said that.
Marietta: Well, you’re naming your child after her but not me! How am I not supposed to be offended?
Kyle: We didn’t mean to upset you, we were merely trying to choose a name that we liked that had a nice flow.
Marietta: Oh, so you don’t like my name?
Kyle: That’s not it at all.
Maria: I have to use the bathroom, I’m going to excuse myself.
Kyle: Don’t leave me.
Maria: I have to go, unless you want me to embarrass myself here in this restaurant.
Kyle: Mom has that part covered.
Marietta: Now I’m embarrassing you? Trust me, I am embarrassed enough that I failed so much as a mother that I’m not worthy of being the namesake of my granddaughter, unlike Maria’s mom, or Katharine Hepburn, or Stevie Nicks’ less-witchy friend.
Kyle: I didn’t think this meant that much to you.
Marietta: Do you even know me?
Kyle: Yes! This seems far more like something grandma would do than something you’d do. You’re making a scene.
Marietta: I’ll stop and we’ll finish our lunch, but my feelings are hurt. I feel less-than.
Kyle: You aren’t, please don’t feel like that. We didn’t name her after dad, either, and he didn’t get mad.
Marietta: You told your father the baby’s name first?
Kyle: We did set up this meeting a week ago…
Marietta: You’re digging your hole deeper and deeper!
Kyle: I am, aren’t I?
Marietta: How would you even go about naming your child after your father, they’re both girls! What would you name her, Dan?
Kyle: Danielle…
Marietta: I’m sure that’s what you’ll name baby number three!
Maria: So, is everyth-
Kyle: Go back to the bathroom! Save yourself!
Maria: Will do!
One hour later, back at the office…
Henrietta: Marietta, you look -
Amy: Like shi-
Marietta: I know!
Amy: What went wrong?
Tammy: That seems pretty obvious, no?
Amy: No.
Marietta: The baby name has been revealed.
Amy: Well, what is it?
Tammy: You still don’t know why she’s upset?
Amy: No! What’s up?
Marietta: Laura Christine Landfield.
Amy: Is that an aun-
Tammy: I don’t know if you’re just playing dumb or if you just took a strong blow to the head, but she’s trying to tell you the baby’s not going to be named after her!
Marietta: Thank you, Tammy.
Tammy: Anytime. And, does this mean I’m not fired?
Marietta: You’re good.
Henrietta: If it makes you feel better, Marietta, I promise to name my next born after you.
Tammy: Don’t make promises you won’t keep. Not with Marietta.
Marietta: And don’t mention getting pregnant again. I’m afraid your mother would kill me just for not shutting it down directly.
Henrietta: I am a married woman.
Marietta: So is Tammy, but they won’t be seeing her at the maternity ward anytime soon.
Amy: What are you going to do about this?
Marietta: I’m going to sulk in my office. Only interrupt me if there’s an emergency.
Amy: Will do!
Marietta: Don’t say that stupid phrase.
Amy: What’s wrong with it?
Marietta: Maria said it as she twisted the knife into my heart.
Amy: Oh…
When Marietta gets to her office, she calls Kate and Ellie.
Ellie: Yello!
Kate: What’s going on?
Marietta: Ugh… I’m stressed.
Milton: What about?
Marietta: Ah! Milton, what are you doing on this call? Did I add you accidentally?
Ellie: I was on the phone with him when you called, I must have added him by accident.
Marietta: Well, I won’t kick him out of the conversation now.
Milton: I’m charmed.
Kate: What’s going on? Your voice, it sounds like you were crying.
Marietta: I may have been.
Kate: And why is that? Work again? Did you get a bad poll?
Marietta: What? No! Why would I get a bad poll? No one’s running against me yet.
Ellie: You never know. You have a real gift!
Marietta: Thank you, I now see so clearly why I thought you could cheer me up.
Ellie: But what exactly is it that we need to help cheer you up about?
Marietta: Kyle and Maria chose a name for their baby and I thought they were going to name her after me but they named her after Maria’s mom and a singer and I’m very upset about it.
Milton: Holy run-on sentence!
Kate: I understand your pain, Marietta. I’m not a grandmother yet, but I know it wouldn’t feel great about the granddaughter being named after the other grandma and not me.
Ellie: It doesn’t have to be a competition, you know. Sometimes a name just fits the baby’s personality better.
Marietta: The baby’s not been born yet.
Ellie: Good point.
Milton: You’re sounding a bit like mom.
Marietta: Why do people keep saying that?
Ellie: He has a point.
Marietta: No, he doesn’t! I’m not that nuts!
Ellie: Why does everyone find it so insulting to be compared to their mothers? I loved when people said I reminded them of their moms.
Marietta: Your mom likely wasn’t as… unique as mine.
Ellie: She was pretty unique. That’s what made the
Marietta: Was she certifiably insane?
Ellie: Sometimes!
Marietta: Mine is at all times.
Kate: Can I give you some advice?
Marietta: It’s what I called you for! you give the best advice.
Kate: Don’t let it get to you too much. They certainly didn’t mean it as a slight, they love you very much. You can feel disappointment, but don’t beat yourself up over it or assume it’s some sort of condemnation of you.
Marietta: That’s basically what Kyle told me, but, for some reason, I trust it more out of your mouth.
Kate: That’s sweet.
Milton: Can I give my advice?
Marietta: Nah.
Later that day, at Martin and Patty Lynn’s…
Sarah: Wow, you look terrible! Did you walk through a hurricane?
Kathleen: Or did you stop by Pat O’Brien’s and chug a few Hurricanes?
Marietta: I’ve had an emotionally taxing day.
Martin: We can see that. What’s wrong?
Patty Lynn: Aside from the obvious mascara mishap.
Marietta: Kyle and Maria decided on a baby name and they’re not naming her after me, even though they really hinted that they were.
Sarah: I’ll name my daughter after you if that helps!
Marietta: Why does everyone keep offering that?
Sarah: Who else offered? Amy?
Marietta: That’s beside the point. They’re naming her after Maria’s mom, but not me! Kate tried to calm me down, and I did for a few hours, which helped me get through work. Then I started thinking about it again and I’m furious all over again!
Patty Lynn: They’re naming her after that horrid mother of Maria’s? What is wrong with therm?
Martin: Let’s think rationally here.
Kathleen: That is not going to happen.
Patty Lynn: It’s wrong, Martin! It’s so disrespectful to Marietta!
Martin: I don’t think I have the energy for this argument, so I’m going to quiet myself down now.
Patty Lynn: You should tell Kyle and Maria how wrong this is! I can call them myself if you want!
Kathleen: You should go on Family Feud to sort this out. Whichever grandma wins gets to have the baby named for her.
Patty Lynn: Good idea!
Sarah: What if she just punches Kyle in the face like Will Smith and says “Keep my name on your baby’s birth certificate!”?
Patty Lynn: Violence is never the answer.
Kathleen: Didn’t you punch Marcy Cantor? Multiple times.
Patty Lynn: I sure did. God rest her soul.
The next day…
Marietta: I don’t know what this meeting is about, but I wanted to apologize for the way I behaved yesterday. To say I overreacted would be an understatement.
Maria: Hey, at least we only made the 4 AM news. No one watches that, anyway.
Kyle: Mom, I understand your pain and your sadness, we both do.
Marietta: You do not have to apologize to me in any way. I acted ridiculously.
Kyle: We’ve talked it over, and you’re right that we should name this baby after you. You’ve been so supportive of us and we know how much you’ll love the baby. Her name is going to be Christine Mary Landfield.
Marietta: Aww, that’s sweet! How is your mom going to take it, though, Maria?
Maria: She didn’t want us to name her after her, actually. We told her, and she said it was too confusing to have to Lauras in the family.
Marietta: Oh, I see how it is. I’m the alternate here!
Kyle: Oh, not this again…
What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments, listen to the official playlist and make sure to read the new episode next week!
