Tammi walks into the house.
Cindy: Tammi, where have you been?
Tammi: That’s a fun story, actually. I can tell it over dinner.
Cindy: You’re so late, it is dinner time.
Tammi: Oh! Well, that worked out pretty well, I guess.
Jerry: Not really. We’ve been waiting to eat for ten minutes because we have to eat as a family.
Tammi: You could’ve started without Steven and I for one day!
Jerry: Not according to your grandmother.
Betty: Everyone in the house eats together! That’s the rule now, that was the rule when I was a little girl. It’s never changing.
Teri: I was seven years old. I had just come home from an appendectomy. I was in terrible pain, and I can barely even eat at all. She drags me out of my bed and forces me to eat with the family, to “help lift my spirits.”
Ralph: Are you still upset about that?
Teri: Not as upset as I was to be left alone in the hallway at a hospital ahead of that same appendectomy because all of their rooms were full and they had nowhere to stick me.
Ralph: I was like ten years old, so don’t talk to me like it was my fault!
Cindy: Time to eat!
Frank: What’s for dinner?
Betty: I can’t believe Frank wasn't at all worried that his wife and son were more than an hour late. What’s wrong with you, man?
Teri: What isn’t?
Frank: I figured they were just caught up in traffic.
Tammi: We weren’t, we were held up by something far more exciting. Steven, can I tell them?
Steven: You already told them you have news, you might as well tell them what it is.
Tammi: Oh, I’m so excited! Everyone, Steven and I were meeting with his journalism teacher. He sent Steven’s midterm project to the local news producers and they were so impressed, they want to give him an internship.
Frank: Steven’s taking a journalism class?
Velma: Steven’s going to work with that dreamboat Patrick Colby-Howerton?
Teri: By the way, is he related to you, Frank?
Frank: No relation, unfortunately.
Danielle: I met him once at yoga! His wife is beautiful, but a bit of a ditz. She asked what the sun did to deserve being saluted.
Karl: That sounds like one of Betty’s jokes.
Velma: He has a wife? Damn.
Mitchell: And you have a husband.
Velma: Do I?
Tammi: Can we circle back? This is a huge opportunity for Steven!
Steven: Mom, don’t ruin their fun. You know they like cracking jokes.
Velma: I’m not joking. That is a man.
Mitchell: I’m right here!
Jerry: Does Steven really want to get into journalism?
Ralph: Oh, god. Here he goes.
Jerry: There’s so much fake news out there. They mislead us!
Teri: You think the deep state is using Patrick Colby-Howerton and Annie Ramirez of the Lakey Action News to brainwash people? Shouldn’t they be thinking bigger than that?
Jerry: First of all, it’s not the “deep state,” it’s the media elitists who don’t want people to know the truth. And second, local news is not the only fake news out there, most of the rest of it is fake, too.
Tammi: Can we not talk about this?
Frank: He raises a good point!
Karl: I rarely say this. Shut up, Frank.
Tammi: Steven is getting an internship at the top news outlet in our hometown! Why is no one reacting to this? Stop arguing and congratulate him!
Steven: It’s not something to gush abo-
Tammi: Yes, it is! You have accomplished something incredible!
Danielle: You’re gonna get to meet all my best friends from the news.
Steven: Best friends?
Danielle: Yeah, I’ve met them all.
Teri: She’s such a social butterfly. She’s the Jackie Kennedy of our house.
Danielle: Just watch out for Kerry Deckerty. She’s fake and nasty and a backstabber.
Velma: How many times have you met her?
Danielle: Just the once. All I needed to interact with her to know the truth.
Velma: You know who else I can’t stand?
Tammi: Anyway, that was the big news! I’m proud of my son, at least.
Cindy: We’re all very proud, Cindy. All of us! Right, Jerry?
Jerry: I’m happy to see him putting himself out there.
Steven: My teacher did all the work to put me out there, really.
Jerry: Nonsense! You took this class to begin with even though it’s out of your comfort zone, that’s something to be proud of!
Frank: I just wish you would’ve told me about it.
Steven: It’s a class I take at school, I hate talking about school.
Tammi: Also, you should’ve seen the class listed his report card. You did read his report card, correct?
Frank: What are you accusing me of?
Tammi: I accused you of nothing. Guilty conscience much?
Teri: The lovebirds are fighting.
Danielle: We all know the real lovebirds in this house are Velma and Mitchell.
Velma: I feel nauseous even hearing that.
Mitchell: It doesn’t fill my heart with joy either, Velma.
Velma: Glad we’re on the same page.
Danielle: My lord, the sexual tension!
Betty: Steven, I want you to know how proud I am of you. Your aunt Teri got a similar opportunity with a photographer in town when she was in school and I was so thrilled then, too.
Ralph: And we see the good that did her!
Teri: I could have gotten a paying job if I chose to! It was offered!
Steven: That’s nice of you, grandma Betty.
Betty: I have a question, though.
Steven: What’s that?
Betty: Um, will this internship interrupt your work at the boutique? You know how much I love having you around to help on the weekends. All the regulars love you, too.
Frank: That’s because he reminds them of their great-grandsons, too.
Betty: My regular customers are not all elderly, Frank. They’re a wide range of ages.
Frank: Yes, from sixty-five to ninety-five!
Betty: This is why no one ever talks to you.
Frank: You’re talking to me right now.
Betty: Shut up, Frank!
Steven: I will still be at the boutique every weekend. The internship doesn’t pay, and I have to save up for that car!
Betty: Is that the only reason?
Steven: No, I also love working with you!
Betty: Aww, dont’ flatter me!
Teri: Okay, this conversation’s getting weird. Anyone want to discuss this week’s episode of The Bachelor?
Danielle: It wasn’t on this week.
Teri: I watched it this week.
Danielle: Then you were late! The finale was last week.
Velma: I beg of you to talk about anything else.
Danielle: All right Mitchell, how was your day?
Velma: Not that!
One week later…
Tammi: You know, guys, I’m starting to get worried.
Ralph: Worried about what? Your choice in a husband? It’s not too late to fix that.
Tammi: Steven! He called me and asked if he could stay there to work on the eleven o’clock news, and I agreed to let him because it’s Friday night, and I know that the eleven o’clock broadcast is a big deal. It’s getting late now, though.
Teri: Tammi, it’s eleven thirty-two.
Tammi: I know! The broadcast ended two minutes ago, why hasn’t he called me yet to pick him up?
Ralph: Have you considered that he may have gone to the bathroom? Or gotten involved in a conversation? Or grabbed a bite to eat on the set after a hard day’s work?
Tammi: He’s my fifteen year-old son and he’s out at nearly midnight while working with a bunch of strangers. Excuse me for showing a bit of concern.
Teri: I’m not a mom, so I don’t know the exact feeling you’re having right now, but I do get why you’re concerned. There’s no need to be, though. He will call in a few minutes, he’s a good kid.
Tammi: I know that everything you’re saying is correct, but I can’t help but feel a sense of panic.
Teri: Maybe you should drive to the studio to pick him up now. By the time you arrive, he’ll probably be ready to go.
Tammi: What if he calls here for me to pick him up?
Ralph: In the off chance he calls here instead of your cell phone, we’ll tell him that you’re on your watch to pick him up.
Tammi: I think I’ll do that. Thanks for the help, you two.
Teri: I know we’re the only two that are awake, but I like to think you'd have chose us to vent to even if you had your choice of anyone in the house. We’re so wise.
Tammi: Uh-huh. Sure.
Ralph: It’s weird that we’re the only ones awake at eleven thirty on a Friday night.
Teri: Everyone else gets up early for work.
Ralph: Not Mitchell.
Teri: Never expect Mitchell to be awake for more than eight hours a day.
Tammi: Okay, I’m going now. You two keep your ears open for any call from Steven!
Teri: I’ll try not to sew my ear canal shut while you’re gone!
At the news station…
Tammi: Steven, why didn’t you call me?
Steven: Oh, sorry mom! I got all caught up in work here. William is showing me how they lock up the studio for the night!
Tammi: William?
Steven: The producer!
Tammi: How come you’ve never mentioned him before? Where is your boss Helen?
Steven: She only works in the daytime, there’s a different producer at night.
Tammi: I left you with strangers all night? Oh lord, I am failing as a parent.
Steven: I had fun, don’t worry. They’re all good people.
Tammi: You never know. One of them could be a pedophile.
Steven: No one here is a pedophile.
Tammi: The producer kept you, a fifteen year-old boy, at the studio alone at night.
Steven: There are at least twenty other people in there, mom.
Tammi: So there are. Let’s just go home, it’s time.
Steven: I’m tired, I’m ready for bed.
Tammi: Don’t fall asleep in the car. Your father is in bed already, and I’m not about to ask your aunt Teri to help me drag you in the house.
Steven: Trust me, I’ll stay awake. It’s a ten minute drive.
Tammi: That hasn’t stopped you before.
Steven: You mean when I was a child?
Tammi: You’re still a child, don’t you try to grow up too fast on me!
Steven: I won’t, mom.
Tammi: You promise?
Steven: I promise.
Tammi: Good. There’s nothing I regret more than rushing to grow up. I should have enjoyed my childhood more instead of trying to be an adult.
Steven: Well, grandma and gra-
Tammi: Don’t even go there. That is not going to be you.
Steven: I don’t want it to be, but they’re happy!
Tammi: Do you want to be changing dirty diapers in a year? Do you want to drop out of school in a year to work ten-hour days? That’s the route your grandparents took and they were miserable for years until they figured it out.
Steven: Mom, I’m not going to get a girl pregnant next year. Why are we talking about this?
Tammi: Just my head racing. I was so worried about you today, it made me realize I’m not ready for you to be an adult. It’s coming!
Steven: Mom, I’m too tired for this conversation.
Tammi: Tomorrow then!
Steven: Please, no.
The next day, at Betty’s Boutique…
Betty: Mitchell, Karl, have you seen Steven? It’s ten thirty, he was supposed to be here a half-hour ago.
Karl: You’re asking Mitchell?
Betty: I know, I’m desperate.
Mitchell: I barely even know that I’m here.
Betty: You sure about that? You certainly seem aware of it when you’re complaining all day about working.
Mitchell: That was uncalled for.
Betty: Where is my grandson?!?
Karl: He’s running a little late, it’s okay. We’re having a very slow morning.
Betty: But if it picks up, what then?
Karl: We can manage.
Betty: I’m going to call Tammi and see where he is.
Karl: You think that’s a good idea? It’ll just delay them further.
Betty: I’m calling now.
Karl: Of course you are.
Betty picks up her phone and dials home.
Ralph: Yes, mother?
Betty: Is my granddaughter there?
Ralph: Jerry, is Tammi here?
Jerry: I don’t know.
Ralph: Can you find out? Mom wants to know.
Jerry: Tammi, are you here?
Tammi: I’m in my room!
Jerry: She’s here.
Ralph: She’s here, mom.
Betty: Can I speak to her?
Ralph: Mom wants to talk to Tammi.
Jerry: Tammi, your grandmother wants to talk to you!
Tammi: I’ll be right down!
Jerry: She’ll be right down.
Ralph: She’ll be ri-
Betty: I heard, thanks.
Ralph: What’s going on?
Betty: I’m just wondering where Steven is, that’s all.
Ralph: Oh. Boring. I thought something was wrong.
Betty: Were you hoping something was wrong?
Ralph: Of course not! I’m not a monster!
Tammi: Could I have the phone?
Ralph: Here you go.
Tammi: What’s up, grandma?
Betty: Where is Steven? He’s late for work.
Tammi: He’s running late, I’m sorry. He overslept and so did I after last night’s latte outing and I forgot to call you and let you know. He’s just in the bathroom taking a shower and then we’ll be there.
Betty: I’m just glad everything is okay. I was worried something went wrong.
Tammi: We worry a lot, don’t we?
Betty: It’s in our DNA.
Tammi: Okay, I’ll see you soon. Have fun at the store!
Batty: I will, as long as Anita doesn’t come in!
Ten minutes later…
Tammi: Steven, we have to talk.
Steven: That’s what people say on TV when they’re about to break up with someone.
Tammi: Well, it’s not that.
Steven: What’s going on.
Tammi: Steven, your internship is becoming a problem.
Steven: What? What do you mean?
Tammi: I definitely want you to continued with it, but no more late nights, okay? It’s not good for any of us.
Steven: Where is this coming from?
Tammi: You’re late for work, we can’t have that. Your grandma Betty was worried about you, just as I was worried last night. I’m not ready for you to be out late at night. I should have a few years yet before I have to worry about my son out late on a Friday night.
Steven: Were you that worried?
Tammi: Absolutely! Ask your aunt Teri.
Steven: I believe you. I won’t stay at the station late anymore.
Tammi: Thank you!
Steven: I have a question.
Tammi: What’s that?
Steven: They told me about a summer camp for journalism going on this summer. I want to go.
Tammi: How long does that last?
Steven: A month.
Tammi: Goodness…
What did you think of this episode Our House? Let us know in the comments and make sure to return for a new episode next week!
