Marietta: Group meeting in my office, everyone in!
Henrietta: Am I included in “everyone?”
Amy: Honey, there are three of us in this office. Of course you’re included.
Henrietta: Thank you for including me. I don’t know what this is about, but it’s nice not to be left out just because I’m an intern.
Tammy: I’ve always relied on the kindness of interns.
Marietta: If you don’t get your ass in here, Vivien Leigh…
Tammy: We’re coming!
In Marietta’s office…
Marietta: So, are you ready?
Amy: Ready for what? I feel like I work for The Riddler.
Marietta: Ready for my re-election campaign kickoff?!? You were supposed to book a venue for Friday’s announcement, Amy.
Amy: Oh, I did. We’ve been so swamped, telling you I did that wasn’t exactly at the top of my mind.
Marietta: I’m glad that you’re just forgetful and not neglectful of your job.
Tammy: No, she’s that, too.
Amy: That is a bald-faced lie.
Marietta: I don’t have time for this particular argument. Let’s talk about my big announcement.
Tammy: Is it that big? Aren’t most mayors expected to run for re-election? It’s not like this race is supposed to be close or anything
Marietta: Tammy, don’t speak of what you do not know. In the past month alone, I’ve been spied on by a potential opponent.
Henrietta: Why is he still on the city council, by the way? Should he not be in jail like Hanna?
Marietta: Reggie is in a position of power, Hanna was not. The police are doing a “thorough investigation” before making any charges against him, but he’ll probably get off with a slap on the wrist.
Henrietta: That’s bulls-
Marietta: It sure is!
Tammy: Did we ever find out if any of the other councilors were in on it?
Marietta: Weren’t you supposed to do that?
Tammy: I was?
Marietta: I’m kidding! No, we never found out. The police, preferably, would attempt to do that. Not sure if they are, though.
Henrietta: What a surprise.
Amy: So, back to the big announcement! What are we planning?
Marietta: Maybe we can get some supporters - some big names?
Amy: What kind of names are we thinking? Debbie Gibson? Molly Ringwald?
Henrietta: Who?
Amy: Oy.
Marietta: Big names in New Orleans politics, Amy. Not 80s celebrities.
Amy: What about Jennifer Grey?
Marietta: Amy! Focus!
Amy: You joked with me!
Marietta: I’m thinking we can get some of the city councilors to appear. I know Moira, Marissa and Helene will do it. We can invite DeeDee and John and see if they’re interested.
Amy: Anyone else from the city council? Or are you not even going to try to play nice with Reggie?
Tammy: I wouldn’t! Screw that guy!
Henrietta: I don’t really have any say here, but I agree. Screw that guy!
Marietta: Reggie will not be invited, neither will his buddy Pat. How about local state senators and representatives?
Amy: I’ll put them all on the list.
Marietta: I’ll get my family there, reluctantly. Henrietta is the only one that I’m certain won’t embarrass me.
Henrietta: I don’t think Elena will embarrass you.
Tammy: You always say I’m family. Is it because I’m embarrassing?
Marietta: That’s not why, but you are. I love you, though.
Tammy: Thank you, I love you, too!
Marietta: Moving on from the guest list, I’m thinking we should get balloons that drop from the ceiling. Or confetti, perhaps.
Amy: Are you sure about that? It’s a political campaign announcement, not a lottery drawing.
Marietta: Confetti.
Amy: Okay, confetti.
Henrietta: I think confetti is whimsical.
Tammy: This is why she’s only an intern…
Later that day…
Marietta: You know, it’s good to be home.
Kathleen: Did you move in here without your mother telling me? That’s something she’d do.
Sarah: When has grandma ever not excited told us all the latest news about aunt Marietta?
Kathleen: That’s true, she’s a very proud mother. Too proud. I don’t talk about my kids like that.
Patty Lynn: No offense to them, I love my nieces and nephews, but they aren’t listed as potential 2024 presidential candidates.
Marietta: Oh, mother, you are a loon. I’m staying in New Orleans, DC is not my gig.
Martin: That’s what your mother said back in the seventies and she became the toast of the town when I was in Congress and in the cabinet.
Marietta: Mom didn’t know about DC when she was dead-set on not moving there. I spent thirty years of my life there, I’m done with that city. To quote the great poet Billie Eilish -
Sarah: Please don’t. Your Halloween costume did more than enough to make Billie Eilish uncool in my eyes.
Marietta: Aww, I have an impact.
Martin: I’m just saying, Marietta. Don’t knock it until you try it. You might want to take a shot at the presidency after all.
Marietta: Never.
Patty Lynn: Speaking of national politicians and New Orleans , the vice president is coming to visit later this week.
Marietta: Ugh, she is?
Sarah: I assume she’ll be trying to burn down a Planned Parenthood or shut down a public school?
Patty Lynn: Probably, but her official reason for visiting is to speak at a fundraiser for some charity.
Marietta: Since when does that witch care about charity?
Patty Lynn: Since this upcoming Friday, apparently.
Marietta: This Friday? Like the one coming up in a few days? Are you sure?
Patty Lynn: Yes, why?
Marietta: That’s when I’m planning to announce my re-election campaign. We just booked a venue today and informed the press about it and bought confetti for it.
Sarah: Confetti?
Marietta: Yes, confetti. What is everyone’s problem with confetti?
Sarah: It’s just an interesting choice, that’s all.
Patty Lynn: Why were we not aware of this information?
Marietta: I was going to tell you today.
Patty Lynn: Surely it was in the works before today. Am I not important enough to tell things to?
Marietta: You are, but you also have a tendency to tell people secrets you weren’t supposed to tell them.
Patty Lynn: I have never done that.
Kathleen: You spoiled my third engagement on me. That was the only good one!
Patty Lynn: You’re still mad about that?
Sarah: How is this the first time I’m hearing about this?
Kathleen: It’s a long story, I’ll have to tell you sometime.
Marietta: So, anyway, backing it up a bit… Vice President Ducovney is going to be in town for an event on the same day as my campaign kickoff?
Martin: It appears as such.
Marietta: This is horrifying.
Sarah: So some crazy lady is in town the same day you’re doing something, what’s the big deal?
Marietta: The media will obviously focus on a visit from the sitting VP and not on the mayor announcing a re-election campaign. This is a PR nightmare! I was counting on my announcement being a major story on the local news to help bring in donations and volunteers.
Sarah: Can’t you reschedule it?
Marietta: Can’t you reschedule it? No!
Sarah: I was only asking a question, there’s no need to yell.
Marietta: I know, I’m sorry. I’m just stressed! What am I going to do?
Kathleen: Don’t let her get in your head. Just do your thing, who cares if the media is there to record it for the ten o’clock news. Only old people like me watch the news, anyway.
Marietta: Those old people are the ones that like to send in donations, and an event like this is a great way to juice donations.
Sarah: You could run ads online, like a normal modern campaign. Maybe Henrietta could help you our with that.
Marietta: Amy is in charge of digital communications.
Sarah: Yes, that’s really the issue, isn’t it? She’s old. She barely knows how to use a computer.
Marietta: Amy is very tech-savvy, she helped me install Adobe Flash Player on my laptop.
Sarah: Adobe Flash Player hasn’t been in use for over a year.
Marietta: That’s not true.
Patty Lynn: Even I know it is.
Kathleen: Since when do you know about computers?
Patty Lynn: Sarah taught me.
Marietta: I don’t care about computers, I need you to all trash-talk Dede Ducovney to make me feel better.
Kathleen: She’s such a bitch! How does she sleep at night? Probably on her stomach like a psychopath!
Marietta: Okay, you’re overdoing it a bit now.
Kathleen: You said to trash talk her and that’s exactly what I did.
Marietta: And I do appreciate it.
Martin: Don’t focus on her, okay? Focus on your moment, don’t let anyone else ruin it. The media will be there, and they will cover it, even if it’s not the biggest story of the day.
Marietta: Am I just being a diva about this whole thing?
Patty Lynn: A bit, but everyone loves a good diva.
Kathleen: Eh… there’s one diva that grates on my nerves a bit.
Patty Lynn: Mariah Carey? I know her Christmas song get’s played a lot, but it’s one of the best ones!
Kathleen: I meant you.
Patty Lynn: Wooooow.
Marietta: Okay, this has been. very productive day, but I must get home. Sarah, you ready?
Sarah: I was born ready.
Three days later…
Henrietta: Marietta, someone is here to see you.
Marietta: Tell John I’m not expecting him for another hour. I’m very busy!
Henrietta: It’s not Councilor Jackson.
Tammy: Prepare yourself, dear.
Marietta: Why are you being cryptic? Just let them in.
Tammy: I warned you…
Vice President Dede Ducovney walks into Marietta’s office.
Tammy: Told ya so.
Marietta: Madam Vice President, so interesting to see you here today. For what do I owe the pleasure?
Dede: Mayor Landfield, I’m sure you knew I was coming to town for the weekend and I wanted to stop in and see you.
Marietta: Does the vice president typically pay a visit to mayors of cities she’s visiting? That’s really going above and beyond.
Dede: Now, Marietta, you know you aren’t just any old mayor. You’re special.
Marietta: I know, thank you for noticing.
Dede: You’re an extremely high-profile member of your party, you always seem to make the headlines.
Marietta: As do you.
Dede: That comes with the office, I’ve found.
Marietta: What is this visit about? I don’t mean to be rude, but I have so much to do.
Dede: You and rude go together pretty well.
Marietta: Don’t come to my office and insult me, Dede.
Dede: You just told me you don’t have time for me!
Marietta: You are so needy. You’re the vice president, for god’s sake!
Dede: You know what, I’m just going to go. I was going to show you some grace and give you something, but not now.
Marietta: Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!
Dede: Is that truly how you want to be? We could be friends!
Marietta: Why? Why would we be friends? We don’t work in the same city, we barely know each other to start with, and our philosophies are entirely at odds. We are not bestie material!
Dede: I wanted to invite you to a fundraiser I’m hosting here with my sister-in-law. It’s for a good cause, and it will help benefit your city. But, I can’t invite you to it if you’re so insistent on being filled with vitriol for me. I guess I’ll just go.
Marietta: Why would you invited me to that? I support any charitable cause, but I can’t imagine you ever wanting me to be at one of your events. You have to have some sort of ulterior motive.
Dede: I have family here in New Orleans, I have a home here. As a government official, I simply want to have a good relationship with the mayor of a city I hold so dear. I see you don’t want that. Point taken.
Marietta: Forgive me for being suspicious. It’s just that we’ve never gotten along before you just so happen to be inviting me to a charity function that I’m certain you already knew was happening at the same time I’m holding an even to announce my re-election campaign.
Dede: Is that what you’re so upset about? You think I’m sabotaging you?
Marietta: You’re the one who mentioned sabotage.
Dede: I’d better get going. God luck with your campaign announcement, I’ll be seeing you around, I guess.
Dede leaves.
Amy: So what was that about?
Henrietta: Amy and I both bet that that was going to end in either a screaming match or with things being thrown, so I guess we both owe Tammy ten bucks now.
Tammy: I accept cash, checks and credit cards.
Marietta: She pretty much just came here to taunt me, just as I’d expected. Onward and upward, I say. Tomorrow’s going to be fun. Until then, work to be done!
Amy: That was very poetic.
Tammy: I’m going to nominate her to be the new poet laureate.
Marietta: I said let’s work!
Amy: Yes, boss!
The next day, at the New Orleans Event Center…
Tammy: Marietta, someone wants to see you.
Marietta: Is it that witch again?
Tammy: No, it’s actually a few someones.
Marietta: Is it my parents?
Tammy: I’m just going to let them in so you can see for yourself.
Marietta: That would be wise.
Kate: We’re here to save the day!
Ellie: I don’t know if we’re saving anyone’s day, but we’re here!
Marietta: Aww, you two! How’d you even find out about this? I didn’t bother inviting you because I assumed you had better things to do!
Ellie: Trust me, we are rarely busy.
Kate: This gives Ellie a much-needed break from spending the weekend binge-watching HBO’s Ballers once again.
Ellie: For your information, I watched it on the plane.
Milton: I told them!
Marietta: Milton! Aww, you guys are all so supportive. I need that today.
Eliza: I don’t mean to break up the party, but it’s getting close to the start of this thing. I was wondering where you wanted us to sit. I see a bunch of “reserved” signs on the seats up front but I didn’t know if there was assigned seating or not.
Milton: You’re on stage with me, we’ve talking about this, Eliza!
Eliza: You were serious about that?
Marietta: Of course!
Kate: I see you’ve got a lot going on, we should let you get ready for your big speech.
Marietta: I’m not really that busy, you can stay!
Milton: Kate, don’t you have some news to tell her, anyway?
Kate: Oh, right!
Marietta: I’m intrigued.
Ellie: Yeah, so am I. She tells me nothing!
Kate: So, I heard about VP Ducovney -
Eliza: Ugh, I can’t stand that woman!
Ellie: Can anyone?
Kate: I heard about her fundraiser, and Milton told me how upset you were about it potentially overshadowing your big speech.
Marietta: Her little visit to my office yesterday did very little to make me feel better!
Kate: Well, I pulled some strings, and I was able to set up a vote in the Senate today that I knew would end in a deadlock. My office told hers about it and they had her fly back to DC to cast the tie-breaking vote.
Marietta: You didn’t!
Kate: I’d do anything for my friends.
Ellie: Not for me!
Kate: Ah, shut it!
Ellie: I will not!
Milton: Is that why you insisted that all three of us come down here today?
Kate: No, I also wanted to support our girl Marietta! But that was part of it.
Milton: See, Marietta! You get all the attention to yourself, once again.
Marietta: I really appreciate this very much, Kate. But, doesn’t Dede’s tie-breaking vote mean that the Republicans get to pass something they otherwise wouldn’t have?
Kate: It’s just the nomination for Ambassador to Belize! Of course, I didn’t tell Dede that. Told her it as an urgent emergency matter.
Ellie: I still can’t believe you didn’t let me in on the plan.
Kate: I did tell you, you just had your earbuds in on the plane.
Ellie: Whoops.
Kate: Now, Marietta, you need to get ready so you can kick off your campaign. We’ll stop bothering you, for real this time.
Tammy: Look at that, so much worrying over nothing.
Marietta: That tends to happen a lot, doesn’t it?
Tammy: Too often, I’d say.
Ellie: Can we stand on the stage with you as well, or is that just family?
Marietta: You are family, of course you can be on the stage!
Ellie: Good, I didn’t fly all this way just to sit in the audience with all of the plebs.
Marietta: It’s so nice when we get together! Even when Ellie’s insulting my supporters!
Amy: Marietta, you have a half-hue to get ready.
Marietta: God, you sound like my mother.
Amy: Do you want to miss your big moment? Kate pretty much committed fraud for it to happen!
Marietta: I’ll go get ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille!
Amy: How did I lose to her?
Tammy: She had me to drag her to victory.
What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments, listen to the official playlist and make sure to read the new episode next week!
