The year is 1979. Martin is serving as Governor of Louisiana, and the Landfields are living at the Louisiana Governor’s Mansion.
Martin: Patty Lynn, my darling, could you come here please?
Patty Lynn: I’m boogying to the Bee Gees, Martin. Give me a minute!
Martin: Why are you talking like that?
Patty Lynn: I’m in boogie wonderland!
Milton: Mom, that’s Earth, Wind & Fire.
Marietta: Don’t be such a know-it-all.
Patty Lynn: Kids these days always think they know better than their parents.
Martin: Honey!
Patty Lynn: I’m coming, I’m coming.
Martin: Thank you.
Patty Lynn: What’s going on?
Marietta: We want to know, too!
Milton: Will you let me in the conversation if I tell on Marietta?
Patty Lynn: Tell what?
Marietta: Yeah, tell what? I’m an angel!
Milton: Marietta had Danny over a few nights ago!
Martin: We’ll talk about that later. For now, your mother and I have to have a private conversation. You should both get ready for school.
Milton: It’s Saturday, dad.
Martin: You can go watch cartoons, then.
Marietta: I’m seventeen, dad.
Martin: You two…
Patty Lynn: Ignore them, let’s go have our talk. I’m very curious what this is about.
Martin and Patty Lynn walk into the hall.
Patty Lynn: So, what’s going on? Did you just want a smooch? Maybe a bit more? It’s not the best time for that, but I can make it work.
Martin: No!
Patty Lynn: Do you no longer find my desirable?
Martin: I’m trying to ask you about work.
Patty Lynn: Oh, how dull! I thought it was going to be something exciting and you’re going to ask me if I think we should amend the zoning laws.
Martin: It’s not about that.
Patty Lynn: What’s it about, then? You need thoughts on whether to lower the flag to half staff? Opinions on who to appoint as education secretary? Does it really matter?
Martin: I’m leaving office in a few months and I’m thinking about my next act. I’m considering a run for Congress.
Patty Lynn: A run for what?
Martin: I know, it sounds crazy. I think it could be good, though. Our congressman is retiring and I am uniquely qualified to fill his shoes.
Patty Lynn: Do you wear the same size or something?
Martin: I need you to be serious!
Patty Lynn: I won’t do well in DC. I’m a southern girl, you know that.
Martin: You can take the South to DC.
Patty Lynn: I want to stay southern right here in the south.
Martin: It’s only a consideration, I just wanted to get your thoughts in the hopes that you can have an open mind about it. You didn't want to move to Baton Rouge either, and that turned out pretty well.
Patty Lynn: That’s different, home is only a ninety minute drive away.
Martin: Not when traffic’s bad!
Patty Lynn: The point is, I can currently hop in the car and visit my family or get a muffuletta at Central Grocery or go for a stroll on Bourbon Street if I want to. Not if we move to DC!
Martin: Members of Congress aren’t always in DC, they’re home plenty of the time. Look at Kathleen!
Patty Lynn: We never see Kathleen!
Martin: That’s because she lives in Arkansas, where she spends a lot of her time despite working in DC. We saw Marvin a lot when he was in Congress.
Patty Lynn: That’s because Marvin wasn’t very good at his job.
Martin: Hey, look on the bright side. He’s better at his current job than he was at the last one!
Patty Lynn: All that took was an attendance record of better than sixty percent.
Marietta: We’re ready for school. Are you going to take us or just chat all morning?
Patty Lynn: Have you both been listening in on our conversation?
Marietta: All I heard was you dissing uncle Marvin, that’s nothing new. In fact, it gives me deja vu, like that new song by Dionne Warwick.
Milton: Dad, are you running for Congress?
Marietta: You idiot!
Patty Lynn: How many times must we tell you not to eavesdrop? We’ll talk about this after school! Martin, have a good day at work. Don’t let the Republicans block you from renaming that bridge!
Martin: We’ll talk about you-know-what when we get home, okay?
Patty Lynn: Sounds like a plan.
Later that day, at the state capitol…
Sue Ann (Martin’s secretary): Governor Landfield, your sister called.
Martin: My sister? Kathleen? That sister?
Sue Ann: That sister. Why are you so surprised?
Martin: Well, she doesn’t really call that much, but I was just talking about her this morning with Patty Lynn. I’m a bit worried I summoned her.
Sue Ann: Are you going to call her back now or should I let the speaker know you’r ready for him?
Martin: I guess I should call her. Knowing her, she’s in some grave peril that she needs me to help her out of.
Sue Ann: Okay, let me know when you’re ready for the speaker. Take your time, I like making him wait.
Martin: You’re a little crazy, Sue Ann. I’m gonna miss you.
Sue Ann: Miss me? Where am I going?
Martin: I’m almost done with my term, I’m not going to need a secretary anymore. I’m sure governor-elect Jordan will keep you on.
Sue Ann: Now I’m sad, I liked our rapport!
Martin: So did I. Now, let me go call my sister and hope she’s not been taken captive my the Sicilian mob. Again.
Sue Ann: My god, did that really happen?
Martin: I wish I could say it didn’t.
Martin walks into his office and calls Kathleen.
Kathleen: Martin, what the hell are you thinking?
Martin: Nice to speak to you, as well.
Kathleen: Congress? Why would you run for Congress?
Martin: By any chance did my wife call you?
Kathleen: Of course she did! She’s worried you’re actually going to go through with it like an idiot!
Martin: What would be so bad about it?
Kathleen: Have you taken a look at national politics lately? Why would you want to jump into that and leave behind the comfort of the Land of Jazz?
Martin: I’ll have you to work with, it’ll be nice!
Kathleen: No you won’t!
Martin: Are you retiring?
Kathleen: No, I’m going to lose! Have you seen POTUS’s approval ratings? Have you seen the head-to-head polling? He’s losing to some actor from the hippy-dippy land of California!
Martin: I don’t believe that.
Kathleen: Look, sweet-talking peanut man from Georgia might be a nice guy, but the American people don’t care about nice. They care about winning, and we’re not doing much of that right now. Us Democrats are screwed with a capital S!
Martin: How can you be so sure?
Kathleen: I’ve seen the polling that you clearly have not. You know why that New Orleans seat is open to begin with, right? Jack Gershevitz is retiring because he knows we’re going to lose the House.
Martin: I don’t need to be in the majority, I can make change either way.
Kathleen: Ha! I can barely make change a long-tenured committee chair in the majority!
Martin: You don’t seem to like your job.
Kathleen: Who likes their job?
Martin: I like my job!
Kathleen: Of course you do.
Martin: What’s that supposed to mean?
Kathleen: You’re so positive all the time. Maybe Congress could use you to break up all the cynics.
Martin: Cynics like you?
Kathleen: That was uncalled for.
Martin: Was it?
Kathleen: No, I am quite the cynic. Still, though, would you like to hear my advice?
Martin: Haven’t you been giving me advice for this entire phone call?
Kathleen: I know I’ve made Congress sound so much fun during this chat -
Martin: I know what you’re about to tell me.
Kathleen: I don’t think you do!
Martin: What wise information do you want to bestow upon me?
Kathleen: I think you should run if you really want to. You can always retire if you don’t like it. You’d always be wondering “What if?” if you didn’t run. You’d probably also blame me. As embarrassing as a drop from governor to congressman is, go for it.
Martin: That’s quite the switcheroo from you. You were previously about fife seconds away from telling me that Congress is worse than Hell itself.
Kathleen: Well, it is, but at the end of the day, I’m your sister, and I ought to be supportive. If you want to run, you should run. I will be there to help you along the way.
Martin: I really do appreciate that. I don’t tell you enough, but you’re a good sister.
Kathleen: I know. Now, if you excuse me, I have an Ag Committee hearing about potatoes to get to. This is the hidden glamor of Congress that they don’t tell you about!
Later that night, when Martin returns to the Governor’s Mansion…
Martin: Honey, wh- mom and dad!
Shirley (Martin’s mother): Surprised to see us?
Martin: Little bit, not going to lie!
Patty Lynn: Isn’t it so nice when family can surprise us with a visit?
Marty (Martin’s father): We didn’t surprise you, you cal-
Patty Lynn: What do you say, anyone want sweet tea or biscuits? They’re fresh!
Marty: I’ll take some biscuits!
Shirley: Marty, you need to be watching what you eat! Your heart can’t take another blockage!
Marty: I’m sixty years old, let me live a little!
Martin: Dad, what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in DC?
Marty: The Senate is in recess, you know how that goes. We really don’t work much at all. It’s a dream job.
Patty Lynn: Not such a dream, though, right? It has its downsides, I’m sure.
Marty: The job’s been pretty good to me over the years.
Patty Lynn: I’m sure it has been.
Martin: Patty Lynn, can we talk in private for a moment?
Marietta: I think mom’s in trouble!
Shirley: Marietta, let’s not gossip.
Marietta: Sorry, grandma.
Patty Lynn: I will be back in a moment, you all just enjoy your biscuits while I’m gone.
Martin and Patty Lynn walk out to the porch.
Patty Lynn: So…
Martin: Patty Lynn, what is this about? Is it an attempt at emotional manipulation?
Patty Lynn: Never!
Martin: If it were, it’s not very effective. Remember, my father is a senator. I’ll get to see him more if I run for Congress than I currently see him.
Patty Lynn: I’d not considered that.
Martin: Why are you so against this? You even called Kathleen about it!
Patty Lynn: She told you? What a snake!
Martin: That doesn’t answer my question.
Patty Lynn: I’m scared, okay? National politics is so much different than state politics. There’s so much more scrutiny put on you.
Martin: Darling, I was considered as a vice presidential candidate three years ago. This brings no more scrutiny than that.
Patty Lynn: Oh, Martin. We both know you were never really in contention for Vice President. Two Southerners on one ticket? It made no sense!
Martin: I didn’t see it that way! I thought I had a chance.
Patty Lynn: Oops.
Martin: So, is fear of scrutiny your only reason for not wanting me to run? Because I also face plenty of that just as governor.
Patty Lynn: No! I’m also afraid of moving to a new city. Will I fit in with the House wives?
Martin: If my mother can fit in with the Senate wives, you’ll fit in like a dream!
Patty Lynn: Well, if you insist…
Martin: Are you actually coming around on the idea?
Patty Lynn: I’m going to miss Louisiana so much!
Martin: It’s not getting blown up just because we’ll be spending a lot of time in DC. You can come back whenever you want.
Patty Lynn: You promise this isn’t solely an attempt to get away from my parents?
Martin: Of course not! That’s a benefit, though.
Patty Lynn: Oh, you!
Martin: Should we tell the kids?
Patty Lynn: That would make sense, especially since they already seem to know because they’re a couple of eavesdroppers. Are you ready to tell your parents, though? You know how Shirley can be.
Martin: No, how can my mother be?
Patty Lynn: An utter delight!
Martin: Thought so!
Martin and Patty Lynn walk back into the house.
Shirley: What in the heck were y’all out there talking about for so long?
Milton: We thought you were abandoning us and leaving us for grandma and grandpa to raise.
Marty: You know I love my grandkids, but I have no intention of going down the parenting route ever again.
Shirley: Good, I’m as barren as Kansas during the Dust Bowl.
Martin: Let’s not talk about that.
Shirley: We have to talk about something since you won’t tell us what that chit-chat was about.
Marty: The biscuits were delicious, by the way.
Marietta: Grandpa was the one who ate them all, not me!
Martin: I only didn’t answer because none of you ever gave me the time to. Everyone sit down so I can tell you.
Milton: Oh no, they’re getting divorced!
Martin: No, never!
Patty Lynn: Well, never say never.
Marietta: Mom!
Patty Lynn: I’m just being honest, Jesus doesn’t like lying.
Martin: It’s not lying! Right?
Patty Lynn: I’m pulling your leg!
Martin: As I was trying to say, I’ve decided that I’m going to run for Congress. I know this will lead to great shake-ups in our lives, but this is how I can continue to help people after I’m done serving as governor.
Patty Lynn: Really? You? In Congress?
Martin: Patty Lynn, you knew this already!
Patty Lynn: I know, I’m pulling your leg again.
Martin: Could you maybe stop?
Patty Lynn: Ah, you’re no fun.
Marty: I just hope you do better than Marvin.
Shirley: Anyone could.
Marietta: Uncle Marvin couldn’t have been that bad in Congress! He’s been a good mayor!
Marty: Congress was not his forte. I know, I was there to witness it personally.
Martin: No one is commenting on my news really, you’re just roasting Marvin.
Shirley: I’m happy for you! I know you will make us all proud, it’s what you’ve done your whole life.
Martin: You mean it?
Shirley: Of course I mean it! How couldn’t I be proud of you?
Patty Lynn: Well, you don-
Martin: Ah, mom. That’s so sweet!
Marty: Don’t you care what I think?
Martin: I took your initial comment as your way of showing support.
Marty: You assumed correctly! I’m excited to work with you, son!
Marietta: What if dad loses the election? It’s possible!
Marty: Landfields don’t lose, sweetheart. Not even Marvin!
Milton: I already knew dad was running!
Martin: That’s right, you were eavesdropping.
Milton: So was Marietta!
Marietta: Yes, and I had the consideration to feign surprise, like you should have. It’s what was courteous.
Milton: I’m excited for you anyway, dad!
Martin: You aren’t worried about moving to Washington?
Milton: I’ve always wanted to go!
Marietta: I didn’t, I think it’s a swamp, but I do like swamps, so…
Shirley: Oh, you’re gonna love the cherry blossoms in the spring! They’re gorgeous!
Patty Lynn: We’re going to be a DC family!
Milton: I’ve always liked Marvel better.
Shirley: We’re going to get to see each other so often, Patty Lynn! We can make dinners together and hang out during the day and watch General Hospital!
Patty Lynn: Martin, you’re sure about running? One-hundred percent sure?
Martin: Oh, honey. This is going to be fun!
What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments, listen to the official playlist and make sure to read the new episode next week!
