Marietta is sitting in the living room at Martin and Patty Lynn’s.
Sarah: Aunt Marietta, you look sick.
Marietta: I’m just stressed.
Milton: Stressed about what?
Marietta: I have so much going on at work, we’re all being spread so thin. Haven’t you wondered why Amy isn’t here?
Milton: Well, I just assumed she was spending the weekend with her actual family.
Marietta: She’s working, very hard, I might add.
Mitch: Tammy, meanwhile, is getting some much-needed time off. Right, honey?
Tammy: Don’t shame me, Mitch. It’s been a long week.
Milton: Tammy, it’s Wednesday.
Tammy: I know that’s a joke but, honestly, there was a 50/50 shot that I would’ve believed you.
Henrietta: Marietta, I have a thought and maybe its dumb, and you can tell me if it is.
Marietta: I’m sure it’s not dumb, you’re a very smart girl.
Eliza: Aside from, you know, not knowing what a condom is.
Henrietta: Mom!
Eliza: I can joke about it, I did the same thing you did!
Henrietta: I have a friend, I met her a few months ago and we’ve become close. She’s really passionate about politics and she’s a huge admirer of yours. Maybe you could hire her as an intern to help you get some of the work done around the office.
Tammy: That would be great!
Marietta: Tammy, can you let me think for myself?
Tammy: We need help, Marietta.
Mitch: You sure do.
Tammy: Shut it, Mitch!
Marietta: I think that’s a really nice idea, Henrietta. Talk to your friend, see if she’s interested, and if she is, give me a call and I can set up an interview.
Henrietta: I will definitely do that!
Elena: Henrietta should take a job with Marietta, too. It would be a great learning experience for her.
Henrietta: Let’s not get too crazy.
Eliza: Yeah, that would require Henrietta to learn how filing cabinets work. A no-go.
Patty Lynn: Okay, everyone. Enough chat about politics and work, it’s time for a nice dinner as a family!
Mitch: Does that mean it’s time for Tammy and me to go home? That probably wouldn’t be the worst thing for you guys.
Patty Lynn: Don’t be silly, you guys are family, too!
Kathleen: Yeah, you’re like our overachieving cousin whose achievements overshadow our own.
Monday, at Marietta’s office…
Amy: Marietta, you have a guest.
Marietta: A guest? Is it my mother? Tell her I’m not here.
Tammy: That’s so rude, Marietta. Your mother loves you!
Marietta: Did she pay you to say that?
Amy: It’s Henrietta.
Marietta: Oh, I have time for her, let her in.
Henrietta: You have time for me but not aunt Patty Lynn? I feel honored!
Marietta: Don’t feel too honored, I’d sit down for a meeting with he pizza guy before my mother right now. I love the woman, but when I’m at work, I don’t even want to think about her. She’s a distraction.
Amy: Tell us how you really feel!
Marietta: Enough about my mother. Henrietta, what brings you here today?
Henrietta: Well, I was in the area and I intended on talking to you today so I just decided to stop in. I won’t be long, I just wanted to tell you that my friend Hanna is interested in the internship, if you still want to interview her for it.
Marietta: John’s been a real pain in the neck with pushing all these proposals, so I need help more than ever. Can she come in for an interview tomorrow?
Henrietta: I’ll ask her, but I don’t see why not. She’s so excited for the opportunity, I think she’ll jump at the chance to interview for it.
Marietta: This is so helpful. I’m glad you mentioned it to me.
Tammy: Yeah, if we’d gotten any more work to do without getting any help around here, we might have had to… we might have had to… I can’t even say it.
Amy: We may have had to work overtime! Ah!
Marietta: Ignore these two, they’re always so overdramatic. They cried and compared me to Fidel Castro when I asked them to stay an hour longer to help me put the finishing touches on my Site of the City address. Tammy threatened to quit because, as she put it, “I’m the First Lady and I don’t need this job!”
Amy: Can we revisit those thoughts?
Henrietta: It seems like you guys have a lot of fun together, though, in spite of having to stay until five o’clock sometimes.
Marietta: Yeah, it’s gonna be balls of laughs for your friend! She’ll love it!
Tammy: She’ll love it as long as she never has to deal with Reggie Barrack, or Pat O’Sullivan. Or John Jacks-
Marissa: Are you calling out my colleagues again? Don’t do it without me here to join in the fun!
Moira: Yeah, girls. You know we like to be invited for the airing of grievances.
Marietta: Oh, ladies, I’m sorry! I forgot about my meeting with you two.
Marissa: That’s okay, we almost forgot it as well.
Moira: We were too busy listening to Helene ramble on about how Central Grocery forgot to put olives on her muffuletta.
Marissa: Oh, the humanity!
Moira: She is truly braver than the US Marines for eating that sandwich.
Marietta: I will be done here in just a few minutes. I’ll be with you then, you can sit on the couch out there and relax while you wait.
Moira: That couch looks comfortable, make us wait as long as you’d like. Oh, Henrietta! I didn’t even see you there, how are you doing?
Henrietta: I’m good, Moira. It’s nice to see you. You weren’t at dinner on Saturday, I was wondering what you were up to.
Moira: I live a very glamorous life, I was off at a debutante ball.
Henrietta: Really?
Moira: Nah, I had a cold.
Henrietta: Councilwoman Breyer, we have sorta met before but never were introduced properly.
Marietta: I blame it on Amy.
Henrietta: I just want to say thank you for the work you’re doing on the council, and it’s nice to really get to introduce myself.
Marissa: Your mother is my state rep, she’s doing great.
Marietta: I’m glad we’re all getting to chit-chat, but perhaps I could finish my meeting?
Marissa: Oh, I’m so sorry!
Marietta: Don’t be, it happens. Henrietta’s very charming, everyone loves her and everyone wants to talk to her.
Henrietta: I’ve been told that, thank you.
The next day…
Amy: When’s your meeting today?
Marietta: Which one? I have like six of them planned.
Amy: The new intern.
Tammy: Aren’t you supposed to know that?
Amy: I’m not her assistant, I’m the press secretary.
Marietta: And the comms director
Amy: Another job that doesn’t involve me knowing the mayor’s schedule from top to bottom.
Tammy: The meeting is at one o’clock. Why do you need to know?
Amy: I was just curious. Is that a crime?
Marietta: We have far too much to get done today for this nonsense, let’s get to work.
Amy: I can work and harass Tammy at the same time.
Tammy: She’s just not very good at either.
Three hours later…
John: Thank you for giving me a few minutes to chat. I so appreciate it, mayor Landfield.
Marietta: Oh, no problem, John! I really appreciated the sudden drop-in visit, it’s a great way to fill time on a very quiet day. I also appreciate the new measure you gave me to read over before Thursday’s council meeting. I love being handed new reading materials!
John: I’ll see you Thursday, then?
Marietta: Counting down the minutes.
John: You have a nice day.
Marietta: You as well.
Tammy: Marietta, Henrietta’s friend is here.
Marietta: Send her in.
Tammy: Right this way, dear. She’s ready for you.
Amy: Let us know how it goes!
Marietta: Amy, first of all, I know you’re going to stand on the other side of the door and listen in, anyway. Secondly, if I can hear you whisper, I know she can.
Amy: You’re no fun!
Marietta: Hanna, I apologize for her rudeness.
Hanna: It’s no problem, she’s just interested in what goes on at her workplace. I’m similarly excited about what happens here.
Marietta: I think she’s more nosy than anything, but I can already sense that you have empathy, and I like that.
Hanna: I think you need to be understanding to be in politics.
Marietta: I agree. Now, I don’t mean to interrupt the chitchat, because you are lovely, but I have so much to do, so shall we start the interview?
Hanna: Sounds good to me.
Marietta: You brought a resume, right?
Hanna: Yes, here it is.
Marietta: I’ll let Tammy and Amy read over this, I’m not too worried about it. Just a formality! So, why do you want to be my intern? And don’t say because you’re doing Henrietta a favor.
Hanna: It’s not that, but I am very close with Henrietta. No, I want the job because I have so much regard for what you’re doing for our city. You’re pushing it forward instead of dragging it backwards like so many people seem to want to do. You’ve helped reform the city and I want to be a part of that.
Marietta: I’m not the most popular figure in the New Orleans political scene, so, I appreciate hearing that. I’m a politician, I need to be praised constantly to survive.
Hanna: You deserve the praise! You’re doing a great job!
Marietta: What skills do you have? Are you good with the computer?
Hanna: I’m great with computers, I can help clean up the office, run for food for you, communicate with the city council, whatever you need me to do.
Marietta: Can you deal with my family for me?
Hanna: I don’t know if I can do that…
Marietta: It was worth asking. What hours can you work?
Hanna: I don’t have another job, so I can work daily during office hours.
Marietta: How about after hours?
Hanna: If it’s really needed, sure.
Marietta: I’m not used to conducing interviews, so I don’t know what else to even ask. The internship is yours.
Hanna: Oh, thank you! I’ll be so honored to help!
Five days later…
Martin: So, Marietta, how’s it been at work? I know you were stressed out last week about all the work you had to do.
Kathleen: Yeah, you’ve been in and out of here every day this week, we haven’t gotten to talk to you. Or, in your mother’s case, she hasn’t had a chance to properly harass you.
Martin: That isn’t nice, or fair.
Patty Lynn: It’s sort of fair.
Marietta: It’s been a busy week, but we’ve gotten so much done, I feel great about it. Henrietta, Hanna has been an absolute miracle for us. What an incredible help she’s been. She’s so great, I’ve already offered her a full-time paid assistant position.
Henrietta: I’m so happy to hear that!
Eliza: See, Henrietta! You can make positive change, don’t listen to that horrible dream you had!
Marietta: What horrible dream?
Henrietta: Mom, I didn’t want to talk about that.
Eliza: Oh, so you had a bad dream that your therapist told you you'd never amount to anything. It’s nothing to be ashamed of!
Elena: Honey, you’re being inappropriate.
Eliza: No, I’m not!
Henrietta: I’m just glad Hanna is working out for you. I figured she’d be a big help around the office, and know she was so excited to work for you, so I’m glad it’s all going smoothly.
Marietta: If you’re anywhere near as good a worker as she is, the offer is still wide open for you to come work with us.
Tammy: We could still use all the help we can get!
Patty Lynn: You know what I said about work and dinner.
Milton: Yeah, Marietta!
Marietta: Dad started it!
Martin: I did start it.
Marietta: I’ll stop for now.
Henrietta: I’m going to have to pass on the job, but I appreciate the offer.
Marietta: That’s fine! I figured the answer hadn’t changed, but I thought I’d ask.
Patty Lynn: So, has anyone seen any good movies lately?
Sarah: You probably want us to say, like, Citizen Kane or something boring like that.
Patty Lynn: When have I ever been a boring stick in the mud?
Kathleen: Give me time to put my list together, I’m thinking of the greatest hits.
Patty Lynn: I’m crazy, not boring!
Marietta receives a phone call.
Marietta: I gotta take that.
Patty Lynn: Who is it? Is this about work?
Marietta: It’s Amy. Knowing her, she got her hand stuck in a vending machine or something.
Tammy: You don’t need to take it, then.
Marietta: I’ll be one minute.
Marietta steps away and answers the phone.
Amy: Marietta…
Marietta: You sound like you just watched someone murder a puppy.
Amy: I don’t have great news to share.
Marietta: What did John do now?
Amy: It’s not about John, it’s more, uh… ugh…
Marietta: Amy, spit it out!
Amy: I found something out about Hanna.
Marietta: What? She’s an actual angel on earth?
Amy: No, she is not who she claims to be.
Marietta: Does she actually spell her name with two Hs?
Amy: She’s a plant sent in to spy on you and get information about your campaign.
Marietta: What?
Amy: I know it’s shocking.
Marietta: How did you find this out?
Amy: I noticed something on her phone, a text from someone. It looked suspicious, so I quickly scrolled through and took a few pictures of it with my phone to read later. She was sending information about you, about us, to Reggie Barrack. He’s planning on running a primary campaign against you, M! She bugged your office phone and computer!
Marietta: M?
Amy: I was trying something new, it didn’t work. My mistake. Can we focus on the actual issue here?
Marietta: You’re absolutely certain of this?
Amy: Unfortunately.
Marietta: So, did she play Henrietta, too?
Amy: I paid for a background check on her -
Marietta: You didnt’ do that already?
Amy: It’s not my fault you rushed through the hiring process!
Marietta: Don’t put this on me!
Amy: Anyway, I did a background check and it turns out that this is not the first time she’s done this. She served two months in prison for doing the same thing in a small city in Missouri. Unless your cousin really hates you, I think she was just collateral damage here. She used her so she could get to you. If you hadn’t mentioned being swamped and needing help, she would’ve probably wormed her way in some other way.
Marietta: I must say, I’m actually impressed that she did all that snooping and had time to do so much work around the office. She’s got great work ethic.
Amy: So, how are we going to deal with this?
Marietta: Murder-for-hire?
Amy: I’m serious!
Marietta: Well, I’m going to fire her.
Amy: Duh!
Marietta: Let’s mess with her first. Throw out some fake information to mess with her and Reggie. Then I’ll fire her and report her to the police.
Amy: Sounds good to me! I love some good physiological warfare!
Marietta: I gotta tell Tammy. And Henrietta.
Amy: Wait on Henrietta until after you fire her. We don’t want the sneak catching wind of the plan.
Marietta: Good point! You do have good thoughts sometimes!
Amy: Who ever said I didn’t?
Marietta: Uh… Tammy.
Six days later…
Marietta: Hanna, could you come here quickly?
Hanna: Oh, sure!
Marietta: Close the door on your way in.
Tammy: Oh, darn. I wanted to hear!
Marietta: Close it, please.
Hanna: Will do.
Marietta: Hanna, cut the crap.
Hanna: What?
Marietta: Do you think I’m dumb?
Hanna: I don’t know what you're talking about.
Marietta: I know you work for Reggie Barrack, I know your name isn’t Hanna, and I know you’re about to return to prison for wiretapping.
Hanna: Excuse me?
Marietta: You didn’t give us enough credit, but my team and I caught on to your scheme. We know you’re spying on me and my campaign, no longer. You are fired, and the police are on their way for you.
Hanna: For me? You admitted to murder and armed robbery!
Marietta: Good to know you also bugged the office, as we had expected.
Hanna: That was a lie?
Marietta: You really thought I was Jack the Ripper? Come on, I wasn’t that bad of a boss!
Tammy: Marietta, the police are here. Hanna, fuc-
Marietta: Tammy!
Tammy: Couldn’t help myself, sorry.
Hanna: How could you do this to me? We bonded over Abbott Elementary! We bonded over Olivia Rodrigo!
Marietta: Ah, yes. In Olivia’s immortal words, screw that, and screw you!
Amy: Burn!
Tammy: A reference to Traitor would've been even better here, but, you do you!
Later that day…
Eliza: Wow, Marietta. What are you doing here?
Marietta: I wanted to talk to Henrietta, actually.
Eliza: She’s right in the dining room, I’ll get her.
Henrietta: Oh, hi Marietta!
Marietta: Hi, honey. I just wanted to talk to you about Hanna.
Henrietta: Did something happen?
Marietta: She’s not your friend, honey. She was a spy planted by one of my political opponents to get information on me. They used you to get access to me because you were of similar ages. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Henrietta: What? Why are you sorry? She was the snake! And I’m the one that led her to you.
Marietta: It’s not your fault. Most people don’t go around suspecting that everyone they meet is a complete sociopath. I have severe anxiety and am generally skeptical of people, and even I don’t feel that way.
Henrietta: Still, I feel terrible! Now, your opponent might have gotten dirt on you, and you don’t even have anyone to help at the office anymore, all because I made you hire a spy!
Marietta: Don’t worry about it! I’ll be able to find a replacement. Who wouldn’t want to work for an unpopular, mentally ill mayor who barely knows how to use the internet? It’s the dream job!
Henrietta: Oh, you’re never going to find a replacement! I’ll do it!
Marietta: I thought you weren’t interested.
Henrietta: I got you in this mess, I can help you get out of it, at least until you find someone else for the job.
Marietta: Are you sure?
Henrietta: Yes, I want to help.
Marietta: You’re too kind! You start tomorrow, see you at nine. We’re family, though, so if you’re like me, you’ll be a half-hour late. That’s fine!
Henrietta: See you at nine. Or ten. Whenever you get there.
What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments, listen to the official playlist, vote in the poll below and make sure to read the new episode next week!
