Aimee is sitting in her office with Lynette and Alec.
Lynette: So, Aimee, what do you have on the docket today?
Aimee: Well, I have a hearing with the Appropriations Committee, which was a great committee to be on when I was intending on staying in the house and a real pain in the ass now that I’m leaving. It takes up way too much of my time.
Lynette: There’s another hearing today?
Aimee: Lynette, how are you the number three Republican in the House?
Lynette: Nepotism is a very powerful thing.
Alec: It’s a shame some of us actually had to work to get here.
Aimee: Yeah, we could all be in leadership instead of boring Appropriations hearings if our dads were Vice President.
Lynette: I don’t appreciate the rudeness from the two of you! And just skip the hearing, no one will care!
Aimee: No, I need something to distract me from my meetings today.
Lynette: What meetings?
Aimee: I’m interviewing candidates to be my campaign manager. It’s been absolutely exhausting, everyone just kisses up to me and tells me what they think I want to hear. It’s awful.
Alec: Why do you even need a new campaign manager?
Aimee: Natalie quit. She got an offer to be the chief of staff for a safe seat congresswoman and jumped at the chance because “obviously this job isn’t going to last beyond the end of this year.”
Alec: Ouch.
Aimee: Yes, ouch. I don’t care, though. I don’t intend on winning either. If, by some miracle, I do, that’s great. I don’t expect it or even want it, though.
Lynette: Why did you agree to run for a seat you don’t want?
Aimee: I feel like everyone deserves to experience the feeling of losing a Senate race at least once. You agree, right Lynette?
Alec: Yeah, 2012…
Lynette: I don’t like to talk about 2012!
Alec: I wouldn't either if I were you.
Lynette: You’re always so snarky…
Aimee: Actually, that’s my thing.
Lynette: Where is Carolyn, by the way?
Alec: Working, I’d assume. Unlike us…
Lynette: It’s unlike her to show any desire to actually work.
Alec: You’re confusing Carolyn with yourself.
Lynette: I feel so lucky to have this group.
Alec: I’m gonna miss you guys so much when you’re gone.
Aimee: Alec, we’re not going anywhere.
Alec: I mean when you die, you’re both so much older than me.
Aimee: I’m a year older than you.
Alec: Really?
Aimee: You’re right, Lynette. He is a jerk.
Alec: I try.
Aimee: What would I do without you guys, though?
Lynette: Go insane. More insane.
Aimee: I hate to say this, but it’s time for me to go fall asleep at the Appropriations hearing. I’ve been exhausted lately. You guys are going to have to avoid your responsibilities somewhere else.
Lynette: Come on, Alec. Let’s go find Carolyn and bug her.
Alec: Sounds good to me.
Lynette: Good luck with the campaign manager search!
Four hours later, Aimee returns to her office after the hearing to begin her meetings.
Aimee: Are you here for the interview? Denise Liletz?
Denise: Last time I checked!
Aimee: Okay, Denise. I have very few questions for you. I don’t like to restrict the interview too much by relying on pre-written questions.
Denise: Did you just forget to write questions?
Aimee: You’re funny. I like funny.
Denise: You gotta laugh to keep from crying.
Aimee: So, what sets you apart from other prospective campaign managers? What will you bring to the team that’s different?
Denise: You mean aside from me being a black female Republican? We’re not often in power. Aside from that, I’d say that I really connect with people. I don’t treat my staffers like numbers, I treat them like people.
Aimee: I like to think that’s how I am. I try to run my campaigns like that.
Denise: I have seen too many people in politics act like everyone is expendable and like it doesn’t matter who you have working for you. They’re dead wrong. Build a team of great people if you want any chance of running a good campaign.
Aimee: What drew you to my campaign?
Denise: I grew up in Washington. The state, not the District of Columbia. You’re doing us proud back home. I’m a moderate. I’m probably more liberal than you even, but it’s nice to see people in DC who have their head screwed on properly. I don’t always agree with you, sometimes I get pissed off at you, but that’s okay because we can disagree on things. I want to work with people who I see eye-to-eye with. Not just on politics, but on a deeper level. You’re not some attention hog, you don’t want to be in the national spotlight like these other people. I respect that. Your campaign is pretty much just about fighting to give the people an advocate in government who works for them and not for the attention.
Aimee: So, do you think I can win?
Denise: Well, I don’t think any race is ever certainly going to go in one way or another. There’s always a chance for a big surprise to shake it up. That said, I have a hard time imagining this ending with you as the US Senator for Washington. It doesn’t matter, though. We’ve got a year to change minds and, even if you do lose, you tried, and you were the voice for thousands, maybe millions, of Washingtonians.
Aimee: You got the job. I like your attitude. It takes guts to tell me I’ve pissed you off AND you think I’m going to lose in the span of about two minutes. Also I’m tired of interviewing and you were by far the best I’ve heard.
Denise: Getting the job by exhausting the new boss. Always a working strategy.
Aimee: So, when can you start?
Denise: You launched your campaign two weeks ago and you’ve been without a campaign manage for how long?
Aimee: Thirteen days. She compared me to Don Quixote and quit to work for someone else.
Denise: I’m loyal, too, by the way. I wouldn’t do that.
Aimee: I’d hope not, that was an awful thing to experience. Not as awful as these interviews, but awful.
Denise: I can sta-
Carolyn: Aimee, are Lynette and Alec here?
Aimee: They were four hours ago. I’m in a meeting now.
Denise: Congresswoman Roy! Big fan!
Carolyn: The name’s Mackenzie Roy, but I can forgive the mistake.
Aimee: Carolyn, why are you hiding from Lynette and Alec?
Carolyn: I’m trying to get work done but I can’t with them around.
Aimee: So running around the Rayburn Building is going to help you do work?
Denise: Should I go?
Carolyn: No, stay! I’m just going to stay here until the coast is clear. Speaking of which, I have a question for you, Aimee.
Aimee: Always a terrifying sentence.
Carolyn: Would you like to come to my place this weekend? Bob keeps telling me to invite you and this weekend feels right. You can bring Dave, of course. Victoria already said yes.
Aimee: How’s the apartment search going, by the way?
Carolyn: She’s still looking. I personally think she’s just stalling because she loves living with me so much.
Lynette: Carolyn…
Carolyn: Oh god, I gotta run!
Aimee: I’ll ask Dave about this weekend.
Carolyn: Great! Talk to you soon, bye!
Denise: Is she always like that?
Aimee: This is actually one of her good days.
Denise: Oh, wow. She must be fun to work with.
Aimee: You never got to answer my question thanks to Carolyn’s rudeness. When can you start?
Denise: You need all the help you can get. I’ll start straight away.
Aimee: Tough, but fair!
Four hours later, Aimee calls Dave.
Aimee: How are you today, honey? How are the kids?
Dave: I’m fine. The kids are fine. Annie discovered how to turn Disney Channel on all by herself this week so that’s been fun. What is a Bizaardvark, Aimee?
Aimee: What did you just call me?
Dave: So, how are you?
Aimee: I’m fine, too. I actually had something to as-
Nanette: Congresswoman Ferrera Donahue, you need to control your friends.
Aimee: Madam Speaker, always a pleasure. I’m definitely not talking to my husband on the phone right now or anything. What’s the matter today?
Nanette: Congressman Kefauver and Congresswoman Chaffee were running in the halls. They ran into and nearly knocked down the statue of Speaker Rayburn outside my office.
Aimee: I appreciate you coming to me with this hilarious tale but what do you expect me to do about it?
Nanette: Tell them to calm down. Perhaps they could try working.
Aimee: I don’t think that’s a good idea.
Nanette: I’m going to have to talk to Congressman Mulcahy.
Aimee: Why don’t you use our first names? Do you not know them? We’ve known each other for a decade.
Nanette: It’s a matter of courtesy.
Aimee: Okay, you go talk to Victor and leave me out of it. I’m not Alec’s mom and I’m not Lynette’s mom.
Nanette: All right, pleasure speaking with you again. Let me know if they come by and stir up more trouble!
Aimee: I definitely won’t!
Nanette leaves.
Dave: What was that about?
Aimee: My work children are acting up again.
Dave: Lynette and Alec?
Aimee: Who else?
Dave: So, what did you have to ask me?
Aimee: Carolyn asked if we want to go to her house for dinner this weekend. Obviously Spokane is too far away to drive so we’d have to stay the whole weekend since I travel enough already. And before you say anything, my aunt’s already RSVP’d “yes” for us.
Dave: A weekend without your parents? Will they be okay with that?
Aimee: I’m a grown woman, they’ll make do. Besides, they have Kimmy.
Dave: Oh, yeah. I’m sure they love her calling them tyrannical nazis.
Aimee: She barely even does that anymore.
Dave: As long as your parents agree to watch the children, I’d love to go. I could use a weekend to relax. I’m exhausted.
Aimee: We all know that the best way to relax is taking two plane rides in the course of three days.
Dave: It’s more relaxing that dealing with our kids all on my own!
Aimee: Touche.
Dave: I’m going to let you go so you can call your mom and ask her. Good luck!
Aimee: Love you, honey. See you on Friday!
Dave: Friday?
Aimee: Yes, I’m leaving DC Friday morning. See ya then!
Aimee hangs up and calls Cherie.
Cherie: What’s going on, sweetie? Your father and I are eating dinner.
Aimee: Mom, it’s one o’clock in Washington.
Kimmy: Aimee, help me! We’re eating meatloaf and watching The Talk! I’m in hell!
Ernesto: Don’t say that word! That’s for adults!
Kimmy: I’m twenty-one years old! I can drink!
Ernesto: Not in this house!
Cherie: As you can see, the day’s going well.
Ernesto: Tell Aimee I said hi!
Aimee: Hi dad!
Ernesto: She can hear me?
Cherie: It’s on speaker phone, dummy!
Aimee: I have a favor to ask you guys.
Cherie: I’d do anything for my favorite daughter!
Kimmy: I have pretty thick skin but that just hurts.
Aimee: Mom, say sorry to Kimmy.
Cherie: No, I don’t think I will.
Aimee: All right, that’s none of my business.
Kimmy: Thanks a lot.
Ernesto: Say it, Cherie.
Aimee: Mom, I’m going to Carolyn’s for the weekend with Dave. Could you watch my kids?
Cherie: You’re not coming home this weekend?
Ernesto: I’m not gonna hear the end of this.
Kimmy: Just eat your meatloaf and tune her out.
Cherie: You’re grounded.
Ernesto: You aren’t grounded. You’re an adult.
Kimmy: Thanks, dad.
Aimee: No, Carolyn asked me to go to her place and I think it’ll be nice to get away for the weekend.
Cherie: Now my favorite daughter is abandoning me!
Kimmy: You know what? I think I’m going to finish my dinner in my room.
Cherie: If you want to be a brat about it, go ahead.
Ernesto: Kimmy, you’re my favorite.
Aimee: After all I’ve done for you?
Ernesto: You’re tied!
Kimmy: That doesn’t count.
Cherie: You’re my second-favorite. You and Aimee are the only ones who didn’t move away and abandon me!
Aimee: Mom, can you watch the kids?
Cherie: You’re abandoning me!
Aimee: Oh, god. I don’t have the energy for this. I’ve been feeling sick and tired the past few days and everyone’s annoying me today. Just do me this favor, please. I’ll see you next week!
Kimmy: I’ll watch the kids, Aimee!
Aimee: You know what? I’m exhausted and I want a date night with my husband. Good enough.
Kimmy: Yes!
Ernesto: Don’t worry, Aimee. I’ll be here, too.
Aimee: I’m actually a little more worried now.
Cherie: I won’t let them harm the children, don’t worry. Go off on your little date.
Aimee: Thanks. Bye, mom!
Ernesto: Am I chop liver?
Kimmy: Yes, we both are.
Aimee: Bye guys!
Friday, at Carolyn’s…
Victoria: Carolyn, your house is breathtaking!
Carolyn: Thank you, I try.
Aimee: Speaking of houses, have you found one yet?
Victoria: Still looking!
Aimee: It’s been almost three weeks.
Victoria: It’s my forever home, I need it to be perfect.
Bob: Ladies, do you need help with your bags?
Carolyn: This is why I love him! He’s so thoughtful!
Aimee: My husband can also lift luggage.
Victoria: It’s not a competition, Aimee.
Aimee: Carolyn, could you go unlock the door for me? I think I need to sit down. I feel sick again.
Carolyn: Of course I can open the door. Hand me your purse, too. That thing’s heavy as a Hollywood block.
Victoria: You’ve been sick for days. What’s going on with you?
Aimee: It’s just a stomach bug. I barely slept because I was so busy running the campaign all on my own. Thankfully I have Denise now.
Victoria: You still worry me. You’re working too hard.
Dave: She’s right. You need to get some sleep.
Carolyn: Maybe she could if she didn’t sleep on a cheap cot.
Aimee: I don’t sleep on a cot! I sleep in a bed.
Carolyn: A flimsy one.
Bob: I hope you feel better by tonight, I’m making steak on the grill.
Carolyn: Bob, don’t worry about the food. Our priority is getting Aimee to feel better.
Aimee: Carolyn…
Carolyn: Yes?
Aimee: Unlock the door. I need to make my way to the restroom.
Victoria: Dave, I’m scared!
Dave: Why are you scared?
Victoria: The thought of someone vomiting, it makes me want to.
Dave: Please don’t.
Aimee runs into the house. Ten minutes later, Carolyn walks into the bathroom to check on her.
Carolyn: You okay, hon?
Aimee: Carolyn…
Carolyn: That’s my name, don’t wear it out.
Aimee: I need you to do me a favor.
Carolyn: What do you need? I hope it’s exciting.
Aimee: My period didn’t come when it usually does. It’s about six days late.
Carolyn: Interesting…
Aimee: I thought it was just stress because of the campaign and not having a campaign manager but now that I’m feeling sick…
Carolyn: You think you're in menopause.
Aimee: No! I think I might be…
Carolyn: Don’t say the p word.
Aimee: Pregnant.
Carolyn: Aimee! You think you’re pregnant? You said you weren’t getting any…
Aimee: Well, a few weeks back…
Carolyn: I’ll go to CVS.
Aimee: Don’t tell Dave. And please, don’t even consider telling my aunt. If she found out -
Victoria: Found out what?
Aimee: Aunt Victoria! What are you doing here?
Victoria: You’re pregnant!
Aimee: No, I might just be sick!
Victoria: Might?
Aimee: Get in here.
Carolyn: I’m gonna go. I’ll tell the guys that I’m getting you Pepto Bismol. Hopefully Bob doesn’t realize we have plenty in the medicine cabinet.
Carolyn leaves.
Victoria: Honey, you’re pregnant. I can’t believe this.
Aimee: We don’t know that yet.
Victoria: I’m gonna be a great aunt!
Aimee: My siblings and I have nine children.
Victoria: I’ll actually get to know this one!
Aimee: That is true. Do you even know the names of my children?
Victoria: Angelica and Edward.
Aimee: We call them Annie and Eddie but that is actually correct.
Victoria: I’m a great great aunt.
Aimee: Eh. You are a great aunt though.
Victoria: Do you mean that as in I’m great at being an aunt or like I’m a great aunt because my niece has children.
Aimee: Both.
Victoria: Thank you!
Ten minutes later…
Carolyn: I’m ba-
Aimee: Aunt Victoria, hold me hair!
Victoria: I’m gonna be sick!
Carolyn: Why did I do this to myself?
Aimee: Actually, I don’t think I have to puke. Just gas. So where’s the stick?
Carolyn: Right here. The guys are getting suspicious, by the way. Bob remembered we have Pepto.
Aimee: It’ll all be over in a few minutes.
Five minutes later…
Carolyn: Time’s up!
Victoria: I’m nervous!
Aimee: I can’t read the results. Carolyn, you do it.
Carolyn: I don’t want to hold your pee stick.
Aimee: Do it!
Carolyn: Can’t Victoria do it?
Aimee: I don’t trust her to read it right.
Victoria: Neither do I.
Carolyn: Okay, I’ll do it.
Aimee: Thank you. Here ya go.
Carolyn: Okay, moment of truth.
Bob: You girls okay in there?
Carolyn: Yes, Bob! Go away, Bob!
Bob: Whatever you say, dear.
Carolyn: Aimee, you’re pregnant!
Victoria: The miracle of life is so beautiful!
Aimee: Oh, my god. Oh my god.
Carolyn: Honey, are you all right?
Aimee: I figured I was just crazy. That I was just feeling sick from all the stress. I’m pregnant?
Victoria: It’s a good thing! You love your children!
Aimee: I don’t know how I’m gonna do it.
Carolyn: With a lot of help. From your parents, from Dave, from me, from Victoria, from Lyn-
Aimee: Don’t say Lynette, we all know that’ll just be a hindrance.
Carolyn: She loves you so much. She will help.
Aimee: I know. I’m scared, but I’m excited, too.
Victoria: You should tell -
Aimee: Mom? Yeah, I should give her a call tonight after dinner.
Carolyn: Dave. You should tell Dave.
Aimee: Oh, god. You’re right. He did do this to me.
Carolyn: You want to do it now?
Aimee: It’s as good a time as any, I guess.
Aimee gets off the floor and walks out to the living room.
Carolyn: Bob, can you come here?
Bob: Sure!
Carolynn: Good luck, Aimee!
Carolyn and Bob walk down the hall.
Aimee: Dave, I have something to inform you of.
Dave: You have the stomach flu? I know.
Aimee: Do you remember that movie What to Expect When You’re Expecting?
Dave: You’re pregnant?
Aimee: Yeah.
Dave: That’s great news!
Aimee: I know.
Dave: Did Carolyn and Victoria know before me?
Aimee: They did.
Dave: That’s a blow to my ego.
Aimee: At least you know before my mom does!
Dave: We need to tell her immediately. I’m certain she can sense it and she's going to be angry we didn’t call her sooner.
Aimee: After dinner.
Dave: Works for me!
What did you think of this episode of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below, and make sure to return for a new episode next week!
