Gretchen, Susana and Carol are at Narragansett Beach.
Gretchen: Carol, what are we even doing here? I feel so over-dressed. I’m in a dress and high heels at the beach! At least Susana has a wrap dress and a bucket hat on, I look like I’m going to a business meeting.
Carol: Don’t worry, it’s not like we’re here for the beach. We’re here for the grand re-opening of Denny’s Steak and Surf!
Gretchen: Carol, that’s not better. The name of the place is Denny’s Steak and Surf. It might as well be an actual Denny’s.
Carol: It’s just the name of the owner, it’s in no way related to the Denny’s chain of breakfast restaurants.
Gretchen: I know that!
Susana: I think you look great! It’s nice to see someone get dressed up for an event like this, some people should take note.
Carol: If you’re talking about me, I’m dressed fine. A t-shirt and jeans is appropriate attire for an opening of a beachside restaurant. Gretchen looks great, though!
Susana: You look like you’re going to the movies.
Carol: At least I’d be allowed into the movies. Most of the people here are just wearing bikinis and flip-flops.
Gretchen: Can we just go and get this over with?
Carol: Get what over with? Eating delicious food with a beautiful oceanside view? You’re right, who would want to spend their day doing that?
Gretchen: I just want to cut the ribbon so we can get on to the next engagement.
Jeanne: Don’t you like it in Narragansett?
Gretchen: God, like today can’t get any worse. Why are you here?
Jeanne: I'm from Narragansett! This is my favorite restaurant to take my kids to on a Friday night. It was a tragedy when the fire happened last year and it burned down. I still think it was arson but the fire marshal insists it was just bad wiring.
Gretchen: Why do you have to be here while I’m here? Don’t we see enough of each other at work?
Jeanne: You’re a remarkably rude person.
Hank: She’s right, Gretchen. You are.
Gretchen: Oh, god. Not you too!
Jeanne: Denny asked us to be here to cut the ribbon. That’s right, Gretch - I’m on a first-name basis with him. You aren’t.
Gretchen: Everyone’s on a first-name basis with him, that’s the name of the restaurant!
Hank: Don’t be so bitter.
Gretchen: I’m only stating facts.
Carol: Ignore them. You’re the governor, you can do that.
Jeanne: You’ve always been so rude, Mockley. I’m not doing anything wrong. Your boss is the one getting triggered by my mere appearance.
Hank: Yeah, what she said.
Gretchen: When is the ribbon cutting? I can’t wait to get out of here.
Carol: Twenty minutes.
Gretchen: Why did we get here so early?
Carol: You said you didn't want to risk being late.
Gretchen: That was a mistake.
Jeanne: Look on the bright side. We have time to bond. Want to get some fries and talk about last night’s Mare of Easttown?
Susana: I haven’t seen it yet, no spoilers!
Gretchen: I don’t have HBO. I have Showtime.
Hank: I think it’s legal to impeach you over that. Required, even.
Gretchen: You people make me want to drink.
Carol: We got twenty minutes, we can head over to Skippy’s.
Gretchen: Skippy’s?
Carol: It’s not a great name but the booze is good!
Susana: Mom, we’re not getting drunk on official government business!
Carol: It was just a joke.
Hank: Jeanne, stop dialing 9-1-1.
Jeanne: I just thought they’d like to know if the governor was drinking on the job!
Gretchen: I don’t want a drink, it was a figure of speech.
Susana: We know. Just because those two are ignorant doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.
Hank: Does she always kiss up to you like this?
Susana: It’s kinda my job.
Gretchen’s phone rings.
Gretchen: If you excuse me, I need to take this.
Hank: It’s probably just a spam call.
Jeanne: Doesn’t matter, she can act like it’s real and get away from us.
Hank: Who’d want to get away from us?
Carol: Anyone.
Gretchen steps away to take the call.
Gretchen: Hello? What’s up?
Gina: I’m so glad you answered! I was worried when I called the office and no one answered.
Gretchen: We’re out in the field today! Doing the hard work!
Gina: Another factory tour? Or are you fishing again today?
Gretchen: I’m cutting the ribbon at the re-opening of a beachside restaurant.
Gina: Oh. Well, someone’s gotta do it, I guess.
Gretchen: My two least favorite people were also invited to do it with me. It’s such a blessed day! What’s going on with you?
Gina: I need to know what you’re packing to wear at the Northern Atlantic Governors meeting in Hartford.
Gretchen: The what in Hartford?
Gina: The Conference of Northern Atlantic Governors, I got invited a few months back and it’s happening on Saturday. Is it outside or inside, should I dress for warm or cold weather? I’ve never been there, you have I‘m sure.
Gretchen: Gina, you’re the Governor of Michigan. You realize Lake Michigan isn’t the Atlantic Ocean, right?
Gina: That’s what I said but Lanford wanted me to be there.
Gretchen: Lanford… what a pain in the ass.
Gina: Why do you dislike him so much?
Gretchen: He used to call me all the time, it was like he wanted to start a book club or something. I told him off last year and he really did not appreciate that so he’s had a vendetta against me. That’s why he did this.
Gina: Why would inviting me be part of some vendetta?
Gretchen: He didn’t invite me and I actually am a governor from the Northern Atlantic! I’m from THE Ocean State.
Gina: To be fair, Gretchen, most of us regularly forget that Rhode Island exists. You can’t even see it on a map.
Gretchen: Lanford didn’t forget about us. He purposely left me out and invited my best friend instead just to rub salt in the wound.
Gina: I’m your best friend? Aww, that’s sweet.
Gretchen: Of course you are! Who else takes my phone calls? No one!
Gina: I’m sure someone does.
Gretchen: Most people send me to voicemail.
Gina: I never will.
Gretchen: That’s why you’re my best friend! Speaking of best friends… I don’t think best friends would go to a conference their best friend was excluded from.
Gina: I’m going, Gretchen. I want to give Lanford a piece of my mind in person.
Gretchen: Well, okay. I’ll accept that. Make a scene if you have to.
Gina: I don want to be president one day, I’m not gonna go too crazy. Don’t want to get labeled an emotional, unstable woman, you know?
Gretchen: I get it. I almost because Vice President. It was hell.
Gina: I’m gonna let you go, okay. You get back to your ribbon ceremony.
Gretchen: Damn it! I forgot about that. I’m gonna look so pissed in all of the pictures.
Gina: When don’t you?
Gretchen: You bitch…
Gina: Love you too! Talk soon!
Gretchen hangs up.
Carol: Gretchen, it’s starting.
Susana: You look like you want to commit a homicide.
Gretchen: Lanford…
Susana: What now?
Jeanne: We’re waiting!
Hank: We’re trying to be patient but you’re testing that patience!
Gretchen: I’m ignoring you!
Susana: What did Lanford do?
Gretchen: Gina called me and said they’re having a meeting of the Northern Atlantic Governors Association this weekend in Hartford. I’m not invited but she is. As the host, Lanford makes the final call on who gets invited. Usually every governor in the region is invited but since he’s a little bitch, he blocked me from going.
Susana: What do they even do there?
Gretchen: We discuss ways to mutually benefit our constituents. We have a sort of pact here in this region, you scratch my back, I scratch yours. Lanford going against that means war.
Carol: War. What is it good for?
Hank: Absolutely nothing!
Jeanne: Hank! Stay out of it.
Susana: What are you gonna go about being left out?
Carol: You should show up anyway.
Gretchen: I’m not going uninvited, I don’t want to look like a Real Housewife.
Susana: They are making a new one in Providence…
Gretchen: My sister should audition, she’d be perfect.
Jeanne: Come on, Hank. Let's go cut this ribbon, Denny’s waiting for us.
Carol: Gretchen, put on a fake smile and let’s get moving! We have work to do!
Gretchen: Well, “work.”
That night, when Gretchen gets home…
Anthony: Honey! How was your day?
Gretchen collapses onto the couch.
Anthony: That good, huh?
Gretchen: It was an exhausting day at work. First I was overdressed for a beachside restaurant opening, then I had to change in that restaurant’s bathroom, then I almost fell in a pond at some nature preserve I was visiting because my shoe heel broke. Carol laughed at me!
Anthony: But you didn’t go in! That’s good!
Gretchen: Only because I ended up falling face-first onto the wooden foot bridge you walked on to get across said pond. A screw almost got embedded in my forehead.
Toby: Are you okay now?
Gretchen: If you want to call it that.
Christina: We had a rough day, too. It’s still so weird getting used to grandma not being here. I had to make lunch for both of us!
Anthony: The horrors!
Gretchen: Don’t mention your grandmother, especially today. I don’t need the added stress.
Toby: I miss grandma!
Christina: We both do!
Gretchen: If you’ll shut up about her, maybe I’ll call her in the next few days. Sound good?
Christina: You’re just trying to get us to stop mentioning her. You won’t call her.
Gretchen: Don’t you have something to go do? Anything? Oh, that’s right. You aren’t in college and you don’t have a job.
Christina: I’m still trying to decide what to do with my life!
Gretchen: Just go look at Instagram.
Christina: Fine…
Anthony: So other than all of that, how was your day?
Gretchen: Terrible! I found out that the Northern Atlantic governors are having a meeting this weekend in Connecticut and Nathan Lanford, that bastard, refused to invite me. Me! I was almost the Vice President!
Christina: We’ve heard.
Gretchen: What, was there nothing on Instagram for you? No celebrities posting fun pictures? No cute boys to ogle?
Christina: Please to not word it that way.
Gretchen: Ogle?
Christina: That too but don’t call them boys. I’m twenty-two, they’re men.
Gretchen: You’re always my little girl.
Toby: Especially because she wont’ ever get a job or move out!
Christina: You little sh-
Anthony: Christina, no cursing in front of your brother!
Christina: He’s like sixteen.
Anthony: He’s fourteen and it doesn’t matter.
Gretchen: Does no one care about my problem? I was excluded from a conference that was designed to make me shine. If I’m not the main northern Atlantic governor, then what am I?
Anthony: I care! Our kids are just… challenging sometimes.
Toby: What did I do?
Anthony: Nothing. It’s just Christina.
Christina: I resent that.
Anthony: Can you be quiet for a second and let your mother talk?
Gretchen: Thank you, honey! So, like I was saying. Any other governor conference, I blend in the background. No one knows what Rhode Island is. Northern Atlantic, that’s my gig! We’re the Ocean State, the Atlantic Ocean State. I should be there.
Anthony: Of course you should be there. How dare they not invite you?
Gretchen: It stings, you know? You try so hard to be the best you can at your job and then this happens and you get left out because some guy is a douche who has a grudge against me.
Anthony: Why does he hate you?
Gretchen: Well, I sort of blew him off and when I did answer, I may have made made some rude remarks towards him and mocked him.
Anthony: That isn-
Gretchen: I’m not done.
Anthony: Oh boy.
Gretchen: I also sort of helped derail his bid to be Vice Chair of the Democratic Governors Association.
Anthony: I kinda see why he hates you.
Gretchen: I know! I’m a terrible person! But I should still have been invited to that conference!
Christina: I’m gonna just chime in here with what grandma would say if she were here.
Gretchen: Please don’t.
Christina: Suck it up, buttercup! You made your bed, now you get to lie in it.
Gretchen: Woooow.
Christina: It’s true.
Gretchen: That’s exactly what she’d say! Did the old witch finally die and her spirit entered your body?
Christina: Mom, that’s horrible! I’m not nearly as bitter and rude as her.
Anthony: Christina, don’t talk about your grandmother like that.
Gretchen: No, please do.
Christina: Okay, well she’s a bitch and she’s so critical of you to the point that it’s abusive and I’m shocked you haven’t needed therapy yet because of her.
Gretchen: Okay, that’s enough.
Anthony: So, what are you going to do about this conference?
Gretchen: Carol suggested something. You’re not gonna like it.
Anthony: Arson is never the way.
Gretchen: It’s not arson.
Anthony: Then I’ll probably be all right with it. As long as it’s not murder.
Christina: This is mom we’re talking about. It could very easily be murder.
Gretchen: I should just show up at the conference. Pretend I was invited. What will they do, kick me out?
Christina: Yes.
Anthony: I think you should do it. Show him that you won’t be disrespected!
Gretchen: I’m gonna do it. Me and Gina are gonna show up and show Lanford who really belongs there.
Anthony: Gina? Since when is Michigan in the northern Atlantic?
Gretchen: Since Lanford decided it was.
Anthony: Okay…
The next day, at work…
Samantha: Wow, look who finally showed up!
Gretchen: I’m ten minutes later, and you shouldn’t be here. I saw enough of you in that elevator.
Samantha: I’ll just go, I guess. I’m not respected here.
Carol: You got that right! Ah, I’m good!
Gretchen: So, now that that’s done with… big news, ladies!
Susana: We’re having a party?
Gretchen: Why would we have a party?
Susana: I don’t know, you just seemed excited. Everyone’s always excited for a party.
Gretchen: I’m ignoring that.
Carol: Good, you should.
Gretchen: I hope you don’t have plans on Saturday. We’re going to Hartford!
Carol: Hartford? What’s i- oh, yeah. I can’t believe you’re going when you weren’t invited!
Susana: That’s kinda badass.
Gretchen: I’m as badass as a person named Gretchen can possibly be.
Carol: So how are you planning to show up? Completely unannounced? Or are you giving them a warning?
Gretchen: A warning? So they can call security on me? No, we’re showing up as if we were invited and we’re running that thing.
Susana: What if they do call security once we get there?
Gretchen: We cross that bridge when we get to it.
Saturday, in the parking lot of the Hartford Convention Center…
Gretchen: You ready, girls? This will either cement our statuses as strong, tough leaders or it leads to our arrest. There is no in-between.
Susana: I don’t want to get arrested.
Carol: You probably won’t. You’re pretty, they’ll let you go.
Gretchen: Are you saying I’m not pretty?
Carol: You’re pretty old.
Gretchen: Thankfully I always have you around to make me look younger.
Carol: We got it, we’re both hags. Can we get in there already?
Gretchen: Now’s as good a time as any.
Gretchen, Carol and Susana get out of the car and walk into the convention center.
Security Guard: Name please.
Gretchen: This is so embarrassing.
Security Guard: Name please.
Gretchen: Gretchen Raymond, 77th Governor of the State of Rhode Island.
Security Guard: Okay, head on in.
Carol: Weren’t you-?
Gretchen: Quiet, Carol. We’re heading in, just like we should.
Gina: Gretchen!
Gretchen: Shh!
Gina: Gretchen, what are you doing here?
Gretchen: I decided to come anyway. That’ll show Lanford.
Gina: Do you think no one’s gonna notice you’re here?
Gretchen: The goal is to be noticed and make Lanford look stupid.
Gina: Well, I’m glad you’re here. I told the security guard who I was and he asked why the governor of Michigan was here. I feel out of place. I’m glad someone else who’s out of place is here with me.
Gretchen: I’m not out of place, I’m right where I should me.
Gina: Yeah, sure.
Nathan: Gretchen Raymond…
Gina: Here we go. I’m gonna go get a cookie from the snack table.
Gretchen: Don’t you leave me!
Nathan: Raymond, what are you doing here?
Gretchen: I heard there was a conference this weekend, figured my invitation got lost in the mail.
Nathan: You weren’t invited.
Gretchen: Did Rhode Island move out of the northern Atlantic region? I don’t recall that.
Nathan: I get to make the guest list. I didn’t want you here. You derail everything.
Gretchen: Look, Lanford. I know we’ve had our differences but keeping up good relationships between the states in the region is important for all of us. I’m here for Rhode Island, not myself.
Nathan: You could pick up the phone and call us if you were that concerned about Rhode Island. You’re just here because it bruised your ego to not be invited, so you invited yourself.
Gretchen: You believe what you want but I’m staying.
Nathan: I don’t have a chair for you.
Gretchen: I’m sure you can find one.
Nathan: Why do you insist on ruining this conference for me?
Gretchen: I only insist on being at a conference I have every right to be at. You invited Gina but not me? Why?
Nathan: I don’t want you here. You’re rude and you make everything about yourself. I tried to be your friend but you decided to ridicule me instead. You mocked me so much during my run for leadership in the DGA that I ended up losing. You’re not a nice person.
Gretchen: Nathan, I’m sorry that I ridiculed you. I’m sorry I wasn’t friendly to you. I was under so much stress last year, I’m getting better now. I’m nicer now. Just ask Carol!
Carol: Huh?
Gretchen: Nevermind.
Nathan: You know what? I’ll bury the hatchet for this weekend. You can stay as long as you don’t mock anyone and make your little sarcastic comments.
Gretchen: Deal! I’m gonna get on your good side again, I promise!
Three hours later, Carol, Gretchen and Susana are driving in the car.
Carol: You couldn’t contain yourself for ONE weekend?
Gretchen: It was a JOKE!
What did you think of this episode of Raymond Island? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below and make sure to read the new episode next week!
