Carol: Gretchen, how are you today? You look like Droopy Dog. You have for a week-and-a-half but it’s really noticeable now.
Gretchen: I don’t know that is.
Susana: She’s old, excuse her.
Carol: I’m no that old.
Susana: Mom…
Carol: Show your mother some respect at work, please.
Gretchen: What do we have to do today? This job’s the only thing keeping me sane.
Carol: What about the big day tomorrow?
Gretchen: What’s tomorrow? Aside from the finale of This Is Us.
Carol: Your anniversary with Anthony.
Gretchen: Oh. Oh no.
Carol: Did you forget?
Gretchen: Would you think less of me if I did?
Carol: You’ve been going through so much because of that argument with your mom. Of course I wouldn’t think less of you because you forgot something.
Susana: We should probably do something about it, though.
Gretchen: You two have jobs to do, let me worry about it.
Carol: Gretchen… think about that for a second.
Gretchen: Think about what?
Carol: You are, um, yeah. Forget it.
Susana: You’re the governor. Sorry, mom, I had to point it out. I think she forgot.
Gretchen: Oh, I really am the governor.
Carol: See, I think you’re joking about forgetting you’re governor but I really don’t know sometimes.
Susana: You’d think the building we’re in would give it away but who knows.
Carol: She certainly hasn’t been doing any work this week that would remind her of what her job is.
Gretchen: You two done?
Carol: Yes.
Susana: That was out-of-character for me and I apologize.
Gretchen: So, what are you getting for me to give Anthony?
Carol: Now you want us to get something?
Gretchen: I’m kidding! You guys do your work.
Susana: My job is technically to assist you, so getting a gift for Anthony would be my job.
Carol: Well it isn’t my job, so I guess I’ll go do that. I have reports to write and staff members to meet with. Which I’m late for…
Gretchen: All right, Susana. Let’s go to Target.
Susana: Okay, let’s go!
Carol: Everyone knows that Target is the go-to place for romance.
Gretchen: You’re absolutely right, I’m glad someone gets it.
One hour later…
Susana: I think the chocolate in a heart-shaped box and a fifty dollar gift card are great anniversary gifts, I don’t know why you’re so down on it!
Gretchen: I’ve been married for… many years. He deserves more than that. I hate giving people gift cards, especially my husband and especially for an anniversary.
Susana: It’s a passport to purchasing anything in your wildest dreams.
Gretchen: You’re sounding like your mother now.
Susana: I am her daughter.
Gretchen: You need to stop spending so much time together.
Susana: I know.
Gretchen: Can you drive us back?
Susana: Are you sure you want that?
Gretchen: I gotta call and make dinner reservations for tomorrow. Believe it or not, I actually do intend on working when I get back so I’d like to get it done before then.
Susana: Okay, I’ll drive and I won’t speak.
Gretchen: Thank you, you’re a doll!
Susana: Where are you planning on going for dinner?
Gretchen: Somewhere nice.
Susana: You haven’t decided yet.
Gretchen: No, I just can’t pronounce it, it’s in the center of town. It’s French.
Susana: Oh, I heard of that place! La Petite Maison!
Gretchen: Yeah, that. Anthony said he wanted to try it and I need to do something special this year because the gifts I got are not going to cut it.
That night, when Gretchen returns home…
Gretchen: Oh my god, what occurred in this house today?
Toby: Christina made dinner!
Christina: We were tired of fast food and I know you and dad both work so hard so I didn’t want to ask either of you to cook so I decided to.
Toby: We? Don’t get me in trouble, too!
Gretchen: So why is there spaghetti sauce all over my kitchen? And where is your father?
Christina: He called and said he wouldn’t be home until 5:30, something came up at work.
Gretchen: You didn’t answer the first and most important part.
Christina: I said I was making dinner.
Gretchen: I make dinner pretty often and and yet I’ve never had this happen. What is going on?
Toby: Christina fe-
Christina: Bud out!
Toby: No!
Christina: Toby, I swear if you…
Toby: Christina fell asleep!
Gretchen: Christina Raychel Morley, you did what?
Toby: She fell asleep!
Christina: Stop that!
Toby: No!
Christina: Sleep with one eye open tonight…
Toby: You can’t sleep with one eye open!
Gretchen: Christina, stop threatening your brother and answer me! Did you really fall asleep while you were making dinner?
Christina: I was reading a book while I was heating up the spaghetti sauce. I woke up when I heard a big bang noise and when I looked in the kitchen, the sauce was everywhere. It somehow exploded.
Gretchen: Because you left it on for an hour.
Christina: Toby was awake, he could’ve done something.
Gretchen: Toby isn’t allowed to touch the stove without adult supervision.
Toby: Yeah! I actually listen to mom and dad!
Anthony: What happened in this house today?
Gretchen: Aww, that’s exactly what I said! True love!
Toby: Christina made a mess!
Gretchen: Christina fell asleep making dinner because the book she’s reading is boring. So now our kitchen is a mess and she’s cleaning it up!
Anthony: Okay, that sounds like Christina.
Christina: Hey! I’ve never done anything like this before.
Gretchen: Christina, clean this up. Toby, get your shoes on. We’re going to get some burgers.
Christina: Not again!
Gretchen: The kitchen is too much of a mess to do anything in it now, I only have this choice.
Toby: I wish grandma was here, she wouldn’t have let this happen.
Gretchen: Well, she isn’t. Too bad. Anthony, can we talk?
Anthony: Sure, honey.
Gretchen and Anthony walk into the living room.
Anthony: What’s going on? Besides… all that.
Gretchen: I wanted to tell you I got a reservation for the two of us for tomorrow at that new French place you wanted to eat at.
Anthony: Tomorrow? What’s tomorrow?
Gretchen: Anthony…
Anthony: I’m kidding! I could never forget that! Who could?
Gretchen: Yeah, who could?
Anthony: Is that all?
Gretchen: Should we get a babysitter? I can call Mary.
Anthony: Christina is old enough to drink.
Gretchen: Not old enough to make spaghetti, apparently.
Anthony: They’ll be okay.
Gretchen: All right, we better not come home from a night of romance to a kitchen with splattered food everywhere.
Anthony: I can assure you that we won’t.
The next day, at work…
Carol: You have a good date tonight, okay? Don’t think about work, don’t think about your mother, just think about love.
Gretchen: I wasn’t thinking about those things but now you put them in my mind.
Carol: That’s what I do!
Susana: He’s gonna love the gift card!
Carol: You got him a gift card? For an anniversary?
Susana: I think it’s a good gift!
Carol: It’s no- it’s great!
Gretchen: I know it sucks, but it’s last-minute and that’s what I could get. He’ll appreciate it. Now, I better go because I gotta change and I don’t know why my children have in store for me at home.
Gretchen walks out of her office and heads to the elevator, where she runs into Samantha.
Samantha: Let me guess, going down?
Gretchen: I hope. I mean yes!
Samantha: I don’t know what that was about but I feel sick.
Gretchen: It was a joke!
Samantha: Are you gonna get in the elevator or what?
Gretchen: Are you?
Samantha: As a matter of fact, yes.
Samantha gets in the elevator.
Gretchen: Don’t leave without me.
Gretchen gets in the elevator.
Samantha: You’re so dramatic
Gretchen: So are you.
Samantha: Can you stop repeating what I say?
Gretchen: Can you?
The elevator stops moving and the lights go out.
Samantha: Nooooo!
Gretchen: Nooooo!
Samantha: Stop that!
Gretchen: Did the elevator just break down?
Samantha: Obviously, you idiot.
Gretchen: Oh, god. We’re stuck in here together.
Samantha: So this is what hell is like.
Gretchen: Don’t flatter me.
Samantha: I’m calling Hank, he can get us out. I need out.
Gretchen: With what? His superior intellect?
Samantha: He can call the maintenance guy. I don’t have his number.
Gretchen: You think you need to get out of here, you should be me. I have a date!
Samantha: Oh, god. I always knew you were a cheater.
Gretchen: The date is with my husband, you idiot.
Samantha: You just call that dinner. You don’t date your husband.
Gretchen: I feel bad for your husband.
Samantha: Can you just be quiet so I can make this call?
Gretchen: Sure! I don’t mind not talking to you. I’ll play Candy Crush.
Samantha picks up her phone and calls Hank.
Hank: What’s going on, Samantha? You never call after you leave work. I was starting to think that you turned into a pumpkin once work was done.
Samantha: I am in a bind.
Hank: Did the mob get you? People don’t realize how it’s still going strong here in Providence. How much you need? You know what? Let me talk to them.
Samantha: Hank, what?
Hank: Is it not the mob? Forget what I said.
Samantha: I am stuck in the elevator. It broke down midway through the third and second floors and I’m trapped in here.
Hank: At least you have some time for peace and quiet. You can relax in there, all by yourself!
Samantha: Not quite…
Hank: Is someone else in there?
Samantha: She is.
Hank: Jeanne is right in front of me.
Jeanne: Hi Samantha!
Samantha: Not Jeanne. Her.
Samantha: Not even a “hi” back to me? Screw you.
Hank: Oh god, no. Not Gretchen.
Gretchen: Yes Gretchen!
Samantha: How do you hear that?
Gretchen: Because this elevator is silent. There isn’t even any music anymore because the power’s out!
Samantha: Oh, yeah. Hank, could you please call the maintenance guy and get him to come fix this? Gretchen’s being a real bitch.
Gretchen: Hey!
Samantha: You are.
Hank: I’ll call. I’m just lucky that I didn’t get in that elevator with you. That’s gotta be rough.
Samantha: It’s been painful.
Hank: Okay, I gotta go so I can call. You’ll be in my prayers.
Samantha: Thanks, I will be waiting very impatiently.
Samantha hangs up.
Gretchen: And what was that about?
Samantha: I want to get out of here, being locked in here with you for a minute is long enough and it’s already been five!
Gretchen: I remember when you said you were proud of me about a week ago.
Samantha: That was a moment of weakness.
Gretchen: You like me, admit it!
Samantha: I can’t say that. I don’t lie.
Gretchen: That’s hysterical.
Samantha: What's taking Hank so long to call me back?
Gretchen: Probably the fact that you hung up with him twenty seconds ago and he probably hasn’t even finished dialing the maintenance guy’s number yet.
Samantha: I want out, okay? I want to get home so I can take a bath and drink some wine and watch TV and relax before I have to come back and see you again tomorrow.
Gretchen: I’ll tell you what. I won’t bug you while we’re locked in here together. I’ll call one of my friends and won’t talk to you. You can even nap if you want.
Samantha: Can you talk quietly?
Gretchen: If it keeps you from complaining, I can try.
Gretchen picks up her phone and calls Gina.
Gina: Hey Gretchen! What’s going on? I always know something’s going on if you picked up the phone to call me?
Gretchen: Oh, nothing.
Gina: That’s the voice of someone who’s going through something!
Gretchen: I am… fine. I just wanted to talk to you.
Gina: I’m the governor of Michigan, Gretchen. Part of the requirement to hold that job is being incredibly boring. No one’s ever wanted to just talk to me. What’s going on with you?
Gretchen: I am stuck in an elevator and it’s my anniversary. I have dinner plans!
Samantha: No wonder you’re being such a bitch.
Gretchen: Thanks for the input, Samantha!
Gina: Oh, honey, I’m sorry. That’s my worst nightmare.
Gretchen: That’s a very specific worst nightmare.
Gina: I meant the being trapped in an elevator part. I have severe claustrophobia, as you know from when we worked together. If I couldn’t leave that little metal box of death, I’d be losing my mind. Especially if it lasted for hours or days like it usually does.
Gretchen: Somehow you’ve managed to make me feel worse than when I called you!
Gina: Oh, I’m sorry. I’m sure you’ll get out of there super quickly!
Gretchen: You don’t believe that, do you?
Gina: God no. You’re stuck for hours. I should let you go, I don’t want you to waste your phone battery too much.
Gretchen: Okay, talk to you later…
Gina: Good luck!
Gretchen hangs up.
Samantha: Hank’s calling!
Gretchen: Lucky timing.
Samantha answers the phone.
Hank: Sam…
Samantha: That doesn’t sound encouraging.
Hank: The maintenance guy is away right now. He is in Florida.
Samantha: Damn Florida. Abolish Florida.
Hank: I agree. Sadly, maintenance guy doesn’t, and I had to call one of his colleagues from Boston…
Samantha: Boston?
Hank: He’s the only other person who can do it this late, and it’s going to be about four hours.
Samantha: Four hours? No…
Gretchen: FOUR HOURS!
Samantha: Dial it back, Gretch.
Hank: I’m sorry I couldn’t do more. I tried.
Samantha: It’s something, talk to you later.
Samantha hangs up.
Gretchen: I’m gonna miss dinner.
Samantha: Ya think?
Gretchen: This was a special night for me and Anthony.
Samantha: Yeah, well I’m not going to get to watch the series finale of NCIS: New Orleans tonight. We’re all losing.
Gretchen: I’m gonna call my sister so she can tell Anthony I won’t make it. I can’t tell him directly or I’ll break down.
Samantha: You do you. I don’t really care.
Gretchen calls Mary.
Mary: Oh boy, what’s going on with you? I’m not watching your children, I have four of my own to worry about.
Gretchen: You only have three kids. Are you slipping?
Mary: I have my children and our mother, who is far more work than my kids are.
Lucinda: I heard that! Who are you gossiping to?
Mary: Eddie!
Lucinda: Eddie doesn’t have kids…
Mary: Just go watch Blue Bloods!
Lucinda: I love that Tom Selleck.
Mary: That’ll get rid of her for a while. So what’s up, sis?
Gretchen: I need you to call Anthony for me and tell him I’m not gonna make it to our anniversary dinner. Tell him to go without me.
Mary: Are you incapable of doing that for some reason?
Gretchen: It’s our anniversary, I won’t be able to tell him I’m gonna miss it without completely breaking down. This is just better like this.
Mary: Okay, will do. Nice talking with you, I guess.
Gretchen: Thank you, you’re a hero!
Gretchen hangs up.
Gretchen: So, how will we entertain ourselves for four hours.
Samantha: You got a flashlight? I have an US Magazine we can read. Silently.
Gretchen: Anything else?
Samantha: Ghost stories!
Gretchen: Do I look like I’m in the mood for ghost stories?
Samantha: It’s pitch dark, I can’t see what you’re in the mood for.
The lights turn on.
Samantha: Wow, look how powerful I am.
Gretchen: If only the elevator wo-
The elevator starts moving downwards.
Gretchen: Look how powerful I am!
Samantha: You didn’t finish saying it, doesn’t count!
Gretchen: How did this happen?
Samantha: Divine intervention?
Samantha’s phone rings.
Jeanne: You’re welcome, you idiots! The power to the shaft just got turned off somehow, I just needed to switch it back on.
Samantha: Than-
Jeanne: Just think of this the next time you bozos give me a hard time.
Gretchen: I’m gonna make it to dinner!
Samantha: I’m gonna make it to Scott Bakula!
Gretchen races out to her car and calls Anthony.
Anthony: Gretchen! I just got the strangest call from Mary. She said you didn’t want to come to dinner so I should go myself. I assumed it was a joke so I was going anyway.
Gretchen: I was stuck in an elevator but I’m out now because it wasn't actually broken!
Anthony: I don’t know what that means.
Gretchen: I’ll see you at dinner, honey!
Anthony: See you soon, I love you!
Gretchen: Love you too!
What did you think of this episode of Raymond Island? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below and make sure to read the new episode next week!
