College Season 3 Episode 14: The Seventh Wheel


                          
Season 3 Episode 14

Written by

William Fry & Michael Ledesma


INT. APARTMENT - DAY

Andrew and Megan eat breakfast at the dining table. Edison enters and opens the fridge and looks for something to eat.

ANDREW

Hey, so Brittaney and Mario will meet us at the restaurant.

MEGAN

Great.

Edison shuts the fridge.

EDISON

What’s going on?

ANDREW

Oh, Megan, Sarah, Britt, Mario, and I are having Valentine’s day dinner together.

EDISON

Today’s Valentine’s Day?

MEGAN

Yeah.

EDISON

Huh. I guess I kind of forgot. What time should I get dressed?

ANDREW

Um Edison, you’re… not invited.

EDISON

Say what now?

ANDREW

This is a couple’s dinner and you’re… not in a couple.

EDISON

Neither is Megan.

MEGAN

Actually, I am.

EDISON

What! Since when?

MEGAN

Since yesterday. I got a bumble date.

EDISON

Seriously. What am I supposed to do tonight while you all are having dinner?

ANDREW

Well, do your chores. The plates still haven’t been cleaned.

The three look at the sink. It is flooded with dirty plates and cups.

EDISON

It’s fine.

ANDREW

Look Edison I’m sorry but you're the third wheel.

MEGAN

More like the seventh wheel.

EDISON

Fine, you six go enjoy your romantic couples’ dinner. I’ll just stay here and live out my single life.

Andrew and Megan look at each other and then at Edison.

ANDREW

Okay then.

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

The three couples sit at a round table in a fine dining restaurant. Megan sits next to a red-haired woman.

SARAH

So, Jessica, what do you do?

JESSICA

I’m a hairstylist.

SARAH

Oh, cool.

JESSICA

Yeah, you know, if you girls want, I can give you all a discount on your next appointment. Even you guys can come by.

ANDREW

Thanks, I might actually do that.

Edison approaches the table with an older pretty woman.

EDISON

Hey guys, what’s up? Sorry, we’re late, but Sugar and I got stuck in traffic.

Edison goes over to a table and steals two chairs. He squeezes them in between Megan and Sarah. He and Sugar sit down in them.

EDISON

So, what are we talking about? I think I heard someone mention Andrew’s hair. I’ve got a lot to say about that subject.

ANDREW

Edison, can I talk to you?

EDISON

Sure.

Andrew and Edison get up and walk over next to the bathrooms.

EDISON

What’s up?

ANDREW

Edison, please tell me you didn’t hire a prostitute to bring to our couples Valentine's day dinner.

EDISON

Andrew, she’s a human being, and for legal reasons, she prefers the term “escort".

ANDREW

Oh my gosh, you hired a prostitute.

EDISON

Yes, I did.

ANDREW

Okay, why?

EDISON

Cause I’m sick of being the seventh wheel. You all have relationships and date nights and I’m just alone at home eating an entire sweet potato pie and binge-watching MasterChef.

ANDREW

Edison-

EDISON

Let me have this Andrew. Let me spend the most romantic day of the year surrounded by romance.

Andrew contemplates the situation.

ANDREW

Okay fine. But no one else can know that she’s a prosti-escort. Okay?

EDISON

Great. Now can get back to the dinner, I’m being charged 100 bucks an hour and I want to get my money's worth.

Andrew and Edison return to the table.

SARAH

Is everything alright?

ANDREW

Yeah. Everyone, this is-

EDISON

Sugar.

ANDREW

Sugar. Edison’s date.

SUGAR

Hey.

The group nods in greeting.

MEGAN

So, Sugar, what do you do?

SUGAR

Well, I work a lot with… people.

MEGAN

Oh, cool.

BRITTANEY

So how did you two meet?

SUGAR

We-

EDISON

Met at the grocery store. We both reached for the last box of Zebra Cakes. You could say it was love at first sight.

ANDREW

Really?

EDISON

Yes, Andrew. Not everyone can run across campus, slip on a patch of ice, break their ass, and confess their love to someone.

JESSICA

You broke your ass?

ANDREW

Tailbone. I broke my tailbone.

BRITTANEY

Well then, it still sounds romantic.

The waiter comes over to the table.

WAITER

Are we ready to order?

MARIO

Yes, my girlfriend and I will have the shrimp pasta.

BRITTANEY

Actually, -

EDISON

Britts allergic to shellfish.

MARIO

You are?

BRITTANEY

Yeah.

MARIO

Oh, sorry.

BRITTANEY

It’s okay. I’ll have the fettuccini alfredo.

The waiter takes the rest of the orders and leaves.

Sugar looks at Edison and Brittaney.

SUGAR

Did you two use to date?

BRITTANEY

What?

SUGAR

Were y’all two a thing?

Edison and Brittaney look at each other.

EDISON

We… dated?

BRITTANEY

Yes. But then we broke up and now I’m with Mario.

SUGAR

Hmmmmm

SARAH

What?

SUGAR

I don’t know. I just see the way you two look at each other. Almost like…

EDISON

Like there’s still a spark?

ANDREW

Edison, don’t.

EDISON

Because I’ve always thought that she and I were meant to be. Not her and Mr. Italian.

ANDREW

Edison!

SUGAR

I think you’re right. You two are meant to be together.

EDISON

See Britt, even SHE thinks that we should be together.

BRITTANEY

Edison please stop.

EDISON

But Britt-

Brittaney starts to tear up.

BRITTANEY

Please stop.

MARIO

Edison, I think you should leave.

EDISON

Excuse me? Last time I checked you’re not even in our friend group.

MARIO

We can do this the easy way or the hard way.

EDISON

Is that a threat?

MARIO

Maybe.

Edison and Mario both stand up threateningly.

SUGARS

Boys, boys stop it. You both love this girl right.

Edison and Mario don’t answer.

SUGAR

You know, I had two clients who both loved me. That’s one of the downsides of being an escort.

SARAH

I’m sorry what? Did you just say escort?

ANDREW

Oh my gosh.

MEGAN

Whoa.

SARAH

You brought a prostitute to our Valentine’s dinner?

SUGAR

Escort.

Sarah turns to Andrew.

SARAH

Did you know about this?

ANDREW

No. No, I definitely did not know about this.

SARAH

You’re lying.

ANDREW

He just told me, okay?

SARAH

You have a really big issue telling people things, huh?

ANDREW

Oh c’mon.

SARAH

Whatever, Britt and I are leaving. C’mon girl, let’s get you home.

A teary-eyed Brittaney leaves with Sarah.

Mario leaves.

ANDREW

Congrats Edison, you managed to ruin Valentine’s Day.

Andrew gets up and leaves.

JESSICA

Your friends are really weird.

MEGAN

They’re not really friends, more like acquaintances.

Sugar gets up.

SUGAR

So, do you want to pay me now or do you want to keep the night going? For an extra hundred, I’ll let you choke me.

Edison pulls out some money and gives it to Sugar.

EDISON

Just go.

Sugar takes the money and leaves.

INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT

Edison and Megan enter the apartment. Andrew is sitting on the couch. Andrew stands up.

ANDREW

I’m only gonna say this once. You need to move on Edison. Brittaney has and now it’s time for you too. No more plans to win her back. No more telling her that you two belong together. Okay? Cause if you keep doing this, not only are you going to ruin your friendship with her but you’re going to ruin your friendship with us. Understand?

Edison nods.

ANDREW

Okay then. Now both of you get to bed.

MEGAN

What did I do?

Andrew gives the two of them a death stare.

MEGAN

You know, I’m actually feeling a little tired.

Edison and Megan go to their room. Andrew lays back down on the couch.

ANDREW

(To Himself)

Happy Valentine’s Day to me.

END.

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