Session is in progress.
SAM
I need to write a bill.
CHASE
Write one then.
SAM
I don’t really feel like it, that’s the problem.
CHASE
What do you mean, you don’t feel like it? That’s what you were elected to do!
ADAM
Bickering again? We really need to revisit that Marriage Tax Act...
REAGAN
Sam’s write. She hasn’t had a bill passed this whole time!
SAM
Thanks for reminding me, Reagan. I’m behind the person who referred to herself as the most useless person here.
LORENZO
Lorenzo begs to differ.
LINCOLN
Say that again?
LORENZO
Lorenzo begs to differ.
Everyone gives a strange look at LORENZO.
LORENZO
Lorenzo has decided to refer to himself in the first person today. You should all try it.
MADISON
That’s alright.
REAGAN
Let’s get back on track here. Sam, I’ll help you write a bill.
SAM
About what?
REAGAN
Let’s think...something that can really change the lives of our constituents. There’s no better feeling than helping someone out, even if you don’t know them and they don’t know you. I assume.
SAM
Health care?
REAGAN
Sure. Let’s get to work!
REAGAN attempts to start up the computer given to her at her seat. It takes a while to turn on, and instantly crashes. When REAGAN tries turning on the computer again, she gets messages claiming there’s a virus on it.
REAGAN
Ugh, these computers! We really need better ones.
SAM
Let’s write about it.
REAGAN
That make no sense, we’re making a health care bill, remember?
SAM
No, let’s make the bill about getting new computers!
REAGAN
That doesn’t help our constituents at all.
SAM
It helps us, though. And with new computers we can write new bills faster to help people out.
LORENZO
Lorenzo’s not sure that will work.
SAM (startled)
Lorenzo, stop trying to edge your way into bills.
LORENZO
Fine.
SAM turns to REAGAN.
SAM
Now where were we...
REAGAN
Writing a useless bill.
SAM
Alright, let’s call it the New Computers Act. And we’ll have to write it on paper, I guess.
After a long pause:
SAM
Do you know where I could get a pen and some paper?
REAGAN
Nope.
SAM
Guess we’ll just have to say the Bill orally then.
When it’s time, Congress begins to debate bills. SAM rises.
SAM
I am here to present the New Computers Act.
SPEAKER
I don’t have a copy of that bill, kindly provide me with one.
SAM
It’s not written, because our computers aren’t working and this cheap place won’t supplement us with a pen and paper!
The bill is debated, with many Congresspeople agreeing. The bill passes, 98-2. The SPEAKER notices who voted against the bill: SAM and REAGAN. The SPEAKER gives them a confused look. REAGAN responds.
REAGAN
Yeah, I wasn’t a fan. But it’s nice to have another bill passed!
SPEAKER
Next time, give us a bill you like. Actually what am I saying, the bills you don’t like are the best ones! Congress dismissed.
Everyone leaves.