SETTING: OUTSIDE APARTMENT BUILDING, CONNECTICUT, UNITED STATES.
JOSH
Here we are: our apartment.
ANDREW
Catherine's apartment now.
CATHERINE
Alright whatever let's just go inside. I can't hold these things much longer.
JOSH
You're carrying Britney CDs. Andrew and I are carrying this huge fridge you insisted on buying.
ANDREW
Yeah, and we already have a fridge too.
CATHERINE
Ew I don't want your fridge.
ANDREW
I know, you've made a point to say that plenty of times already.
[They enter the apartment building.]
CATHERINE
What floor is my unit on?
ANDREW
7th.
CATHERINE
Seriously?? I'm not walking all that way.
JOSH
We have an elevator.
CATHERINE
Oh. Why didn't I think of that for my old house...
[They ride up the elevator. ANDREW and JOSH are still holding onto the fridge, while CATHERINE dropped her CDs all over the floor.]
CATHERINE
I hate elevators. And hands.
JOSH
I think you're just nervous. [The elevator door opens.] Follow me.
[They walk to the apartment unit and open the door.]
ANDREW
This is it!
CATHERINE
This is it?
JOSH
Why what'd you expect?
CATHERINE
It's just different than I thought. There's practically nothing in here.
JOSH
Yeah, we took all our stuff to Mom and Dad's—-or really, our house now. But we left the fridge for you.
CATHERINE
I told you I don't want your fridge.
JOSH
We know!!!
[CATHERINE explores the apartment unit a bit.]
CATHERINE
At least there's a bed here.
ANDREW
Crap did we forget to take the bed Josh?
JOSH
Apparently. It's OK we'll just buy another.
CATHERINE
Looks like I have a lot of stuff to buy. Good thing I have William's credit card info.
JOSH
I don't think that's a good idea. If you want to move on from your ex-husband, you should make the purchases yourself.
CATHERINE
Yeah, I guess I should...eh, what would he care? I'm the one who did the bills, when I remembered at least, and we all know he's not the one who will take over for that.
ANDREW
Yeah OK...is there anything else we can do for you Catherine?
CATHERINE
Nah you're good. Thanks for bringing the fridge guys!
JOSH [to ANDREW]
I can't believe we came all this way to bring her a new fridge when our fridge is the only thing we left behind on purpose.
JOSH [to CATHERINE]
We'll be on our way then. You know where to find us!
ANDREW [to JOSH]
She won't actually come down to our house, right?
JOSH [to ANDREW]
Probably not.
JOSH and ANDREW exit.
CATHERINE [to herself]
Now, time for some me time.
CATHERINE looks at her phone and plays her favorite Britney songs from it. She dances and sings poorly.
CATHERINE [thinking to herself]
That was some nice time with my favorite Britney. I wonder what my daughters Britney and Britney 2 are up to...and also, why does water cost money? Hmm...I'm thirsty. Got nothing to drink though. I guess I'll go to the store and buy some.
CATHERINE [out loud]
WHY AM I TALKING TO MYSELF IN MY HEAD!
CATHERINE grabs her car keys to drive out to the grocery store. She soon realizes she doesn't have a car and will have to walk. She gets one bottle of water, realizes she didn't bring any money, then runs out and back to her apartment unit, after getting lost a few times. She runs out of breath and drinks the entire bottle as soon as she gets back to her apartment unit.
CATHERINE [thinking to herself]
That was useless, now I'm more thirsty than I was when I left to get the water. And why is water more expensive than soda? I should drink more soda. The kind with the sugar. Sugar is good. It's unhealthy but I like it.
CATHERINE [out loud]
WHY AM I TALKING TO MYSELF IN MY HEAD AGAIN!
CATHERINE [thinking to herself]
Maybe they do ride-sharing around here. I need to get some stuff. Toiletries, food, drinks, something to play those Britney CDs on. Didn't really think that one through.
CATHERINE goes out and buys the necessities, talking to nobody. She arrives back at her apartment unit.
CATHERINE [out loud]
I'm screwed.