JOSH
Happy last day in our house everyone!
ANDREW
We’ve really appreciated you being here, but today’s the last day!
CHRIS
You sound a little too excited.
ANDREW
Don’t take this personally but it’s not exactly how we anticipated our holiday break going.
JOSH
Please tell me everyone made plans to get back home.
DAVID
I did. And my whole family is actually coming back with me! Mary, Chris, AND Julian!
DREW
And me.
DAVID
And Drew!
BRITNEY 2
Mom, I assume you’re ditching Nate to keep up with your track record of breaking up with guys at family reunions?
CATHERINE
No, I’m staying with Nate.
BRITNEY 2
And we’re sure Nate’s fine with that?
NATE
It’s either her or my mom living with me, so the choice is obvious.
BRITNEY 2
Was it really though?
NATE
Actually no.
BRITNEY
I know I’ve made travel plans too. Steve’s moving in with me!
WILLIAM
I would assume so. Where are you moving in to?
BRITNEY
I’m not moving anywhere. He’s moving in with us.
WILLIAM
I’m not sure that’s going to work.
DAISY
It’ll be fun! A step-mom and her step-daughter going through pregnancies and engagements at the same time and in the same house!
JULIAN
What happened to this family?
STEVE
I know, right?
CATHERINE
I don’t even care how complicated things are getting, this is going to do great for that blog of mine. Time to actually make some money!
JOSH
Can we join once the adoption is finished? We’re kind of out of money as well.
BRIAN
Does anyone in this house have any money?
DAISY
Me!
BRIAN
Do I want to know why?
DAISY
I was a performer.
BRIAN
So I didn’t want to know why then.
DAISY
What? I played some key parts in some really high-paying gigs;
WILLIAM
Daisy, we went over this, saying you were a “performer” suggests something else.
DAISY
Oh. Right.
DAVID
I’m getting by financially, but not by much.
FRAN
Your Dad and I are broke too. Brian, I would love to go back to Poland but we just can’t afford to live on our own there.
JOSH
Uh oh.
FRAN
I feel terrible about asking this but—
JOSH
No you don’t.
FRAN
I think we need to move in with someone.
BRIAN
I’ve already decided it’s not going to be with William, Daisy, Britney, Steve, Britney 2, and the two babies.
FRAN
And David, we should give you your space while you’re trying to keep your marriage together. Plus, Mary is a pro at raising kids!
MARY
I’ve done it two or three times.
DREW
You’ve done it three times.
FRAN
Catherine has no grandchildren for us to take care of—
CATHERINE
Yet.
FRAN
—And Josh and Andrew did promise me that I’d get to be the first to see their adopted child if they ever had one...
ANDREW
We did?
JOSH
I am so sorry Andrew.
FRAN
We’re moving in!
BRIAN
To this house? The one we just left?
FRAN
Yes.
JOSH
That’s it, we’re leaving.
ANDREW
Josh, maybe we could work something out? Split the house into two sections, maybe? We could use the money.
JOSH
That’s true. Alright, I’ll make you a deal. You can move in, but don’t expect us to be doing everything together with you.
FRAN
I can’t believe this! We’re finally back home!
BRIAN
Yay.
JOSH
Alright, now that this is settled, everyone take some leftover pizza pockets. Happy New Years’ everyone! Goodbye for now!