CATHERINE [thinking to herself]
Am I dating Nate? His mom seems to hope so. Or does his mom want to date me? I wouldn't rule it out, I am pretty hot. Or at least, was, two decades ago, according to one guy.
CATHERINE
Guess there's only one way to find out.
CATHERINE [thinking to herself]
I'll call him!
[CATHERINE calls NATE]
CATHERINE
Hey Nate! So are we--
NATE
Hold up.
CATHERINE
What?
NATE
Are we boyfriend/girlfriend?
CATHERINE
You tell me.
NATE
I say we are.
CATHERINE
Did your mom tell you to say that?
NATE
Yep, how'd you know?
CATHERINE
I think she wants this relationship to turn into a union.
NATE
I don't think she loves me in that way.
CATHERINE
She likes me in some way I've never thought possible.
NATE
You'd be surprised how long I've been thinking someone would say that.
CATHERINE
I can imagine. Anyways, nice talking to you, looking forward to seeing where things go between us. Bye.
[CATHERINE hangs up]
NATE [thinking to himself]
That girl is terrible at exits.
CATHERINE [thinking to herself]
I couldn't have nailed the end of that phone call any better. I think? I don't really know. Time for some pizza. Crap I don't have pizza. Pasta maybe? Wow I really need to go to the store. Or should I stay here? I'll stay here. I have an idea, why don't I call my kids about this!
CATHERINE
That's a good idea!
[CATHERINE calls BRITNEY 2]
CATHERINE
Hey Britney 2! Put your sister on the phone.
BRITNEY 2
Sure, how are things going Mom? And why would you call me if you want to talk to my sister?
CATHERINE
Because we agreed a long time ago to stay out of each other's business.
BRITNEY 2
Nice parenting there. [yells] BRITNEY! MOM WANTS TO TALK TO YOU!
BRITNEY
I'll be right there!
[Three minutes go by and BRITNEY finally approaches BRITNEY 2 to take the phone.]
BRITNEY
Hey Catherine!
CATHERINE
What's up with my second-favorite Britney?
BRITNEY
The same.
CATHERINE
How's your dad treating you? Wait, actually I don't care. Let me tell you something. I'm dating this guy.
BRITNEY
Which guy?
CATHERINE
Just a guy. His name is Nate.
BRITNEY
Why are you telling me? Does he want me to hook him up with something?
CATHERINE
Nah, just trying to get your approval I guess. I don't have a job and barely any money, but he has a job and a ton of money.
BRITNEY
Settling for just one guy? Didn't you teach us to never do that, and to just date around?
CATHERINE
Yeah you're right, I should break up with him.
BRITNEY
I never said that! Date him, don't date him, get back with Dad, don't get back with Dad, what do I care?
CATHERINE
Good to hear you haven't changed. So everything going good?
BRITNEY
Of course!
CATHERINE
Alright, so we decided I'm marrying this guy.
BRITNEY
Dating.
CATHERINE
Right. Bye.
CATHERINE [thinking to herself]
Nailed that exit.
BRITNEY [to BRITNEY 2]
I think she hung up but it was pretty abrupt. Eh, whatever.
BRITNEY 2 [to BRITNEY]
Of course she didn't want to talk to me.
BRITNEY
I think you know why. You don't fit in with her vibe, too controlling and have yourself figured out. Catherine--I mean, Mom--hates that.
BRITNEY 2
I realize that, I'm surprised you do though. Also, one more thing--why the hell didn't you tell her you were engaged?
BRITNEY
Oh, didn't feel like it.
BRITNEY 2
Not to mention the guy has a kid already.
BRITNEY
I know, isn't it awesome?
BRITNEY 2
If you say so.