FRAN
It’s official everyone. We’re not going back to Poland.
BRIAN
Please?
FRAN
It’s too expensive for us. In fact, with all the money I spent on buying those Christmas presents, who knows where we can afford to live!
BRIAN
I’m sure we’ll find a place. So, Poland?
FRAN
I wonder where we could stay if we can’t find a house.
BRIAN
Poland.
FRAN (louder)
I said, I wonder where we could stay if we can’t find a house.
ANDREW (to JOSH)
She wants us out of here doesn’t she?
JOSH (to ANDREW)
Yes.
JOSH
Watch out Catherine, we might have to move back in with you the way things are going!
CATHERINE
Oh. About that, I sold that place.
ANDREW
Seriously?
NATE
Yep. My mom bought it.
CATHERINE
And the way things are going, Mary’s right there with her.
JULIAN
What’s that now?
CHRIS
Julian, Mom hates Dad.
DREW
He knows, everyone knows.
MARY
Actually, David and I have decided to stay together.
DAVID
We have? Why?
BRITNEY
I convinced her. Catherine, she’s going to help out with your mom blog, but she can’t have any material without her kids. Look at your posts, they’re pathetic!
CATHERINE
I started that up as a joke—
BRITNEY 2
Told you.
CATHERINE
—But I could use a way to make money. If it works, I’m good with it.
JOSH
Let me and Andrew join in then.
BRIAN
Why, you don’t have any money?
ANDREW
No, neither of us can get jobs. Happy? We said it.
JOSH
Actually you said it, this was supposed to be our secret!
ANDREW
It wouldn’t be a family reunion without us spilling a major secret.
JOSH
True.
DAISY
So about this mom blog...I can help every now and then.
BRITNEY 2
Daisy, you’re not a mom.
WILLIAM
She can be a step-mom though.
DAISY
What are you saying?
WILLIAM
I’m saying...
BRITNEY
No!
BRITNEY 2
THANK YOU!
BRITNEY
I’m first. Steve, will you marry me?
WILLIAM
No, me first! Daisy, will you marry me?
DAISY
Yes!
STEVE
Hold on.
BRITNEY
Uh oh.
STEVE
William, do I have permission to marry her?
DAISY
I don’t approve!
BRITNEY
What?
DAISY
Oh. I thought Steve was trying to marry me.
STEVE
And why would I be doing that?
BRITNEY
My answer is yes.
STEVE
OK then, I guess we’re getting married!
DAISY
By the way everyone: I’m pregnant!
MARY
Same! It’s the real reason I’m staying with David.
DAVID
Is it mine?
MARY
Who else?
JOSH
Is now a good time to say that Andrew and I are adopting a kid?
BRITNEY 2
Hold up. We’ve all been together for more than a week and this stuff is just being revealed now?
ANDREW
Obviously. With only one more day, anyone who doesn’t like the news will be gone until the next family reunion anyways.
FRAN
We should celebrate!
BRIAN
I think they’ve done enough so-called celebrating since everyone got here.
FRAN
We’ll celebrate anyways. Wow, all the more reason for us to not go back to Poland!