The Princess Royal Season 1 Episode 9 - Why Do Fools Fall in Love

The Princess Royal Season 1, Episode 9
Why Do Fools Fall In Love

The year is 2001. Olivia is sitting in the sitting room of Buckingham Palace with Eleanor, Paul, and Gigi when Ethan walks in.

Paul: Ethan, what are you doing here? You joining us for afternoon tea?

Gigi: The tea’s getting cold, you’d better hurry. Nothing worse than cold earl grey.

Ethan: I’m not here for the tea.

Gigi: No one ever is.

Eleanor: We’re here for the company, darling.

Ethan: I wanted to talk to Olivia.

Olivia: Me? No one ever wants to talk to me.

Paul: Other than the divorce lawyers and the gossip rag reporters, that is.

Olivia: Yeah, they love me. That’s about it, though.

Gigi: I love you.

Olivia: I’d hope so.

Eleanor: As do we.

Olivia: Aww, you’re all going to inflate my ego.

Ethan: Olivia, I must speak with you. I don’t mean to interrupt, but it’s urgent.

Olivia: I’m coming, I’m coming.

Paul: Don’t be too long. Your mother and I have to be somewhere in a few hours and we were still catching up.

Olivia: I won’t be long, I know Ethan is mighty busy.

Ethan: Not really.

Olivia: You always sell yourself short.

Olivia steps into the hallway to talk with Ethan.

Olivia: So, what’s going on?

Ethan: Did you need to bring your tea?

Olivia: Yes.

Ethan: Lovely.

Olivia: Are you going to answer me? What’s wrong? Is Selina dying?

Ethan: You think I’d be so calm if my wife were dying?

Olivia: You never know… Is she pregnant?

Ethan: Good lord, Olivia! You already know she is! Now, just drink your tea and listen.

Olivia: Will do.

Ethan: I have news about Margaret.

Olivia: Our horse trainer? Is she dead?

Ethan: Well, sort of. She’s retiring.

Olivia: How can she be retiring?

Ethan: How old are we, Livie?

Olivia: I don’t think I need to say it out loud.

Ethan: Anyway, she’s been working for the family since you were born. She’s earned her retirement.

Olivia: She has, sure. Why are you telling me this one-on-one, though? Would the news break mother’s heart?

Ethan: No, she’s known for days.

Olivia: Why couldn’t she tell me, then?

Ethan: She knows how you get.

Olivia: How is it that I get?

Ethan: Overdramatic.

Olivia: I do not! Oh no… am I doing it right now?

Ethan: Yes. Don’t freak out at the next part.

Olivia: You’re talking about me as if I’m some mentally unstable lunatic.

Ethan: You’re in charge of the search for Margaret’s replacement.

Olivia: Are you joking?

Ethan: Nope. Have fun! I’m going to head out now before you lose your temper.

Olivia: I’m not that mad. I’m just dreading it a bit. It’s going to be terribly dull. Maybe I’ll just hire the first person I see.

Ethan: That would truly be fine by me.

Ethan leaves and Olivia walks back into the sitting room.

Paul: So, what was that about?

Olivia: She knows.

Eleanor: I know what?

Olivia: You didn’t want to tell me about Margaret’s retirement because you didn’t want to tell me I had to find her replacement.

Gigi: Is Margaret the horse lady with the glass eye?

Olivia: That’s her!

Paul: Margaret is retiring? How can we ever replace her?

Gigi: She’s so old, she’s practically blind now. She’s a sweet lady and I’ll miss her company, but just about anyone could do the job better than she has for the better part of the last decade.

Paul: I’d like to see you try.

Gigi: I could do it quite easily.

Olivia: So that settles it, I’ve found the replacement. My work is done!

Gigi: Not so fast, mother! I was only getting caught up in the conversation, I would never take this job permanently. I’m not the type to spend the day playing with horses.

Olivia: You’re not fun?

Gigi: No, I just don’t like dirt.

Olivia: Are you even my daughter?

Gigi: I think there’s a chance there was a mixup at the hospital.

Olivia: Mother, by when do I need to find a new horse trainer?

Eleanor: I was hoping you could start the search this week. I don’t want to go without one for very long and Margaret obviously needs to get off the job very soon.

Olivia: Why do I have to be the one to find a replacement? I’m not the only person in the family who rides.

Eleanor: But you ride horses the most, and you spend the most time with them. You have the expertise to make a wise hiring decision.

Olivia: As do you.

Eleanor: I am the queen, I’m not supposed to be worrying about hiring low-level staffers.

Olivia: Fine, I will do it. I won’t like it, but I will go through the hiring process.

Paul: I’ll help you, dear. We can suffer together.

Olivia: Thank you, papa. At least someone is willing to make that sacrifice for me.

Gigi: Don’t look at me! I’ve made it very clear that I want nothing to do with this.

Olivia: Of course you don’t.

Three days later…

Olivia: Papa, we’re an hour into these interviews and none of these people even seem like functioning members of society, let alone potential employees. The last woman sang a show tune for us!

Paul: Well she did look a bit like Julie Andrews, so I suppose it was fitting, at least.

Olivia: I suppose we should get the next one in.

Paul: Who’s next on the list?

Olivia: His name’s Frederick Ansling, it says he has a military background.

Paul: That’s encouraging.

Olivia: With the type of people we’ve had applying today, a military background could just mean that he guest starred on Dad’s Army.

Paul: Let’s keep our hopes high.

Olivia: Frederick, Come on in.

Fred: Hello, everyone. Frederick Ansling, you can call me Fred. It’s what everyone who knows me calls me.

Olivia: So, Fred. What is your experience with horse training?

Fred: I worked with them in the army, everyone that worked with me always had me calm down the horses and get them ready, I was sort of a horse whisperer.

Paul: An army man who’s good with horses. I think we’ve found our guy!

Fred: I don’t want to get the job just because I was in the army. I’m a man of honor, I want to earn it.

Olivia: Well, I’m going to be honest with you. I don’t know how any of the people we interviewed before you even manage to dress themselves, so you’re the heavy favorite right now.

Fred: That’s so nice to hear. Not that those people are dumb, that I might get the job. I have a passion for horses and for serving my country.

Olivia: Any other questions for him, papa?

Paul: His application looks good, he acts like a normal person, I’m ready to hire him right now.

Olivia: I’ll tell you what, Fred. We’re going to submit your personal information for a full background check and we’ll get back to you if it all comes out positively, as we expect.

Fred: That’s wonderful, thank you.

Olivia: You don’t have the job yet, but you’ve crossed the most important hurdle. I expect to see you again very soon.

Later that day, at Buckingham Palace…

Eleanor: Any news for me on the horse trainer front?

Olivia: Actually, we found someone. You’re welcome.

Eleanor: Are you sure you found someone? This isn’t like when you said you were going to make Genevieve do it, right?

Olivia: No, this is legitimate! He is a real person who actually exists and is going to do the job as long as he passes the security check.

Eleanor: I can’t lie, I’m quite impressed.

Olivia: Why are you so impressed?

Eleanor: I was expecting you to hate everyone and try to pass the job off on me.

Olivia: I would never!

Eleanor: Wouldn’t you?

Olivia: Okay, I might do that. But never intentionally!

Paul: She was very focused today, Eleanor. She did hate almost everyone, but so did I. Someone sang Don’t Rain on My Parade when we told them we didn’t think the job was a fit for them.

Eleanor: We always draw a strange crowd, I have no idea why.

Paul: You don’t? We’re “famous” and “influential,” people will do anything to get near us.

Olivia: The guy we’re hiring isn’t like that, though. He’s normal. He didn’t sing a show tune for no apparent reason. Nor did he put his feet up on the table and say “don’t mind me, I’m just chillin’.”

Paul: It was a rough day until Fred came along.

Eleanor: Fred? Is that the man you hired?

Olivia: It is! You’re going to love him. Unlike Margaret, he can see, hear, and move more than a tenth of a kilometer per hour.

Eleanor: I’m glad you’re so enthusiastic about your hiring choice. It’s actually the happiest I’ve seen you in quite some time.

Olivia: It’s been a while since I’ve actually gotten anything done aside from cutting ribbons. I didn’t want to do this, but now I got it done and I am excited.

Paul: It’s always good to celebrate a win, no matter how small.

Olivia: I’m glad you get it.

Eleanor: I get it! Why don’t you think I get it?

Olivia: I’m only pulling your leg!

One week later, Olivia is riding her horse while talking to Todd on the phone.

Todd: Mum, what are you doing? I can hear you doing something I know you shouldn’t.

Olivia: I’m riding Buttercup!

Todd: You’re riding a horse while you’re talking on the phone?

Olivia: What’s the harm in it? I’ve been riding horses for over fifty years.

Todd: You said your age!

Olivia: I implied my age. There’s a difference.

Todd: So, how are you? I’m sorry I haven’t been calling, I’ve been so busy w-

Olivia: I understand, there’s no need to be apologizing. I know you and that Margo girl are hitting it off. I remember what it was like to be young and in love. I wasn’t worrying about checking in with my mother, either.

Todd: Let’s hold up on the l-word. It’s only been a few months. I’m not rushing down the aisle like Gigi.

Olivia: Some people move faster than others. I got married to your father after six months just like Gigi.

Todd: And look where it got you.

Olivia: Two wonderful children!

Todd: And a not-so-wonderful divorce.

Olivia: And two wonderful children!

Todd: I’m just p-

Todd hears Olivia scream.

Todd: Mum, what’s wrong?

There is no answer.

Todd: Mother?

Olivia: Todd… get help.

Todd: I’m doing just fine, thank you very much.

Fred: Oh my goodness, Your Royal Highness! What happened here?

Todd: Can someone tell me what’s going on?

Olivia: Fred, could you hand me my cell phone?

Fred: Where’s that?

Olivia: Behind your right foot.

Fred: Oh, here ya go.

Todd: Mother, what is wrong and who is that man I hear?

Olivia: I dropped my phone it startled Buttercup and he threw me off.

Todd: Are you okay?

Olivia: My wrist is hurt but I’ll live.

Fred: I should get you to a hospital to be checked out.

Todd: Who is that man with you?

Olivia: He’s the new royal horse trainer.

Todd: Thank god he was there, you could’ve been laying there for days.

Olivia: I hurt my wrist, I didn’t shatter my spine. You don’t need to worry about me.

Todd: Maybe not, but don’t talk on the phone while you’re riding anymore, okay?

Olivia: Okay, dad.

Todd: I’m going to let you go so you can get out of there. Feel better!

Olivia: Talk later, Todd.

One hour later, at the horse stable…

Olivia: So I’m in my room upstairs, pouting as a spoiled child does, and my father comes rushing up the stairs and slams the door open. Mind you, I’m about five or six. He tells me “Livie, you need to get your are downstairs and apologize to your grandm-“

Claude: Olivia, what are you doing?

Arthur: And where’s Buttercup?

Olivia: Oh my god, we were so enthralled in conversation that I forgot all about Buttercup!

Arthur: Aunt Olivia, why are you holding your wrist like that?

Fred: We also appear to have forgotten about your wrist injury.

Olivia: We have, haven’t we?

Claude: Are you Fred, the new horse trainer?

Fred: Indeed I am.

Claude: I haven’t heard much about you, but everything I have heard has been positive.

Fred: Quite glad to hear.

Arthur: Am I the only one worried about what happened here? What’s gone on with your wrist and do you need medical attention?

Olivia: I fell off my horse and I fell on my wrist. I should probably go to a doctor.

Fred: That was where we were headed before we started chatting.

Olivia: We sure can chat.

Fred: Like no other.

Claude: …Okay. I think we should get you to the doctor. Your hand is not supposed to bend that way.

Olivia: Oh, it sure isn’t.

Fred: I’ll see you tomorrow, then.

Claude: Tomorrow? I don’t think she’ll be back to riding horses by tomorrow.

Olivia: I’m taking him out to dinner for helping me. He’s the one that found me, you know.

Claude: Thank you for helping her.

Fred: It’s no problem, I’d do it for anyone. Now if you don’t mind me, if you’re going to take her for medical attention, I should go track down Buttercup.

Olivia: See you, Fred!

In the car, on the way to the hospital…

Claude: So, Fred, huh?

Olivia: That is his name, don’t wear it out.

Claude: You’re smitten.

Olivia: What? No. Me? No.

Claude: Are you joking? Anyone with eyes could see it!

Arthur: Even I can see it, and I try not to think about my aunt like that.

Olivia: Like what?

Arthur: In love.

Olivia: Let’s lay off the l-word.

Claude: The l-word? What are you, twelve?

Olivia: I’m deeply uncomfortable and injured, that’s what I am.

Claude: And in love!

Olivia: Is he the most charming man I’ve ever met? Absolutely. I’m not in love with him.

Claude: We’ll see…

Olivia: Will we?

Claude: We will.

Arthur: We will.

Olivia: You two are insane.

One year later, Olivia walks into the sitting room to speak to Eleanor and Paul.

Eleanor: So, dear. What did you ask to speak to us about?

Paul: You’re sweating like crazy. Are you warm? It’s frozen in here.

Olivia: I’m not warm, just nervous.

Paul: About what? You don’t have to be nervous to speak to us, not ever.

Olivia: It’s about Fred.

Eleanor: Oh, he’s a nice man. The best horse trainer I’ve ever had.

Paul: Not much of a hunter, though.

Olivia: He always says he’s a lover, not a killer.

Eleanor: Is Fred quitting?

Olivia: Not quite.

Eleanor: What is it, then?

Olivia: He asked me to marry him.

Eleanor: He did what?

Olivia: I underst-

Paul: You can’t do that.

Olivia: B-

Paul: Clearly you don’t understand the great shame that would bring upon this family.

Eleanor: You are divorced!

Olivia: It’s 2002! People are much more relaxed about remarriage after divorce nowadays!

Eleanor: I am the head of the Church of England. Divorce is a sin, I can’t be having you get remarried. It would be seen as an endorsement of… whatever this is.

Olivia: Mother! Thats my life you’re talking about like that!

Eleanor: I can’t endorse this. You can’t marry him.

Paul: I’m just shocked you'd even think this was appropriate to bring up to us. We supported your divorce because you were so unhappy, but you can be just as happy without marrying him.

Olivia: I am in love and my parents are embarrassed by it.

Paul: We’re not embarrassed by you being happy or in love, we’re upset you’re asking us to break royal tradition.

Eleanor: Olivia, I didn’t even let your aunt Meredith break tradition like that. It broke her heart, but she learned to live with it.

Olivia: You see me as the problem?

Eleanor: You’re the one who put us in this position despite knowing the rules full well.

Olivia: Maybe you’re the problem. If you don’t love your own daughter enough to break a few rules for her, then you don't love her enough to deserve her.

Eleanor: Don’t be overdramatic. You always get this way when you don’t get your way.

Olivia: I don’t need your blessing to marry him, I was only doing you a courtesy.

Eleanor: You represent this family and as the head of the family, you do need my permission. It’s denied.

Olivia: Then I won’t represent this family any longer. I’m done.

Eleanor: You’re… “done?”

Olivia: I relinquish my royal duties, I’m out of the family. I’m choosing my own happiness over rigid royal rules that needed to be amended a few centuries ago.

Eleanor: You’re a grown woman, I can’t stop you.

Paul: You’re making a mistake. You’re choosing a man you’ve known for a year over your own family.

Olivia: I’m choosing myself. Goodbye, father. Goodbye, mother.

Olivia storms out of the sitting room.

Mandy: Olivia, what’s wrong?

Olivia: Nothing, Mandy. You have a nice night!

Mandy: It’s morning.

Olivia: It sure is!

Arthur: Olivia!

Olivia: Are you here to lecture me as well?

Arthur: I fully support you, and I want you to be happy.

Olivia: You do?

Arthur: Never give up on happiness.

Olivia: I don’t think I’ll be seeing you nearly as much.

Arthur: I’m going to try to see you as often as possible. Good luck, okay?

Olivia: I’m not leaving just yet, I have to get my flat packed. Soon, though. Back the countryside. It’ll be summer all the time.

Arthur: Any time you need to speak to me, give me a ring.

Olivia: I will.

What did you think of this episode of The Princess Royal? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below, and make sure to return for a new episode next week!

Share this

Related Posts

Next Post »