Marietta Season 4 Episode 3 - Come On Eileen

Marietta Season 4, Episode 3
Come On Eileen

Marietta is sitting in her office when Amy and Tammy walk in.

Marietta: It’s never good news when the two of you come in together.

Tammy: How are you feeling?

Marietta: Oh, Tammy. I’m fine. It’s a broken wrist, that’s all.

Amy: And a concussion.

Marietta: You’re sounding like my mother.

Amy: I’m worried about you.

Marietta: Now you’re really sounding like her.

Tammy: Just think about how Amy is seven years youn-

Marietta: You shut your mouth.

Amy: So, you nervous for Election Day?

Marietta: Of course! I don’t want a Republican governor.

Tammy: Based on the campaign she ran in 2019, Amy won’t mind that too much.

Amy: I’m a lifelong Democrat. Unlike someone.

Tammy: I was a registered Republican for two years, yes.

Marietta: How do I always forget that?

Tammy: However, that was an accident. I messed up my registration and I changed it after I went to vote in the primary and was forced to vote in the Republican primary.

Amy: Anyway, moving on to relevant things -

Tammy: Did you hear about the abortion bill?

Amy: I was about to ask that!

Tammy: Well, you were too slow.

Marietta: What abortion bill?

Tammy: The one the state legislature is working on. It just passed the house and the senate.

Amy: Eileen’s gonna sign it.

Marietta: I hesitate to ask, but what’s in the bill?

Tammy: It bans abortion in Louisiana beyond the six week mark. Eileen negotiated that victims of rape will be able to get an abortion up to the twenty week mark.

Marietta: Oh, how generous of her to only somewhat trample all over Roe v. Wade.

Amy: How do you want to respond to this, Marietta?

Marietta: I’m calling her.

Amy: I must ask, respectfully, what you think that’ll do.

Marietta: I don’t intend for it to change her mind, but I need to at least yell at her a bit. This is not what she campaigned on.

Amy: Well, we’ll give you your space to yell at her. We wouldn’t want to interrupt that.

Tammy: Yeah, we’re gonna head out.

Marietta: Okay, don’t have too much fun without me!

Marietta picks up the phone and calls Governor Birkman’s office. Her secretary, Janine, answers.

Janine: Mayor Landfield, what a lovely surprise. What’s up?

Marietta: I need to talk to the governor.

Janine: She’s in a meeting right now, can I have her call you back?

Marietta: I suppose.

Janine: Thank you for your understanding. Bye now!

Five hours later…

Amy: Marietta, why do you look so…

Tammy: Pissed off.

Marietta: It’s four o’clock, the day’s about done, and Eileen hasn’t called me back yet.

Amy: She’s a very busy woman, I’m sure she just forgot or didn’t have time to call today.

Marietta: Oh, no. I’ve known her much longer than you have. She is a master at conflict avoidance.

Tammy: You think she’s really avoiding you?

Marietta: I know she is. She’ll rue the day.

Amy: You’re not going to kill her, right?

Marietta: What? No! You’ve been spending far too much time with Tammy lately.

Tammy: That does sound like something I’d say.

Marietta: Is it time to go yet? I wanna get home so I can watch some TV. Bob Hearts Abishola is on tonight, that’s Sarah’s favorite.

Amy: Sarah’s favorite show is a comedy about a sock salesman who falls in love with his nurse?

Marietta: Isn’t it everyone’s favorite show?

Amy: I watched one episode of it, that was enough.

Marietta: You take that back

Tammy: What the hell are you two talking about?

Marietta: Oh, that’s right. You only know Scandal.

Tammy: No, I watch The Voice.

Marietta: This conversation’s going nowhere. I’m gonna go home.

Tammy: We should probably all get going. There’s nothing left for us to do today.

Amy: If you’re gonna have that attitude, we could’ve left at eleven.

Tammy: We did a lot of work today!

Amy: Such as…?

Tammy: I hit a new high score in Tetris.

Amy: We sure are getting results for the people of New Orleans. How could Marietta not be re-elected with such an impactful staff?

Thirty minutes later, at Martin and Patty Lynn’s…

Kathleen: Marietta, what’s up? You’re a bit early today!

Marietta: I am, yeah. Where are my parents?

Kathleen: They took Sarah out for ice cream. Apparently she got one-hundred percent on her science exam today.

Marietta: She had a science exam today?

Kathleen: She’s been studying for it for a few weeks.

Marietta: I have not been paying attention, apparently.

Kathleen: That’s okay, you’re busy at work.

Marietta: Oh, don’t remind me.

Kathleen: Bad day?

Marietta: I’ll talk about it when they get here, I don’t feel like going over it twice.

Kathleen: Do you want a drink?

Marietta: Do I want one? Definitely? Will I take one? I don’t think that’d be wise.

Kathleen: I understand. You do have a long, five-minute drive home.

Marietta: Ah, what the hell. Get me some wine.

Kathleen: That’s the spirit!

Marietta gets a phone call.

Marietta: Gotta take this!

Kathleen: I’ll be over here, finding the good wine.

Marietta answers the phone.

Marietta: Eileen! Finally!

Kate: Eileen? Marietta, it’s me!

Ellie: And me!

Marietta: Oh…

Ellie: Is that any way to talk to your best friends?

Marietta: I would never talk that way to Tammy.

Ellie: The nerve of you!

Kate: I know you’re only joking, Marietta. You love us.

Marietta: I love you.

Ellie: Right back at you!

Kate: Aww, you both love me.

Marietta: So, what are you calling me about?

Milton: They saw the news!

Marietta: Milton? What are you three doing together?

Milton: Well, you see, when you work in the same building…

Marietta: Oh, that’s right. I completely forgot!

Milton: I don’t know if you’re being sarcastic or if you’re actually losing it.

Marietta: I’ll ask again: what are you calling about?

Kate: We saw the news coming out of Louisiana. I’m sorry.

Marietta: Sorry? You’re the Senate Majority Leader, I’d hope that there’s something you can do about it.

Kate: You’ve seen the Senate. You know full well that I don’t have the votes to codify Roe. The Supreme Court won’t overturn the law, my hands are tied.

Ellie: I’m just so sick that Eileen would even sign this! She campaigned on being pro-choice. That’s why I endorsed her for President!

Milton: I heard that she’s doing it to boost the party’s chances of holding the governor’s mansion. No better way to push back against claims we’re radicals than to show that even Democrats govern like Republicans in Louisiana.

Marietta: I feel cheated, I feel mistreated, I feel all the things Linda Ronstadt felt in that song.

Ellie: Which song?

Kate: When Will I Be Loved! Geez, Ellie, you don’t know the Linda Ronstadt songbook?

Ellie: Sorry, I’m an economics whiz, I can’t know everything.

Milton: Focus, guys!

Kate: On what? The world falling apart?

Marietta: Again, you say that but you’re the only one with the power to do something about it.

Ellie: She’s right, Kate.

Kate: My hands are tied and you know it. Especially you, Ellie.

Marietta: I know, I’m just pulling your leg.

Ellie: I’m not. I’m always serious.

Milton: I’m sure they’ll protest outside the capitol building.

Marietta: I fully intend on joining in if they do. These right-wingers need to see the damage that they’re doing has consequences.

Milton: Speaking of damage, how’d Sarah do in her science exam?

Marietta: Kathleen said she got a perfect score. Mom and dad took her out for ice cream.

Milton: Are you sure she isn’t just lying about it? It’s not that hard to fool mom.

Marietta: Speaking of mom, she just walked in. Say hi to Milton, mom.

Patty Lynn: Honey, how are you?

Milton: Great, mom. I heard Sarah did well on her science exam.

Sarah: Nailed it, dad! I’m so good.

Milton: You sure are, congratulations!

Kate: We should let you go, I didn’t know you were visiting your parents.

Marietta: You don’t have to let me go, it’s just mom and dad.

Martin: Oh, hi Kate!

Kate: Hi, Martin! Hope you’re doing well!

Patty Lynn: What do you mean “it’s just mom and dad?”

Marietta: I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant, you guys don’t mind if I talk on the phone.

Patty Lynn: Maybe I do.

Kathleen: Here’s your wine, Marietta.

Patty Lynn: Thank god. I need it.

Ellie: Bye, Marietta! Good luck with your protest or whatever’s going on down there. Try not to get eaten by the gators!

Milton: Talk to you guys later!

Kate: Nice talking to you!

Marietta: Bye, everyone!

Marietta hangs up.

Sarah: So did you hear the news?

Marietta: Yes, I heard you did well on your exam!

Sarah: I didn’t mean that, I meant -

Patty Lynn: She meant the abortion bill.

Martin: It’s terrible. I never imagined it would get this out of hand. They’re trying to take us back in time.

Marietta: You know, the thing is, if it was the Republicans doing it, I’d still be mad. I wouldn’t feel betrayed, though. Eileen is signing it in a last-ditch attempt to hold onto the governor’s mansion.

Martin: That doesn’t even make any sense. This will depress turnout among Democratic voters.

Marietta: I know, it’s nonsensical. Why would she do it now?

Patty Lynn: This is why I quit politics, it’s so dirty.

Kathleen: Not as dirty as this martini.

Sarah: Grandma, is Aunt Kathleen a drunk?

Patty Lynn: Yes, honey. Yes, she is.

Marietta: Let’s focus on fun things, I’ve had a long day. How was your ice cream?

Patty Lynn: It was great!

Sarah: I got strawberry!

Patty Lynn: I told her to get something chocolate, but she wanted strawberry.

Martin: I got pumpkin, gotta do something to remind myself it’s fall.

Patty Lynn: It’s only seventy degrees outside! It’s clearly fall!

Marietta: You would never be able to handle fall in DC.

Patty Lynn: I lived in DC before, dear.

Marietta: When you were youn-

Patty Lynn: Don’t even say it.

Marietta: Sorry.

The next day, in Marietta’s office…

Tammy: Marietta, the governor is on the line for you.

Marietta: Is she? Or are you just pulling my leg?

Tammy: I’m not just pulling your leg.

Marietta: That’s what you’d say if you were.

Amy: Marietta, Eileen is on the phone! Pick up!

Marietta: Oh, I guess she really is on the phone.

Tammy: That’s what I’ve been telling you!

Marietta picks up the phone.

Marietta: Governor Birkman…

Eileen: What’s up, Marietta?

Marietta: I’m not happy.

Eileen: About?

Marietta: You know.

Eileen: Marietta, I had to sign it.

Marietta: You really did not.

Eileen: I didn’t have a choice. We’re going to lose the governor race.

Marietta: Milton said you only signed the bill so we could win.

Eileen: No, it’s a lost cause. The polls are terrible, Candy is down by eight points.

Marietta: So why’d you sign it, then?

Eileen: Because the bill would’ve been even more restrictive if we had a Republican governor.

Marietta: How could it possibly have been more restrictive than six weeks?

Eileen: They wouldn’t have provided any exemption for instances of rape. I got us the best deal I could.

Marietta: It’s the idea, Eileen. What if we do win the election, by some miracle? Then you just screwed us out of the right to an abortion.

Eileen: I did the best I can.

Marietta: Sometimes your best isn’t enough. You let us down. I trusted you and you failed us.

Eileen: This was a no-win situation for me.

Marietta: It’s a no-win situation for a lot of people.

Eileen: I know, but is this not better than a uniform ban? Because that’s what we were going to get. Something is better than nothing.

Marietta: Yes, but now you’ve legitimized their attack on Roe.

Eileen: I don’t think I did. I’m going to make it clear that I don’t agree with the ban, but compromise is key.

Marietta: Compromise doesn’t really matter to the women that are going to be denied abortions, does it?

Eileen: Are you just intent on arguing with me? We’ve always been good friends.

Marietta: We have been, that’s why I’m so upset that you ignored me for a day and didn’t call me back.

Eileen: I’m very busy, it wasn’t meant as a personal attack.

Marietta: Well, when the mayor of your largest city calls, I think that it’s important to respond to them.

Eileen: I will try to do better. Is that all you called for?

Marietta: Yes, that’s all. Do better.

Eileen: Can you make me one promise?

Marietta: I need to know what it is first.

Eileen: Please don’t lead any protests. Not before the election, it’s going to hurt turnout. It’ll erase any chance we do have of winning.

Marietta: Is that all you care about?

Eileen: No, but I’d prefer to not be entirely blown out.

Marietta: Bye,  Eileen.

Eileen: Bye, Marietta.

Marietta hangs up.

Marietta: Hey guys…

Tammy: How’d it go?

Marietta: Let’s get protesting.

Amy: I’m assuming it didn’t go well, then.

What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments, listen to the official playlist, vote in the poll below and make sure to return for a new episode next week!

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