Marietta Season 4 Episode 5 - Veep

Marietta Season 4, Episode 5

Tammy rushes into Marietta’s office.

Marietta: You look excited.

Amy: I’m not used to seeing her like this. She has life in her eyes! Is it because we won the governor race?

Marietta: Or is it because Eliza got elected to the state house?

Amy: Maybe her and Mitch, y’know…

Marietta: Ew.

Tammy: Oh my god, stop talking!

Amy: Yeah, Marietta. Stop talking!

Tammy: Marietta, The NOLA Housing Project is having their annual Thanksgiving gala on Saturday to raise money to buy food to cover for the holiday rush. As I just found out, Milton is the headlining speaker. I just got off the phone with the woman who runs the shelter and I was able to get you an invite to the event. It’ll be a very rewarding night for you and it’s definitely the sort of function a mayor should be attending.

Amy: Wow, Tammy did something competent for once!

Tammy: I ran the US Senate for twelve years, girlie. I was such a popular First Lady that the press almost covered me as much as they covered Mitch. You might think of me as some old fool, or as just Marietta’s sidekick, but I’ve got a lot of tricks up my sleeve.

Amy: It was a joke, I’m sorry I clearly offended you.

Marietta: So we’re all going together? I should tell my mother, she’ll love this. Especially with Milton speaking at it.

Tammy: That’s the thing… you can only bring one guest.

Amy: Looks like it’s me and you, Marietta!

Marietta moans.

Amy: What does that mean?

Marietta: I don’t think I could snub Tammy like that. I’m sorry, Amy.

Amy: You’re not taking me?

Tammy: I’m her best friend and I told her about the damn thing. Of course I’m going with her!

Amy: That’s okay, another Saturday at home alone with Don. What else is new?

Marietta: You could always stop by my parents’ house! I’m sure they wouldn’t mind the extra company!

Amy: Your parents are delightful, but I’m going to pass.

Marietta: Any sane person work…

Three days later, Marietta and Sarah pull up to Patty Lynn and Martin’s.

Marietta: So, Sarah, you have fun today.

Sarah: I don’t know why you can’t bring me to your charity event.

Marietta: I’ve told you, I would if I could. But I only got a plus-one and Tammy is the one who got me a seat to begin with so I have to bring her. Amy’s not going either, so it’s not just you.

Sarah: Dad is the headlining speaker. Why can’t he get me in?

Marietta: Shh! Don’t say that when we’re in such close proximity to your grandmother!

Sarah: Grandam doesn’t know that dad is in town? It’s Saturday, he always comes over on Saturday. Where does she think he is?

Marietta: I don’t know, but your father doesn’t want her to know he’s speaking at the event. He didn’t want to bother the organizers by asking for tickets for all of you guys. He said he didn’t want to seem “entitled.” Why do you want to go to some adult charity even, anyway?

Sarah: Because I’m interested in helping people. I got it from you!

Marietta: Way to be a kiss-ass.

Sarah: I learned that from you, too!

Marietta: You’re going to have a fun night with your grandparents.

Sarah: I don’t know if I can handle aunt Kathleen’s complaining about watching Gilmore Girls.

Marietta: You’ll get through it. It can’t be too bad.

Sarah: It’s bad.

Marietta: Just try to have fun, okay?

Sarah: When will you be done?

Marietta: I have no idea, but it shouldn’t be too late. Hopefully I’ll be done by nine.

Sarah: Well, that’s not too bad. Aunt Kathleen should be able to handle that torture.

Thirty minutes later, at the charity gala…

Tammy: Marietta, you’re late.

Marietta: I had to have a conversation with Sarah about why she couldn’t come, and also why my mother couldn’t come.

Tammy: Why would she want to come?

Marietta: That’s what I asked. I didn’t really get an answer. Not one I believe.

Tammy: Anyway, we should get in there. Kate and Ellie flew down here for this, it’d be nice to actually see them.

Marietta: Kate and Ellie flew down here for a charity gala for the New Orleans homeless shelter?

Tammy: Milton secured a lot of funding for it in the last stimulus package, more than any other in the country. They have a personal investment in it.

Marietta: Why didn’t you tell me they were coming?

Tammy: You know me, such a scatterbrain.

Marietta: That’s true. Let’s go in.

Tammy and Marietta walk into the gala.

Kate: Oh, how nice to see a friendly face!

Ellie: Well… maybe not “friendly.”

Marietta: How have you been? We haven’t seen each other in, what, three weeks?

Kate: Four, but who’s counting?

Ellie: I hope they have alcohol.

Kate: You hope every place has alcohol.

Tammy: She asks for wine at McDonald’s.

Ellie: Do not insult me like that! I would never eat at McDonald’s!

Kate: She’s from Massachusetts, they only do Dunkin’ up there.

Marietta: Where is my brother?

Kate: He’s backstage, getting ready to speak. He’s quite nervous.

Marietta: Really?

Kate: No, he just had to fix his hair.

Marietta: I don’t think there’s any fixing that.

Tammy: So should we take our seats?

Ellie: I’d really prefer to just stand around like idiots.

Tammy: The way you’re acting, you would!

Marietta: I was telling Tammy how surprised I was that you guys showed up for this.

Tammy: Oh, guess we’re really not sitting.

Kate: This is a big deal, Marietta. Even the Vice President is here.

Tammy: The what is here?

Ellie: Dede Ducovney. The biggest pain in the keister from Arizona since Kylie Sullivan.

Marietta: I loathe that woman.

Tammy: You couldn’t tell from how you’ve spoken about her in the past.

Kate: We’re all still mad about what she did to Gretchen, I know. Just try to play nice if you do see her.

Ellie: I doubt we’ll see her. The Secret Service has to constantly surround her to avoid someone murdering her.

Marietta: Gee, that’s a shame. I was looking forward to seeing her kind face.

Tammy: Can we go sit down now?

Kate: We will.

Tammy: Preferably before it starts, Kate.

Kate: Let’s go right now.

Ellie: My feet are tired from waiting so long for you guys, anyway.

Tammy: That was not my fault! I had to wait in the parking lot until Marietta got here. She tents to get lost when you leave her off on her own.

Marietta: I drove myself here just fine. You could’ve gone in.

Tammy: Now you tell me…

The group walks into the ballroom.

Ellie: We have assigned seats? What are we, first graders?

Kate: We have assigned seats in the US Senate.

Ellie: That’s different…

Marietta: Where are our seats?

Woman: Mayor Landfield, I’m Louisa, I organized the event. Your seat’s right over here.

Kate: And ours?

Louisa: What’s your name?

Ellie: Aww, poor Kate.

Kate: I’m Senate Majority Leader Kate Hagelin.

Ellie: Is the Senate so irrelevant that people no longer even know who we are?

Louisa: You’re at the same table as Mayor Landfield and First Lady Yarborough.

Kate: Thank you very much, I apologize for Ellie’s rudeness.

The group walks over to their table.

Marietta: Is that… who I think it is?

Tammy: Ooh, this is gonna be fun!

Dede: Hello, everybody.

Tammy: I’m going to see if they have a bar here.

Ellie: I think I’ll come with.

Marietta: Great, leave me here.

Kate: I’m here, too!

Marietta: And thank god for that.

Ellie and Tammy walk away.

Dede: You are so rude! I said hello and you ignored me.

Marietta: We’ve had our differences, Dede. I don’t want to bring that into tonight.

Dede: I put our differences aside. You’re the one who ignored me.

Kate: In my def-

Dede: Shut it, Kate.

Kate: Aren’t you the one who just called us rude?

Dede: Well, I’m not going to be cordial to people who won’t be cordial to me.

Kate: I was plenty cordial. I always am.

Dede: I’m more annoyed with Marietta. The Vice President of the United States is visiting her city and she can’t even be bothered to greet her.

Marietta: You know, I’m right here.

Dede: Are you? I wouldn’t know since you didn’t even -

Marietta: Yes, I know, I didn’t say “hi” to you. My apologies. I did not mean to snub you.

Dede: I think you did, but I’ll let it go.

Marietta: I really did not. I’m just centered on having a nice night tonight to celebrate a good cause.

Dede: I’m surprised you’re here to support the shelter, to be honest. Given how much you guys all love abortion.

Marietta: What does that even mean?

Dede: You don’t even support the right of people to be born but you want to think of yourself as some sort of advocate for human rights. That’s rich, don’t you think.

Marietta: Ignoring that word salad, I’m just surprised you bothered to show up. Perhaps you’re here to tell the homeless folks to pull themselves up by their bootstraps?

Dede: You think I’m so cruel?

Marietta: You seem to think I’m a genocidal maniac so clearly neither of us has a particularly high opinion of the other.

Dede: If the shoe fits…

Marietta: It does not fit. Not in my case.

Tammy: So, how are y’all doing?

Marietta: Did you get me a drink?

Tammy: A Shirley Temple good?

Marietta: It doesn’t have quite the punch I was looking for, but sure.

Ellie: They only have virgin drinks! No alcohol in the place!

Marietta: I want alcohol once and I can’t get it.

Dede: Am I so bad that it makes you turn to alcohol?

Marietta: The world doesn’t revolve around you, Dede. But yes. You are.

Louisa: Ladies and gentlemen, please be seated. We are about to begin the gala with a speech by our special guest, Senator Milton Landfield!

Marietta: Can we at least knock off the fighting until my brother is done speaking?

Dede: You’re the one fighting.

Marietta: Oh my god! No I am not!

Dede: You’re yelling right now.

Marietta: Because of you!

Tammy (singing): I never stray too far from the sidewalk!

Kate: Are you sure they didn’t put alcohol in these drinks?

Tammy: I am not drunk!

Dede: I wish I were.

Milton: Thank you all for joining us here tonight to celebrate a truly great cause. The NOLA Housing Project is one of the most worthy causes I know of. Louisa Alford has worked tirelessly to make this city a better place for our least-fortunate citizens to live in. It’s why I’ve worked to secure additional funds for this shelter, which is setting the national standard in the care of the homeless.

Marietta: I don’t get you, Dede. We’re here to raise money to help people and you only care about antagonizing people. Why did you even come? You’re from Arizona and this is a local New Orleanian event.

Dede: You don’t know?

Marietta: Know what?

Dede: Well, you don’t know much of anything, so this isn’t a terrible surprise.

Marietta: What are you specifically referring to?

Dede: I bought a winter home in New Orleans. I’m going to be spending a lot of time down here.

Marietta: You’re the Vice President… don’t you have work to do in DC?

Dede: If President Howard could spend half her term at her home in Las Vegas, I can spend the coldest months of the year down here. So I am your constituent now, and you have to be nice to me. You’ll be seeing a lot more of me now, too!

Marietta: I’m gonna - you’re gonna- what?

Dede: I’m going to be quite a presence in your life from now on. Isn’t that lovely?

Ellie: Her face suggests that the answer is “no.”

Kate: It’s better for us, though!

Ten minutes later…

Dede: I don’t understand why you always had such an issue with me?

Marietta: You had an attitude with me the moment I walked into the Senate! You thought you were better than me because you were there longer than me and you thought I was only in office because of my last name.

Dede: Which is true!

Marietta: It is not!

Milton: I am so glad to have had your attention tonight, and so honored to have been asked to appear here to open up this gala. Your donations tonight will truly change lives.

Marietta: Oh my god, I talked over Milton’s speech! Dede, you did this!

Kate: It was lovely!

Tammy: I cried once.

Dede: You’re a grown woman, you can make your own choices.

Marietta: Oh my god, Tammy. Get me away from her.

Tammy: Oh, is that guy going to juggle?

Marietta: And, you’re not paying attention.

Milton: Marietta, what the hell was that?

Marietta: What was what?

Milton: You are in one of the front tables, you really think I couldn’t see you talking through the whole speech?

Marietta: Dede wouldn’t shut up.

Milton: Hello, Madam Vice President. I didn’t see you there.

Dede: Hello, Senator Landfield. Your sister insisted on arguing with me throughout the speech but I tried my best to listen.

Marietta: She’s lying. She started it.

Milton: Oh, shut up!

Three hours later…

Patty Lynn: Wow, Marietta. You’re home late.

Marietta: Mother, it’s twenty after nine.

Patty Lynn: You were supposed to be home at nine!

Marietta: Wow, a whole twenty minutes late. Ground me!

Sarah: So, how’d it go?

Martin: I bet you had fun, those galas are always so fun. And hard to get into without an invite!

Marietta: The Vice President was there. What a bitch.

Patty Lynn: We don’t talk about women like that in this house! Even if she is one!

Marietta: She talked so much and argued with me, it made me miss Milton’s speech.

Patty Lynn: Milton’s speech? He was there? He told me he was going to visit Moira’s parents this weekend.

Milton: Oh boy…

Kathleen: Just be happy, Marietta. Unlike me, you didn’t have to watch Gilmore Girls today.

Sarah: You love it!

Kathleen: Why do they talk so fast? What’s with all the coffee?

Sarah: It’s whimsical!

Kathleen: It’s annoying.

Martin: It’s good we all are so enthusiastic about our Saturday nights.

Marietta: I just want to get home, put on pajamas, and relax.

Sarah: Sounds good to me!

Patty Lynn: I’m calling your brother as soon as you leave!

Martin: I can tell this is going to be a fun night.

Kathleen: More fun than if we were watching that damn show!

Marietta: Okay, see you later, guys! You have a good night.

Patty Lynn: Goodnight, and don’t let the Dedes bite!

Marietta: How dare you joke about her? I’m going to have nightmares about that woman.

What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments, listen to the official playlist, vote in the poll below and make sure to return for a new episode next week! 

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