The family is gathered in the living room.
Cindy: So, mother. What’s this about?
Betty: I have news.
Teri: You finally realize you have a problem and you’re seeing a therapist about it.
Betty: Nope!
Teri: Worth a try.
Betty: You guys know Tom Coleman, right? He runs the toy shop downtown.
Ralph: You bought my first teddy bear at his shop.
Frank: He’s that old?
Ralph: I’m choosing to ignore that you said that.
Betty: Anyway, he died.
Teri: Oh, mother!
Jerry: Way to kill the mood.
Betty: It’s not all and news!
Velma: For him it is!
Betty: Due to his… departure from earth, his shop is closing.
Mitchell: You’re right, that’s great news.
Betty: I didn’t get to the point yet!
Teri: You probably should do that, because right now, it sounds like you're happy that a nice old man is dead.
Betty: I am not!
Teri: It sounds like you are!
Betty: Let me talk!
Jerry: She’s mad.
Betty: Shut the fu-
Karl: Betty, there’s children here!
Betty: What I was attempting to say, before being interrupted, was that I’ve decided to finally fulfill my lifelong dream of owning a store. I’m renting out the shop that used to be Coleman Toys and opening my own boutique.
Ralph: Very funny, mom. You don’t have to lie about wanting to open a store just to cover for your love of spreading gossip.
Betty: That’s not what this is. Today, I’m going to sign the lease papers. I’m opening up Betty’s Boutique.
Teri: I know you’re still sad about Sporty Spice being eliminated from Dancing with the Stars, but you don’t need to do this to try to get over it?
Ralph: You’re serious?
Betty: Serious as a heart attack.
Cindy: I support your choice -
Zeke: Three’s a “but” coming. There always is.
Cindy: How are we going to pay for it? We’re not hurting for money but we’re certainly not doing well enough to rent monthly business space in town.
Betty: I have it covered, don’t worry about it.
Karl: We’ve been talking about this for a few days now. It’s something your mother is very passionate about and we’re going to give it a shot.
Velma: I know someone who can work at your shop!
Mitchell: Who? Denise?
Velma stares Mitchell in the eyes.
Mitchell: Oh, you mean me…
Velma: Yes, lazy. Yes, I do.
Betty: We’ll worry about hiring workers when we’re closer to opening. For now, I just need to set it up. Tina Hazelbaum said that she knows someone who can help set us up with vendors and get inventory. Apparently her sister-in-law runs a shop in Richmond.
Jerry: I’m sorry, are we supposed to know who Tina Hazelbaum is?
Cindy: Even I know she’s one of the HOA ladies, Jerry.
Jerry: You are much more involved in the community than I am. Her kids probably go to your school.
Cindy: They do, actually.
Betty: Anyway, I just thought you’d all like to know this fun new development. It’ll be a bit before it’s finalized, but I’m eery excited.
Jerry: I think this is going to be good for you, Betty. You’re always looking for some way to spend your days. This will give you something to do!
Tammi: I think it’ll be good for you, too, dad!
Jerry: Me?
Tammi: Oh, come on. I know you just can’t wait to help the ladies of Lakey pick out new blouses.
Jerry: I can’t think of anything more horrific than that.
Tammi: And I can’t think of anything more fun for us! I love the boutique idea, grandma.
Betty: Don’t worry, Jerry. I’m not going to force you to work at the store against your will. You’ve earned your retirement.
Velma: Can you force Mitchell?
Betty: He hasn’t earned a retirement, so, sure.
Mitchell: Dammit!
Jerry: Teri has been unusually quiet and it’s concerning me.
Teri: I’m just trying to take in this information. My mother is opening a store. My mother! How?
Karl: You’d be shocked by how detailed her plans are. She's not joking around here.
Teri: I know, and that’s what’s terrifying. What is she going to sell?
Betty: Some clothing, some jewelry, some knickknacks. It’ll be a nice little shop where the ladies in town can go to treat themselves.
Frank: Anything for the gents?
Betty: It’ll be a nice place for them to stop by to save their asses when they forget their anniversary and need a quick gift.
Frank: Good enough for me.
Tammi: Lord knows you could’ve used a place like that.
Frank: Sorry again, honey.
Tammi: I’m fine.
Teri: You don’t look it.
Tammi: I’m fine.
Teri: If you need to talk, I’m right here.
Tammi: I don’t.
Jerry: So, what’s for dinner?
Cindy: I don’t know, what are you making?
Jerry: I now regret asking.
Two weeks later…
Betty: Okay, guys. Turn around in five… four.. three -
Ralph: I’m turning around.
Betty: No! Now I have to restart the count!
Teri: Good going, Ralph.
Jerry: I already know what it looks like.
Teri: How?
Jerry: I was one of the ones who helped Betty renovate it.
Teri: Oh, right.
Betty: Five… four… three -
Frank: So wh-
Teri: Shut up!
Betty: Just turn around!
Tammi: Aww, this looks cute!
Frank: It’s very… pink.
Danielle: Is there something wrong with that?
Frank: What man is going to want to walk into a pink store?
Teri: You and your toxic masculinity…
Frank: My what?
Karl: Can you please not? This is a big moment for your mother.
Teri: But Frank is an idiot.
Karl: I know he is, but don’t ruin your mother’s special day.
Frank: Hey!
Betty: Thank you, honey. You’re always so right about everything.
Frank: It’s hard not to feel personally attacked, I’m not going to lie.
Tammi: Frank, I say this as a person who loves you very much: please shut up.
Betty: None of you ever said what you think of the shop! What do you think?
Cindy: I think you did a great job! The sign, though… that’s -
Betty: We’re waiting on an official sing for now, the banner is temporary.
Cindy: Okay, good. All it takes is one good wind storm for that thing to blow off and then no one will know that there’s a store here.
Tammi: I think they’ll know.
Cindy: How?
Tammi: Context clues.
Cindy: I don’t follow.
Teri: Cindy, you’re sounding about as clueless as Frank right about now.
Frank: She’s not wrong.
Velma: I think it looks great! As much as it pains me to say, you did good work, Mitchell.
Mitchell: Oh, Jerry did most of it.
Jerry: He’s right, I did.
Mitchell: I thought you’d have my back, Jer! That you’d tell me how essential I was.
Jerry: I refuse to tell a lie.
Teri: Can we go inside and see what it’s like?
Betty: I don’t see why not.
The family walks into the store.
Danielle: Wow! It looks completely different in here.
Betty: That’s all thanks to Jerry and Mitchell’s hard work. They selflessly worked non-stop for ten days to get this done in time for the big grand opening next week.
Velma: I once again have to compliment you, Mitchell. I didn’t think you had it in you.
Mitchell: Thanks?
Velma: You better say thanks!
Tammi: So the facade is completed, the interior is completed, all the merchandise is here. Do you have a staff?
Betty: I think so? Right, Jerry?
Jerry: Until the shop makes enough for it to be financially feasible to hire other people, I will be working here with Betty and Mitchell.
Velma: I knew about this already, but I’m still shocked.
Mitchell: I’m always here to help family.
Karl: I will also be working here. I’ll be doing to books and occasionally manning the register.
Teri: This is going to look like a sitcom.
Ralph: Mom, why didn’t you ask me to work for you?
Betty: You’re still on disability for your heart condition, Ralph. I don’t want to risk it for a low-paying job at your mother’s store.
Frank: You could’ve asked me, too.
Tammi: You have a job! A full-time one.
Frank: So does Mitchell. He was asked.
Velma: But Mitchell isn’t actually working right now.
Mitchell: Through no fault of my own!
Velma: Do you really want to keep telling yourself that?
Cindy: Anyway, I think it’s nice you’re keeping it in the family. You guys are really going to bond.
Tammi: Do you have another opening? Steven could use some early work experience?
Steven: Mom!
Tammi: You could!
Steven: I don’t want to!
Betty: I would gladly accept his help. Only one day a week, though. That’s all I’d need him.
Tammi: Say thank you to grandma Betty, Steven.
Steven: She’s letting me only do one day a week, I really am thankful for grandma Betty.
Betty: You’re welcome! I wouldn’t want to take any more time than that from your teenage fun.
Tammi: You’re far too generous, grandma.
Betty: I gotta stay the fun grandma somehow.
Teri: I hate to be a buzzkill, but it’s getting dark out. Maybe we should get home for dinner. The store looks great, we all grasp that already.
Betty: I am getting hungry.
Ralph: That’s because you like to eat at three o’clock.
Karl: She does not. Three thirty.
Betty: Goodbye, store! I’ll see you tomorrow!
Teri: You know it’s not alive, right, mom? It can’t hear you.
Betty: You’re wrong.
Teri: I’m not.
Karl: She’s not, but, you can have your fun if you want.
Betty: Thank you, honey!
Karl: Any time.
One week later….
Betty: Everyone, this is not a drill! It is opening day!
Ralph: Mom, it’s six in the morning. On Saturday!
Cindy: At least it’s not your weekend off!
Mitchell: I’m ready to get to work! Let’s go!
Velma: Who are you?
Mitchell: A great worker!
Velma: Ha!
Karl: It is early, sweetheart. Let them sleep, they don’t have to get ready for work.
Betty: I can’t help it, I’m just so excited! My lifelong dream is coming true!
Teri: How did we never hear about this before three weeks ago?
Betty: If you tell people about it, your dream never comes true!
Ralph: I’m pretty sure that’s what they say about birthday wishes.
Betty: Nope, I think it’s about your deepest hopes and dreams.
Ralph: Okay, sure. I’m going back to bed. The store doesn’t even open until ten and I showered before bed last night.
Betty: Sweet dreams, honey.
Jerry: I swore I would never wake up this early on the weekend ever again.
Cindy: You also swore you would never work again. You’re breaking promises left and right, but it’s for a good cause.
Jerry: It’s not a bad cause, but I don’t know if it’s a “good” one.
Cindy: It is. You’re helping my mother, and god knows she needs all the help she can get.
Four hours later, at Betty’s Boutique…
Betty: Thank you everyone for coming! Opening this store -
Tina: Just open the doors!
Betty: Gosh, Tina. I didn’t know you were so excited.
Tina: I love an opening day! It’s such a thrill!
Anita: I can assure you, there is no thrill to be found here.
Betty: Oh, not you..
Anita: Is there a problem?
Betty: She’s about five foot four.
Anita: Five three, but I appreciate the extra inch!
Betty: So, is everyone ready to shop?
Olivia: Yes, Betty. It’s after ten, just open the doors. We don’t need a speech..
Anita: Let her speak. It’ll be funny!
Olivia: It better be.
Anita: Oh, it will be.
Betty: It’s been my dream throughout my life to open a shop where people can come to buy things that can improve their lives, even in the smallest of ways. A store that can be a meeting place for the community, where we can come together and talk about our days and cheer one another up. Finally, that place is here. Welcome to Betty’s Boutique!
Anita: That was adorably out of touch. I loved every second of it. I can always count on you!
Betty: I know you’re being mean, but thank you.
Anita: Any time.
One hour later…
Karl: Betty, it’s only opening day and it’s only an hour into it, but we’re doing really well! Much better than I anticipated!
Mitchell: Yeah, it’s packed in here.
Velma: I’m sure Mitchell never expected to be working so hard when he accepted this job.
Teri: I actually think this could turn out to be a success for you. And you know how much I hate to admit when I’m wrong!
Betty: When did you say you thought it wouldn’t be successful?
Teri: Oh, never!
Danielle: At least five times a day.
Teri: Not helping!
Danielle: That wasn’t my intention.
Betty: So this is my life now?
Karl: Seems like it!
Betty: Very cool!
What did you think of this episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below and make sure to return for a new episode next week!
