Raymond Island Season 2 Episode 7 - Don’t Call it a (Calamari) Comeback (Midseason Premiere)

Raymond Island Season 2, Episode 7
Don't Call it a (Calamari) Comeback

Gretchen runs into her office.

Gretchen: Sorry I’m late. My kids are idiots.

Carol: I understand. I’ve met your kids.

Gretchen: Hey!

Carol: Kidding!

Gretchen: No, you’re right. You just can’t say it.

Susana: Busy day today!

Gretchen: Are we finally picking out a new garden flag?

Susana: A bit more important than that. We do need to get on that, though. The Easter flag is starting to scare me a bit.

Gretchen: So what do we have to do?

Susana: We’re meeting with leaders of the Rhode Island fisherman’s lobby. Their sales are dropping and they’re angry.

Gretchen: Oh, lovely. Just how I wanted to start off my week - around a bunch of angry fisherman.

Carol: It won’t be so bad. If we can deal with Samantha and Hank, we can deal with anything.

Gretchen: When’s the meeting?

Susana: Ten.

Gretchen: Where is the meeting?

Susana: Boston.

Gretchen: Then I don’t think we’re gonna make it for ten!

Susana: I’m only messing with you, we’re going to the meeting room.

Gretchen: The meeting room? All the fishermen in Rhode Island can fit in one meeting room?

Susana: It’s only the leaders of a few of the unions.

Gretchen: Oh, I can handle unions. Angry guys who spend their days on boats battling whatever lurks beneath the sea, not really. 

Carol: Again, there’s nothing that lives in the sea that’s more terrifying than Samantha Pratt.

Samantha: You rang?

Carol: Oh, god!

Samantha: What are you talking about me for?

Carol: We’re discussing your warmth and grace.

Samantha: Bull. I’m a monster, we all know it.

Gretchen: We sure do!

Samantha: So what are you talking about and why were you mentioning me? Are you gossiping? I love gossip.

Gretchen: I’m going to a meeting. You’re not invited.

Samantha: Ah, just like the American people said to you in regards to the vice presidency!

Gretchen: I hate you.

Samantha: The feeling’s mutual.

Gretchen: Suppose we should get to our meeting, girls?

Samantha: You bored with me?

Gretchen: Yes, but we also have a schedule to keep. Not that you’d know anything about that.

Samantha: You’re late every day!

Gretchen: I know, shut up.

Samantha: I can always count on my governor for insightful conversations. Thank you.

Gretchen: Goodbye, Samantha. Get back to your flying monkeys.

Samantha: I don’t have flying monkeys. They made a mess of the office, I had to get rid of them.

Twenty minutes later, Gretchen arrives for the meeting.

Gretchen: Hello everyone, welcome to the Rhode Island State House. I’m so honored to be speaking with folks from unions that represent some of our hardest workers in Rhode Island. You all truly help keep our state and our economy running and I appreciate your work so much. I'm going to turn things over to my chief of staff, Carol Mockley, to introduce everyone here.

Carol: Okay, so as the governor said, I’m Carol Mockley. I'm was trying to be a silent observer of this meeting but I ended up with the list of everyone’s names so you gotta listen to me for a minute. Joining us today, we have the governor, Gretchen Raymond; president of the Rhode Island Federation of Fishermen, Martin Cox; president of New England Fisheries, Nathan Hatch; chair of Fishers’ Guild of Rhode Island, Allan Wertz; and president of the Rhode Island Deep Sea Association, Deborah Birkman. Girl power!

Gretchen: Thank you, Carol. Folks, I will admit that as much as I appreciate the work of all of you, fishing isn’t my thing at all. I know nothing about it, to be honest. I just know what a huge percentage of our economy it generates for us. So, I know the four of you know each other and jointly asked for this meeting. Who wants to kick this off and help me understand your qualms.

Deborah: I can start.

Gretchen: Okay, Ms. Birkman. You have my full attention.

Deborah: Governor Raymond, in fiscal year 2020, fishing made up for its smallest-ever portion of Rhode Islands GDP. Our influence here is dwindling. People aren’t coming here for jobs in fishing, they’re going to other states and they’re leaving from other ports. That’s not good.

Gretchen: No, not at all.

Deborah: Any of us can attest to the fact that the Rhode Island government is not doing what it could do to make it more appealing for fishermen to come here for work. Worker protections are weaker because union relationships with the government aren’t strong, wages are lower because the industry isn’t subsidized like it is in Massachusetts or Maine or Connecticut or even Maryland or New Hampshire! We’re falling behind in every way.

Gretchen: That concerns me deeply, I proudly campaigned on the endorsement of the Rhode Island Deep Sea Association, so I will do what I can.

Deborah: We don’t make political endorsements.

Gretchen: Who endorsed me, then? Carol?

Carol: The Fishers’ Guild.

Gretchen: Oh, right. Does that guy want to speak?

Nathan: Just to be clear, you’ll listen to all of us, right? Not just those who backed you?

Gretchen: Of course!

Nathan: Okay, go ahead, Allan.

Allan: Governor Raymond, Allan Wertz.

Gretchen: Hello, Mr. Wertz.

Allan: Sales are plummeting for our sales because output is down. We don’t have as many people on the water that then bring home the fish to sell. That’s why the Rhode Island fishing industry is basically on life support right now.

Gretchen: I can assure you, my team and I will make this our top priority now that you’ve all drawn my attention to it. I’m very concerned as well.

Martin: But when? When are you going to act? You’ve done nothing!

Gretchen: I wasn’t aware of the problem. What can I say?

Martin: Something helpful! Anything! You’re sitting here patronizing us!

One hour later, in Gretchen’s office…

Gretchen: So that went well!

Susana: I wouldn’t say that at all, they really let you have it.

Gretchen: I know, I was being sarcastic.

Carol: What are we going to do?

Gretchen: I think the only thing we can do is get our galoshes on and get fishing!

Carol: Very funny.

Gretchen: That would be a good way to get rid of Samantha, though.

Samantha: What was that?

Gretchen: Oh my god, where’d you come from?

Samantha: I heard your meeting was done and I rushed down to see how it went!

Gretchen: Can you bug off?

Susana: How did you hear it was done? We finished up like five minutes ago?

Samantha: Your office is right below mine and sound travels through the vent.

Gretchen: Susana, get someone to fix that vent.

Samantha: Oh, I’m not that bad.

Gretchen: You’re very bad. Now, please leave.

Samantha: I was here for you when you lost the election. Is this any way to treat a friend?

Gretchen: No. That’s why I’m comfortable treating you like this, as you are in no way my friend.

Samantha: Fine, I’ll leave. Why would the lieutenant governor need to know anything about what’s going on in the state, anyway?

Gretchen: We’re from Rhode Island, this is barely a state. More people live in Boston than in this entire state.

Susana: That’s actually not even close to being true.

Gretchen: I’m exaggerating for effect, Susana!

Susana: I guess I just don’t understand your sense of humor.

Carol: So, solutions to our problem? Ones that don’t involve us murdering the lieutenant governor or having to live our lives on the high seas?

Susana: How about we just talk to Hank and Jeanne about a bailout for the fishing industry.

Gretchen: I don’t wanna talk to them!

Carol: Why are you the governor?

Gretchen: I ask myself that so many times every day.

That night, at dinner…

Anthony: How was everyone’s day?

Gretchen: Exh-

Christina: I went to the mall and almost got hit by a car. The guy didn’t even say he was sorry.

Anthony: Well, were you walking in the road?

Toby: Yes!

Anthony: Toby, you were with her?

Christina: Yes! Grandma was in her room and wasn’t out all day, I couldn’t leave him with her.

Anthony: You could’ve considered taking him to school.

Christina: That’s still going on?

Anthony: Yes!

Gretchen: I j-

Christina: I forget about it ever since I finished school.

Anthony: Let’s backtrack for a second, though I do want to come back to this. Your grandmother was in her room all day and you didn’t check on her once?

Christina: I figured she was still in the funk she’s been in all week over something stupid. 

Lucinda: It’s not stupid to be upset that Carey Mulligan didn’t win Best Actress for Promising Young Woman. It’s part of the Oscars’ decline into obscurity and they’re bringing it on themselves by ignoring some of the all-time great performances!

Christina: See, it’s something stupid.

Anthony: Christina, don’t talk to your grandmother like that. Lucinda, get over it. She lost an Oscar, she didn’t die. The Oscars will be fine, they’ve made bad calls before and they’re still here. Now, Christina, what happened at the mall?

Gretchen: Can I talk? You guys keep cutting me o-

Anthony: Go ahead, honey. I didn’t know you were trying to talk.

Gretchen: Toby’s school had the day off today, Christina didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t leave until after nine so I would’ve gotten him to school like I always do.

Toby: I tried to tell dad.

Christina: No you didn’t, you like when he gets mad at me.

Toby: No, I don’t!

Gretchen: Can I p-

Christina: Why are you such a little freak? You like when your sister gets yelled at and you lie! What a brat!

Anthony: Children, shut up! Let your mother talk!

Lucinda: This should be good…

Anthony: You shut up, too!

Lucinda: Gretchen, are your going to let your husband talk to your dear old mom like that?

Gretchen: Of course I am. Now, can I speak about my dad? I promise, it doesn’t involve any near-death experiences or school holidays or Carey Mulligan.

Lucinda: She was robbed!

Gretchen: She was but I don’t care because I’m normal!

Lucinda: No you aren’t!

Gretchen: You’re right, actually. I’m not. A normal would’ve put you in the home years ago. Lucinda: I’d have more to do in the home. They keep residents entertained.

Gretchen: I met with a bunch of fishermen today who told me that I’m failing them and I’m responsible for the Rhode Island fishing industry collapsing.

Lucinda: You’re responsible for a lot of things collapsing. Your point?

Gretchen: I need advice on what to do. I could sign an executive order to give further subsidies to the fishing industry, but then someone could sue and the courts would probably strike it down.

Christina: Then don’t waste your time with that. What else could you do?

Gretchen sighs.

Gretchen: I could… go to the legislature and ask them to pass a subsidy plan to infuse that money into the industry. I don’t want to, though.

Lucinda: Why don’t you want to? Aside from your general dislike of work that’s been a continuing trend throughout your life.

Gretchen: I don’t want to deal with Hank and Jeanne.

Lucinda: Are you joking?

Christina: Mom? Come on!

Gretchen: They’re so unpleasant to be around! I already need to deal with Samantha hanging around the office, I don’t need them there, too.

Lucinda: How are you so sensitive? You act like a child!

Gretchen: You know, when you grow up with such a critical mother, it does something to your self-esteem.

Lucinda: You’re blaming me?

Gretchen: Yes.

Lucinda: That tracks.

Anthony: Gretchen, just go to Hank and Jeanne and show them the strong person you are. Prove to them that you aren’t weak and get your bill passed and be a hero for the fish people. I know that you can do it!

Gretchen: I know I can do it. I just don’t want to.

Anthony: Suck it up!

The next day…

Susana: Gretchen, you’re early! I wasn’t expecting you before nine, I didn’t even get a chance to call about the vent yet.

Gretchen: I have work to be done today, girls!

Susana: You always do but you come in late anyway.

Gretchen: This is important!

Susana: It’s always important.

Carol: You’re going in circles here. Gretchen, what’s up? Give me an actual answer, please.

Gretchen: I’m going to meet with Hank and Jeanne to try to save the fishing industry.

Carol: You’re gonna do it? I’m proud of you, you avoid them like the plague!

Gretchen: Don’t be silly. They’re much worse than the plague.

Carol: That’s not wrong.

Gretchen: Now, Susana, could you call up their offices and set something up? I don’t want them giving me any excuse to not meet today.

Susana: On it!

Two hours later, in Hank’s office…

Hank: I’m surprised you asked to meet us today, governor.

Jeanne: Yeah, you’re usually too busy bashing us on television to meet with us.

Gretchen: Not today!

Hank: What is it today? Wanna our help making Wicca the official state religion?

Gretchen: You guys are so funny!

Hank: I wouldn’t describe us as that but continue. I like the look of desperation on you.

Jeanne: You get to see it a lot.

Hank: Lucky me!

Gretchen: I’m sure you heard about my meeting yesterday with representatives of the fishing lobby.

Hank: Yes, I could smell it from here.

Jeanne: That might just be Gretchen.

Gretchen: I don’t smell. That much. I forgot deodorant this morning. It’s not regularly a problem.

Jeanne: We got her to admit she smells!

Hank: I wish Samantha was here to see this!

Jeanne: We could call her in.

Hank: No, she’s on Block Island for some event. She’ll be back -

Gretchen: No Samantha, we’re in a meeting.

Hank: Say something!

Gretchen: I’m going to draft a plan to subsidize the industry.

Hank: A bailout?

Gretchen: If you must call if that, yes.

Hank: Ew.

Gretchen: The industry could go under if we don’t act. Jobs are down, sales are down, other states aren’t buying our seafood because we don’t have the product. Look at the calamari industry. We went from one of the nation’s top producers of it top being the number ten supplier! If we do a bailout, we can give workers better benefits, help boat owners pay for upgrades, pay for new staff, and make jobs on Rhode Island-based boats more appealing to prospective workers. There’s a lot we can do with a minimal amount of money.

Jeanne: You know what? If my good buddy Hank and I get to look over your plan and fix the issues we have with it, we can do this. But, only if we can stand with you when you announce it. We’re getting credit for it, too. It’s not all going to you, ya big ham.

Hank: Sounds like a deal to me. Take it, Gretch.

Gretchen: I would love to do that with you guys. 

Hank: Good choice!

Gretchen: Hank, remember that I know some things about you. I’d go with the flow here if I were you.

Hank: Whatever you say.

Three weeks later…

Gretchen: Senator Riverro, Speaker Matthews and I are so pleased to stand here today and tell you our plan to fix the Rhode Island fishing industry. The Calamari Comeback Act is projected to cause a 250% increase in output and a 300% increase in sales of Rhode Island seafood, while helping to slash unemployment, raise employee salaries, and make boats safer to work on. It’s a plan that will truly save this state’s economy, and we couldn’t have done it without industry leaders coming forward to make their voices heard and let us know what to do to help this state’s most important industry.

Hank: Mark our words, we’re going to be the Calamari Comeback State!

Gretchen: What he said!

What did you think of the midseason premiere of Raymond Island? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below, and make sure to read the series premiere of Evergreen Aimee on Thursday and the next episode of Raymond Island next week!

Who was your favorite character in Raymond Island Season 2 Episode 7 "Don’t Call it a (Calamari) Comeback?"

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