Frances in the Kitchen Season 1 Episode 6 - The C Word in the Kitchen

Frances in the Kitchen Season 1, Episode 6
The C Word in the Kitchen

Marcia is at home, looking into her bathroom mirror.
Marcia: Howard, could you come in here my beloved?
Howard (Marcia’s husband): What’s wrong, Marcia?
Marcia: Feel my breast.
Howard: Oh, kinky. It’s only six o’clock, you’re usually not in the mood unt-
Marcia: Get your mind out of the gutter, Howard.
Howard: Why else are you standing in front of my topless asking me to grab you?
Marcia: Think of why a person may need a second opinion on how their boob feels. Just think.
Howard: Umm…
Marcia: I felt a lump.
Howard: Oh, my god. Are you sure?
Marcia: Obviously not, that’s why I’m asking for a second opinion.
Howard: All right, let me feel.
Howard grabs Marcia’s breast.
Marcia: Ouch!
Howard: Sorry, I don’t make a habit of just grabbing. Where am I supposed to be looking exactly?
Marcia: Never mind. This was a pointless exercise. I’m gonna go over to Greg and Frances’s to tell them what’s going on because I know what I felt and I know what it could be.
Howard: I can go with, you know.
Marcia: Don’t worry. I want to do it alone. It’ll be hard enough without you there crying along with them.
Howard: Okay, I guess I’ll see you later.
Thirty minutes later, Marcia knocks on Frances and Greg’s door.
Frances: Marcia! Why, I just saw you a few hours ago at work. Did I accidentally take your purse home again?
Marcia: In, I need to come in.
Greg: Come on in, Marcia. You're sure acting strange, though. It’s scaring me.
Marcia: We need to talk.
Frances: Oh no, are you breaking up with me. That’s how all of my boyfriends started our breakups.
Louise: How many boyfriends did you have?
Frances: All right, it was just the one.
Marcia: Please, I really need to tell you this. Jane should probably be here, too.
Frances: Jane is at the mall, she wanted to get something for a “special lady.” She said she has to stop at the Post Office afterward, so I can only assume it’s for my niece Jaime. Lucky me.
Marcia: I can tell her tomorrow, I guess.
Lauren: Tell her what?
Marcia: Are they always around?
Greg: Yes.
Jimmy: And we love it!
Marcia: Okay, I’m glad you’re all here too because I’m fond of you. I think that I have cancer.
Greg: What? You what?
Frances: Marcia, are you sure?
Marcia: No, I’m not sure.
Greg: Why’d you tell sun then?
Marcia: Because I have a sneaking suspicion. There’s a lump on my breast. Howard tried to feel for it as well but he didn’t know where to look. It felt so uncomfortable and scary and I just told him to forget it. He meant well.
Frances: Do you need me to give you a second opinion?
Marcia: Frances, I need at least three dates before I let someone go to second base like that.
Louise: At least you still have your sense of humor, that’s something.
Jimmy: When good ole’ Aunt Betsy died of cancer, the joy was just ripped from her right when that diagnosis came down. It’s understandable, but she just wasn't the same.
Marcia: Y’know, I think it’s almost more terrifying to not know if I have it or not than to just assume I do. The wondering if I do or don’t have it just to ultimately have it would be such emotional whiplash. I don’t think I could take it. So for now, I’m just acting like I’ve got it and we’ll see if the doctors prove me wrong.
Frances: When are you going to the doctor?
Marcia: Well, I came over here right after I discovered it so I don’t have an appointment or anything, but I’m gonna try to get in tomorrow if I can.
Frances: Do you want me to take you? Or even meet you there for support?
Greg: I’ll go, too. If you want, of course.
Marcia: I’m gonna just go on my own, I think. I’m fine with doing this alone. I’ll need the support even more later.
Frances: Okay, sounds good. Would you like to join us for dinner? We’re just about to eat some spaghetti made by Louise.
Louise: It’s my grandmother’s recipe. She was a raging alcoholic so she put a lot of booze in there and I honor that tradition.
Jimmy: It’s delicious.
Louise: Oh, you have to say that!
Frances: As somewhat of an expert on food, it was always very good when I had it before. Marcia, you should try it.
Marcia: No, I’d better get home. Howard’s waiting for me.
Louise: Did you make dinner yet?
Marcia: No, not yet. I went right in the shower after work and then, you know.
Louise: Then you’re taking some booze-ghetti home for you and Howard. You deserve it after today and there’s plenty left.
Marcia: That’s very sweet.
Louise: It’s no trouble, really.
Lauren: She makes enough to feed the whole neighborhood.
Jimmy: One time, we had leftovers for two weeks. There was just so much food.
Marcia: I’m still really grateful you’re giving me some. The less I have to do tonight, the better.
Greg: Marcia…
Marcia: Yes, Greg?
Greg: You’re going to get through this.
Marcia: I sure hope so.
Greg: No, you are going to. You’re my sister and I love you and I need you to survive this. You’re the only family I have left.
Frances: Uh, excuse me.
Jimmy: Yeah, excuse me.
Greg: You guys know what I mean. Not my wife or her family. My immediate family. She’s all I’ve got.
Marcia: Greg, I can’t promise you anything. However, I fully intend on being here to harass you for years to come.
Greg: That’s the spirit we need to have.
Marcia: I will get by, I will survive.
Jimmy: Did you just quote the Grateful Dead?
Louise: What a hippie!
Jane: My god, you all look so sad. Who died?
Marcia: I might be.
Jane: What?
Marcia: Long story.
The next day, at work…
DeAnna: Frances! Would you look at that?, Already depressed from the ribbing I’m about to give you?
Frances: No today, DeAnna.
DeAnna: What’s wrong? Can’t stand to hear how right I am any longer?
Frances: I’m just not in the mood today.
DeAnna: No one’s in the mood to get told how wrong and annoying they are, Frances.
Frances: It’s very private and I don’t feel like talking about it to you of all people.
DeAnna: Is your husband gay? No wonder he’d marry you, that’s the only explanation.
Jane: She said leave her alone!
DeAnna: Fine, be like that.
DeAnna storms onto the set of her show.
Frances: I appreciate that, Jane. Thank you. She is so annoying. Especially today.
Jane: How are we going to tell Beverly?
Frances: I don’t know. It’s not going to be easy, though. I can’t even say the words without crying.
Jane: I can’t even imagine how you feel. I’ve only known Marcia for three years and I love her enough that I’ve been crying all day. She’s your family.
Frances: She and Beverly have been the best of friends for ten years now. She’s not going to take it well. I did think of something, though. It won’t make Marcia any better but it could make something good out of this. I’m going to bring it up to Beverly.
Jane: You’re always a thinker, boss!
Frances and Jane walk into the studio.
Beverly: Guys, you made it here before Marcia! Where is she, by the way? She’s late and she is never late. That’s kinda my thing.
Frances: Let’s go talk in your office, Beverly.
Jane: We have distressing news.
Beverly: I can’t believe you even know the word “distressing.”
Jane: Well, I do. Now can we go to your office?
Beverly: Sure, I guess.
In Beverly’s office…
Frances: Beverly, neither of us are shocked that we beat Marcia.
Beverly: Is she okay? You’re scaring the crap out of me now.
Frances: Marcia’s at the doctor’s office.
Beverly: Is she sick?
Jane: We don’t know yet.
Beverly: Huh? Why is she at the doctor then?
Frances: She found a lump on her breast last night. She thinks she has breast cancer.
Beverly: Oh my god.
Frances: That was the common reaction when everyone was told.
Jane: She wanted to tell you, but she got an early doctor’s appointment and had to take it. Hence, her having us tell you.
Beverly: Seriously, did you find a dictionary or something?
Jane: I have always been smart!
Beverly: This is too somber a moment for me to laugh, but just know that inside, I’m in stitches.
Jane: You have stitches? That’s not good!
Beverly: There’s the Jane I know!
Frances: I want to do something for Marcia, even if I can’t make her any healthier myself. I want to do a telethon to raise awareness and raise money to find a cure.
Beverly: We can do that. Certainly.
Frances: Can you call Charlie up and ask him if we can do it next week? I want her to be strong and healthy when we do it, I don’t want the planning to take months. I don’t even want to know whether she has it or not when we do it.
Beverly: I’ll call him now and pull some strings.
Fifteen minutes later, in the parking lot…
DeAnna: My god, Marcia. You’re late today.
Marcia: I’m not having a great day, DeAnna.
DeAnna: Neither am I. My new assistant, Eduardo left to get coffee a half hour ago and still isn’t back. I’m a little worried he just quit already. That would be my tenth assistant this year.
Marcia: Oh, that’s a shame. I might have breast cancer.
DeAnna: I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I can’t believe Frances didn’t tell me.
Marcia: She does hate you, that might be why.
DeAnna: She was particularly nasty today so that makes sense now.
Marcia: Yeah, your sister-in-law maybe dying usually does that to a person. I better get in there now, I’ve delayed them enough.
DeAnna: We’re on opposing team, as you know, but I’m going to be thinking of you. You need anything, let me know.
Marcia: Thanks, I appreciate it. Unlike what Frances said, you aren’t always evil.
DeAnna: That’s sweet.
Marcia walks into the set and doesn’t see anyone.
Marcia: Oh, come on. I’m not that late. Surely they didn’t go home yet.
Marcia walks back to Frances’s dressing room, the green room, and finally to Beverly’s office.
Jane: Marcia! You’re here! How are you feeling?
Beverly: Give me a hug!
Marcia hugs Beverly.
Marcia: I’m feeling okay, not sick at all. They did a biopsy and they said I’ll have results in between three and five days.
Frances: Well, we are all going to pray and send good thoughts to you. We’ll get through it together.
Marcia: Thank you. I know some people don't have any support system and I have such a large one and I’m so lucky.
Frances: Well, mostly sucky. Most people don’t have to see DeAnna Clifton every day. If you got it, we’re moving studios. Being around her won’t help you feel any better.
Marcia: Actually, I ran into her on the way in and she was very nice.
Frances: Are we sure she isn’t the sick one?
Jane: Even the worst among us can sometimes have moments of goodness.
Marcia: That was… actually insightful.
Frances: I don’t know. Some people can but DeAnna? That woman is pure evil.
Beverly: Are you gonna tell Marcia what we’re doing, Frances?
Frances: Oh, gosh, yes.
Marcia: What are you doing? Are we going to Disneyland? I’ve always wanted to go. It’s on my buck-
Beverly: Don’t say it. Don’t say “bucket list.” You’re not dying.
Marcia: I wasn’t saying I was dying.
Beverly: Whoops.
Frances: Unfortunately, now you’ve got your hopes way too high and this will be a letdown.
Marcia: It won’t be a letdown if it’s from the heart.
Frances: We had Jane make you a new beaded necklace!
Marcia: Oh… that’s nice.
Frances: Ha! I knew you’d be let down if it sucked that bad. That necklace could’ve been from the heart but you were disappointed.
Marcia: Are you really pulling a prank on a woman with cancer?
Jane: Yeah, Frances. That was mean!
Frances: Oh, you’re just saying that because it involved a bit of humor pointed at you.
Jane: I got Jaime a beaded necklace at the mall. Are you saying that’s a bad gift?
Frances: I’m sorry.
Marcia: What's my surprise? Don’t leave me waiting, I might not have the time!
Frances: We’re doing a breast cancer telethon next Monday. I know it’s hard to find anything positive in this experience but I figured you’d want something good to come out of it and this is what I can do. I don’t know if we’re gonna make much of any money or even make a difference, but they’re gonna give us ninety minutes to at least try. Best of all, in my eyes at least, DeAnna’s show will be preempted.
Marcia: That’s really sweet. I’m emotional. You got me emotional, Frances.
Beverly: This was her idea, too. She’s not even taking credit for something I came up with.
Jane: Or something I came up with!
Beverly: Jane… come on.
Jane: I come up with things!
Beverly: You suggested that we get a hot water machine in the office so you could make France her tea faster. That’s the extent of your successful ideas around here, really.
Jane: I know. I just didn’t want to feel left out.
Beverly: You’re a valuable member of the team, don’t worry. Just not the brains around here.
Frances: Should we get to work now? It’s pretty late and we have a whole episode to film.
Beverly: Oh my god, I forgot. We’re supposed to have that lady from SNL with a big forehead on with you today.
Frances: Let get moving!
Four days later, Marcia knocks on Frances’s door early in the morning.
Louise: Marcia? What are you doing here?
Marcia: Louise? What are you doing here?
Louise: What are you doing here?
Marcia: What are you doing here?
Lauren: Oh my god! Mom and I are here for breakfast. Aunt Frances is in the bathroom getting ready for work and dad and Uncle Greg are watching TV.
Jimmy: Hi, Marcia!
Greg: Marcia! Did you get any news?
Marcia: Wow, that’s a lot of hearing my own name.
Frances: Marcia!
Marcia: There we go again. Could you get Jane up here, please?
Frances: What happened?
Marcia: Just get her up here, I’ll tell you then.
Lauren: I’ll go get her.
Lauren walks to the basement and returns one minute later with Jane.
Jane: What’s going on? I’m very busy preparing for my long day today. We’ll be gone until at least nine o’clock, you know.
Marcia: I wanted to deliver some news in person.
Greg: Good news, I hope.
Jimmy: The suspense is killing me!
Louise: Jimmy! Really?
Jimmy: Oh sorry.
Marcia: No need to be sorry. I’m fine.
Frances: Clarify, please. You’re fine as in you don’t mind Jimmy being a dumbass -
Jimmy: Hey!
Frances: Or you’re fine as in you’re perfectly healthy?
Marcia: I’m healthy. I don’t have breast cancer.
Greg: Give me a hug!
Jane: Me too!
Lauren: Let’s just do a group hug!
Jimmy: Let me finish my bagel!
Louise: Just set it down, Jimmy. This is a nice moment.
Marcia: I’m so glad you were all here to keep me sane these few days. I know you would've been there for me through the whole journey if I actually had cancer.
Frances: We’re always going to be here for you, Marcia. Always.

In Loving Memory
Ruth Bader Ginsburg

What did you think of the episode? Let us know in the comments and make sure to return next week for another all-new episode!

Share this

Related Posts

Next Post »