HOWARD has been sworn into office. He gets a phone call from PAM while in the Oval Office with his Vice President, TAYLOR.
PAMYou’ve been impeached.
HOWARD
I know Pam, it’s all over the news. Senate still has to remove me though.
PAM
Aren’t you going to resign so you don’t embarrass yourself?
HOWARD
I’m going to get legislation passed first.
PAM
How do you expect to do something so ridiculous when everyone in Congress hates you?
HOWARD
They don’t hate me.
PAM
Yeah they do.
HOWARD
Fine, they do. But they have no problem with Taylor, my VP. I don’t have the time to continue this phone call.
HOWARD hangs up.
TAYLOR
You really think they like me?
HOWARD
They have no plans to remove you. If anything, this is just some scheme to make you President. Now, we have so many bills already on the desk. Help me decide if we should sign them.
TAYLOR picks up a bill.
TAYLOR
Wow. This bill is long. And really confusing too.
HOWARD
Long and confusing means good, I hear. Let me sign it.
TAYLOR
But you didn’t even read it!
HOWARD
I’m leaving my mark while I can. Alright, next bill.
HOWARD and TAYLOR quickly go through 30 bills, with HOWARD signing them all.
TAYLOR
Okay...this is a health care one.
HOWARD
Health care! Okay, let’s sign it.
TAYLOR
I don’t think you want to.
HOWARD
Just give it to me to sign. The more I sign into law, the better.
TAYLOR
It’s called An Act To Cut Cancer Research Funds.
HOWARD takes a long pause, thinking of BOBBY.
TAYLOR
Howard?
HOWARD
Let’s veto it.
TAYLOR
Are you sure? You just said you were going to sign everything.
HOWARD
Screw that. I’m vetoing this for Bobby.
TAYLOR
I don’t think Bobby would be against this, ironically.
HOWARD
Doesn’t matter. I’m against it.
HOWARD vetos the bill.
HOWARD
I can’t believe anything like this was ever passed by Congress.
TAYLOR
I just found another bill. Act To Increase Cancer Funding.
HOWARD
How did they pass a bill trying to decrease funding for cancer research and a bill trying to increase funding for cancer research so quickly?
TAYLOR
Your guess is as good as mine.
HOWARD
This is a bill that I will be proud to sign.
HOWARD signs the bill. He hears the phone ring and answers it. He is informed that he has been removed from office.
HOWARD
Fine. Remove me. I’ve done everything I’ve needed to do already anyways.
HOWARD hangs up.
TAYLOR
What was that about?
HOWARD
The Senate removed me.
TAYLOR
What?! I didn’t expect that.
HOWARD
I’m fine with it.
TAYLOR
How could you possibly be fine with it?
HOWARD
Because you’ll be President, not Pam. And I’ve done everything I’ve needed to do. Maybe someone will cure cancer because of what I just signed and vetoed. Maybe they won’t. But I’ll leave office knowing I did justice to Bobby and everyone out there like him.
TAYLOR
That’s a fair point. Hopefully this country will look back fondly on the President that served for the shortest amount of time in the history of our country.
HOWARD
Who knows. Remember, don’t cave to the party. Do what you want to do.
TAYLOR
Understood.
HOWARD leaves the Oval Office, packs his bags and leaves the White House. There is a crowd of people outside, all cheering for his removal. He smiles and waves at them, unfazed, knowing he had already accomplished his most important goal.