Finally Apart Season 2 Episodes 3/4: Popping The Question/The Kids


OPEN: CATHERINE and NATE in their living room. CATHERINE is lounging, enjoying a beer. NATE is standing up.

CATHERINE
OK, what’s that question of yours?

NATE
It’s something I’ve never asked before.

CATHERINE
Oh boy.

NATE
Actually I have said it before, but it’s been to pictures of other people.

CATHERINE
I don’t think I want to know.

NATE
By the way, what’s your middle name?

CATHERINE
Britney.

NATE
Really?

CATHERINE
Yes really, do you think I named my kids after my favorite singer of the late 90s? Of course not! I named them after my great-grandmother Brittneyus!

NATE
Very funny.

CATHERINE
No I swear, I guess it is a little bit of a coincidence.

NATE
Yeah OK. Also are you a Junior or whatever?

CATHERINE
What’s that supposed to mean?

NATE
Do you and your mom have the same name?

CATHERINE
No, her name is Fran. 

NATE
So it’s Catherine Britney Tran?

CATHERINE
Uh...that’s my ex’s last name. I’m Cross now. Not legally though. 

NATE
And to be clear, your mom’s name is not Fran Tran?

CATHERINE
No, thank goodness.

NATE
So Catherine Britney Cross.

CATHERINE
I guess. Now if you don’t mind I have a beer to drink.

CATHERINE takes a sip of beer.

NATE
Hold on.

CATHERINE
I’m not an alcoholic! Although, I have had my fair share of happy pills...but it’s not an addiction. Anyways, you were saying?

NATE
Catherine Britney Cross—

CATHERINE
What?

NATE gets down on both knees.

NATE
Can you marry me?

CATHERINE gets up and stands in surprise. 

CATHERINE
Of course!

NATE
Great!

CATHERINE
Um...is there a ring?

NATE
Oh, right, yeah. It’s in my pocket. 

CATHERINE
Don’t worry, it wasn’t the only awkward thing about that proposal.

NATE
So about that name...

CATHERINE (smiling)
I am illegally Catherine Britney Cross Tran Your Last Name now. But you can call me Catherine. 

NATE
Do you like the ring?

CATHERINE
Yes! Better than the one I used to have. 

NATE
What was that one like?

CATHERINE
I love you Britney was inscribed in it. I know, weird. 

NATE
My mom’s gonna be so happy when she hears about this!

CATHERINE (sarcastically) 
Oh yeah, that’s totally the first person I was gonna tell too. 

NATE
Who are you gonna tell first?

CATHERINE
Britney, my oldest daughter. I’ll text her now.

CATHERINE (softly, out loud, texting)
Hey Brit, it’s Cat, I’m getting married to that guy. Good luck with the pregnancy. 

CATHERINE (louder, to NATE)
Alright, sent. 

CATHERINE (after a pause)
Oh, this isn’t good.

NATE (nervously)
What?

CATHERINE
I sent it to the wrong number!

NATE laughs.

CATHERINE
No seriously, this is serious!

NATE
They probably don’t know who you are.

CATHERINE
I accidentally sent it to Britney 2, my youngest daughter. This is so embarrassing! 

NATE
You really don’t like her, do you?

CATHERINE
She’s fine I suppose, just I think she’s like a young Fran more than me or my ex. 

NATE
Also: I’m realizing now I’m gonna be a grandfather!

CATHERINE
Yeah, hopefully you’re better at it than my dad is. 

NATE’s mom, MEG, runs through the door.

MEG
NATHANIAL MCCUTCHENSON, I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!

CATHERINE (quietly)
Oh, so that’s what his last name is. 

NATE
Mom, this really isn’t the time.

MEG
YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED!!!!

NATE
How would you know that?!

MEG
There are some things a mom just knows.

CATHERINE
Weird. 

MEG
When’s the wedding? Tomorrow? Next week? Definitely no later than next week, oh I can’t wait!

NATE
I think we’re going to actually plan out a wedding first and enjoy engagement but—

MEG
We already planned out your wedding, remember? It’s gonna be astronaut-themed!

NATE
That was when I was six.

CATHERINE
That sounds awesome!

NATE
Really?

CATHERINE
Yes!!

NATE
Astronaut-themed wedding it is.




CATHERINE
I don’t want to lose focus on my mom blog.

NATE
Your mom blog?

CATHERINE
Yeah, catherinesmomblog.bloggerpress.com. I don’t pay for the .com anymore. 

NATE
What’s on there?

CATHERINE
Just pictures of my kids and me writing about how amazing they are. It hurts to write sometimes, but viewers love it. You know I got three this week?

NATE
Three?

CATHERINE
Yeah. 

NATE
That’s not a lot.

CATHERINE
It’s more than zero, one, and two. 

NATE
That’s true. 

CATHERINE
So with this engagement and everything, I want to make sure I have some time for this. It’s basically my job right now. I estimate if I keep pouring out tons of content, it should become profitable in five years!

NATE
Five years? Good thing I’m rich.

CATHERINE
Remember, I said should become. Not will become.

NATE
All the more unpromising. 

CATHERINE
The problem is, I’m running out of pictures of my kids so now I’m just digitally editing the pictures to make it look like something else. I have Britney riding a horse in Paris in one of them. Another is Britney 2 in Belgium eating German waffles. 

NATE
You mean Germany eating Belgium waffles?

CATHERINE
Nope. 

NATE
Why haven’t I heard of German waffles?

CATHERINE
They haven’t really caught on with the rest of the world. Kind of a hidden gem. Or piece of trash. One of those two. 

NATE
OK then. I’m going to assure you right now, you’ll have plenty of time to work on your mom blog. And on that topic...

CATHERINE
Do I want more kids? Yeah. Josh and Andrew have a kid now so I can use him. Britney’s gonna be a mom soon too. And don’t forget Daisy!

NATE
Your family dynamic is just so confusing.

CATHERINE
Right? Also, Mary is going to help me out with her kids. She doesn’t see or talk to them anymore, but she has plenty of content.

NATE
Are those the kids who call me Uncle Rich?

CATHERINE
Yep. 

NATE
I heard Shut This Off You Idiot got screwed. They’re trying to make their own now that they accidentally sold the rights to the network. What if you put it on your blog once they finish?

CATHERINE
Sure, when they finish. They should be fine with all the money Uncle Rich gave them. 

NATE (laughing)
Hopefully they do a good job with it. But who knows, maybe your mom blog turns into something more. 

CATHERINE
I hope so. As I said, we do have a solid group of kids coming soon.

NATE
Group?

CATHERINE
In the extended family! 

NATE
Oh, right. 

Long silence.

NATE
So...when’s our time?

CATHERINE
Right now. 

CATHERINE and NATE leave the living room and go into the bedroom. CATHERINE lies down.

CATHERINE
Wow, your bed is comfortable. 

NATE
Can we talk about how you want to sleep in a different bed?

CATHERINE
Nah. 

NATE
You ready?

CATHERINE
Let me take a nap first.

CATHERINE sleeps for an hour and wakes up.

CATHERINE
Maybe we should just adopt. 

NATE
You know what? That might work. 

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