Raymond Island Season 1 Episode 3 - Everybody Hates Raymond

Raymond Island Season 1, Episode 3
Everybody Hates Raymond

Gretchen, Carol and Susana are gathered in Gretchen’s office, hovering over Gretchen’s computer and refreshing it.
Gretchen: It’s noon! Why are the AM Calling governor approval ratings still not up?
Carol: They are coming today, they confirmed that. They’re just a few minutes late sometimes, they’re not always out at noon on the dot.
Susana: Why are we even worrying so much about it? Will your approval ratings really impact how you do your job?
Gretchen: They can impact how long I’ll have to do my job.
Susana: Point taken. Still, though, we’ve sat here for a half hour just staring at the computer. I feel like we could be doing something pr-
Carol: Look, it’s posted!
Gretchen: I’m too scared to look!
Susana: You don’t have to look.
Carol: Shut it Susana! Gretchen, close your eyes while I check. I want to surprise you!
Susana: We get approval ratings polls all the time, why is this such a big deal every three months?
Carol: None of them are as prestigious or reliable as AM Calling. Everyone looks to their polls.
Gretchen: Also the daily polls we get about my approval don’t let me compare myself to the other governors.
Susana: So it’s the competition that you like?
Gretchen: Of course! You know me. When have I ever not been competitive?
Susana: That’s true.
Carol: Gretchen, can you please close your eyes so I can check? The wait’s killing me!
Gretchen: Okay, alright! Here we go!
Carol: Oh god… oh god.
Gretchen: Is it good news?
Carol: Does it sound like good news?
Gretchen: What does it say?
Carol: The headline is “Raymond Named America’s Most Unpopular Governor.”
Gretchen: Oh wow, they didn’t include Mark Bedford? He only resigned two months ago, they usually include anyone in the poll that’s left office since the last one.
Carol: No, he’s included. He’s forty-ninth.
Gretchen: Are you sure?
Carol: Yes.
Gretchen: What’s my approval rating?
Carol: Twenty-seven percent. Fifty-six percent disapprove.
Gretchen: Well…
Carol: Mark’s only one point behind you in disapproval and even in approval.
Gretchen: Mark pardoned a serial killer in exchange for campaign donations and then that killer killed again, causing Mark to resign in shame. Am I really that bad?
Carol: People take baseball very seriously and that was only cleared up on the last day the poll was being taken.
Gretchen: I almost caused a baseball team to leave the state. Mark is responsible for two people being dead. How am I the worse one?
Susana: Don’t take it so seriously. You have time to turn things around. The recall petition is growing very slowly.
Gretchen: I’m murder bad. I can’t get that out of my head. Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.
Gretchen speeds out of her office.
Susana: Governor Raymond seems upset.
Carol: You think? I haven’t seen her this upset in at least a week.
In the bathroom, Gretchen is sobbing.
Samantha: Governor Raymond? What’s wrong with you?
Gretchen: I’m worse than a guy responsible for murder.
Samantha: Uh huh. What?
Gretchen: AM Calling released their governor approval ratings today and I’m apparently worse than Mark Bedford.
Samantha: Oh, I see. If it makes you feel any better, I disapprove of him slightly more than I disapprove of you.
Gretchen: That doesn’t make me feel better.
Samantha: Well, I tried. I think you have bigger things to worry about than this, though.
Gretchen: Such as?
Samantha: Speaker Matthews has a TV appearance set for today. He’s not happy with you.
Gretchen: I think the two of us are more powerful together than apart. We’re working together a lot lately, for good reason. It benefits Rhode Island.
Samantha: What do you want me to do?
Gretchen: Can you talk him down? He’s probably backing the recall and if he joins in, I’m screwed.
Samantha: I’ll do what I can. Like I said, I don’t want you gone this way, it would hurt me too much.
Gretchen: Thank you. Now, I better get back to my office before Carol calls 9-1-1 and has them declare me a missing person.
Gretchen heads back down the hall to her office.
Carol: Gretchen! I have a surprise for you that’ll cheer you right up!
Gretchen: Was the poll wrong? Did they issue a retraction and apologize?
Carol: No, the poll was right.
Gretchen: Well what is the surprise because nothing other than that will make me feel any better.
Carol: We’re going golfing!
Susana: Look at her face, mom. I told you this wouldn’t work.
Carol: We’re going to the Providence Links! They have that smoothie you like! We can put your new pink and aqua striped golf clubs you got for Mother’s Day to good use finally!
Gretchen: Oh, I forgot about those!
Carol: You almost look happy! Did I fix you?
Gretchen: No, you didn’t. I can’t complain about going to golf, though. It can take my mind off of it. And I can pretend every golf ball is Hank Matthews.
Carol: What did he do now?
Gretchen: He’s about to support recalling me. I sent Samantha to go talk to him about it.
Susana: Oh no. You’re definitely getting recalled now.
Carol: Susana!
Susana: What? It’s the truth. Putting Lieutenant Governor Pratt in charge of protecting Governor Raymond will be disastrous.
Gretchen: She’s on our side. She knows that if I go down, so does she.
Carol: You know, we don’t need to worry about any of that for today. We can have one day of fun at the links and then we’ll worry about approval ratings and recall efforts and horrible state legislators tomorrow!
Gretchen: I can’t object to it. I’m sure I’ll get attacked for it in the media like when I wore that green dress that unknowingly emphasized my bosom but who cares, I need me time.
Susana: Speaking of outfits, what are we going to wear to go golfing? We’re all in our work clothes. We don’t want to get them dirty.
Gretchen: I have my golfing gear in my car. I didn’t take it out after I went golfing last month. It’s not clean, but who cares?
Susana: What about us, mom? Did you bring anything for us to wear?
Carol: No, quite frankly I was planning on high thirties approval ratings and I didn’t think I’d have to do anything to cheer Gretchen up. We can go stop at the house and find something to wear have a golf skort and shirt, you’ve never played before so just find something light and comfy.
Susana: Alright, sounds good enough for me.
Gretchen: Let’s get golfing!
Gretchen, Carol and Susana get in the car and drive to Carol and Susana’s. Meanwhile, Samantha enters Hank’s office.
Hank: LG Pratt, what are you doing in this neck of the woods?
Samantha: You mean a whole ten minute walk from my office?
Hank: Yeah, those steps are killer. You never come to visit for no reason.
Samantha: That’s not changing today.
Hank: So what are you looking for? Want to join me on The Spin Zone tonight?
Samantha: That’s actually why I’m here.
Hank: I can’t believe I guessed right!
Samantha: You didn’t.
Hank: What do you mean? You want to talk about my interview, but not be a part of it?
Samantha: I want to stop it from happening.
Hank: That’s really funny Sam.
Samantha: It’s not a joke. I know it sounds like a joke because I detest Gretchen but it’s not.
Hank: Why are you doing her bidding?
Samantha: I’m not doing her bidding! I think this is not beneficial to Rhode Island as a whole to see her recalled and removed. And we all know she’d be removed if the petition works because the only people in this state that would care enough to vote in the middle of the year are the people that really hate her.
Hank: You hate her but you think it benefits Rhode Island for her to be governor? That doesn’t make sense.
Samantha: You can disagree with someone personally or politically and still accept that they’re in office.
Hank: I wasn’t born yesterday. I know that’s not why you’re trying to defend her. You’re planning a primary challenge in 2022. What’s going on? Did she pay you?
Samantha: No! Her being removed will reflect poorly on me. Rhode Islanders see us as a team, unfortunately. I never publicly criticize her so they think we just get along.
Hank: Quite frankly, I see a very easy way to change that.
Samantha: Yeah, how?
Hank: Come on the Spin Zone with tonight. Announce that you support recalling Gretchen. No one will see you as one-and-the-same ever again.
Samantha: I don’t know… a fractured government won’t really look good. We’ll look weak, and those idiots in Massachusetts can just laugh at us even further. They already have a false feeling off superiority because people actually live there and Ellie Wilson is the Senate Majority Whip now and they have Cape Cod where people actually enjoy vacationing instead of our twenty square miles of nothingness.
Hank: It’s not divided. It’s you, me and Leader Riverro against an unpopular, embattled  governor who makes mistake as often as I blink my eyes. This unites us, not divides us.
Samantha: I guess you’re right.
Hank: So you’ll do it.
Samantha: I didn’t say that. I made a promise to Gretchen that I’d stop you, how would it look if I went and joined you and stabbed her completely in the back? I don’t know if I can do that.
Hank: You are just filled with jokes today, aren’t you?
At the golf course…
Gretchen: Hold on girls, I’m getting a phone call!
Carol: Don’t rush off the phone, I’m gonna get you that smoothie!
Gretchen answers the phone.
Christina: Mom, I just saw the approval poll from AM Calling. I’m sorry.
Gretchen: Aww, thanks sweetie. I was just starting to get over that but I appreciate the kind outpouring of love.
Christina: Even grandma extends her condolences.
Gretchen: I’ve said it before, but is grandma dying? She has never done anything to make me feel better about a bad poll result before.
Lucinda: I can hear you Gretchen! No, I’m not dying, sorry to burst your bubble.
Gretchen: That’s the Lucinda Raymond I’ve come to know and tolerate.
Lucinda: I wish I could ground you.
Christina: Grandma, stop! This was a call to make mom feel better.
Gretchen: What you did was very sweet, Christina. I love you.
Christina: I love you too, mom. What are you up to right now? Are you up to anything important?
Gretchen: Nah, Carol and Susana just brought me to the links to take my mind off of things.
Christina: And I called and interrupted that and reminded you of things? I’m so sorry!
Gretchen: Don’t beat yourself up about it. I appreciate the call.
Christina: I’ll let you go. I’m guessing you’ll be home a bit late tonight? I’ll tell dad to wait on dinner until about six, is the okay?
Gretchen: Whatever time is fine by me. Eat when you guys are hungry.
Christina: If grandma had her way dinner would be in a half hour.
Lucinda: Old people eat early, very funny!
Christina: Okay, I upset her again. I’ll let you go mom!
Gretchen: Bye bye sweetie!
Gretchen hangs up. She hears a familiar voice and looks behind her.
Gretchen: Oh my god. Jeanne Riverro just happens to be at my golf club the day I need to get my mind off the disaster that is my life.
Jeanne: Governor Raymond, so nice to see you.
Gretchen: Can’t say the same.
Jeanne: Oh come on, you’re mad about what I said about you? It’s just politics!
Gretchen: We were friends in the state legislature for ten years. You’ve always been one of my closest advisors. No you do this.
Jeanne: Times change, Gretch. You're a toxic brand in Rhode Island. I had to distance myself.
Gretchen: So what you’re saying is that you’re fake.
Jeanne: I’m smart.
Gretchen: Are you? Believe it or not, I’m still the most powerful person in this state.
Jeanne: It’s cute you think that.
Gretchen: It’s true. I think the truth.
Jeanne: I’ll let you think it if you want. Just remember though, you’re unpopular and Hank and I can do so many things to make you even more unpopular, and eventually we’ll get you removed from office. It’s not personal, it’s just politics.
Gretchen: I’m sick of people saying that. It’s obviously personal. Even Lieutenant Governor Pratt sees the recall as a sham. And she’s always hated me! I don’t know what happened to you. You didn’t always put politics over human decency.
Jeanne: I aspire to hold higher office. Preferably your job. Recalling you and being on the record as being against you is the easiest way to do it.
Gretchen: You realize that not everyone that hates me can just take my job. There’s only one governor and way more people in this state hate me than that. I don’t think that came out right.
Jeanne: I think it did.
Carol: What is happening here?
Gretchen: I was just leaving.
Jeanne: So corny.
Susana: Let’s go, Governor Raymond. We should drive to the first hole.
Gretchen: Sounds good!
Gretchen, Carol and Susana drive to the first hole and get out.
Carol: What happened there? Why is Jeanne here?
Gretchen: I didn’t care to ask. I just heard that shrill voice and turned around to see that standing there.
Susana: What did she have to say?
Gretchen: Just general bitchy things. Apparently her wanting me recalled is not personal, it’s just  politics. I told her to shove it up her you know what.
Carol: I’m glad you stood up for yourself.
Gretchen: I had to. These people are trying to take my job away from me just because they think it’s good for them politically. I can’t let them win. They only care about themselves, not Rhode Island. I may be misguided sometimes but I know what’s good for this state. anyway, let’s get to golfing. I need to get my mind off that now in addition to my wonderful poll numbers. Could you hand my my club, Susana?
Susana: Here you go!
Gretchen aggressively hits the ball with her club, sending it flying far away into the woods.
Gretchen: That felt good!
Carol: Did you do what I said you should?
Gretchen: Hit the ball like it’s Hank’s head? Sure did!
Carol: Want another one for Jeanne?
Gretchen: Yeah, I think so.
Carol: Maybe just try not to hit this into the woods though because we don’t have an unlimited supply.
Gretchen: Oh, right! This will be the first official put of the game. Therefore, I’ll try to hit it right.
Carol: Alright, sounds good. Not good enough to beat me though!
Gretchen: We’ll see about that!
Susana: I’m here too!
Carol: Susana… we all know you’re not gonna win. This is like your second time playing.
Susana: I might surprise you!
Gretchen: She might. If there’s anything the past few months as governor has taught me, it’s that you should always be prepared for a surprise.
Later that night, when Gretchen returns home…
Gretchen: I’m home, guys! I hope dinner’s ready, I forgot to call first.
Gretchen looks at Anthony, Toby and Christina on the couch with solemn looks on their faces.
Gretchen: Look at you guys! Who died? Oh my god, where’s my mom? Did my mom die? I always joke about it but did it finally happen?
Lucinda: No, you monster. I’m in the closet!
Christina: Mom, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe Sam did this to you.
Anthony: I expected Hank, but not Samantha.
Gretchen: What are you talking about?
Christina: That’s right, you've been golfing.
Anthony: She was golfing? You said she was at the office.
Toby: Why were you golfing mommy? I need your help with my school project!
Gretchen: Darn, I forgot Toby. I’ll help you. But what did Samantha do?
Anthony: She went on The Spin Zone with Hank and called for you to be recalled.
Gretchen walks over to the chaise in the living room and plops down on it.

What did you think of this episode of Raymond Island? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below, and be back for a new episode next week!

Share this

Related Posts

Next Post »