Leslie: Frances! Great to see you!
Frances: We just saw each other like a week ago.
Leslie: Yeah, but this feels different. We’re embarking on a journey together.
Frances: We do this a lot. Paul planned a whole party last week to remind us all of how many of these “journeys” we’ve been on. It makes this feel like less of an event than you’re making it out to be.
Leslie: Frances, I’m just trying to find a way to make this upcoming three-hour flight a bit more bearable.
Frances: I take pills for that.
Leslie: You need pills to fly?
Frances: When I’m flying with these knuckleheads? Yeah.
Leslie: They’re not so bad.
Frances: They’re not so good, either.
Leslie: I’m happy to get back to work.
Frances: I’m not happy to be going to Texas, I know that much.
Leslie: Texas is a beautiful state! So much to see, so much to do!
Frances: I don’t like the Cowboys, and we’re going to Dallas.
Leslie: Well, it’s not football season, so you’ll be okay there.
Frances: I still don’t see Dallas as a very appealing destination.
Leslie: We’re only there a week. And, don’t be so negative. It has plenty to offer if you’ve got an open mind.
Charlotte: I’ve arrived! You’re welcome!
Leslie: Sixteen suitcases! Packing light this year, I see.
Charlotte: Don’t try to get smart with me!
Frances: Yeah, don’t you know she has an Oscar?
Charlotte: I wasn’t about to say that! You do know I’m not just some snotty, out-of-touch actor who refuses to take personal responsibility, right? I don’t just wave that win around and expect everything to go my way. I just like talking about it!
Frances: Okay, but how are we fitting all those bags on the plane?
Leslie: Simple. We get one plane for her suitcases, and then we wait for a second private flight for us. Makes traveling easy!
Charlotte: There’s plenty of room, trust me.
Frances: See, the problem is I do not trust you on this matter. At all. I’m fairly sure you’d leave my luggage behind if it meant more space for yours.
Charlotte: I’m not heartless! I’d leave Garry’s behind.
Frances: I thought I should be nicer to Garry?
Charlotte: You should, but his sense of style is something worth mocking. Goodness.
Leslie: Oh my god, here she comes.
Frances: Who, Cruella?
Jacqueline: I heard that!
Frances: Literally how?
Jacqueline: I have my ways!
Frances: And you wanted me to be excited for this trip. Idiot.
Leslie: In my defense, I forgot she was still being pushed on us.
Jacqueline: I’m a person. With feelings. I don’t appreciate you talking about me like this in front of me!
Frances: Would you rather if we talked the same way behind your back?
Charlotte: I still want to know how she heard you all the way across the runway. She might be a vampire.
Jacqueline: I’m right here, you can address me personally! And no, not a vampire, Frances was just talked very loud. I think she wanted to be heard.
Frances: Already starting drama…
Leslie: There’s already this much bickering without Sam being here! Gonna be a fun season!
Thirty minutes later…
Sam: Where is Garry?
Leslie: I told you, he texted me and said he was stuck in traffic.
Sam: The rest of us drove here, too. There was no traffic! He’s lying! We should leave without him.
Diane: Sam, that would be terrible.
Sam: No, it would be the right thing to do. We all know it!
Diane: I think I need a cigarette.
Frances: Since when do you smoke?
Diane: Just when I’m really stressed. Do they sell cigarettes at the airport?
Sam: That’s gonna cost like fifty bucks.
Diane: I don’t want to sound like a braggart, but money is not a top concern of mine.
Jacqueline: You shouldn’t smoke, it’s terrible for your body.
Frances: here she goes again. She was yelling at me for snacking on Red Vines earlier.
Jacqueline: They’re not healthy!
Frances: Neither is having to hear your voice!
Leslie: Does anyone have a Xanax?
Diane: I have Lexapro.
Sam: Of course you do.
Leslie: I don’t think that kicks in quite as fast.
Diane: It’s something.
Leslie: Well, we are gonna be stuck with each other for months. I’ll take it.
Frances: Poor Leslie. She was so excited for this season, and Jacqueline’s ruined it in an instant.
Diane: To be fair to Jacqueline -
Frances: Don’t do that.
Diane: I think you had a part in it, too.
Frances: Oh, now I’m pissed.
Sam: You’ve been pissed for a while. I approve, by the way. That’s how I generally live my life.
Nicolle: We know, dear.
One hour later…
Sam: So what’s your excuse for being so late, Garry?
Garry: I told you, traffic!
Sam: I don’t buy it!
Garry: There’s nothing to buy. It’s the truth!
Charlotte: Are we going to have to hear this the entire flight?
Sam: Am I disturbing the pampered Oscar winner?
Leslie: You’re disturbing us all.
Diane: I would like to propose something.
Leslie: Is this the time? Everyone’s mad.
Diane: I want to unite us.
Frances: This should be good.
Diane: I think the best way to kick off our trip is with a bit of basketball!
Frances: I don’t think they encourage that on airplanes. I know we’re VIPs, but still… a safety hazard, you know?
Diane: Not on the plane. We should go to a WNBA game! Dallas is playing New York tomorrow, we can start this season off with something fun. And they’ll probably show us on TV, maybe that can help hype up the season!
Sam: Ah, yes, the dozens of people watching a Thursday night WNBA game will really help boost our ratings and secure us that #1 spot for another year.
Diane: There are a lot more than “dozens” of viewers!
Leslie: Don’t you two start fighting now!
Sam: What team is Caitlin Clark on?
Charlotte: Not either of those. I know, because I met her at a Time 100 event!
Frances: We get it, you’re famous. You’re a star. A real hot shot.
Leslie: I think I’m going to take a nap.
Diane: No one’s responding to my proposal.
Charlotte: I think everyone’s just sort of on edge right now. Don’t take it personal.
Diane: I’ll try.
Jacqueline: I would love to go to the game!
Sam: Then I’m not going.
Diane: No! Don’t say that! She’s just trying to divide us!
Jacqueline: No, I just enjoy basketball.
Diane: I know your games, woman!
Leslie: This has been a turbulent start to the season.
Pilot: Passengers, please buckle your seatbelts and remain seated as we prepare to hit a small bit of turbulence.
Leslie: Oh, come on! That’s just too on the nose!
Two hours later…
Frances: My god, finally, land! I was starting to think I’d never see you again!
Melanie: Rough flight?
Diane: Melanie! What are you doing here already?
Melanie: I felt guilty about the economic impact of a private flight just for me, so I flew United.
Charlotte: My god, I’m breaking out in hives just thinking about it!
Sam: Stay away, beast!
Jacqueline: The last three hours have been scarring, to say the least, and I’m going to catch a cab to the hotel so I can enjoy solitude.
Sam: Please stay in your room for the duration of the week!
Leslie: Melanie, the flight was a disaster. There was screaming, there was bickering, there was crying… and that was just Diane. The rest of us were also horrendous. I’m deeply embarrassed.
Melanie: Surely it wasn’t that bad!
Garry: I want off of this show!
Charlotte: I have an Oscar, I’m getting off off it before you do!
Melanie: Okay, it seems to have been pretty bad.
Diane: We’re all just cranky from the traveling. Not to mention, who likes going back to work? It’ll be fine. It’ll wear off.
Sam: I want my own room at the hotel. Leslie, make it happen.
Melanie: Oh my god, I never imagined hearing that. Not ever! What happened?
Sam: I insulted the WNBA.
Diane: Not just that! You belittle me!
Frances: I thought you said everything would be all right?
Diane: I was putting on a brave face!
Leslie: I slept through most of the flight after forcibly downing six melatonin pills, so I’m not sure how bad it got. But it was pretty bad by the time I blacked out. Maybe some time to ourselves will resolve it all.
Charlotte: I’m going to the bar!
Melanie: That’ll resolve everything!
Two days later…
Leslie: So, Diane, enjoy the game last night?
Diane: Are you rubbing it in my face that I had to attend alone, like a loser?
Leslie: Okay, this needs to stop. I didn’t mind skipping breakfast this morning, because I wasn’t really hungry. I’m not going to accept everyone acting so childish at their workplace! Not on our first day of work this season! Get it together, guys!
Garry: I don’t even remember what we’re all bickering about.
Frances: Jacqueline sucking.
Jacqueline: That was not it!
Frances: At least she sorta admitted that she does, indeed, suck.
Sam: Diane, I’m sorry I insulted your interests and called you annoying.
Diane: And…?
Sam: Mocked you for being alone.
Melanie: Jesus, what happened on that flight?
Diane: And…?
Sam: Said you would die a lonely spinster.
Melanie: Oh my god!
Sam: And Garry, I’m sorry. Just… your life’s sad enough, I don’t need to add to it.
Garry: My life isn’t sad. I have a hot wife who loves me. I’m living the good life.
Sam: That’s sick. Not in a good way. You’re disgusting. You can’t objectify women like that, its’ 2026!
Diane: Actually, I think that’s back in style again.
Sam: Oh, good.
Frances: Leslie, I’m sorry I made a scene and ruined your enthusiasm.
Leslie: It’s fine. I’ve come to expect this from all of you. You’re maniacs.
Frances: I told you so!
Charlotte: I’m sorry I always act like I’m better than all of you. I know I am, but I shouldn’t say it.
Leslie: Excellent apology.
Sam: Yeah, they might give her another Oscar for it.
Leslie: I acted inappropriately, too. I let you all get to me, and I flipped out and made the situation worse. I just can’t stand the tension.
Diane: I didn’t behave myself. I just feel really insecure sometimes, and I just, uh… sometimes I take it out on the people I love, even when they didn’t do anything.
Melanie: I don’t want to add any fuel to this fire now that it’s burning out, but I don’t think I’d say Sam “didn’t do anything.”
Sam: Melanie, knock it off. You weren’t there, you didn’t see how annoying she was.
Diane: It’s true. I was acting like a total lunatic. But after a sideline chat with Paige Bueckers, I’m feeling better.
Sam: I… I don’t even want to know.
Diane: No one wants me to elaborate?
Frances: We’re finally moving on from hating each other, I don’t need one of your long-winded stories to piss me off again.
Diane: My stories are not long-winded!
Leslie: All right! Everyone, quiet! We all forgive each other, we’re one big happy family again, it’s time to get to work! Gonna be the biggest, best season yet!
Jacqueline: I actually haven’t been apolog-
Leslie: Silence!
Frances: Thank you, Leslie. My god, she just never shuts up.
What did you think of this week's episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode next week!
