Marietta is in Kate’s office in Washington DC.
Kate: I can’t even begin to tell you the thrill of having all of us together again in this room.
Tammy: Remember when it used to be my room?
Kate: How could we forget the fresh tea and crumpets?
Ellie: I always felt like I was meeting with Her Majesty the Queen.
Marietta: I’m just glad I was able to see you guys before the Conference of Mayors wrapped its annual meeting. It’s been a busy week!
Ellie: What do you guys even do at the conference?
Marietta: Hell if I know.
Kate: Weren’t you just there earlier today?
Marietta: Yeah, doesn’t mean I listened. It’s mostly just a bunch of people feeling important about themselves. I don’t care about how Cincinnati solved their soaring crime rates, I will never care. The people of New Orleans can chew them up and spit them back out.
Kate: Did you have fun, at least?
Marietta: I got out of New Orleans for a week, that was nice.
Ellie: I’d much rather be in New Orleans than DC!
Marietta: Yeah, you work here, I don’t. I work in New Orleans, and with a bunch of idiots. I need something to keep me out of there for even longer, I can’t take those people anymore.
Tammy’s phone rings.
Tammy: Oh, it’s Amy!
Marietta: See! They won’t leave me alone, they’re obsessed with me!
Kate: It must be very difficult for you to have a staff that’s interested in keeping you informed.
Marietta: She doesn’t. She’s probably just calling to harass me.
Tammy: More likely that she’s calling to harass me. She’s always harassing me.
Ellie: Time to call HR!
Tammy: Not that kind of harassing. She bullies me.
Ellie: Bullying builds character.
Kate: You going to answer that call, Tammy?
Tammy: Oh, right.
Marietta: She gets so easily distracted, she’s like a golden retriever.
Tammy: No I’m not!
Marietta: Yeah, you’re right, They’re much better behaved.
Tammy picks up the call.
Amy: God, I thought you were never going to answer.
Tammy: Well, when I can expect such warm greetings, how could I ever NOT answer?
Amy: I have news, big news.
Tammy: What sort of big news?
Amy: Promise you won’t tell Marietta until after you’re on the plane? I don’t want to stress her out about work drama while she’s still on her trip. Leave that to you and Henrietta and I.
Tammy: So what’s the news that warranted a call?
Amy: John Jackson is retiring.
Tammy: What? But he’s not even old! He’s younger than I am!
Amy: No comment.
Marietta: Who died?
Tammy: My sanity.
Amy: Don’t tell her. Just maneuver around this, I believe in you.
Tammy: I need details. Why is he -
Amy: Shh!
Tammy: Details and I’ll shush up.
Marietta: Is this about my birthday present? It’s a little early.
Amy: I don’t have any details, it’s not even confirmed yet, but it is definitely happening. We’ll know more in a few days when he announces it.
Tammy: That’s disappointing, but I guess I can have enough self-restraint if the gossip is this juicy.
Amy: Well, I have work to get done, unlike you, so I’d better go. See you in a couple days.
Tammy hangs up.
Ellie: So what was that urgent message about?
Marietta: Yeah, it sounded exciting. Quite suspicious for me to have been excluded from it, I might add.
Tammy: It was nothing notable.
Ellie: Typical of you to leave us hanging.
Marietta: Before she interrupted us we were discussing what, exactly?
Kate: I think your mayor conference.
Marietta: Oh, right. How about we talk about something else?
Milton: Marietta, have you heard?
Marietta: How did you know I was even here?
Milton: Twintuition.
Marietta: We are not twins. Not even close.
Ellie: So, you had news?
Kate: You are so nosy!
Ellie: You would also rely on gossip if your only job all day was to be someone else’s sidekick!
Tammy: Finally, someone else gets it!
Milton: Apparently, John Jackson is retiring.
Ellie: Oh my god, no way!
Kate: Who is John Jackson?
Ellie: No clue, but I haver to act interested out of fear he won’t want to tell me more gossip in the future.
Kate: I’d tell you that that’s sad, but I think you already know that.
Marietta: Of course, the one time something interesting happens down there that doesn’t involve me getting dragged into some sort of scandal, I'm not even in town to enjoy it!
Tammy: This was the thing Amy called me about, by the way. Just so all my cards are on the table.
Kate: I think we’d all sort of gleaned that by now.
Marietta: How did you find this out before me, Milton?
Milton: My fiancée is one of John’s longest-serving co-workers, remember?
Marietta: Why didn’t she call me first? We all know I’m the fun one in the family!
Ellie: There’s a fun one?
Tammy: Yes, Kathleen.
Ellie: She will drink you under the table, that’s for sure.
Marietta: Why was I not supposed top find out about this?
Tammy: Amy didn’t want to ruin your trip.
Marietta: That’s very sweet of her. Stupid, but sweet. We had a whole spat about a week ago about how I always need to be informed in case the media questions me.
Milton: I don’t think you’re really the first person the media would be questioning up here. You’re pretty safe.
Ellie: Yeah, they only ever pay attention to the Republican mom from Washington. I get it, it’s exciting to see a unicorn in person. But I’m far more relevant to this chamber’s operations! Ask me my thoughts on North Korea’s latest threat, not hers!
Tammy: What’s this about North Korea?
Ellie: Oh, nothing. I’m sure we’ll all be fine.
Tammy: Why would we not be?
Marietta: So, what is going to happen with John out of the picture? Who is the most senior one on the council now? That’s who usually becomes president, I think.
Tammy: It’s Reggie, he’ll be the new council president now.
Marietta: Kate, how do you open the window?
Kate: Why, you want to scream out of it?
Marietta: No, I want to do something else out of it.
Tammy: Before this ends up on the Nightly News, I’m kidding. It’s not Reggie.
Marietta: Who is it, then? I gotta know how bad this is going to be for me. John was at least willing to see my side sometimes.
Tammy: You really don’t know who the vice president of the council is?
Marietta: I hate most of these people, I try to know as little about them as possible.
Milton: It’s Pat.
Marietta: Oh, god. Pack it up, we’re not getting anything done.
Ellie: On the plus side, you might not get re-elected, so you may not have to worry about who the council president is at all!
Marietta: Now there’s a relief.
Milton: I heard Pat may be hanging it up, too. Or at least, he has no interest in being president of the council.
Marietta: Does everyone on that council just willfully tell Moira all their secrets?
Milton: She’s a very trustworthy person.
Marietta: Well, then maybe she can be the new council president. I need all the help I can get.
Tammy: I need you to make a promise to me, don’t tell Amy you found out before we got home. I am so scared of her.
Ellie: And your job in the office is what again?
Tammy: Oh, chief of staff.
Ellie: Good heavens.
Two days later, at the mayor’s mansion…
John: Mayor Landfield, I’m so glad you agreed to meet with on short notice like this. I know it’s a Sunday, and you -
Marietta: John, I wasn’t busy. This isn’t even remotely an inconvenience, no need to apologize.
John: I’m glad to hear that. I still won’t be long, though. This is something I thought you needed to hear straight from me, but I don’t want it to take up your whole day. I’m not nearly interesting enough for you to want to spend the day with me.
Marietta: You really can take as long as you need. In fact, you can stick around and watch a movie with me if you want.
John: That’s a very kind offer, but I’ll have to decline. Just business today.
Marietta: Okay, onto business then.
John: I’ve been revealing this to a lot of my colleagues the past few days, and I think it leaked so you may have already heard about it, but as I said, it was important for me to know that you heard it from me before the whole world did. I’m not going to run for re-election.
Marietta: I’m gonna miss you, John. We didn’t always agree, but there was always a respect there. You don’t get that all the time.
John: I appreciate that. I’ve enjoyed our years working together. We’ve only been working this close for the past four years, but we’ve always both sort of just been around for what feels like forever.
Marietta: This city has a lot to thank you for, John. I do, too. I know just about everything that’s been approved by that council has been approved because of you. God knows most of the others think very little of me.
John: I know it seems like that, but it’s not really true. Reggie does often undermine you, but that’s mostly because he’s scared of your political skill.
Marietta: Don’t flatter me. Wait, you’re not running for mayor, right? I’m weakened, but I’m still in this!
John: God, no. I’ve been in the game for thirty years, I’ve been leading the council for twenty, it’s time to go. Time to rest.
Marietta: Rest and me don’t go together.
John: I can tell from all the years of you just going and going. I don’t know how you do it.
Marietta: Most people don’t. I’m pretty incredible. God, that sounded conceited. I’m joking.
John: We need to do this more once I’m gone, just visit one another to catch up.
Marietta: I’d like that. Maybe you can share your secret for whipping the council into order.
John: Just yell at them, they usually fall in line.
Marietta: I don’t have a voice like you. You have a commanding voice, I sound like a Chipette mixed with Foghorn Leghorn.
John: I don’t think you have a bad voice.
Marietta: John, stop flirting with me.
John: My go-
Marietta: Kidding!
John: I’d better get going, though. I’ve kept you from your movie long enough.
Marietta: Did I make it awkward?
John: No!
There is a knock at the door.
John: See, you have company. Time to go.
Marietta: All right, John. See you at the next meeting, and take care of yourself.
Marietta opens the front door.
Patty Lynn: Marietta!
Marietta: You say that like you’re surprised to see me here at my house.
Patty Lynn: This used to be my house, remember?
Marietta: Yes, I remember the house I grew up in is also the house in which I currently reside. It’s a more common living arrangement than you might think.
John: It’s so nice to see you again, Patty Lynn!
Patty Lynn: John! Good luck on your retirement! Maybe you can spend these last couple months easing up on my daughter.
John: How didn't you hear about that?
Patty Lynn: Oh, nowhere. Can’t tell ya. Seriously though, I think you can really help Marietta out before you go. Help the daughter of your old council pal.
Kathleen: I always forget that you used to be an actual elected official. Why anyone would elect you, I do not know.
Patty Lynn: I can say the same about you.
Marietta: What are you guys doing here? How’d I get so lucky to be so popular this afternoon?
Martin: We were at lunch and decided to stop in. No other reason.
Marietta: I’m just glad I’m not in trouble.
John: I will keep working with the mayor to help the city out, I promise you that, Patty Lynn.
Patty Lynn: Good. She needs someone like you on her side.
Marietta: That’s not a bribe, she’s not bribing you. Just in case Ron Marks asks. And I’m not trying to sway your testimony with him if that would occur.
John: I’m going to go. You have nothing to worry about with Ron on my end. Our working relationship has been nothing short of professional and ethical.
Patty Lynn: That’s my girl!
John: It was so nice to see you again, too. Even nicer that you barely yelled at me this time!
Patty Lynn: Don’t be a stranger!
The next day, at Marietta’s office…
Henrietta: You have guests.
Marietta: What else is new?
Moira: Certainly not us! You gotta be sick of seeing us.
Marietta: You’re both sights for sore eyes.
Moira: It’s been a busy few days, I know.
Amy: Yeah, she had to sit next to Tammy on a plane! That seems like a nightmare.
Tammy: I am an excellent seat mate.
Marissa: We need to talk about John.
Marietta: Well, as long as we’re not talking about Bruno.
Marissa: Oh, just when I got that song out of my head.
Marietta: What about John?
Moira: We want you to get behind our candidate to replace him. It’s imperative that we get another left-wing Democrat on the council.
Marietta: I was thinking we could just run Henrietta. She’s young, she can hold that seat down for sixty years.
Henrietta: Yeah, nothing sounds better than being on the city council for six decades. Reggie Barrack’s ben on there for like ten years and he’s already become a miserable prick.
Amy: Plus, what other Democrat could possibly win in New Orleans?
Marietta: I was kidding! Gosh, do none of you understand jokes?
Amy: We’re both tired from picking up the slack after Tammy’s week-long DC vacation.
Tammy: I was working on location.
Amy: You barely work here.
Moira: Anyway…
Marietta: Thank god someone broke that up. It sure wasn’t going to be me.
Moira: Our candidate is also very young, she’s twenty-four. She’s also very dedicated to the community and a really smart kid.
Marissa: Her resume is very impressive and, unlike that congressman from New York, it’s all legit.
Marietta: What’s her name? And, just out of curiosity, who else is running?
Marissa: Her name is Celia Greenley, she’s an outreach manager for a homeless nonprofit in the city.
Moira: And no one else is running yet. John only just officially announced his retirement today.
Marietta: I trust you two to pick a good candidate. I’ll get behind her if you want me to. Do you want me to, though? I’m not really very popular. I’m under investigation right now.
Marissa: You got me elected. You can get Celia in the door, too. We need her.
Marietta: We do need her. I’m sure Reggie will try to play kingmaker here, and we all know what that’ll do to the agenda if he gets his way. I can put out a tweet endorsing her. Right, Amy?
Amy: Yeah, sure.
Marietta: Who is going to be the new council president, though? John has been an ally on some key issues.
Marissa: We won’t know until next year, but if Celia wins, we’ll certainly have an easier time getting a president that won’t block every single thing you want to do.
Henrietta: Won’t one of you run?
Marissa: We can cross that bridge when we get to it.
Marietta: I have to tell you guys something, this is very thrilling to me. There’s always something so exciting about a big shakeup in power.
Moira: It’s usually much more exciting when the shakeup is in a positive direction, let’s hope it is.
Marietta: If not, well, at least I’ll still be able to do ribbon-cutting ceremonies without council approval.
What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode next week!
