LORENZO, ROBERT, ACE, VICTOR, BRYAN, HARRY, and MANNY are all in the Indianapolis Primitives bullpen, even though the season has ended.
ROBERT
Lorenzo, why did you pick the bullpen of all places to have us hang out? The season’s over and it’s freezing out.
LORENZO
Where else would we meet?
ACE
Don’t you get free meals at SugarCity’s Kitchen?
LORENZO
Oh. Yeah. I forgot about that. Oops. Well anyways, I wanted to gather you all here to prepare for next season!
MANNY
I can’t wait to technically be a player!
VICTOR
Lorenzo you’ll be a great coach, now can we go home?
LORENZO
Right after practice! Ace, Bryan, Robert, grab a ball off the ground. I’ll catch for Ace, Victor will catch for Bryan, and Manny will catch for Robert. Harry, 6 hot dogs please and a cotton candy to go.
HARRY
For the last time we don’t have a grill!
LORENZO
I don’t care how we get it as long as we get it.
HARRY
Fine, at least I get to leave this place.
HARRY leaves.
LORENZO
Wow, being bossy is fun! I should hold positions of power more often!
ROBERT
What about when you were a lawmaker?
LORENZO
Eh that was nothing special.
ROBERT
You forgot you were a state legislator didn’t you?
LORENZO
Yup.
BRYAN
Hey Lorenzo, where are the baseballs? I only see wiffle balls here.
LORENZO
Yeah, why would we use actual baseballs, are you trying to hurt us?
BRYAN rolls his eyes. BRYAN, ACE, and ROBERT all pick up wiffle balls and start throwing them awry.
LORENZO
Perfect, now if we can just get a few more balls to exit the bullpen we’d be all set.
ACE
What’s that now?
LORENZO
Put on a little show for the crowd, they love it when we mess up.
ACE
Well that is true.
BRYAN, ACE, and ROBERT practice throwing the ball out of the bullpen.
LORENZO
You’re getting the hang of it! Now, I heard our general manager is doing a press conference soon.
BRYAN
I’ll stream it.
Everyone pays attention to the GENERAL MANAGER’S press conference.
REPORTER 1
How do you feel going into the upcoming season?
GENERAL MANAGER
I’m looking at all my moving pieces and seeing what’s working and what’s not working and going from there.
REPORTER 2
What’s not working?
GENERAL MANAGER
Our bullpen. It hasn’t been working for years actually, we’ve had a great starting pitcher roster to cancel that out.
REPORTER 3
Are there any plans to work on your bullpen in the near future?
GENERAL MANAGER
Oh absolutely. Our bullpen is going to be a primary focus this offseason, rebuilding that so we can feel comfortable actually utilizing our bullpen in the games more often. We’ve gained a reputation of having a bullpen full of guys who can’t pitch and only cause silly antics, but with the right transactions we can rebuild.
REPORTER 4
When you say right transactions, are you considering trading any of your current bullpen?
GENERAL MANAGER
We would if we could, but nobody would take them I presume. And I’ll look at their contracts but I believe it’d be more paperwork than it’s worth to get rid of any of them before their contracts are up. So they’ll be back next season, but we plan on expanding to people who can actually pitch.
REPORTER 5
Is this because of the scandals your starting pitchers have gone through this year, with the cheating allegations and the foreign substance related ejection?
The GENERAL MANAGER pauses.
GENERAL MANAGER
No comment.
The GENERAL MANAGER stands up and leaves. BRYAN shuts off the stream in shock.
LORENZO
I GET TO BE A REAL COACH!!!
ROBERT
Lorenzo, this is a disaster. The bullpen could become an us vs them situation until we all get wiped out.
LORENZO
Not on my watch. Now everyone get some rest, we have a big season coming up.
ACE
I don’t know about you Lorenzo but I personally do not hibernate over the winter. But I will take up the offer to leave.
Everyone leaves.