Martin walks into the house.
Martin: Kathleen, you got some mail today. I really think you should check it out.
Kathleen: Do I not usually get mail?
Patty Lynn: Well, it’s not like this is your house or anything.
Kathleen: Rude and uncalled for.
Martin: This isn’t your normal store flyers and credit card bills, it’s worth looking into.
Kathleen: In that case, father dear, I’ll get right on it.
Martin: I try so hard to be helpful and this is always the thanks I get.
Kathleen: Isn’t it great to feel so appreciated?
Martin: Just open the letter, okay?
Kathleen: A letter? I don’t get those every day.
Martin: That’s what I told you, no?
Kathleen: It’s early, I’m not thinking straight yet.
Martin: Just check it soon.
Patty Lynn: I think he wants you to check the mail.
Kathleen: Good to know.
Two hours later…
Kathleen: Martin! You didn’t tell me who the letter was from!
Martin: I thought it would be best if you found out on your own.
Patty Lynn: Who is it from?
Kathleen: I’ll give you one hint: Nashua.
Patty Lynn: No! He did not!
Sarah: Can someone in the loop let someone out of the loop know what’s going on?
Kathleen: My ex-husband Elijah sent me a letter. I haven’t spoken to or heard from him in over thirty years.
Sarah: You haven’t spoken since your divorce?
Kathleen: Oh, no. We were divorced in the sixties. We weren’t close after that, but we kept in contact for our daughter Sophia’s case. They had a bad falling out in 1991, and I got involved in it and then Elijah and I had a massive blowout and there’s been no contact ever since.
Patty Lynn: What did he have to say for himself?
Kathleen: Haven’t bothered to read it. It’s currently crumbled up on the desk in the foyer.
Patty Lynn: I understand why you may not want to, but I think you should consider reading it. He’s a son of a bitch, but this could be important if it’s making him reach out after all these years.
Kathleen: Frankly, I’m not too concerned with what he does and does not find to be important.
Sarah: Was the fight really that bad?
Kathleen: It was bad enough to keep my daughter from talking to her own father for thirty years.
Sarah: So what was it actually about?
Kathleen: Hell if I can remember.
Sarah: Well, that sounds like a perfectly legitimate reason to still hate him.
Kathleen: Would it make you all feel better if I opened the letter?
Patty Lynn: Only if you tell us what’s in the letter.
Kathleen: Let me read it first, would you?
Patty Lynn: Look who wants to read the letter all of the sudden!
Kathleen: Look, I opened the letter up a little and saw it started with “I’m sorry.” I have to see how this ends.
Martin: Probably unsatisfactorily, knowing Elijah.
Kathleen: That took a surprising turn. At least I have an answer to my question, though.
Patty Lynn: What did he say?
Kathleen: He wants to meet with me at his house to try to patch things up.
Sarah: Is he incapable of traveling here?
Kathleen: Well, he’s got stage four pancreatic cancer. So, travel is probably unlikely.
Patty Lynn: I’ll pack our things and get the car ready. I’ve traveled with you enough to know what you need to take with you
Kathleen: Thank you.
Sarah: What? You’re going to see him? You hate him!
Kathleen: He’s dying. You expect me to deny a dying man’s wish?
Sarah: I’m surprised you’re going, grandma. You’re always fighting, I was under the impression you weren’t too fond of one another.
Patty Lynn: We fight with love. Now, if you excuse me, I have to go back for our road trip, which has somehow become something of an annual tradition.
Martin: Could I come wi-
Kathleen: Ladies only!
Sarah: So I have to stay with grandpa?
Martin: Have to?
Sarah: Sorry, sorry. Get to.
Patty Lynn: He’ll take good care of you. He’ll probably be even more lenient with you than I am.
Kathleen: Is that possible?
Martin: We’ll find out!
One hour later…
Patty Lynn: All right, now that we’re on the road, and it’s just us girlfriends, I have to ask: what, exactly, is our game plan here?
Kathleen: We probably should have thought this out before we left, no?
Patty Lynn: I was trying to be spontaneous and showcase our unique bond.
Kathleen: So we have no set plan in motion for how to get to Nashua, New Hampshire, which is twenty-three hours away from home without any stopping?
Patty Lynn: It doesn’t appear so, no.
Kathleen: What were we thinking?
Patty Lynn: I don’t know, but we probably should have come up with a game plan before we crossed Lake Pontchartrain. This is all up to you, if you want to keep going, I’ll keep going.
Kathleen: We’ve already put a half-hour into this, might as well push forward for another… what, five or six days?
Patty Lynn: All right! So how long do you want to drive today?
Kathleen: Halfway?
Patty Lynn: Well, that’s a tall order. We did leave at nine thirty.
Kathleen: Oh, don't be a snowflake.
Patty Lynn: I have an idea. Kate lives in North Carolina, and that’s about halfway to New Hampshire. We can call Marietta up and have her ask Kate if f we can stay over for the night. The Senate’s not in session right now, so she’ll be home.
Kathleen: Why are we watching Sarah, then?
Patty Lynn: Milton is in California with Senator Choi at the figure skating national championships. Little rat didn’t ask me if I wanted to go!
Kathleen: Since when does Milton like figure skating?
Patty Lynn: He doesn’t! She’s just made fast friends with him and asked him to go to hang out. I deserved that ticket!
Kathleen: Well, you get to do this instead. That’s a good consolation prize, no?
Patty Lynn: Yeah. Sure. So, what do you think of this plan? Good, no?
Kathleen: I guess. It’s better than having to pay a bunch of money to stay in some crappy hotel room that makes you feel like you have bugs.
Patty Lynn: All right, next time we stop, I’ll call Marietta and ask her.
Kathleen: Won’t she be annoyed about you bugging her in the middle of the day? She’s working.
Patty Lynn: She has more free time than anyone I’ve ever known. She’ll be delighted to hear from me.
Three hours later, Patty Lynn calls Marietta…
Marietta: Mother, what are you calling me about? I’m in a meeting!
Tammy: Hi Patty Lynn!
Marietta: Tammy says hi. She’s an idiot.
Patty Lynn: Hi, Tammy! Marietta, I am in Alabama.
Marietta: The hell are you doing there? Were you kidnapped? No one goes there by choice.
Patty Lynn: Your aunt and I decided to go on a spontaneous road trip.
Marietta: Oh, god. Did you kill her? I have enough scandals, I don’t need to get dragged into this now.
Patty Lynn: I didn’t kill her.
Marietta: Can I talk to her, then?
Patty Lynn: She’s in the bathroom.
Marietta: I’ll start planning the funeral.
Patty Lynn: Can you be serious for a minute? Please?
Marietta: Okay. What is actually going on? Why did you leave on a sudden trip? This is how every episode of Unsolved Mysteries begins.
Patty Lynn: Kathleen got a letter from her ex-husband.
Marietta: Which one?
Patty Lynn: Elijah.
Marietta: Is he the -
Patty Lynn: Yeah, him.
Marietta: You didn’t even know what I was going to say.
Patty Lynn: I have a very limited amount of time that I have to talk on the phone, I’m trying to hurry it along.
Marietta: All right, continue then.
Patty Lynn: He wanted her to come see him, because he’s sick. So we up and left for New Hampshire, knowing that he could apparently die at any moment.
Marietta: And you decided to drive, and not fly, because…?
Patty Lynn: We enjoy our road trips, you know that.
Marietta: What do you need from me? I know you’re not just calling to let me know you left, you would’ve allowed me to find out from dad tonight.
Patty Lynn: Nothing!
Kathleen: Are you almost done on there? We need to get back on the road.
Marietta: Aunt Kathleen, how are you?
Kathleen: Doing well considering the circumstances.
Marietta: Yeah, I’m sorry to hear about Elijah.
Kathleen: No, I meant being locked in a car with your mother.
Patty Lynn: Very funny.
Kathleen: I thought so.
Marietta: What do you need my help with? Can’t figure out how to set up the GPS?
Patty Lynn: We have a GPS?
Marietta: Dear God.
Kathleen: We gotta get on the road, and I’m not allowed to drive because -
Patty Lynn: She likes to drink.
Kathleen: Yes, that’s why. What I’m trying to get at is, we wanted to know if you could talk to Kate and ask her if we could stay at her place overnight.
Marietta: Kate’s place? Why?
Patty Lynn: We would prefer to not stay in a place with bedbugs.
Marietta: I will ask her, okay? You owe me one, though.
Patty Lynn: I already paid you back when I gave birth to you. Thank you, my darling! Talk to you soon!
Four hours later…
Kathleen: I have to pee.
Patty Lynn: Didn’t you just go?
Kathleen: An hour ago.
Patty Lynn: And you claim I’m the one that always delays us.
Kathleen: Can you find a bathroom, please?
Patty Lynn: Have you noticed the car moving lately? I haven’t.
Kathleen: Why is the car not moving?
Patty Lynn: We’re in Atlanta. It’s always pretty busy here.
Kathleen: Why did we drive into Atlanta?
Patty Lynn: Because that’s the way Marietta’s lousy GPS told me to go.
Kathleen: Since when do you listen to those?
Patty Lynn: I don’t know.
Kathleen: Why did we ever decide to go on this trip?
Patty Lynn: I feel like we would not have if we put, like, another thirty minutes of thought into it.
Kathleen: I’d say that’s pretty accurate.
Patty Lynn: Impulsive decisions are rarely good ones. That’s why I don’t shop on Amazon at night. Not enough time to think your decisions out thoroughly.
Kathleen: Promise me you’ll pull over the first chance you get so I can go to the bathroom?
Patty Lynn: I don’t want a wet seat, so, yeah. In the meantime, could you put a new CD in? I love Johnny Cash, but I can’t listen to Folsom Prison Blues for a fifth time today. I will do something that puts me in prison myself.
Kathleen: We forgot our CDs, we only have Sarah’s.
Patty Lynn: Why is that?
Kathleen: She took our CD case out and put hers in.
Patty Lynn: Well, you know, I do have to give her some credit for still owning CDs. It’s a dying art among the kids these days.
Kathleen: Should I rummage through here and see what she has to listen to?
Patty Lynn: Anything is better than hearing about Johnny falling through a burning ring of fire yet again.
Five hours later…
Patty Lynn and Kathleen (singing): Good for you, you're doing great out there without me, baby, like a damn sociopath! I’ve lost my mind, I've spent the night crying -
Patty Lynn: Oh, look! We’re here!
Kathleen: Ah, you ruined the fun.
Patty Lynn: It’s almost ten at night and I’ve been driving since nine. I’ve moved past the point of caring about “fun.”
Kathleen: What do you want to take inside with us?
Patty Lynn: I have a little, uh, uh… oh lord, what’s it called?
Kathleen: Bag? Suitcase?
Patty Lynn: Carry-on. I have a little carry-on with all our overnight stuff. I’m always prepared.
Kathleen: What about our food and drinks?
Patty Lynn: I guess we should take those, too. Kate’s rich, she probably has a big fridge.
Kathleen: Can I tell you something?
Patty Lynn: You still have things to take about after twelve hours on the road? My mind is blank.
Kathleen: That much is always obvious.
Patty Lynn: Just say it, I want to get in there, shower, and get to sleep.
Kathleen: Standing here, in the dark somewhere in North Carolina, I’m really not sure what I was thinking when I decided to go see Elijah. I don’t really have much of anything to say to him., even all these years later.
Patty Lynn: I’m going to let you sit on that overnight, because I don’t have the energy to process it right now.
In the morning…
Kate: I’m sorry I missed you last night! I was up early, I had to crash. Senate recess is the only time I ever get any actual sleep.
Patty Lynn: No need to apologize. We’re so grateful you let us stay the night at all. Beats our normal overnight stays when we take our road trips.
Kate: What brings you this way? Marietta didn’t tell me anything, she just asked for a favor and I was happy to oblige.
Kathleen: My ex-husband is dying, and I’m going to visit him. You know, the makings of a pleasant vacation.
Kate: Wow, not exactly happy trails there.
Kathleen: I don’t wish him death, but he was an ass to me. So I’m not really sad. I just want to do this to keep my conscience clear.
Kate: I get it. Well, not really, I’ve never been divorced, but I understand not having empathy for people who’ve hurt you badly.
Patty Lynn: The trip is still on? You said you were reconsidering it last night. I didn’t say it then, but it really made me want to hit you.
Kathleen: We’re going to trek onward. I’ve come so far, I might as well see it all though.
Kate: Where does he live? Close?
Kathleen: Nashua, New Hampshire.
Kate: Well, that’s not close.
Kathleen: No, it’s not. Neither is Asheville, North Carolina, yet we made it this far. We’re gonna go all the way and I’m going to face this. I need to for my daughter, Sophia. I don’t want her to have to do it herself, and I want to be able to tell her I tried.
Kate: That’s a fourteen hour drive, according to Google. Are you going to want to drive all the way there and see him tonight?
Kathleen: What other choice do I have?
Kate: I can ask Ellie if she’d let you stay at her place.
Kathleen: Are you sure you want to put her out like that?
Kate: I love inconveniencing her. She’s always inconveniencing me.
Kathleen: That would be great, then. It’ll give me another day to think of what to say.
Patty Lynn: I have never seen you this nervous, honey. Are you okay with seeing him?
Kathleen: I don’t know how to describe how I feel. I’m afraid it’ll bring back all the bad memories, but I’m also afraid to see him looking sickly. I know it’s selfish. I just don’t want that to be the last memory of him. I have so few good ones, what if this overshadows those? It’s nerve-wracking.
Patty Lynn: So you’re nervous.
Kathleen: Yeah, guess so.
Patty Lynn: Can I just say, you make one heck of an omelette, Kate. This is much better than the normal slop we eat at diners on the road.
Kate: A home-cooked meal is the best way to show you care.
The next morning…
Patty Lynn: Do you have anything to make for breakfast? I thought we could eat before we head out on the road again.
Ellie: Oh, I haven’t been home in a while. I don’t really have much of anything here. Maybe some oatmeal?
Kathleen: Your favorite!
Patty Lynn: I guess we should peel out of here, then. Get something to eat and get to Elijah’s by lunch time.
Ellie: You’re not going to stay longer? It’s only eight.
Patty Lynn: I think we kind of just want to get this over with.
Kathleen: I truly want nothing more. It’s weighing over me but I have to do it. Stupid conscience.
Patty Lynn: And here I thought you didn’t have one! It’s never too late to learn!
Ellie: Maybe you guys can stop back on your way home? I wanna catch up.
Patty Lynn: We’ll definitely try. I don’t know when that’s happening, though. Are we going to do something while we’re up here.
Kathleen: We have to do something fun on this trip, it can’t be all misery. I always wanted to see Acadia.
Patty Lynn: The ride was fun!
Kathleen: Was it?
Patty Lynn: We learned the lyrics to every song by someone named Dua Lipa.
Kathleen: This was the highlight of our trip. That sound like a good trip to you, Ellie?
Ellie: Please don’t drag me into this.
Patty Lynn: It’s not as bad as she claims, Ellie.
Ellie: Okay, you seem to have had a great trip.
Kathleen: Don’t give in to her!
Ellie: I’m going to go make that oatmeal I was talking about earlier.
Patty Lynn: Yeah, we’re going to get going. I’ll program the GPS.
Ellie: I just found an old McDonald’s egg sandwich in here if you want it!
Patty Lynn: We’ll pass.
Ellie: Okay, your choice.
Patty Lynn: Kathleen, do you have that envelope with Elijah’s address on it?
Kathleen: I think it’s in my purse. Wait… where’s my purse?
Patty Lynn: Did you leave it in the car?
Kathleen: I was pretty out of it last night.
Ten minutes later…
Kathleen: I can’t find the address anywhere. I looked. It’s not in my purse.
Ellie: Where have you taken the purse?
Patty Lynn: Is it at Kate’s?
Kathleen: Let’s call her.
Patty Lynn: Poor Kate.
Patty Lynn calls Kate.
Kate: What’s going on? You get to Ellie’s okay?
Patty Lynn: I think we left an envelope in your guest room. Could you check for us and read it off for us?
Kate: Oh, you two always make me laugh. Let me go check.
Kathleen: Did she find it
Kate: She sure did!
Patty Lynn: You are a life saver!
Ellie: And I’m here too.
Two hours later…
Patty Lynn: You want me to go in with you?
Kathleen: No, I think I have to do this on my own. Thank you for supporting me on the ride, though. All 68 hours of the ride.
Patty Lynn: I am such an incredible friend.
Kathleen: All right, I’ll see you on the other side.
Patty Lynn: I’ll just be here, listening to Dreams, a song Sarah thinks she personally discovered.
Ten minutes later…
Patty Lynn: That it?
Kathleen: I’m just glad I did it, and that it’s over.
Patty Lynn: You want to talk about it?
Kathleen: Maybe later.
Patty Lynn: That’s understandable.
Kathleen: Hey, thank you for this.
Patty Lynn: In the words of Dionne Warwick, who Sarah also has a CD of for some reason, that’s what friends are for.
Kathleen: You were, weirdly enough, my anchor through this. Couldn’t have gotten through it without you.
Patty Lynn: All right, wanna go see Acadia?
Kathleen: Do we know anyone there there with a guest room?
