Let’s Get Presidential Season 2 Episode 10: Election Night

 

DARNELL, CASEY, and TOMMY gather around the DARNELL’s computer on a website showing the live results. 

DARNELL

Good news guys. I’ve been reading online that the national environment has been looking really well for the Republicans. I think I can pull this off after all. 


TOMMY

And that’s good news…how exactly? 


DARNELL

I’m not ACTUALLY gonna go all Republican if I get elected, I’m just gonna hang out in the House for a little bit, do some TV appearances, and make my way up to some worthwhile position. Then, next thing you know, I’m President!


CASEY

We know the plan. Still not thrilled about it but I guess this pays the bills. 


DARNELL

Also, the latest poll from after the debate has me up 1 point. This isn’t me being delusional like I was when I thought I was gonna do well in the Iowa caucus. 


TOMMY

You see, the thing about that poll was that an unprecedented 17% still said they were undecided. 


CASEY

Yeah, your numbers tanked after the debate. Your just lucky Ellen’s did as well. 


DARNELL

Ellen…


CASEY

Your opponent?


DARNELL

Right. So do you think this radical socialism schtick is working? 


TOMMY

I think Ellen being a boring candidate who scares people is what you have going for you. People are still angry over that video where you pretended you were in Ohio when you weren’t. 


DARNELL

Website’s updating! I won!!! By a landslide too!!!


TOMMY

What?! Already?! I know it’s a small district but…let me see that…Darnell, 1% of the vote is in. 


DARNELL

Oh. 


CASEY

At least you’re not down 40 points like you were when the primary vote count started. 


TOMMY

Yeah but things could change, it could be the opposite this time. He could lose by 40. 


DARNELL

Don’t say that!


CASEY

Wow, the votes are coming in quick now…


DARNELL

What am I, down by 3? 


TOMMY

Yup. 


DARNELL

What are my chances of winning?


TOMMY

Less than they were when you were ahead. 


Everyone stares in silence at the computer, waiting for more results to come in. When 100% of the vote comes in, they find out Darnell lost by 1.3 percentage points. 


DARNELL

So…that was a failed plan. 


CASEY

Sorry Darnell. 


DARNELL

Guess I have to address my supporters now. 


TOMMY

Supporters? You have an Election Day party going on? 


DARNELL

Of course I do! 


CASEY

We’ll accompany you. 


TOMMY

We will?


DARNELL 

No need, I can just address them remotely. 


DARNELL starts a video call. 


DARNELL

Hello, everyone. As you may have seen, the results are in, and they’re saying that with 100% of the vote, we are down by 1.3 percentage points. 


The crowd of roughly 15 people starts to boo. 


DARNELL

I am not quite conceding, because to concede admits defeat, but rather announcing something else. 


The crowd gasps. 


DARNELL

Today, I am OFFICIALLY launching my bid for Governor!


The crowd cheers. 


DARNELL waves and ends the call. 


TOMMY

Governor? Really?


DARNELL

Oh don’t worry, you don’t have to be involved if you don’t want to. In fact, maybe I should fire you for being on two losing campaigns. Same goes for you Casey. 


TOMMY

Okay. 


TOMMY and CASEY walk out. 


DARNELL [to himself]

What have I done. 


DARNELL takes out his phone and searches when the next election for Governor in the United States is. 


DARNELL [to himself]

Looks like I’m moving down South. 

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