Tammy, Kate and Ellie are at the mayor’s mansion for brunch with Marietta.
Kate: Ah, this is nice. We never get to spend any time together anymore.
Marietta: You’ve been a bit busy with the elections and all. Kate, you’ve even been running your own campaign.
Kate: Yeah, it would probably be wise to get back to North Carolina right about now. The election is in… well, I don’t remember.
Ellie: Nine days.
Kate: Yes, exactly.
Tammy: I have to be honest, I find it incredibly impressive that you’ve managed to completely fall asleep at the wheel in this election, but you’re still guaranteed to win because you’ve become an electoral powerhouse due to growing a brand as a principled bridge-building moderate, all while serving as Senate Majority Leader. It’s amazing.
Kate: You did pretty well in your elections, too.
Tammy: I was running in New York. That wasn’t too hard.
Ellie: Can we talk about something other than politics? We get too little time together to spend it worried about elections. We literally have to catch planes home in four hours.
Sarah: Yes, please! I gotta hear it 24/7 from her!
Kate: Oh, don’t remind me about flying home.
Tammy: You speak so highly of your beloved home state.
Kate: I love it, I just have a grueling schedule ahead of me this last week. So many House candidates want me to campaign on their behalves, and I’ve not got the heart to say no.
Marietta: No one’s asked me to campaign for them. God bless America!
Ellie: If I may ask, because I’m nosy and curious and all that, what is Sarah doing here? I thought she stayed with Milton when he was in town.
Sarah: He flew off somewhere. Don’t know where, but he dumped me here.
Tammy: I bet he went to Cabo, I heard it’s beautiful this time of year.
Ellie: Are you an idiot?
Kate: I believe he went to campaign for someone.
Tammy: The senator from Texas whose name I refuse to say went to Cabo.
Kate: You sound very excited to be here, Sarah.
Marietta: She always is.
Sarah: I wish I had more time to see my father, this election’s really impacting our time together.
Kate: I know, it’ll be over soon.
Marietta: Ellie’s right, we need to talk about something other than elections.
Ellie: Anyone see any good movies recently?
Kate: Oh my gosh, that’s something you say to a group of work colleagues.
Tammy: Remember when that’s what we used to be? Now we’re like the old version of the Sex and the City cast.
Ellie: You mean the cast of And Just Like That?
Marietta: Don’t remind me of Che Diaz.
There is a knock at the door.
Sarah: I’ll get it. I have to get away from this conversation.
Tammy: Why doesn’t she just put in earbuds like a normal kid?
Ellie: What about this family is normal?
Marietta: Hey! Kathleen is relatively normal.
Tammy: She is not.
Sarah: Aunt Marietta, you have a guest.
Marietta: Oh god. What happened?
Amy: I always love feeling welcomed.
Kate: Grab a chair, sit down. The more the merrier!
Ellie: Kind of you to invite her to brunch at Marietta’s house.
Kate: I brought the quiche and the donuts, I get somewhat of a say.
Marietta: Donuts? Those are beignets!
Kate: Sure.
Tammy: Amy, I know the prospect of quiche is exciting, but what are you doing here?
Amy: I knew you were having this brunch today -
Ellie: I knew it! She wanted in on it. You’re not slick.
Amy: I knew you were having this, so I knew you weren’t watching the news or on your phones.
Kate: Speak for yourself. Sarah’s buried in hers.
Sarah: Who wouldn’t be? Have you been listening to this conversation?
Amy: The city attorney, Ron Marks, who I want to remind you I opposed the nomination of -
Tammy: She did do that, I remember it well.
Amy: He just announced today that his office is opening an investigation into the report that you mishandled your campaign funds.
Ellie: Well that’s fun. Who doesn't need a nice little scandal to spice up their re-election campaign?
Kate: Why? Why are you like this?
Ellie: I was born this way.
Marietta: Can I scream?
Tammy: It’s your house.
Marietta: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Ellie: And how did that make you feel?
Kate: Careful, Ellie, look at her eyes. She is not amused.
Marietta: I thought I was screwed before. I know I’m screwed now.
Amy: It could very well turn out to be nothing, you don’t know. But I do just want to remind everyone, I knew Marks was no good.
Marietta: What, you want a gold star?
Amy: No, just some recognition for my genius.
Tammy: Technically, he’s just doing his job. Anyone in his position would probably be investigating.
Ellie: Why are you speaking rationally? This is a time for panic and fury!
Marietta: I am so sick of this crap! I feel like everyone’s always trying to tear me down. If it’s not the media, it’s the city council. If not them, then it’s some random guy named Ron! Give me a second of peace for once! Maybe I won’t even run for re-election, I was clearly wrong to want to stick to politics.
Kate: Don’t be so dramatic! We all have down moments, that’s no reason to quit.
Amy: Plus, you’ve already sort of announced that you’re running. Dropping out would basically be an admittance of guilt.
Marietta: But I am guilty!
Amy: A moral person would admit that, then.
Ellie: What do you mean you’re guilty?
Tammy: Long story.
Sarah: Why don’t you tell the short version.
Tammy: I don’t want to.
Sarah: All right, so basically, Tammy accidentally used my aunt’s campaign funds to pay for her flights back to New York during the first mayoral campaign.
Tammy: Yeah, pretty much that.
Kate: Tammy!
Tammy: I offered to resign, Marietta said no, not my fault.
Amy: I regret every day that I told you not to just write your resignation in a letter.
Ellie: I can’t believe you never told us about this scandal. Were you just waiting for the criminal trial to begin?
Marietta: Just waiting for the right time. I didn’t think that was today, clearly Ron Marks didn’t agree.
Ellie: I’m going to give some unsolicited advice.
Kate: Nothing new.
Ellie: First of all, deny, deny, deny.
Marietta: Planning on it!
Ellie: Next, don’t let it get to you. So many of these cases don’t go anywhere.
Marietta: So I’ve been told.
Ellie: Go about your day, go about your life. Keep working, keep campaigning. Just ignore the scandal.
Amy: Didn’t you just say she was going on trial?
Ellie: I’ve known her a long time, I say what she needs to hear.
Amy: Don’t think she needed to hear the insinuation that she will be imprisoned.
Kate: Ellie is mostly right. Obviously don’t completely ignore it, but don’t let it get you uspet. It’s out of your control. The only way you’re going to lose re-election is if you let it get to you and you abandon your duties as mayor. Otherwise, you’ll be fine.
Ellie: This city has had much bigger crooks than you as mayor!
Marietta: Thank you, girls. You do always know what I need to hear.
Amy: Does Ellie?
Ellie: I feel singled out, and I do not appreciate it.
Meanwhile, at Martin and Patty Lynn’s…
Martin: Did you see this?
Patty Lynn: I can’t see anything, I don’t have my contacts in. Can’t find them anywhere!
Kathleen: It’s noon. Why have you not mentioned this before now?
Patty Lynn: Didn’t want to be a bother.
Martin: Okay, we have to fix that. First, though, I have to tell you what I just read. The city attorney is opening an investigation into Marietta for campaign finance violations.
Kathleen: Witch hunt!
Patty Lynn falls to the ground.
Martin: Oh my god! You okay, honey?
Patty Lynn: I’m fine! I just stubbed my toe on the couch because I couldn’t see anything.
Martin: Did you hear what I said?
Patty Lynn: Yes! I’m outraged! I bullied that city council to get Ron Marks the job, and this is how he repays me?
Kathleen: You… bullied them?
Patty Lynn: Screamed at them until they gave him a fair hearing! Now he’s got the job, and it’s all thanks to the Landfields. No loyalty these days, it’s unbelievable.
Kathleen: We should kidnap him like they did to the boss in Christmas Vacation.
Martin: So we can also go to jail?
Patty Lynn: No one is going not jail! Marietta will get herself out of this one, she always does.
Kathleen: I have to agree. There’s no reason to worry yet.
Martin: I know I told her not to worry, but I’m starting to be a little worried. Clearly there was something to that report if the city attorney is opening an investigation.
Kathleen: She should fire him.
Martin: That will surely make her look innocent.
Kathleen: We need to bring back old-fashioned blatant corruption in this city. We’ve had mayors go to jail. That was fun!
Martin: You frustrate me enormously.
Kathleen: Thank you.
Later that night, Marietta calls Milton.
Milton: What did Sarah do?
Marietta: Nothing.
Milton: Why are you crying?
Marietta: I’m not crying!
Milton: I can hear it in your voice.
Marietta: You did this!
Milton: I’m going to need some context here.
Marietta: Ron Marks, who you stuck me with, is investigating me for violating campaign finance laws;.
Milton: Oh, god. They’re still going on about that?
Marietta: Yes! It’s ridiculous, it wasn’t even my fault.
Milton: I’m sorry, I guess. This is definitely my fault.
Marietta: I detect sarcasm.
Milton: You could have fired him!
Marietta: He came highly recommended from a trusted confidante. Who knew he would’ve actually had the guts to investigate me.
Milton: It could be worse, you know. You could be me. I’m in Kansas.
Marietta: The horror!
Milton: This is the most boring place I’ve ever been in my entire life.
Marietta: You’re not going to jail, though.
Milton: Neither are you!
Marietta: I could. People have gone to jail for this before. That representative from Florida went for four years.
Milton: Yeah, she had a pattern of it. You did it what, once? And you weren’t even the one to do it.
Marietta: Oh, god. What if Tammy goes to jail? She won’t do well in jail.
Milton: I don’t think Ron Marks is going to dare to send the former First Lady to prison.
Marietta: He’s trying to send me!
Milton: You’re a bit different than FLOTUS.
Marietta: Maybe we can throw Amy under the bus.
Milton: That’s terrible!
Marietta: Just a joke! She wasn’t on the campaign then.
Milton: That the only reason you wouldn’t throw her under the bus for something of which she’s innocent?
Marietta: No…?
Milton: Good lord.
Marietta: I wouldn't send her to jail, I was only kidding. For real.
Milton: I‘m just giving you a hard time.
Marietta: I know, you’re evil!
Milton: Being honest here, are you really panicked about this?
Marietta: Yeah. I’ve never been in trouble like this before.
Milton: Just ride it out, it’ll be okay.
Marietta: Everyone keeps saying this, I know you’re all just trying to help, but it doesn’t help. I am so stressed!
Milton: I know. You can’t control it, though. You just have to give it time and allow your name to be cleared. Which it will be, even if you’re technically guilty.
Marietta: Wow, that really eased my pain.
Milton: It’s what I’km here for.
The next day, at city hall…
Henrietta: You don’t have to go to the city council meeting if you aren’t up for it. You can fake an illness.
Marissa: What was this about faking an illness?
Marietta: Nothing, she was just being silly.
Marissa: How are you doing? I saw the presser yesterday, that was brutal.
Marietta: I haven’t even seen it.
Henrietta: Oh, it was bad, It went vi-
Amy: No. Not now.
Henrietta: Sorry.
Marietta: Did something happen with the council meeting that you came to see me, Marissa?
Marissa: No, I just thought you needed a friendly visit. I had to check in on you.
Marietta: I appreciate it. It’s been rough.
Marissa: For what it’s worth, they really don’t have any evidence against you from what I’ve heard.
Marietta: Really?
Marissa: It’s all anecdotal. Nothing that proves you had knowledge of it. You’ll be fine.
Marietta: I thought the press conference was brutal.
Marissa: It was, but he was just looking for a moment. I think someone put him up to it, honestly. Kent Egerton is crooked.
Marietta: I wouldn’t put it past him.
Tammy: Marietta, you have a visitor.
Marissa: I’ll get going, okay? See you later.
Marietta: I appreciate you stopping it. See ya
Tammy: Marietta, Ron Marks.
Marietta: Uh… um… uh…
Amy: Nice to see you again, Mr. Marks.
Ron: I just wanted to talk to you about the investigation.
Marietta: Uh-huh.
Ron: I don’t lose, I only take up cases I know I can win.
Amy: That feels like a flawed approach to justice.
Ron: I’m taking up your case because I know you are guilty, and corruption disgusts me. You can end it all by resigning.
Marietta: I’m not going to do that. I did nothing wrong, and you’re nothing more than a pest. Now, before I call an exterminator, I believe we’re done here.
Tammy: Yeah!
Ron: I guess I can leave you alone. It won’t be your office for much longer.
Ron leaves.
Marietta: So that went badly.
Amy: You stood up to him, at least. You were really sputtering at the start, but you brought it home. You made him real angry at you, that’s always good!
Marietta: I guess this isn’t about to go away.
Henrietta: Everyone slips up eventually. This will be his turn. He flew too close to the sun this time.
Marietta: You better be right, or you’re fired.
Henrietta: If I’m not right, we’re all fired.
Marietta: I suppose that’s true. It’s game time, girls. Suit up.
What did you think of this week's episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the new episode next week!
