The Cougars are at home, facing the Los Angeles Stars (8-11).
Marcia: The Cougars are in great shape so far today as we head into the second half.
George: Yes, a thirteen-point lead led by a stellar eighteen points and counting for Annie Carter has them in the driver’s seat, as they look for their ninth victory of the season.
Marcia: Colorado has possession, and they’re off.
Aubrey: I’m open!
Annie: Don’t tell them that!
Alicia: Ahem!
Debra: I think Foley wants the ball.
Alicia: Carter!
Aubrey: Give me the ball!
Debra: No, don’t!
Marcia: And Jimenez read Carter like a book for a steal.
George: There seemed to be some sort of communication breakdown there.
Marcia: Looked like a lot of screaming to me.
George: Foley is trying to get that ball back, and the officials are gonna call a foul.
Marcia: Wow, it’s an offensive foul on Markus.
George: Foley is on the ground, not sure what exactly is going on there.
Alicia: Can someone help me up?
Annie: What’s going on? Did she get you?
Alicia: My ankle, something happened to it when she walked in front of me.
Aubrey: On the plus side, we got the ball back.
Wendy Appleford (coach of the Stars): Sheryl, is everything okay?
Sheryl: I don’t know. Time out!
Debra: Coach, it doesn’t look good.
Sheryl: What happened?
Debra: I think she stepped on Markus’s foot and rolled the wrong way. She’s in pain.
Sheryl: We’re gonna get her out of here. Billings, Kessler! Can you help me take Foley back to the locker room.
Wendy: Wait, she stepped on my player’s foot and we got called for an offensive foul?
Debra: Moving screen, Wendy. Why do you need that explained?
Wendy: I didn’t see it. You know how these refs are.
Debra: Yeah, they called me for a tech!
Wendy: Well, that was deserved.
Debra: That free throw it got you was also one of the very few points you scored today. So, you’re welcome.
Wendy: I always appreciate it.
Sheryl: Alicia, we’re gonna help you out of here. I’m taking you out of the game.
Alicia: I think I can still go!
Sheryl: You can’t even stand. We’ll get you checked out, we’ll see what medical says, we’ll make the final decision when. For now, we’ll have Haas step in.
Alicia: Oh no.
Sheryl: It’s gonna be all right. You’ll be okay. You could use the rest, anyway.
Alicia: What does that mean?
Sheryl: We’ve been playing you too much because we don’t have any other options at the four, really. So, now we’re being forced to face it. It’ll be fine.
Aubrey: Coach, what’s going on? I thought we were taking her to the locker room?
Sheryl: We are, I just had to fill her in.
Alicia: I really think I should at least try to walk on it.
Sheryl: I have eyes. You should not. Billings, when we get back, I’m moving you to power forward. Haas!
Fiona: Yes?
Sheryl: You’re coming in after the time out.
Fiona: Me?
Debra: Coach, are you sure?
Carmen: She comes off the bench before me?
Sheryl: It’s just about fit. We need some height.
Carmen: I’m pretty tall.
Sheryl: I’ll get you on the floor, have no fear.
Carmen: I’m gonna ride the bench.
Melissa: Riding the bench isn’t so bad. You got a great view of the court from here!
The next day, Sheryl and Celia walk into practice.
Sheryl: Okay, ladies! Do we want the good news of the bad news first?
Debra: Where the hell is Foley?
Celia: They want the bad news first.
Sheryl: All right, you’ve clearly noticed that Alicia’s not here right now. During and after the game, she was evaluated both by our medical staff and the doctors at UCH. Now, this will cause some panic, but Alicia suffered a sprained ankle.
Debra: I coulda told you that much.
Sheryl: They actually said the sprain was less severe than it could’ve been. We’re expecting about a month of recovery time until she’s back in action. Could’ve been worse, obviously, could’ve been much better. She’s resting at home now, but she’s hoping to get back in here soon to at least remain part of the team. She just needs a break culture.
Debra: So what’s the good news?
Aubrey: I mean, her ankle’s not broken. That’s something.
Sheryl: That is true. And it’s a grade two sprain. We expect her to return after the all-star break. But that wasn’t the good news I had.
Celia: This is a biggie, guys. Buckle up!
Fiona: Is someone getting waived?
Kamala: Why would that be “good news?”
Fiona: We have some dead weight.
Debra: Haas, come on, man.
Tara: Why did everyone look at me?
Melissa: You’re a point guard that’s afraid to hit the court. You’re like the airplane that can’t fly on the Island of Misfit Toys.
Tara: You can’t fire me, I quit!
Celia: We’re down to ten players, then. One more and we can sign a relief player!
Annie: I think she was just making a Rudolph reference, Celia.
Debra: Although, I do think podcasting may be more her strong suit than basketball, seeing how overjoyed she is when she doesn’t have to play in a game.
Tara: I just get nervous, we lost so many games when I was starting.
Debra: We did. Thank god Carter’s here!
Sheryl: Well, that brings me to something. Coaches, could you grab the cakes?
Carmen: Ooh, we’re getting cake?
Melissa: It is my cheat day.
Fiona: I’m not allowed to have cake. It gets me too hyper, all the sugar.
Debra: Are you six?
Fiona: It’s been a recurring issue.
Debra: Kid, this is why everyone thinks you’re weird.
Fiona: People think I’m weird?
Sheryl: Anyway, thee commissioner just called me to inform me of this year’s selections for the All-Star Game, and we have three all-stars on our team! Congratulations to Annie, Debra, and Aubrey!
Aubrey: Me?
Sheryl: Yeah, you?
Melissa: Not me?
Carmen: It’s okay, we’re the bridesmaids.
Fiona: Someone’s getting married? Am I invited?
Tara: I think it’s a metaphor.
Annie: Coach, you gonna be there?
Sheryl: Well, we have a 9-11 record -
Keith: A what now?
Sheryl: I’ll rephrase: We’ve won nine games and lost eleven. So, no, I won’t be coaching the All-Star Game. And that’s fine, because it’s a chance for our players to let loose and have fun in… does anyone know where it’s being held?
Celia: New Orleans.
Melissa: Oh, hell yeah!
Annie: Why are you acting like you’ve been invited?
Melissa: Ever player can go!
Debra: Yeah, she’ll just be watching from the stands.
Carmen: Can we have some of the cake if we’re not all-stars?
Debra: Nope! All mine!
Annie: You can have some of mine.
Roseanne: We got balloons for you, too. But you need to earn ‘em!
Sheryl: No, give them the balloons.
Roseanne: They need to earn them.
Sheryl: They did by getting named all-stars.
Roseanne: Fine. Here’s your ballon.
Debra: Do you think we have enough to tie them to Haas and make her float like the house in Up?
Celia: We have three. So, no.
Debra: Ah, well. Have it anyway, Haas. I know you’ll enjoy it.
Fiona: Thank you!
Sheryl: All right, all news has been deliver. Time to get to business! Baltimore is coming here in three days. We’ve lost to them before, but it was fairly close, and on their home court. This is our chance for revenge.
Carmen: What kind of lineups are we running? Because I have an idea.
Melissa: Does the idea, by any chance, put you in the starting lineup?
Carmen: I’ve earned it.
Melissa: I don’t disagree, but let’s not pretend like this is something it’s not. You’re selling yourself.
Fiona: Oh, Carmen, you don’t have to do that! We get paid enough, don’t sell yourself on OnlyFans!
Brenda: Who is on OnlyFans?
Celia: What is OnlyFans?
Debra: I’ll explain it to you later.
Carmen: No one is on OnlyFans!
Melissa: I meant she was trying to pitch her case to be a starter, and that she shouldn’t present it like she’s an unbiased observer.
Carter: I know you want to start, too.
Debra: We should all aspire to be starters.
Tara: That felt like a dig at me.
Debra: Oh, it was.
Sheryl: I want to be clear - the coaching staff and I will make all the final lineup decisions. Anyone can pitch their case to start, but it’s up to me. And it’s going to be a temporary change, too.
Carmen: I just think I’ve played well enough to deserve that spot.
Sheryl: You have been a very valuable asset to us this season. I’ll take it all into consideration, but nothing’s decided yet. Anyone on this roster can prove themself worthy of starting for the next few weeks.
Annie: Except Tara.
Sheryl: Yeah, except Lightlinger. But that’s her own personal choice. An odd one, sure. But it’s hers.
Tara: Are you saying you’d start me over Annie if I wanted to start?
Sheryl: I’ll avoid answering that to spare feelings.
Tara: So that’s a no.
Aubrey: It could’ve been a yes!
Annie: You know how hard those other teams guard me. If I get injured…
Sheryl: My god, don’t even say that. All right, enough chitchat, time to work! Split into two teams for a scrimmage match.
Carmen: I want to be on Annie’s team!
Melissa: Of course you do.
Carmen: We’re best friends!
Melissa: Carter, that true? Because Hale keeps insisting that it is.
Annie: We’re great friends.
Melissa: I never heard the word “best” used!
Debra: Come on, we know I’m everyone’s best friend!
Fiona: You’re definitely mine, Debra! I want to be on your team!
Debra: I think Carter and Hale could really use your help.
Fiona: If you think so, I guess.
Sheryl: Just pick teams, we only have so much time.
Melissa: Will I have time to finish eating my slice of cake?
Sheryl: During the break.
Melissa: When is that gonna be?
Sheryl: Just put the cake down.
Celia: I told you we should’ve got them celebratory donuts instead.
Sheryl: You wanted us to get them one donut each to celebrate being named all-stars?
Celia: It’s efficient. A couple bites and it’s gone. Doesn’t hold up practice.
Sheryl: Nor will this. Let’s go, ladies! Lotta work to be done. And remember, I can and will waive you if I desire it!
Melissa: My salary’s protected!
Sheryl: Celia, this rebellion is your fault.
Later that day, after practice…
Annie: Coach, could we talk please?
Sheryl: Of course I have time to talk with my star player! I’ll just have to tell my wife I’ll be late for our dinner reservations. She won’t mind.
Annie: I could - you sure?
Sheryl: Yeah, I don’t even really like seafood.
Annie: Well, I’ll try not to keep you. I just wanted to talk about the starting lineup now that Alicia’s out.
Sheryl: I’m hearing a lot about that today, to no one’s surprise.
Annie: Carmen and I have great on-court chemistry. I think she deserves to be a starter.
Sheryl: She’s not a four. She’d be undersized in that position. I’m okay with her there off the bench, but I don’t want to start so small.
Annie: I know. But Kamala can play the four. Start her as a power forward until Alicia’s back, and let Carmen into the starting lineup. And, honestly, Carmen deserves to be a full-time starter over Kamala, too. She’s a better defender, she’s scoring more points, she’s got a more reliable three-ball.
Sheryl: Well, now we’re talking about really rocking the boat.
Annie: Coach, I know you know how to win. I don’t want to lecture you on that. However, I’ll point out that the best way to win is to make necessary changes. Kamala’s a great player, but Carmen’s better, and she’s proven that this season. I’m not just saying that because we’re so close.
Sheryl: You make a fair point. I will consider it. Maybe a one-game test run is in order.
Annie: That would be great for Carmen.
Sheryl: I’m always happy to try new things for the sake of the team. I’m glad you came to talk to me about it. You have a very sharp basketball mind, I appreciate your opinions.
Annie: Does Debra ever suggest lineup changes like this?
Sheryl: You kidding? She does it so much, I have to tune her out! She thinks she runs this team.
Annie: She partly does. Everyone thinks of it as Debra Andreesi’s Cougars.
Sheryl: I think she has some competition now.
Annie: From who? Little old me?
Sheryl: Look at this kid in those crowds when they see you play. It’s electric. Don’t tell anyone else, but I’ve never seen anything like it before.
Annie: Now you’re just buttering me up, coach.
Sheryl: No, I’m really just trying to keep the conversation going so I have an excuse to miss dinner and just grab a burger on the way home.
Annie: You should talk with your wife about maybe finding somewhere to eat that you’d like better.
Sheryl: Stick to basketball for now. The key to a successful relationship is grinning and bearing it. Happy wife, happy life.
Three days later…
Sheryl: All right! Starter announcement! Carter and Andreesi in the backcourt, Hale joins the lineup on the wing, with Kessler and Billings in the backcourt.
Carmen: I’m starting? I’ve never started before.
Debra: Oh boy.
Fiona: I was hoping this could be my chance. Oh well.
Sheryl: Let’s do shoot around. Whether you’re starting or not, we all have to be prepared.
Annie: You taking a half-court shot, coach?
Debra: I bet she’s too chicken?
Sheryl: I’ll show you who’s chicken!
Rhonda: Lord, she’s gonna tear a hamstring.
Keith: By throwing a basketball at half-court?
Rhonda: Her body’s not used to this.
Sheryl: Did you see that? Did you see it?
Carmen: Good things happen when you put Carmen in the starting lineup!
Debra: Don’t talk about yourself in the third person, Hale. It’s unbecoming.
Carmen: And calling yourself the “District Attorney” isn’t?
Debra: No, that’s cool.
Carmen: Sure.
One hour later…
Annie: Carmen, you excited to start?
Carmen: I’m nervous, but excited to show what I can do. I’ve been playing better than I have in my career, you’ve brought out the best in me.
Annie: No! You’ve brought out the best in yourself.
Carmen: I think I just needed someone to believe in me to make me play to my full potential. You treat me like an MVP, not just some bench piece. No one’s ever treated me like that before.
Annie: Aww, come on, you and Melissa get along great! And Debra… well, she’s Debra.
Carmen: You’re the first one who has ever made me feel worthy of being in this league. Not that coach or the rest of the team ever mistreated me or anything, but I know how I performed in other seasons. I was lousy, and they didn’t sugarcoat it. Something about the two of us, we just have that connection. I want to play better because the belief you have in me.
Annie: Wow, that’s kinda heavy for pre-game banter.
Carmen: I know, I’m sorry.
Annie: It’s okay. Sometimes, you gotta let it out. Now, get in position, it’s go time.
Carmen: Here we go!
One hour later…
Gerald: Carter with the ball, she passes to Hale. Hale has been tremendous today in her first-ever start. Eighteen points, 7-8 from the floor in fifteen minutes played so far, and two steals.
Clarice: It’s a career-best showing for her, certainly. It’s hard to imagine a more critical time for her to show up like this, with the team down one of their starters in Alicia Foley.
Gerald: Her effort has helped put the Cougars up eleven points over the Baltimore Bay so far today.
Clarice: And another two points for Carmen Hale!
Kelly French (Baltimore Bay coach): Time out!
Gerald: And Baltimore wants a time out, just three minutes into the third quarter.
Clarice: I’d say that’s a good time out, best to try to stop the bleeding before it gets too bad. Remember, they started this quarter only down six.
Sheryl: Great work out there, everyone! Hale, goddamn! You never told me you could do that!
Carmen: I’m a woman of mystery.
Sheryl: I am concerned that, with how you’re playing, Kelly’s gonna switch up the defensive scheme and try to pummel you.
Carmen: I can handle it.
Sheryl: I’m sure you can. But, I want to switch things up, too. Debra, you’re gonna sit for a bit.
Debra: Me?
Aubrey: Grandma could use a break, yeah.
Debra: Who are you calling grandma?
Sheryl: Not the time, ladies!
Aubrey: Sorry, coach.
Sheryl: Hale, you’re gonna play shooting guard. Kessler, you’re back to the wing. London, you’re coming off the bench.
Annie: What we were doing was working, though.
Sheryl: That doesn’t mean it’ll keep working. We can’t get comfortable. Now, get out there and keep this good work up! That .50 record is close enough to taste!
Gerald: And we’re back in action! The Bay control the ball, and they’re trying their hardest to stop what has been a dominant start to the second half for the Cougars.
Clarice: Hale goes for a steal, and she gets it!
Gerald: Oh, no!
Clarice: Wow, that is a head-to-head collision between Hale and Wright.
Carmen: Ginny! Are you okay?
Ginny Wright: My god, are you? Your face connected with my skull.
Carmen: You know how in cartoons, they show someone seeing stars after they hit their head?
Ginny: I’m so sorry.
Carmen: No, it wasn’t your fault. I think I need some ice, though.
Sheryl: Time out! Jesus, Pam, are you deaf?
Pam (referee): Your player is injured, so I’m gonna just brush this one off. But don’t get comfortable screaming insults at me.
Annie: Carmen, you need help?
Carmen: I’m okay.
Sheryl: Locker room. Right now.
Annie: Can I take her back?
Sheryl: Yeah, I guess you could use a rest. Andreesi, Hoover, you’re in!
Annie: Tara’s gonna appreciate not being put in.
Sheryl: I know, I’m so generous.
And, Hale, did I not tell you they were gonna send in the cavalry to try to stop you?
Aubrey: Yeah, having the league's best defender literally on top of you just to slow you down is a huge complement!
Carmen: Oh, I'm feeling complemented.
In the locker room, five minutes later…
Annie: Are you sure you’re okay?
Carmen: The medical team says I’m fine and to just keep some ice on it for a while. There are no signs of concussion. You can go back out to the bench, really. I’m okay! I’ll be back in the game soon!
Annie: Is that a good idea?
Carmen: This is my chance to prove my worth. I’m not gonna let a little bump in the head ruin that.
Annie: You’re injured.
Carmen: I’m fine.
Annie: I don’t know if it’s worth the risk.
Carmen: The medical team gave me the all-clear to return to play once I feel up to it. That won’t be long.
Annie: You know, you’ve already proven yourself, and then some.
Carmen: Yeah, but better to be safe than sorry.
Annie: You’re crazy.
Carmen: Look who I play with.
Annie: Good point.
What did you think of this episode of Foul Play? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode of Foul Play next Thursday!
