The Cougars are in New York playing against the Empire in their third and final matchup of the season.
George: We’re back in action for the second quarter. The Colorado Cougars have a six-point lead over the New York Empire here at home, as the Cougars look for their first win of the season over the Empire.
Marcia: It was a great first quarter for the Cougars, who scored thirty-two points, led by star rookie Annie Carter with thirteen.
Sheryl: All right, you’re all doing great out there, keep up the good work. This is how we beat them. Play with intensity, play with purpose. Be quick on that floor. When we’re at our speediest, not even the Empire can keep up with us. We’re tiring them out. Sally made Sadie play ten full minutes. Sully’s looking tired, this is where we need them.
Debra: So, my problem is that I’m also tired.
Sheryl: Do you want me to put Hoover back in?
Debra: No! I’m good to go!
Sheryl: All right then. Keep up the good work!
Fiona: Am I going to be on the bench the entire game? I know I was terrible against Kansas City, but I think I deserve a fair shot!
Sheryl: In time, Haas. We have a fragile lead against a terrific team, I’m not getting experimental with the lineups today.
Fiona: That’s code for “you’re benched,” isn’t it?
Sheryl: You will play today. You will all play!
Tara: Even me?
Sheryl: Yeah. You’re on the roster, aren’t you?
Tara: Uh-huh.
Sheryl: Don’t look so scared when you say it. You’ve earned your place!
Tara: I feel sick.
Sheryl: I’m starting to think we need a better sports therapist.
Debra: There’s a reason me and Carter went outside the organization.
Sheryl: All right! Annie, Debra, Melissa, Kamala, Aubrey, get in there.
Carmen: Why am I not in?
Sheryl: You played ten full minutes. We need you rested.
Debra: And only three points, yikes.
Sheryl: Debra!
Debra: I tell it like it is.
Carmen: You refused to pass me the ball!
Debra: You missed twice when Carter gave it to you! Why would I voluntarily cause us another empty possession?
Aubrey: I’d grab the rebound, that’s how me and Carmen play. She chucks up an ill-advised three, I’m there to catch it and finish the layup.
Debra: Truly beautiful basketball. Maybe we can try to convince them to change those missed FGs to assists if we explain the process.
Carmen: Very funny.
Debra: I thought so, benchwarmer.
Annie: Boy, someone’s fiery today.
Debra: Always am, kid.
A few minutes later…
George: And the officials are gonna call a foul. Not sure who on.
Marcia: Looks like it’s an offensive foul on Andreesi! Wow!
George: I don’t know about that.
Marcia: Neither do I. Can we get a replay?
Debra: That was BS! Sheryl, challenge that! She flopped!
Sheryl: No!
Debra: Yes!
Aubrey: Deb, it was a foul.
Annie: I have to agree. Sorry.
Debra: It was not!
Annie: You got her arm.
Debra: Are you just saying that because you think Sadie’s hot?
Annie: I knew I shouldn’t have told you about my personal life! Now you think I’m in love with every opponent just because I’m bi.
Aubrey: She’s only got eyes for me.
Debra: How sweet.
George: And that’s a delay of game warning on the Cougars.
Debra: Really, man?
Debra throws the ball and it hits Sadie Cojocaru in the back.
Marcia: Wow, this is nothing well for the Cougars. Now they’re calling a technical foul on Andreesi for slamming the ball and hitting Sadie Cojocaru with it.
George: That’ll be her seventh of the season, they’re getting close to the danger zone.
Marcia: It’s always the danger zone with Debra Andreesi, no?
George: Fair point.
Debra: Come on! That is nonsense! I tossed the ball!
Sadie: You launched it into my back!
Debra: Not true!
Sheryl: Debra, bench! Now! Carmen, you’re in!
Carmen: That’s some Carmen karma!
Debra: I hope you tear your ACL.
Carmen: Excuse me?
Debra: Just basketball talk for “break a leg!”
Carmen: I don’t think it is.
Sheryl: Hale! Get in there!
Carmen: Going, coach!
Debra: Can you believe I got benched for that?
Fiona: I’m afraid to talk smack about coach.
Debra: I can’t even get you to defend me? Oh boy.
Fiona: You didn’t deserve a tech. It wasn’t your fault Sadie was standing there.
Debra: Nah, I was aiming for her. She flopped, she deserved to be hit.
Carrie Ann: Not exactly there greatest thing to be teaching the rook, Deb.
Fiona: Oh, don’t worry, while I respect Debra, I do know not to replicate her temperament.
Debra: My temperament? I have an amazing temperament. I’m the most temperate person I know.
Carrie Ann: There’s no way you believe that.
Sheryl: Haas, London, get ready to check in.
Fiona: Really? Gotta go, Debra.
Debra: What a pity.
Later that day, during the third quarter…
George: Andreesi driving to the basket, she’s denied by Sullivan. Rebounded by Jordan.
Debra: Come on! That was a foul! You gotta call that!
Sheryl: Debra! Get on the floor and play defense!
Debra: I was fouled! She hit my forehead! Are you blind?
Referee: Knock it off, or I’ll have to give you a technical.
Debra: Give me a tech! Do it! I’ll wear it proudly! You’re a dictator! You’re like the Putin of this league, and I’ve met Putin!
The ref points at Debra and puts her hands in the shape of a T.
George: Wow, they’re calling another technical on Debra Andreesi. That’s gonna be the last we see of her in this game.
Marcia: It’s also her eighth of the season, which means she’s likely going to miss the next game unless one of these techs is rescinded.
Sheryl: Come on! You can’t do that!
Referee: Watch me!
Sally: Sheryl, come on. You’re making a scene, you’re distracting the refs. Give it up.
Sheryl: Don’t try me, Sally.
Sally: I’m not used to seeing you like this.
Sheryl: Because the refs clearly want your team to win and I’m not gonna sit by and let it happen.
Sally: Hey! Did you buggers hear what she just said?
Sheryl: I’ll say it louder to make sure they can hear it!
Aubrey: Coach, no!
Sheryl: This is bullshit! You’re in the tank for New York. All night, it’s been terrible referr-
George: Wow! Sheryl Wilson’s gonna get a tech, too.
Marcia: This game has devolved into chaos, and the refs have lost control. Not good for the game, not good for the Cougars.
George: Sadie Cojocaru is going to the line to shoot the two free throw technicals as an indignant Debra Andreesi leaves the court.
Marcia: And Sheryl Wilson wants a time out to talk things over.
George: I’d recommend that, yeah.
Annie: Aww, they’re playing Hit the Road Jack for her. That’s kinda mean.
Aubrey: She’s used to it.
Sheryl: All right, Hoover, you’re going in. We still have an eight-point lead, this is winnable.
Carmen: It’s down to six now.
Sheryl: Oh, right. Everything after the tech is kind of a blur. Well, all of you, keep up the good work. Don’t get any techs. The refs are not going to give us the benefit of the doubt tonight after this fiasco, but I don’t need any of you arguing with them.
Aubrey: Not even a little? I like to get chippy for fun.
Sheryl: Not even a little. And that means me, too. I’m gonna have to tone it down.
Later that day, after the game…
Hailey: My question’s for Coach Wilson. Coach, you said that the game just got away from you today once Debra was off the floor. You had to play a quarter and a half without her today. Your next game, you’ll have to play without her entirely. How do you plan to manage that?
Sheryl: Well, um, right now, I’m focused on the here and now. Focused on the game we just played and lost, and focused on where things went wrong and how to fix them. And so, looking at that tape and figuring out those answers is gonna be a huge part of how we move forward in Thursday’s game. Obviously, when you have Debra on your team, you know this is a risk. I’ve coached games without her, and we have very talented guards who can step up in her place. It’s a big loss, she’s a great player, an all-star. But we have a talented team, and we’ll manage.
Annie: Can I also add -
Sheryl: No, you can’t add anything. The way they were officiating tonight, they might give you a tech for criticizing them.
Annie: You’re right, they would do that.
Sheryl: They might actually fine both of us for what we just said. It’s the wild west out there.
Aubrey: Anyway, we’re keeping spirits high despite the loss, as you can see.
Sheryl: Yeah, because we’re out here while everyone else gets to manage Debra.
In the locker room…
Carmen: Debra, are you ready to talk now?
Debra: No.
Melissa: I think it’s best to just give her space.
Carmen: The reporters are gonna be staking out trying to get an interview with her. This is going viral.
Debra: I’ll ignore them.
Melissa: I think this means I should postpone my celebration over likely getting to start on Thursday.
Carmen: We’ll just go the bar together after we get out of here.
Debra: I have to go home to Whitney and tell her I got a one-game suspension. Again.
Fiona: I can tell her for you.
Debra: What? How would that work?
Fiona: I have the hotel room right next to yours.
Debra: I’m good on that. I have a gentle touch with Whitney. We’ve known each other forever!
Serena: I think you’re taking this well. Better than Tara!
Tara: One less guard means I might have to play significant time. I don’t want to play at all. I’m here for team morale.
Melissa: How have you not been waived?
Tara: I don’t know!
Later that day, when Debra returns to her hotel room…
Debra: So… how was your day?
Whitney: Well, for once, I actually watched the game.
Debra: Wow, that’s shocking. I thought you’d be out seeing New York!
Whitney: Well, it’s nighttime. I would’ve gone to the game, but it was sold out.
Debra: Did you see me?
Whitney: Getting two techs and a suspension? Yeah.
Debra: I couldn’t help it. The refs were on something! They wanted to take me down!
Whitney: There were bad calls, and bad no-calls. I agree with that, for sure. I also think you, um… have you talked with your therapist about your anger?
Debra: She’s a sports psychologist.
Whitney: I think no one is better-equipped to handle on-court anger issues than a sports psychologist.
Debra: Don’t start with me, Whit.
Whitney: I know, it was all the refs’ fault.
Debra: Yes!
Whitney: I’m wondering how you’re going to handle being suspended for a game.
Debra: I’ve done it before.
Whitney: Yeah, but you’re more passionate this season than I’ve seen you in years. Since I retired, at least.You can’t go out there and play with Annie, you can’t sit on the bench, you can’t razz your teammates in the locker room. That’ll be hard for you.
Debra: It’s one game. What’ll be harder is making sure I don’t get another tech for the rest of the season.
Whitney: Do you really think you’ll be able to do it?
Debra: No, not really. But I gotta try!
Whitney: Please do so.
Debra: I wonder what the kids will get up to without me.
Whitney: You can still go to practice, right?
Debra: Yeah, but all that matters is the game. Am I replaceable? What will it mean if they can win without me?
Whitney: You guys won games last season, when Annie wasn’t around. That doesn’t mean you didn’t need her. You are one of the greats, and the team knows that. If they win the next game, it speaks to their level of talent, not to yours.
Debra: I guess you’re right. I just feel like the pressure is on me at this age to justify my continued presence int his league. If they can play better without old me -
Whitney: I don’t even want to hear it. Now, go take a shower, you’re all sweaty.
Debra: Yeah, I skipped the shower in the locker room. I was too afraid I’d break the knob out of sheer rage.
Whitney: Well, don’t do it here, either. We’d have to pay for that.
Debra: You make us sound so frugal.
Whitney: On the salary you make…
Debra: We’re not hurting for money.
Whitney: No, just significantly underpaid.
Debra: Hopefully not for much longer! Although, this league doesn’t seem to want any better for itself, if they’re gonna suspend someone like me!
Whitney: That’s the spirit! You’re the GOAT, down’t forget it!
The next day, at practice…
Annie: Coach, I know you expect me to carry this team tomorrow.
Sheryl: I do, but only because I know you can do it.
Annie: I’m just not used to playing without Debra. Even when we’re not on the floor together, I know she could be. I know she’s right over there, on the bench. She’s my vet, vet leadership is so important for a rookie.
Sheryl: Annie, you are one of the best rookies this league’s ever seen. I haven’t seen a rookie this gifted since Debra herself. It’s not going to be the same without Debra, but Debra won’t be around forever. I hate to say it, but she’s not young like you. Consider this a test of what’s to come in the future.
Debra: Is coach calling me old?
Sheryl: No! I’m just saying Annie can lead this team to victory without you.
Debra: Are you really worried about not playing with me? You did’t have me when you were breaking every record in college!
Annie: I know, but I’ve really relied on you since I came to the pros. I’ve learned so much from you.
Debra: I’m glad to hear that, but you have everything inside you to win this game without me.
Aubrey: So that means your appeal failed?
Debra: Disgusting, right? I swear, this league’s rigged against us.
Celia: Just don’t say that in public, those fines are piling up. You girls are costing yourselves too much money, I hate to see it.
Sheryl: Now, we have a new game plan to learn, so let’s get to it! Someone very special is starting for the first time this season!
Melissa: It’s me, right?
Sheryl: Fiona!
Melissa: She’s not a guard. You know that, right?
Sheryl: I’m thinking outside the box?
Melissa: By starting a 5 at the 2?
Annie: Melissa, no one likes a selfish teammate.
Sheryl: Annie at 1, Carmen at 2, Kamala at 3, Aubrey at 4, Fiona at 5.
Aubrey: Wait a minute!
Sheryl: We’re going with a big lineup.
Annie: Aww, that always makes me feel short.
Sheryl: You’ll manage.
Debra: I’m not gonna lie, I’m excited to see how this is gonna work. I’ll be watching!
Celia: At the hotel.
Debra: That’s what I meant, Celia.
Celia : I didn’t need you getting any grand ideas about sneaking into the arena or into the locker room. This team’s not getting fined again.
The next day…
Debra: I knew they could do it without me.
Whitney: They’re not better without you just because they won, you know.
Debra: I know. There was some truly heinous basketball on display here today. A two-point win against a team that’ll be lucky to be a wild card is… eh. But they proved they can do it, they showed fight. Annie especially. I’m happy.
Whitney: Good. I don’t think I could take any more moping.
Debra: I haven’t been moping!
Whitney: I hear you talking to the refs in your sleep, begging them to rescind the tech.
Debra: I don’t recall that.
Whitney: You were asleep!
Debra: I call foul.
Whitney: That’s actually what you say to the refs in your sleep.
What did you think of this episode of Foul Play? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode of Foul Play next Thursday!
