ELENA, MARISSA, KATIE, TRISH, KRISTIN, CAROLYN, and VAL are sitting in the Bridgeport Zebras' bullpen. They are in New York, playing the New York Queens. The Zebras are winning 1-0 at the end of the eighth inning. TRISH is set to pitch in the ninth after the Zebras' starter pitched the previous eight innings.
KRSTIN
Tight one, right guys?
TRISH
Tough when you're playing a group of "queens." Dumb-ass team name. Can't believe I have to pitch to them.
CAROLYN
I like it. It's an homage to Queens, New York while a reminder that women can play baseball, too.
TRISH
They're not even from Queens, we're literally in Staten Island right now.
CAROLYN
Oh. Well, still, it's a cute name.
MELISSA
Whose team are you on?!
CAROLYN
Ours?
TRISH
Nobody who thinks the New York Queens is a good name for a baseball team is a teammate of mine.
ELENA
Quit it, Trish. We all know it's a dumb name, you don't have to go on about it.
TRISH
New York Islanders!
VAL
That's a hockey team.
TRISH
New York Empire?
MARISSA
Basketball. But how 'bout them Cougars?
TRISH
You calling me a cougar?!
MARISSA
The Colorado Cougars! Finally one a game against the Empire on Thursday night.
TRISH
Respectfully, I have no idea what you're talking about. But I'm not from Colorado.
MARISSA
It's a women's basketball team, Trish.
TRISH
Oh I don't watch that crap.
ELENA
Right so about that...I told you all they're in the crowd today, right?
Nobody answers.
ELENA
Alright. Basically Blake pulled a couple strings and they're all behind home plate. The camera keeps panning over to them after random strikeouts. It's supposed to boost our ratings apparently.
TRISH
Elena. Who the hell are you talking about.
ELENA
The Colorado Cougars. They'll be behind home plate when you pitch. Which is like, right now.
TRISH
Yeah, I'm not doing this.
TRISH walks onto the field, with the camera following her and projecting her path onto the big screen in the outfield. Right before she gets to the pitcher's mound, she turns to the dugout and walks down to the clubhouse. The bullpen phone rings immediately.
ELENA [on the phone]
I promise I didn't tell her to do that!...Understood.
ELENA [to the bullpen]
Marissa, you're in.
MARISSA
I'm the bullpen catcher, you really expect me to pitch well?!
ELENA
Manager's orders.
MARISSA is in disbelief, but walks onto the mound regardless. Suddenly, an All-Star veteran on the Cougars, DEBRA, is especially rowdy.
DEBRA
HIT THE BATTER!
MARISSA tries to ignore her, but the pitch slips her fingers and she hits the first batter in the foot. The catcher, ALICE, comes out to talk to MARISSA as the batter takes first base.
ALICE
Hey, I don't know who you are, but you can't just go hitting batters just because someone in the crowd wants you to. I don't care who the person in the crowd is. It's dangerous. Next time the ump's gonna give us a warning.
MARISSA
I understand. I truly didn't mean to hit her, I just...kind of suck at pitching.
ALICE walks back behind home plate.
DEBRA
HIT THIS ONE TOO!
MARISSA looks confused, not knowing if she's talking to her or the batter.
DEBRA
HIT THE BATTER!
MARISSA ignores DEBRA, but once again the pitch slips, this time hitting the batter in the arm. The UMPIRE motions a warning to MARISSA as there are now runners on first and second base.
DEBRA
COME ON PITCHER, YOU CAN DO IT! RIGHT ON THE SHOULDER!
MARISSA throws her third pitch of the inning, and despite genuinely trying to throw a strike, it hits the batter squarely on the shoulder. The UMPIRE starts to motion to eject MARISSA from the game, but gets stopped by the New York Queens' manager, who argues she's doing her best and not trying to hit the batters. MARISSA realizes the Queens' manager wants to keep her in the game, because the bases are loaded with no outs and she's two hit-by-pitches away from blowing the game for the Zebras.
MARISSA anticipates DEBRA to yell again before she throws the next pitch, but DEBRA goes quiet. When Marissa finally throws the pitch, it's a ground ball right to the third baseman. The third baseman steps on the bag and throws it to the second basement, who then throws to the first baseman to turn the triple play and end the game.
MARISSA goes up to the edge of the field and yells over to DEBRA.
MARISSA
YOUR PLAN WORKED!
The UMPIRE hears this and suspends MARISSA from the next game.
MARISSA
Oh it was entirely accidental and I’m not a pitcher.
UMPIRE
Just doing my due diligence. Now head on back to your bullpen before you get yourself into more trouble.