The Cougars are at practice on the day before a home game.
Sheryl: One more thing before we go. Andreesi, you know you’ve got a big milestone coming up?
Debra: Me? No!
Sheryl: 9,981 career points. You’re one twenty-piece away from league history.
Aubrey: That’s a lot of points, just how old are you?
Debra: Coach, would I be allowed to play tomorrow if I slap Billings?
Sheryl: You would not be.
Melissa: I think she should be allowed to do it. Better to get her anger out now than on the court, where she’ll get another tech.
Debra: Thank you, Hoover.
Carmen: I know Melissa’s not the one talking about someone else getting her anger out…
Kamala: Yeah, coach didn’t have to sit any of the rest of us down to reprimand us for starting a fist fight during a game.
Melissa: I wasn’t reprimanded.
Sheryl: You were. I should’ve benched you for an entire game. I can’t believe the league didn’t.
Melissa: I was innocent! She started it!
Sherry: I don’t care! Now that we’re up to a stellar 0.333 average, I don’t want to put it at risk of going back down by having my players decide to take out their frustrations on other players. You’re pissed the refs aren’t doing their jobs? I’m just as pissed, leave it to me to try and get the refs’ heads straight. You all need to focus on the game. Speaking of focusing, you’ve all distracted me.
Fiona: I wanted to point out that coach also sat me down to discuss my anger issues and I think it’s really helped.
Sheryl: Fiona, I was joking with you. You barely speak. I saw you run away from a butterfly outside last week.
Fiona: Are you telling me I’m not violent enough?
Sheryl: I just want you to be a bit more passionate, and maybe not be so afraid.
Fiona: Oh, like this?
Fiona punches Aubrey in the stomach.
Aubrey: Jesus Christ, Haas!
Fiona: Did I make you proud, Debra?
Debra: I’m afraid to answer that. Coach?
Sheryl: Fiona, let’s not do that anymore. Billings, are you all right?
Aubrey: I was just punched by an Amazon, do you think I’m all right?
Annie: I can get you an ice pack.
Aubrey: I think I might need an appendectomy.
Sheryl: Do you seriously need a medic?
Fiona: Oh god, I’m gonna get waived.
Debra: At your height? No way. You don’t come across someone of such a unique shape any old day.
Sheryl: So, back to what I was saying, we’re going to be seeing history soon. I think we may, perhaps, be seeing a very special celebration planned by the front office whenever that history is made.
Debra: No need to make a big deal about it. Every point matters just the same. And, besides, I haven’t had over eighteen points in a single game this season. It could be two, three games away.
Sheryl: It’ll be historic regardless of when it happens.
Aubrey: And she’s not just saying that because you’re a dinosaur!
Fiona: Should I hit her again?
Debra and Sheryl (in unison): No!
Later that night, when Debra returns home…
Whitney: So, honey, how was practice today?
Debra: Fine, other than Haas punching Billings.
Whitney: What?
Debra: Oh, it wasn’t out of malice. I made a joke about hitting Billings for calling me old. Haas took it seriously, and when Sheryl commented on how timid she is, she punched Billing to impress the team.
Whitney: Is she, like… special?
Debra: She’s lived a sheltered life. She’s like seven feet tall, I think the other kids at school were too worried she was Slenderman to invite her to any parties or anything.
Whitney: Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?
Debra: Well, I’m apparently less then twenty points off from being the WBL’s first-ever 10,000-point scorer. So that’s interesting!
Whitney: Oh! I should come to the game then!
Debra: I was under the impression you always came to home games.
Whitney: I have a life outside the home, dear.
Debra: The basketball game is outside the home.
Whitney: Do you want me to come to tomorrow’s game or not?
Debra: I don’t know, might be sold out…
Whitney: Oh, I forgot, people actually want to go see your games now that Annie’s here!
Debra: That’s a low blow!
Whitney: Are you going to be able to get me a seat for tomorrow’s game?
Debra: I’ll talk to Celia.
Whitney: Oh my god, it’s really serious if you have to talk to Celia!
Debra: Can I be honest?
Whitney: You need to ask permission to be honest? Are you not generally being honest?
Debra: This is embracing to admit. I need no judgment.
Whitney: I might give you a hard time sometimes, but I don’t judge.
Debra: I’m not someone who usually cares about record or who struggles under pressure, but I’m nervous about this 10,000 point thing. I haven’t had a bad season so far, but I also haven’t been shooting great. I feel like now that the record’s close, everyone’s going to be watching, and I’m in my head about it.
Whitney: Just go out there and play quality team basketball. The record will come when it comes, the most important thing is to contribute to the team’s success. If you’re not focusing on the record, it can’t impact your performance.
Debra: Yeah, but I know they bought balloons and confetti. I’m gonna feel like I’ve let the team down if I don’t get this done this game, or at least during this homestand.
Whitney: You’ve played in six finals series in the WBL. Four championship games in college. There was plenty of confetti and balloons I can’t believe this is the thing getting to you.
Debra: I’m getting soft in my old age! You know… this is probably the last record I ever get to set. The last major milestone of my career. The end is very close.
Whitney: You can still win a championship! And there are plenty of other milestones to hit!
Debra: Maybe you’re right.
Whitney: For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t be coming to tomorrow’s game if I find’t think you could hit that milestone.
Debra: Again, I really thought you were coming to all the home games.
Whitney: You know what they say about assuming…
The next day…
Gerald: It’s game day here in Denver, and it’s a big one. The Cougars are coming off winning back-to-back games for the first time this season, including against the Virginia Vampires, who hold the league’s second-best record this season. Franchise star Debra Andreesi is also less than twenty points away from becoming the first player in WBL history to reach 10,000 points.
Clarice: This season, she has yet to score more than the nineteen points she’d need to reach that milestone, but fans are still anticipating the possibility of it happening during today’s home game, and the Cougars are expected to celebrate their all-time great’s big achievement whenever it does happen.
Gerald: Today, the 3-6 Cougars will face the 2-7 Albuquerque Bighorns. Coach Sheryl Wilson is confident that the team can extend its win streak, though she says it will be crucial for her team to not underestimate their opponent, stressing that they’re better than their record suggests.
Meanwhile, in the locker room…
Sheryl: Ladies, I want you to not take a single thing for granted. This team’s record might not be good… neither is ours.
Annie: Very inspiring, coach.
Sheryl: I try to be.
Melissa: Today could be a really big day for one of us. Not naming names, but… we all know who.
Debra: We don’t have to talk about that.
Melissa: Why would we not?
Fiona; I think if Debra doesn’t want to talk about it, we shouldn’t talk about it.
Melissa: Okay, if you insist, I don’t want to be your next victim.
Carmen: Don’t talk about her like she’s Hannibal Lecter.
Annie: Besides, it’s not like the world did’t just see you deck Jenn Fisher in the face.
Kamala: Isn’t that the woman from The Office?
Melissa: Also the name of an absolute BITCH of a basketball player, who I really only hit to defend Annie’s honor.
Keith: Also, it did get her a security system sponsorship.
Sheryl: Coach, I’d prefer if we didn’t encourage violence from our players. I don’t want a league investigation into the coaching staff.
Roseanne: Yeah, I’m the one in charge of defense, they’d fine me first.
Keith: I was merely pointing out that it helped line Hoover’s pocket, so maybe she shouldn’t judge Haas too harshly.
Aubrey: As the person who was hit by Haas and now has a bruise because of it, I’m okay with just moving on from this conversation.
Debra: And I’d also like to move on from discussing any records, balloons above the court be damned!
Later that day, during the game…
Sheryl: Okay, Debra… what is going on? I had to put Lightlinger in in your place because you looked lost and Hoover’s finger is injured! You’ve got four points in the third quarter!
Kamala: Safe to say that record’s gonna have to wait.
Sheryl: Hush. Get to the scorer’s table, you’re checking back in for Hale.
Kamala: Got it, coach.
Sheryl: Haas, London, you’re also going in. Andreesi… can I trust you to be on the floor?
Debra: Well, I guess.
Sheryl: It is so rare for me to see you like this. It’s like your mind isn’t even in the game.
Debra: I’ve been thinking about the record. It’s not like me, but this is about etching my name into history..
Sheryl: If it’s any consolation, Angela Watters is probably gonna surpass you in points eventually anyway.
Debra: It’s not. I’m still going to be the first to 10,000. No one could take that away from me, as long as I can ever actually score again.
Sheryl: Maybe I gave you the yips in regards to your scoring by pointing out how close you were to the record. I’m sorry if I did that. I surely didn’t mean to. You’re a high-impact player, though. You don’t just score. You create opportunities. You make us better. So go in there and don’t focus on scoring. Just worry about being a good teammate. It’s what I’ve always known you to do.
Debra: I’m gonna try my best, coach.
Sheryl: That’s all I can ask of you. No, go wait to check in. We can still win this game, it’s not over yet.
Debra: Not to mention, the Bighorns have blown every double-digit lead they’ve had this season.
Sheryl: Don’t count on it happening again. Not with how this team’s looking today!
Later, in the locker room…
Sheryl: All right, so that was a loss.
Annie: I want to apologize, I -
Debra: You scored eighteen points. You’re not the one who needs to apologize.
Annie: But that’s way lower than I should be scoring. I’m in a rut.
Debra: Okay, but I’m the one in a major rut, and I need to throw the pity party here.
Annie: The floor’s yours.
Debra: I let the team down today trying to chase that record, and I’m sorry. I took an irresponsible shot at the start of the game and it got in my head the rest of the game. I tried to listen to coach, but I still couldn’t get. It together. I’m your vet, I should be above that.
Alicia: I mean, you are seven points closer to that record!
Debra: Wow, when you put it that way… I had a shit game.
Fiona: Everyone has bad days!
Aubrey: For example, mine was yesterday, when I was sucker-punched by Shrek’s sister.
Melissa: I see her more as the Jolly Green Giant.
Sheryl: Andreesi, it’s going to be all right. You had a bad game, it happens to all of us. You think I never had a bad game as a player?
Roseanne: God, she had a lot! She was mostly terrible!
Sheryl: Thank you, coach.
Roseanne: Just being honest! It’s important.
Sheryl: I have to go do media now with Carter and Billings. Hoover, get that finger checked out, you’re worrying me with how you’re fiddling with it.
Melissa: Oh, I’m fine! Absolutely fine!
Sheryl: Sure. Andreesi, I’m gonna do you a solid and tell the press that you’re suffering from a cold if anyone asks about why you were so off tonight.
Debra: Oh god, I had a game so bad that coach is faking illnesses to excuse it. It might be time to hang it up.
Aubrey: Well, you are -
Debra: Don’t finish that sentence!
Aubrey: old.
Debra: Haas!
Two days later, in the locker room…
Debra: Carter, can we talk?
Annie: Of course!
Debra: We both know today could be a big day for me. It’s my last chance to break that record here at home.
Annie: It’s very exciting, but I don’t want you to get yourself crazy thinking about it. If it happens, that’s great. It not, it’s not gonna reduce the meaning of that record for you, which you’re gonna hit regardless.
Debra: I know. I just, uh… I do put pressure on myself to be great, and I guess knowing that record was so close, it did mess with my head. But today, I don’t want to think about it. All I are about is being your vet, and helping you in the backcourt.
Annie: You’re always a help. One game with poor shooting doesn’t change that. I’ve always got your back, and I know you’ve got mine.
Debra: I really appreciate that, because after last game, I did lose some faith in myself. Sometimes I feel like I’m just too old for this.
Annie: The things you can still do out there on the court are incredible. It might not be up to the caliber of your MVP season, but I don’t know if we’ll ever see a season that great again.
Debra: I had two MVP seasons, actually.
Annie: Oh, I know.
Debra: Are you implying one of my MVP seasons was significantly better than the other?
Annie: So anyway, excited to take on Kansas City today?
Debra: Not particularly. They’re a pretty good team, and we just lost to a terrible one. We need a win for the PR. You’ve brought a whole bunch of fans to the league, are they gonna stick around if your team absolutely sucks?
Annie: We’re not that bad!
Debra: 3-7, Carter.
Annie: Well, we’re not great.
Debra: We gotta improve, that’s the only thing we need to worry about.
Annie: Now all I’m thinking about is that I gotta get us the win so the fans don’t turn on us! Was this mental warfare? You want me to screw up this game to distract people from your screw-up in the last game?
Debra: That wasn’t the plan, but that would be diabolical. I wish I would’ve thought of it, I’d have tried it out on Billings.
Annie: I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t think being on the same team as my greatest sporting idol would be quite like this.
Debra: I’m full of surprises, aren’t I? Though, I’m not sure I ever really hid it.
Annie: I just figured the on-court persona was, well… a persona.
Debra: It is! I’m mostly just kidding around. I’d never try and psych Billings out, she’s our center! You really want to rely on Haas?
Annie: There’s Sonoma, too. She’s been here longer than Aubrey, maybe you’d rather play with her.
Debra: Ah, because we did such great things when she was our first big off the bench.
Sheryl: Ladies, come on!
Annie: My god, where’d she come from?
Debra: She often appears out of thin air.
Sheryl: Ladies! Big game again today, we’re back on the road after this one. Would be great to secure another win at home, we don’t really want to drop below a .300 record.
Aubrey: Direct that at… certain people, not all of us.
Sheryl: What are you implying, Billings?
Melissa: I think she’s implying that Debra lost us the game.
Sheryl: No one lost us the game. We lost to that god-awful team by nine points, and that was an improvement on how we closed out the third quarter.
Aubrey: Yeah, but DA playing so terribly -
Debra: Can we move on from this?
Sheryl: Yes, we can. The only goal today is to win. That’s it. The media is already painting us as playoff long-shots, and May isn’t even over yet. We have to show them and the league that we have it.
Carmen: Do we have it, though?
Sheryl: Of course! We have some of the best players in the league -
Debra: And Haas.
Sheryl: and a reliable crew all-around. This is a strong team, we’re just underperforming, because we’ve had so many games in less than a month. There hasn’t been much time to gel, It’s going to happen. I say, today’s the day to go on a run! And look, ladies, our dear general manager is here!
Celia: Good luck today, ladies! And, Deb, what are we thinking about that record? Today’s the day?
Fiona: We’re actually not allowed to talk about it, and I can’t believe you just brought it up.
Debra: No, Celia can talk about whatever she wants. It’s her team. And I do think that record’s getting broken today.
Celia: That’s the spirit! We’re not wasting all that confetti and those balloons after we used so much of the budget on them!
Annie: How many balloons are we talking here?
Keith: You know the house from Up?
Annie: Got it.
Celia: What’s Up?
Aubrey: That’s one of my favorite songs. I love the 4 Non Blondes and all of their song.
Celia: I’m lost.
Aubrey: That’s because you’re old.
Sheryl: You gotta stop calling people that, Aubrey! Especially when they’re actually senior citizens.
Celia: I am NOT a senior citizen! Look at my dance moves!
Rhonda: Oh, she’s gonna break a hip. Sad to see.=
Celia: I’m fine!
Annie: I think maybe we should start shootaround.
Sheryl: I think that’s a fabulous idea!
A bit later…
Gerald: It’s another Cougars gameday here in Denver. I’m Gerald Washington, joined as always by the broadcasting great herself, Clarice DeBeau.
Clarice: The Cougars are coming off a gutting loss against the Bighorns two days ago, and coach Sheryl Wilson has made it clear that the team has put in the work to avoid another loss happening here today.
Gerald: That’s what they always say, no?
Clarice: Fair point.
Gerald: In other exciting news, Debra Andreesi is now just twelve points from WBL history. The only player to reach 8,000 or 9,000 points in her career, she’s now on track to be the first to hit 10,000, as well - possibly as soon as tonight.
Clarice: She’s coming off a tough game, with only seven points on 3-13 shooting, and coach Wilson tells us she was just under the weather on Tuesday, suffering from severe cramps.
Gerald: Well, that would beg the question of why she stayed out on the court so long, no?
Clarice: Gerald, I’m not here to be a coach. But yes.
Gerald: Well, let’s get a look at your starting fives for the night… the Cougars are starting their standard lineup this season, with Annie Carter, Debra Andreesi, Kamala Kessler, Alicia Foley, and Aubrey Billings.
Clarice: The Kestrels are starting Maria Faye, Letitia Dawson, Vivian Sawsby, TiTi Gambell, and Jessie Tyler. Gambell, of course, moves from the 5 to the 4 after Molly de Carlo’s injury last week.
Sheryl: Good luck, Crampp.
Patrick Crampp (Kansas City Kestrels coach): I’m not gonna wish you luck, that would be wishing for my team to lose. Why are you doing that?
Sheryl: It’s just polite.
Patrick: I’m not here to make friends, I’m here to coach winning basketball.
Sheryl: All right!
Sheryl returns to her bench.
Sheryl: Christ, what a jackass.
Debra: What was he saying, coach? That looked heated.
Sheryl: It’s nothing, just typical Crampp rudeness. Aren’t you supposed to be center court? The game’s starting!
Debra: I need the tea. Come on, that’s what I thrive on!
Sheryl: I’d say “kids these days,” but, well… you’re approaching AARP eligibility.
Debra: Ouch!
A bit later, in the first quarter…
Gerald: That’s Andreesi’s third bucket of the night - she’s now up to seven points.
Clarice: Well, it’s encouraging to see her matching her score from the last game within the first quarter. Does hopefully eliminate the stress a lot of people had about that last game indicating a more severe issue.
Annie: Deb, what is going on with you? I haven’t seen this fire in you in-person before.
Debra: I’m breaking that record, Carter. And I’m gonna break Crampp’s spirit.
Annie: Wow, where’d that come from?
Debra: He was talking down to Sheryl.
Annie: Oh, really? Well, let’s see how he likes this!
Gerald: Carter fires off from long-range… and a miss. Rebounded by Billings, passed out to Andreesi, and she lays it in for another two! Three away from 10,000!
Clarice: I think she’s back, ladies and gentlemen.
Annie: I totally meant to do that. That’s counts as an assist. You’re welcome.
Later in the game…
Sheryl: All right, this is beautiful basketball I’m seeing from everyone. That being said -
Carmen: Oh boy, here comes the “but.”
Sheryl: I don’t want you all burning yourselves out in this half and giving them a chance to come back in the second half. So, Carter, Andreesi, Billings, you’re on the bench. Lightlinger, Hoover, Haas, you’re in with Hale and DeLuca.
Carrie Ann: Why am I staying in, exactly?
Sheryl: Because London is sick and we don’t have a backup four besides her. I don’t need my starter four exhausted and winded.
Alicia: Oh, I’ll be fine! We probably shouldn’t have every starter on the bench, anyway.
Debra: I have a suggestion, coach.
Sheryl: This’ll be good.
Debra: Let me in to break that record.
Sheryl: Okay, that doesn’t help us handle the exhaustion concern. You’re the oldest starter.
Debra: But I really wanna break it!
Aubrey: Are we allowed to talk about that record now?
Debra: Yes, I remembered how to play basketball again, so I’m willing to fully bask in my greatness now.
Sheryl: All right, Lightlinger, Andreesi, Hale, DeLuca, Haas. That’s the lineup. We keep one starter in, and allow the rest to, well, rest.
Annie: I want to be on the court when she hits the milestone.
Sheryl: Jesus…
Aubrey: Is my savior.
Sheryl: We know. All right, Lightlinger, you’re staying on the bench for now.
Tara: Thank the lord!
Sheryl: Do you even like this sport?
Tara: Of course! Just not the competition part.
Sheryl: Anyway… good luck, ladies.
The players head back to the court, as the timeout ends.
Annie: Deb, I’m gonna pass it to you. Go for three, get that record.
Debra: Three? That’s a little risky, no? I thought maybe just two layups. I don’t want any clips of the announcers saying “Oh, this is the record breaker” and then it’s an airball.
Annie: Trust me. When I lob it to you, go for it. You got this!
Carrie Ann: Ladies, enough chatting! You’re being very bad girls!
Debra: We’re not your daughter, DeLuca.
Carrie Ann: Sorry, I’m just always in mom mode.
Annie: Andreesi!
Gerald: And that could be it, Andreesi going for three, that would take her to exactly 10,000.
Clarice: And it’s good! Debra Andreesi is your first-ever 10,000 scorer in the history of the WBL!
Debra: Oh my god!
Gerald: We just witnessed history in this arena, ladies and gentlemen.
Annie: You did it! I knew you would!
Sheryl: Time! Time!
Gerald: And timeout called by Sheryl Wilson as soon as Colorado regains possession of the ball, no doubt to give the Cougars’ all-time great a chance to feel the love.
Sheryl: Debra! I’m so proud of you!
Aubrey: I’m sorry for insinuating you were an old, washed-up has-been!
Debra: Eh, you were just voicing the concerns I had in my own head. But no longer! Take a look at ole’ Debra now!
Annie: Are we getting benched now?
Sheryl: Oh yeah.
After the game, at the post-game media availability…
Hailey: My question is for Debra… what felt better tonight, being the first player to ever reach 10,000 points, or getting that win?
Debra: I mean no disrespect to the great players of Kansas City, but what single basketball game could ever compare to feeling all that confetti pouring down on you? I just think it’s so special that the team went above and beyond to make this so special for me. I did’t always believe I could get there, but they did. And that’s what you always want in an organization, support and the ability to uplift you.
Celia: You’re welcome!
Sheryl: For what it’s worth, the win also felt pretty good.
What did you think of this episode of Foul Play? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode of Foul Play next Thursday!
