Frances is on the plane back to California.
Frances: Jimmy, I’m so nervous.
Jimmy: You need a Klonopin?
Frances: I wish I’d known you had that days ago. I’ve been a wreck this entire trip over this decision, a magic little pill could’ve eased the suffering.
Jimmy: If it’s any consolation, I also forgot I had it until right now.
Lauren: I’m nervous, too. Will I have a job when I get back to Burbank? That remains to be seen!
Frances: You’ll be fine! And if you get fired, I’ll hire you for my show!
Lauren: The one you’re ending?
Frances: That’s unfair.
Louise: I was really hopping you’d drag this out so I could get, say, another week in Hawaii.
Frances: Even I knew I couldn’t keep this going that long.
Louise: But… Hawaii!
Jimmy: How many vacation days do you have?
Louise: I don’t think that matters. It’s Hawaii!
Lauren: We live in Santa Barbara, it’s gorgeous at home.
Louise: It ain’t Hawaii!
Frances: So, advice… does anyone have any?
Jimmy: I think they’re probably prepared for this outcome, based on you going missing by choice to avoid making a decision on this. They might not know for sure that you’re going, but they know it’s a possibility. It’s not like you’re dropping a bomb on them here.
Flight attendant: Did you just say bomb, sir?
Jimmy: No… not in that context, no.
Flight attendant: I do believe you. Just avoid such phrasing in the future.
Frances: I feel like she went a little easy on a potential terrorist right there.
Jimmy: Shh!
Frances: Okay, the shushing looks pretty suspicious, too.
Lauren: So, have you decided how you’re gonna tell the crew?
Frances: I’m gonna invite Beverly and Marcia and Jane over for dinner tonight, and I’m gonna break the news to them.
Lauren: Tonight? You’re gonna have the energy after this flight?
Frances: Maybe we’ll do it tomorrow.
Lauren: You’re going to avoid them for another day?
Frances: I’ll tell them on the set. I’ll make a nice breakfast, let them down gently.
Jimmy: I don’t know if you really need us, clearly Lauren’s a much better therapist. You listen to her better than us.
Lauren: If she listened to me, we wouldn’t’ have ever even gone to Hawaii.
Louise: You tried to steal my Hawaiian vacation from me? After all I’ve one for you? I gave you life!
Lauren: I apologize for trying to advise aunt Frances to be responsible.
Frances: I am plenty responsible!
Lauren: I think the last four days would suggest otherwise.
Frances: Okay, enough of this. Give me that Klonopin, I’m gonna try to get some sleep and avoid thinking about… you know.
Louise: Sweet dreams.
Lauren: That was unusually nice, mom.
Louise: She took me to Hawaii, I’m not gonna be an ass to her on the return flight!
Jimmy: I’ve taken you to Hawaii before.
Louise: No, Frances took me to Hawaii before.
Jimmy: Oh, right.
Frances: Maybe you can keep my generosity in mind the next time you want to make one f your signature snide remarks towards me.
Louise: We’ll see.
Later that day…
Frances: Yvonne, I need you to call Paul McVann for me.
Yvonne: What’s the verdict? He’s getting sick of waiting.
Frances: I’m gonna take the job.
Yvonne: Woo-hoo! I knew you’d make the right choice! I’m gonna go pop the bottle of champagne I bought two weeks ago for this very occasion!
Frances: Could you call him and tell him my life-changing decision before you get drunk, perhaps?
Yvonne: Do you always have to be such a scold?
Frances: When my career’s on the line? Yeah.
Yvonne: You didn’t care too much about your career when you were in Hawaii…
Frances: Okay, nice talking to you, Yvonne!
The next day…
Marcia: My god, Beverly! Do my eyes deceive me?
Beverly: Look, it’s the island girl!
Jane: Rihanna?
Beverly: New Hawaiian resident Frances Conner!
Frances: All right, I get it, you’ve earned the right to mock me. What I did was inappropriate.
Beverly: You think? Frances, you’re supposed to be a professional! You’ve put your entire career at risk by going MIA like that. Dana is furious, I’m sure Paul McCann is, too.
Marcia: And so are we!
Frances: I was so conflicted, and I just needed time to decide. I knew whatever I decided would change my life in one way or another. I had to make the right choice.
Beverly: Have you made it?
Marcia: Are we all fired?
Jane: Just give her a minute, don’t rush her.
Beverly: Jane, are you saying that because you’re not ready to hear her decision?
Jane: Maybe.
Marcia: See what you’ve done? Jane’s crying!
Frances: I don’t know why, it’s not like she gets paid that much
Marcia: She’s paid more than enough for her skill level.
Beverly: Aww, that’s mean. But also true.
Jane: All right, I’m ready.
Frances: How about we just do this over breakfast? I brought something at home.
MArcia: Oh god, she’s leaving us. We’re gonna be unemployed!
Frances: What? No!
Marcia: Oh, thank god, she’s staying!
Jane: She is? I was so worried! Good thing it was for nothing.
Beverly: Frances, you look odd.
Frances collapses to the ground.
Jane: Oh no, she’s so happy that it made her faint.
Marcia: This has to be a bad sign, no?
Beverly: Does she need medical attention?
Marcia: Jane, hand me my water bottle.
Jane: Why?
Beverly: Oh, don’t do that.
Marcia spills her bottle of ice water on Frances.
Frances: Jesus! What was that for?
Marcia: You fainted.
Frances: What if I’d had a stroke or heart attack or something?
Marcia: I don’t think you go down quite like that when you have a stroke.
Frances: Okay, what if I’d had an aneurysm?
Marcia: You didn’t.
Beverly: You gotta decide, Frances. Are you staying or going?
Frances: Can I change first?
Beverly: No.
Frances: After a lot of thought, and days of self-reflection, it’s time to move on. I’ve decided that Frances in the Kitchen will end its run later this year, when my current contract expires.
Jane: I’m gonna cry!
Marcia: Can I be honest? I figured this was coming, and I’ve come to accept it.
Frances: What do you mean? I had a whole speech prepared about how difficult I knew this was gonna be for everyone!
Marcia: I’m gonna miss it, but I’ll be okay. I don’t need this show to live.
Beverly: I’ll be honest, I sort of do, but I’m sure I’ll land on my feet. Over a decade of steady work on a high-rated show will look good on the resume.
Jane: I can’t believe this is the end! I’m gonna miss you guys so much!
Frances: That’s what I had the hardest time with, knowing I won’t be seeing you guys every day anymore.
Beverly: We’ll still get together.
Marcia: You divorcing my brother is gonna make it harder to see you so often, but we’ll get together as often as we can.
Jane: I’ll be over at your house every day!
Frances: Okay, that might be overkill, honey.
Jane: You don’t want me coming around?
Frances: You have a life outside of work. I don’t want you neglecting it just for me. You and Jaime are so happy, you’re gonna get married and start a family.
Marcia: Don’t encourage that, she’d never be able to keep a kid alive!
Beverly: It’s not like any of us are experts on the subject. How would we know what makes a good mom?
Marcia: Well, I do know my mom had common sense.
Jane: Are you saying I don’t have common sense?
Marcia: The fact you even had to ask that means you don’t.
Frances: Anyway, we have two more months of working together. It’s gonna be okay. You guys all have time to find new jobs, and we can make memories together, and savor the time we have left.
Beverly: Did you tell Dana yet?
Frances: No, I wanted you all to know first.
Beverly: You probably should tell her. She’s been waiting for… too long, really.
Frances: By the way, guys, I want to thank you for being so understanding about this, and for taking the news so well.
Beverly: You gave us a lot of time to prepare for it, at least.
Jane: No amount of time could’ve prepared me for this!
Marcia: We’re gonna get her on some quality antidepressants.
Beverly: Frances, can you please go tell Dana before she fires us all two months early? I already had to beg and plead with her to not pull the plug days ago.
Frances: I’ll go do that now. I’ll be back soon!
Frances leaves.
Beverly: So, girls. What do we think?
Marcia: I didn’t want to make it any tougher on her than it needed to be, but I’m not taking this very well.
Beverly: You couldn’t tell!
Marcia: This is the best job I’ve ever had. I’m had an amazing time, even these last few days when we’ve been making it without Frances.
Beverly: Maybe Marcia in the Kitchen can be a full-time thing. Dana loves me!
Marcia: Let’s not push it. It’s time to move on.
Jane: Can someone hold me? I need a hug.
Beverly: There there. Bring it in.
Meanwhile, out on the studio lot…
DeAnna: Frances! I’ve heard the news! God bless you!
Frances: What?
DeAnna: I finally won’t have to deal with you anymore!
Frances: Did Lauren tell you the news?
DeAnna: No, I just saw it on TMZ! God, I’m not gonna miss you!
Essie: Oh, Frances! I just saw the news!
DeAnna: Santarita, butt out!
Essie: Can I talk to my friend?
DeAnna: You’re not friends! Hating you is the only thing that Frances and I can agree on!
Frances: That’s not true at all. Essie, it’s been lovely. What do you mean by TMZ?
DeAnna: They’re running a story about you leaving. Honestly, I’m shocked they consider you famous enough to cover. It actually disgusts me a bit, but the joy of knowing you’re leaving forever far outweighs my jealousy at you being TMZ headline news.
Frances: How is this happening? I just told my crew. Unless Jane accidentally butt-dialed them, this isn’t possible.
Essie: It said a source overheard you on an airplane and recorded it.
Frances: Oh boy. Of course this is Louise’s fault!
DeAnna: I don’t care whose fault it is, I’m just so glad it’s clearly true. Good riddance, you horrible bitch!
Frances: Right back a you, you hatchet-faced banshee from hell. Now, I have to be somewhere.
DeAnna: You going off to your fancy new job already?
Frances: No… shut up.
DeAnna: So disrespectful. Can’t wait for this to be in the past. When will that be, exactly?
Essie: September
DeAnna: What day exactly? I need to mark my calendar.
In Dana’s office…
Frances: Dana, thank you for -
Dana: First, I need to explain to you just how unprofessional all of this is.
Frances: I apologize for disappearing.
Dana: At a certain point, I worried you were dead. Then, I was hoping you were.
Frances: I am so sorry.
Dana: I’m not going to scream at you and have security remove you because Charlie wouldn’t want that. But I need you to explain to me how me finding out you’re leaving through TMZ is an appropriate end to our working relationship.
Frances: It was not intentional whatsoever. I foolishly asked my brother for advice on breaking the news while on a plane. I didn’t think anyone was close enough to hear. I was wrong. Someone apparently recorded the conversation. I didn’t think I was even famous enough for someone to care, honestly.
Dana: I didn’t either, that’s why I figured this had to be a planted story.
Frances: It wasn’t! I was as shocked to hear it as you are.
Dana: Well, I do believe you that it wasn’t planted. I think you just made an enormously stupid error, which this week has been filled with. And I also want to thank you.
Frances: You want to thank me?
Dana: You have given this network so much. I’m a shrewd businesswoman, I’m not happy to see my top talent leave after I invested so much in her. However, I can sense that this is something you personally need. I’m choosing to be human and understand that. I appreciate what you did for this network. I’m glad you have a bright future ahead. We’re going to give you a grand send-off, because it’s what you’ve earned. I’m gonna miss you around here.
Frances: Dana, it was never personal. This has been the job of a lifetime.
Dana: I’m aware.
Frances: It’s just been a bumpy time in my life. I need a fresh start. This job on Bake Your Heart Out will do that for me.
Dana: Is that what they’re calling it? Such a dumb name, that’ll never work. You’ll be back here begging for your job back in less than a year.
Frances: Dana, I feel like we were having a moment there, and that was an abrupt change.
Dana: I know, I’m sorry. Couldn’t help but get a little jab in.
Frances: Two more months. We’re gonna make them special.
Dana: I trust that you will. And, uh… not saying it will, but if that show does fail… you always have a home here. I say that against my better judgment.
Frances: Could I have a hug?
Dana: How about a handshake?
Frances: That works.
What did you think of this episode of Frances in the Kitchen? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the new episode next week
