Marietta is in New Hampshire on the night of the primary.
Marietta: Well… you can’t win ‘em all!
Amy: Clearly, Seth Meyers is no Caitlin Clark.
Tammy: Can we really keep getting celebrity endorsements and trying to use that to push us over the line?
Marietta: Absolutely not. We have so much to offer, the celebrity endorsements are just one part of it. We never center our campaign around endorsements, we center it around me and my views.
Amy: Well, that picture of you and Caitlin seemed to be on every billboard in the state.
Marietta: Sure, but the campaign in Iowa was still centered around my platform, which resonated with them.
Amy: Well, it didn’t work here. We have work to do yet
Henrietta: Baum had the home field advantage.
Amy: Ross did not, and she placed ahead of us.
Henrietta: by half of a percent. I’m not ready to ring the alarm bell.
Karen: We barely spent money or time here. We only really campaigned heavily in the state once we won Iowa. It’s sort of amazing we did this well. Baum and Ross have stormed the state for months.
Marietta: Also, let’s be honest, Ross got the better of me in the New Hampshire debate.
Karen: That was another blow to the momentum,. But it won’t last. South Carolina’s next -
Marietta: Nevada’s next.
Karen: Damn! I forgot about Nevada!
Marietta: Aren’t we flying to Nevada tonight?
Karen: Why would we fly to Nevada? It’s no use.
Tammy: If being from Connecticut is enough to give Baum the win in New Hampshire, Ross has Nevada on lock.
Marietta: We could try and stop the bleeding, no?
Karen: It’s not worth our time. The resources are better spent in South Carolina. A big win there is our best shot at stopping any Ross momentum.
Marietta: Should we not try to make sure we beat Baum in Nevada?
Karen: We’ll run some ads, that’s enough. No other campaign is bothering with campaign stops in Nevada, either.
Marietta: All right, you know best.
Karen: It’s what I’m paid for, after all.
Marietta: So what’s the next week look like?
Karen: South Carolina for most of it, and also stops in Minnesota, California, and Massachusetts with Ellie Wilson.
Marietta: All those in one week? Those states are nowhere near one another.
Karen: Yeah, isn’t it fun?
Tammy: We’re all gonna die.
Amy: Politics is a young woman’s game.
Henrietta: Even I’m exhausted.
Amy: Good for you.
Karen: Rest up, we have a big week ahead of us, a big three weeks, really. South Carolina should be locked down, especially with a strong debate performance. We need to look ahead to Super Tuesday.
Marietta: I’m tired.
Tammy: It’s been such a long day.
Amy: Can you just drop out and let us all go home to New Orleans?
Marietta: Not in a million years!
Amy: It was worth asking.
Tammy: Just think, Amy, you get to be White House Chief of Staff when this is all over!
Marietta: No one has ever promised her that!
Tammy: I know, but it’s so fun to dangle it in front of her face.
One hour later, at Marietta’s hotel…
Danny: Marietta! Is that you?
Marietta: Oh my god, Danny! It’s been forever since I’ve seen you!
Danny: Hasn’t been long since I’ve seen you! They had CNN on at the bar I was at.
Marietta: That’s a terrible bar.
Danny: You’re telling me!
Marietta: Kyle said you’ve been working with Habitat for Humanity, how’s that going?
Danny: It’s been going well. It’s rewarding work. I’m getting older, so those international aid trips were getting to be too much. This is less travel, a lot easier on the body.
Marietta: Yeah, building houses… easy peasy.
Danny: Don’t hype me up too much, it’s not good for my ego.
Marietta: So, you seeing anyone?
Danny: Well, I’m seeing you right now.
Marietta: See, it’s corny jokes like this that are why I divorced you!
Danny: Come on, don’t say things like that.
Marietta: What, things that are true?
Danny: You loved my sense of humor.
Marietta: I did, I really appreciated it. We had a lot of good times.
Danny: I’m really proud of you. I always said you were going to be president, and here you are, on the precipice.
Marietta: Not if New Hampshire has anything to say about it!
Danny: When was the last time the New Hampshire primary winner won the nomination?
Marietta: 2004.
Danny: So Baum’s doomed! This is the cursed primary, no one wants this. Iowa and South Carolina are where it’s at. Those states make presidents. New Hampshire’s a consolation prize, just a whole lot of nothingness.
Marietta: So what are you doing here, then, if it’s a whole lot of nothingness?
Danny: I mean, they have some great ski slopes.
Marietta: I wouldn’t know.
Danny: You could come skiing with me tomorrow!
Marietta: I’m out of here tomorrow. Karen runs a tight ship, we’re already dashing off to South Carolina by then. In fact, I need to get to bed and rest up. The next few weeks are going to be busy, I need sleep when I can get it.
Danny: I wish we had more time to reconnect! I just miss talking with you.
Marietta: I know! Well… you could come to my room.
Danny: You mean…?
Marietta: To… talk.
Danny: Of course.
The next morning…
Danny: Did that actually happen?
Marietta: Yup…
Danny: Are we going to talk about it?
Marietta: I would prefer not to. If you could go… I have to be in North Carolina.
Danny: South Carolina.
Marietta: Whatever. I’m not the one flying the plane.
Danny: We need to talk about this eventually.
Marietta: Danny, we were married for almost thirty years, we have a history, let’s not taint it by making this any more than what it is.
Danny: I don’t think this was a mistake. We clearly still have feelings.
Marietta: Do you want to get back together?
Danny: I don’t know, I’d be open to it.
Marietta: Well, it’s not a conversation I have time for right now. Maybe in the future!
Danny: I get it, you have a campaign to run. But I’ll always be here for you.
Marietta: I appreciate that.
Later that morning, on the flight to South Carolina…
Marietta: Ladies, I have something I need to talk about.
Amy: What else is new?
Marietta: I feel… icky.
Tammy: I told you not to order the pancakes, you always get syrup all over yourself.
Marietta: Icky, not sticky.
Amy: Don’t mind her, her ears are much older than the rest of ours.
Marietta: I’m being serious here, I need moral support and advice.
Amy: Oh no, what’ve you done.
Marietta: I saw Danny last night.
Tammy: No! No!
Henrietta: What? What’s wrong with that? She just said she saw him, they were married, nothing scandalous about that.
Tammy: No, I know her too well. She didn’t just see Danny last night.
Marietta: I’ll put this delicately. I bumped into him last night in the lobby… we parted ways this morning when I sped off to the airport.
Amy: Bumped into? Hell of a word choice there.
Marietta: I feel awful! Like garbage. Trashy, horribly garbage.
Karen: I don’t think I know you well enough to be hearing this conversation, so I’m going to put in my earbuds and listen to Joan Baez.
Amy: I wish I could be listening to Joan Baez instead of this.
Marietta: I don’t want to make you all uncomfortable, I just need advice.
Tammy: Sex is a natural thing.
Henrietta: Can’t say I ever wanted to hear those words from you.
Tammy: It is!
Amy: I know the teen mom isn’t moralizing about discussing sex!
Marietta: Hey, don’t attack Henrietta for that. She took what could have been a disaster and made a beautiful family out of it.
Henrietta: Thank you!
Amy: I think you’re a few years past being able to make a beautiful family out of this disaster.
Marietta: Are you calling me old?
Tammy: Why not? She called me old!
Marietta: No comment.
Amy: So what do you really need our advice on? Just how to move on from the moral shame of shagging your ex-husband? You didn’t do anything wrong, don’t beat yourself up.
Marietta: I just feel bad, I think Danny thinks it was more than what it was.
Tammy: And what was it?
Marietta: A one-off mistake. Never, ever happening again! Ever!
Amy: I think I saw an SVU about this once.
Marietta: Oh my god, that doesn’t make me feel any better!
Amy: Actually, it was Sex and the City.
Henrietta: Yes, two very easy shows to mix up.
Karen: You girls done yet?
Amy: No, Virgil Caine! Keep driving old Dixie down!
Karen: Can’t hear you, taking it as a no!
Tammy: You just have to tell Danny delicately.
Marietta: I have to call him? Pass.
Tammy: You can’t just avoid uncomfortable situations forever.
Amy: Yeah, what are you gonna do when a hurricane hits Florida and their wacky governor needs help? Ignore his calls?
Marietta: That’s a little different. Ignoring Danny is unkind. Ignoring Florida is an impeachment-worthy offense.
Amy: You’ll feel better just getting it over with.
Marietta: I guess…
Amy: I know best, trust me!
Tammy: No one would ever say that.
Karen: Done now?
Marietta: Yeah, we’re good.
Karen: Good, because I have to give us the itinerary for today’s campaigning! We’re meeting your family in Charleston, doing a few events there, then we’re heading to Kiawah Island. He have a seaside sunset event there.
Marietta: Seaside? It’s January!
Karen: Yeah, but people love the beach.
Marietta: This should be fun.
Later that day, in Charleston…
Patty Lynn: Oh, you look so good!
Martin: Patty Lynn, let her step onto the ground before you maul her. You practically lifted her off those steps!
Patty Lynn: I’m just excited to see her!
Kathleen: And she looks thrilled to see you! Look at her face, she looks like she just finished watching Marley & Me.
Marietta: I’m just exhausted. This whole campaigning deal is quite tiresome.
Kathleen: Who could’ve ever seen that coming?
Marietta: I never said it was unexpected. Trust me, I knew this is how it would be.
Patty Lynn: SO how are you feeling about New Hampshire? I know you weren’t expecting to win, but there has to be a bit of disappointment.
Kathleen: Great, make her feel worse.
Patty Lynn: No, I’m just asking! I thought she had a chance there after the big Iowa win.
Martin: And she called you crazy.
Patty Lynn: She did not. She told me to temper my expectations.
Martin: A polite way of calling you crazy
Marietta: We’re cautiously optimistic about the close third place finish. We didn’t put much money into New Hampshire, we sort of left it up for Baum to grab, and our strategy is to get momentum from South Carolina heading into Super Tuesday.
Patty Lynn: I’ll assume you guys know what you’re talking about.
Maria: I’m sorry we’re late, Kyle was on the phone.
Marietta: You guys aren’t late! You’re right on time. So glad you could fly up for this, it’s an “all hands on deck” sort of situation this week.
Amy: Yeah, South Carolina won’t vote for someone unless they get to meet their entire immediate family in person.
Marietta: The more ground volunteers, the better.
Maria: We actually had a question for you before the rally.
Marietta: Yes, you can speak. Just make it quick, I don’t want to make the people at the next event wait too long.
Maria: No, it’s not that.
Kyle: Dad just called me to tell me the big news!
Marietta: The big news? What big news? Nothing happened.
Tammy: Way to keep it cool.
Patty Lynn: No one told me any news. Am I being left out?
Kathleen: Imagine the meltdown we’re gonna get when Marietta doesn’t let her read the classified intelligence briefings.
Kyle: Dad says you two are getting back together.
Marietta: Did he really?
Karen: Gang, we need to get moving! The rally’s supposed to start in twenty minutes, let’s go!
Marietta: Well talk about this later.
Kyle: I sure hope so, I was quite taken aback by it.
In the car, on the way to the rally…
Amy: I’ve never said this before… thank god for Karen! Saved by the bell!
Tammy: It fits, because she has a shrill, alarm-like voice.
Karen: That’s a bit cruel.
Marietta: How do I ever possibly think of a way to explain to my child I had a one-night stand with his father?
Tammy: Well, your child is thirty. So that makes it easier.
Amy: People screw! The faster we get past that, the better.
Henrietta: I never realized you were such a sexually-liberated woman.
Amy: I’m much more complex than people realize!
Marietta: I know Kyle is an adult, but it’s still not easy to explain to him. I’m so mad at Danny for telling him this, I might have left it more ambiguous than I should have, but I made it very clear we were not back together.
Amy: It’s emotional manipulation is what it is. He’s relying on you not wanting to let Kyle down in order to guilt you into getting back together with him.
Tammy: That should make it easier for you to tell him you’re not getting back together, at least.
Marietta: I’m pretty pissed, so yeah.
Amy: Call him right now!
Marietta: Now?
Karen: I don’t think that’s wise.
Henrietta: Do it!
Karen: The rally is start-
Tammy: This’ll be quick.
Marietta: You know, I would prefer to do this in private.
Amy: Aww! No!
Marietta: We have a busy schedule today, I’ll call tomorrow.
Karen: Huzzah!
Amy: What are you gonna tell Kyle then? Surely he’s going to want to have that talk today.
Karen: We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.
The next day…
Kate: Marietta! Good to see you! Governor Coifer’s here, is he endorsing you?
Marietta: He sure is! It’s gonna be a big rally.
Kate: I didn’t even know he was dropping out!
Marietta: We just organized this last night. He said he was suspending his candidacy and wanted to endorse me in exchange for a cabinet position or ambassadorship.
Kate: So Dick’s gonna be in the cabinet? He’s a good choice.
Marietta: He is. I’m sorry, Kate, I don’t want to be rude. I’m getting a phone call.
Kate: Anyone exciting.
Amy: She’s about to break her ex-husband’s heart.
Kate: Excuse me?
Tammy: It’s a long story.
Marietta answers her phone and steps away.
Danny: Marietta! Sorry I missed your call earlier.
Marietta: It’s fine, we just have to make this quick.
Danny: I know you’re busy, I get it. I take it this call means you’ve decided how you feel about our future?
Marietta: Danny, we had an incredible life together. Part of me will always love you for what we had, but I can’t go back. I can’t. You’re a great guy, but the past is the past. What happened Tuesday was a mistake, it’ll never happen again.
Danny: I understand.
Marietta: And please, never tell our son we’re getting back together, not when it’s not even true.
Danny: I’m sorry, I got ahead of myself.
Marietta: It’s fine. I wish you a good life, I hope this gives you closure, because it is over. I mean it. Now,I have to go out for my rally.
Danny: Thanks, Marietta. Good luck with everything.
Marietta: Thank you. I’ll see you around.
Marietta hangs up.
Tammy: Well…?
Amy: Did you do it, or do we have an accidental First Gentleman?
Marietta: The deed is done.
Kate: I heard that’s not the only deed that was done!
Marietta: I don’t know who told you, but they need to keep their mouth shut!
Henrietta: Sorry! I talk too much sometimes.
Marietta: You're fired. Please pack your knives and go.
What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
