Marietta is in her office talking to Marissa.
Marietta: My goodness, it feels like forever since we’ve been able to just catch up and gossip!
Marissa: I know! I’ve missed it! I’ve been so busy, and you’ve been so busy.
Marietta: Eh. I’m not sure if “busy” is the right word. I’ve been occupied.
Marissa: You’re the mayor, I’m sure you’re much busier than me!
Marietta: How’s the new job, by the way? You sure fought like hell for it.
Marissa: That was awkward, wasn’t it? But Moira and I have gotten through it, and things are going well. I really think I’m moving the city council in a new direction.
Marietta: Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of respect and love for John Jackson, but this city council has been so much more productive. I finally feel like things are being accomplished in this city.
Marissa: I couldn’t do it win my own. Reggie Barrack blowing his re-election run certainly helped us out, didn’t it?
Marietta: I know you shouldn’t speak ill of the politically dead, but he was such a pain in the ass.
Marissa: Such a pain!
Marietta: You, Helene, Moira and Celia have been lifesavers. The others are hit-and-miss, but at least they’re not Reggie.
Henrietta: Marietta!
Marietta: Oh, speaking of annoyances.
Henrietta: You have a visitor.
Marietta: Yes, I know, I’m talking to the council president right now.
Henrietta: Not Marissa, though it is good to see her.
Marissa: You as well!
Henrietta: The Vice President is here.
Marietta: Moira’s here?
Henrietta: No.
Marietta: Surely you don’t mean that you let the Vice President of the United States weasel her way into our city hall.
Henrietta: It’s hard to tell the second most powerful person in America that they can’t visit the mayor.
Marietta: But I’m the mayor and I say I don’t want to see her.
Henrietta: She’s right outside the door, just put on a fake smile and deal with her so she’ll leave us alone.
Marietta: Fine.
Marissa: I guess I should go.
Marietta: I’m never forgiving Dede for taking girl time from me.
Henrietta: You say that as if you ever liked her to begin with.
Marietta: Don’t be so technical!
Marissa: All right, I’ll see you later. Good luck 2with your demonic visitor.
Marissa leaves as Henrietta lets Dede into Marietta’s office.
Dede: Mayor Landfield, hello.
Marietta: Madam Vice President, what brings you back to New Orleans?
Dede: The President and I are kicking off our campaign with a tour of America. We have a rally in New Orleans tomorrow.
Marietta: Well, it’s not a swing state, so I can only assume you’re doing this as a way to screw over my brother.
Dede: It’s called campaigning, not screwing over, and yes, we are looking to boost the Republicans running for his seat.
Marietta: So you’re just here to brag about that and rub it in my face?
Dede: Come on, I’m a professional. I’m here on behalf of our president, requesting a formal meeting while he’s in town.
Marietta: Why would I want to meet him? He’s awful!
Dede: You think I’m awful and you met with me!
Marietta: Wow, what a convincing argument!
Dede: Marietta -
Marietta: We’re not friends, it’s Mayor Landfield.
Dede: Mayor Landfield, the most powerful man in the world is requesting a meeting with you, a mayor of a mid-sized city most known as a place for tourists to come and get blackout drunk to the sounds of jazz.
Marietta: So?
Dede: You’re turning down that meeting without even knowing what it’s about?
Marietta: I have self worth. Enough self worth to know I don’t want to give that man my time.
Dede: He wants to talk to you about reducing crime in the city.
Marietta: We can handle it on our own without him sticking his head in our business, thanks!
Dede: All right, if that’s really your prerogative.
Marietta: To quote Bobby Brown…. I don't need permission, make my own decisions, that’s my prerogative.
Dede: If you’re not going to meet with POTUS, I guess I’ll get going. He’ll be disappointed.
Marietta: That’s a grand ole’ shame.
Marietta closes the door behind Dede before Tammy, Amy and Henrietta rush in.
Tammy: So what was that about?
Marietta: Oh, like you don’t already know!
Henrietta: We don’t!
Amy: Yeah, Henrietta wouldn’t let us eavesdrop.
Henrietta: I felt you deserved privacy.
Tammy: She’s the fun police.
Henrietta: No need to get so upset, I’m just trying to give her a bit of space. It’s not like we get a visit from the Vice President every day.
Tammy: Thank the Lord above! My god, if I had to see that callous bitch every day, I think I’d shoot myself.
Amy: Extremely normal thing to say.
Tammy: So, what was the heartless shrew here to talk to you about this time?
Marietta: She was trying to set up a meeting between the President and me. I said no, because I value my own sanity more than I value… whatever it is that I would gain from that particular form of torture.
Amy: They couldn’t just have someone call up the office and make that request? They sent the VP to do it? Does she really have that little to do?
Tammy: Yes.
Amy: I guess you’d know.
Tammy: Damn right I’d know. Every vice president I’ve ever met was utterly useless. Especially the ones that had the audacity to act as if they were my boss!
Marietta: Well, technically they are the President of the Senate, the chamber of which you were a member.
Tammy: Don’t “well, actually” me!
Henrietta: Anyway, what did the President want to meet about?
Marietta: Idiocy.
Henrietta: That’s to be inferred, I just thought maybe there was something in particular that he had in mind.
Marietta: Something about reducing crime. I don’t need some bigwig from DC who I’ve never seen set foot in this city coming here to tell me my city is crime-ridden and suggest how to rectify that. I have people with real community connections to advise on reducing crime. I’ve implemented plenty of those measures and crime is down 20% from where it was before I took office!
Amy: Maybe he wanted advice on how you pulled it off!
Marietta: A Republican wanted advice from a Democrat on crime? Have pigs taken flight?
Amy: You’re right, it was a stupid thought that I shouldn’t have said.
Tammy: Anyone have a dunce cap?
Marietta: Speaking of dunces, enough about these two. We have real problems to face. We still haven’t saved that restaurant Florence Packard asked us to save!
Henrietta: I’m sorry, apparently the process to get on the register of historical places takes longer than you think!
Marietta: The city has plenty of money, how about we just tell them they don’t have to pay taxes anymore? Would that be enough to keep them open?
Tammy: I don’t think that’s - you know what? I’ll look into it.
Marietta: Thank you. Look at us, getting results for our people!
The next night, at Martin and Patty Lynn’s…
Kathleen: Look who finally made it!
Milton: My god, I never thought we were gonna make it! That traffic!
Eliza: Yeah, we hit some heavy traffic, too.
Elena: Thankfully, we found a way to fill the time.
Henrietta: Ew!
Elena: Huh? I meant we thought of a game to play!
Henrietta: Oh, thank god.
Eliza: What did you think she meant?
Henrietta: Nothing!
Moira: Apparently the president’s in town?
Marietta: Sure is, the son of a bitch.
Martin: Marietta!
Marietta: What, do you think he’s not a son of a bitch?
Martin: It wouldn’t be my preferred choice of words.
Patty Lynn: It’d be mine!
Marietta: Thanks, mom!
Patty Lynn: Aside from his awful politics, he’s stolen an hour away from our family dinner!
Sarah: Grandma focusing on the real horrors of the Delphy presidency.
Martin: Enough about that awful man. We’re together now, let’s just enjoy our time together.
Milton: That seems pretty reasonable to me. I certainly find no enjoyment in discussing that man, I have to deal with enough discussion of him at work.
Marietta: Can I say something about him quickly?
Patty Lynn: Quickly, and then we’re moving on from talking about politics tonight.
Sarah We say that every week! We never go along with it.
Patty Lynn: Well, I mean it tonight. I feel sick enough knowing that that man is in the same city as me, I don’t need to think about him all night.
Marietta: The Vice President came to my office yesterday to ask me to meet with him!
Patty Lynn: You can’t be serious.
Milton: Why would he want to meet with you?
Sarah: Yeah, you’re just a mayor.
Marietta: Thank you for that confidence booster. He wanted to talk about crime, or so she claimed. I said no. I have no time for his foolishness.
Martin: Good for you!
Marietta: I thought you’d criticize me for not respecting the presidency.
Martin: I don’t believe in wasting your time, and any time spent with him is wasted.
Patty Lynn: I think I’d have met with him just to give him a piece of my mind.
Milton: I’ve met with him far more than I care to admit. Kate practically demands I go whenever he requests a meeting. The man’s a child, he apparently throws temper tantrums when he doesn’t get his way.
Kathleen: A politician that acts childish and ridiculous? I find that hard to believe.
Patty Lynn: Okay, have we gotten this talk out of our systems?
Sarah: I didn’t get to say anything!
Moira: I’d say that’s for the best!
Sarah: What’s that supposed to mean?
Moira: Just… infer.
One hour later…
Tammy: Hey, my phone is blowing up!
Kathleen: Well take it out of your pocket if it’s so hot! Don’t burn yourself!
Tammy: Blowing up, not heating up. I’m getting a bunch of messages.
Kathleen: Oh. Then turn the ringer off.
Tammy: It’s already on vibrate, it’s making my ass shake like I’m at a Ricky Martin concert.
Marietta: Just see what it is, maybe it’s Mitch. He has a cold, maybe he’s asking you to stop for some medicine.
Tammy: Oh god.
Amy: What’d he do now?
Tammy: Patty Lynn, I know you put a firm lid on political talk… can we lift that lid?
Patty Lynn: What’s going on?
Tammy: I think the news could explain it better. Can you turn the TV on?
Martin: Did someone die?
Kathleen: Why do you always think someone died?
Martin: Oh, like the thought didn’t cross your mind!
Kathleen: Difference is, I chose not to say it!
Marietta: If there’s bad news, just hand the phone over to Amy and let her say it. I don’t need to hear it from some judgmental news anchor.
Tammy: All right, here you go, Amy!
Amy: Oh my god!
Marietta: What is it?
Amy: I’m… oh boy.
Milton: Am I going to have to read it?
Moira: I can read it.
Sarah: I also can read it, because I passed the second Grade!
Amy: “President Delphy held a campaign rally in New Orleans earlier this evening with Vice President Ducovney, a part-time NOLA resident, where he called out Mayor Marietta Landfield as ‘uncooperative’ and ‘rude,’ announcing that the ‘radical leftist’ mayor was unwilling to meet with him to work on reducing crime and calling her ‘America’s #1 crime enthusiast.’”
Marietta: Okay. So that’s not amazing.
Amy: You think?
Henrietta: Maybe Amy and I can type up a press release?
Marietta: To say what? “No, I actually DON’T love crime! Sorry if you got that impression!” I don’t think his supporters are gonna buy that!
Milton: I can call him and ask him to apologize. You know, we’ve golfed together.
Marietta: I don’t think he’s gonna do that.
Patty Lynn: Where’s he staying? I’ll go MAKE him retract that nonsensical statement!
Marietta: Oh, how swell. My MOTHER wants to give the President a talking-to.
Martin: I say we ignore this. It’ll all blow over soon enough. Let’s play that game we were talking about!
Sarah: Just the thing to get her mind calm and off of a presidential drag, a good four-hour game of Monopoly!
Marietta: It can’t hurt.
Later that night, when Marietta returns home, she calls Kate and Ellie…
Marietta: Girls! I need help!
Kate: We’ve heard about the President’s uncouth behavior toward you.
Ellie: Uncouth? The man’s an unhinged nut job! You want us to impeach him for you?
Marietta: No, that’s not really why I’m calling.
Kate: What’s going on, dear?
Marietta: You guys get protesters, right?
Kate: Are you kidding? People hate us!
Ellie: Not me, I like in Cambridge! I get swarms of fans, not haters.
Kate: Yeah, well I live in 50/50 North Carolina, and the Republicans aren’t huge fans. Why you asking, Marietta?
Marietta: I, uh, can’t currently get in my house because it’s swarmed by Delphy fans who apparently came here after his hate rally.
Kate: Oh! Your first mass protest!
Marietta: How do you gets get through the crowds?
Ellie: I honk my horn and threaten to mow ‘em down!
Kate: Don’t do that. That’s one way to prove you love crime.
Ellie: Do you have Sarah with?
Marietta: No, she’s with Milton.
Ellie: God bless. She doesn’t need to deal with this.
Marietta: In thought you were going to tell me to use her as bait to get them away from me.
Ellie: I’m not a psycho! That’s a Kate idea!
Kate: It is not!
Marietta: So what should I do?
Kate: You’re not going to like this idea.
Marietta: Just say it!
Kate: Can you back out of wherever you are?
Marietta: I guess.
Kate: Drive to your parents’ house, stay the night, they’ll be gone by tomorrow. It’s what I do.
Marietta: I’d rather get mauled by the mob.
Kate: You think that, until you’re picking up your spleen from the sidewalk.
Marietta: Oh, fine…
Kate: Stay safe. That includes not talking on the phone while driving.
Ellie: Call us when you’re at your parents, we need to know you’re safe!
Marietta: All right, moms…
The next morning…
Tammy: Marietta! You up?
Marietta: I answered the phone, did I not?
Tammy: You’re right. Sorry for my ignorance.
Marietta: Why are you calling at 7 AM?
Tammy: Delphy’s rant and the subsequent protests have gone viral, it’s a national story. Wake Up, America with Isabeau Barbeau wants you on this morning’s show to talk about it.
Marietta: You’re kidding! My mother watches that every week!
Tammy: It’s the number one Sunday morning talk show in America.
Marietta: When is the interview?
Tammy: Nine AM. Amy, Henrietta and I will be over to get you ready. I have a change of clothes for you, I know you don’t have any.
Marietta: How do you have a change of clothes for me even though I don’t?
Tammy: We’re the same size.
Marietta: Am I really being thrust into the national spotlight against my will?
Tammy: It’s already happened. You just have to seize the the moment and take possession of your own narrative.
Marietta: Oh god, just what I need, pressure. I’m stressed over saving some dumb restaurant, now I have to speak out against the President of the United States?
Tammy: Keep your head up, it’s gonna be fun!
Two hours later…
Isabeau: Hello and welcome Wake Up, America, I’m your host, Isabeau Barbeau. Our top story today: President Delphy is in hot water over yet another violent, angry mob directed by him towards one of his political enemies. We have the woman at the center of the scandal, New Orleans Mayor Marietta Landfield, with us here today. Madam Mayor, thank you for joining us, we know this situation is very scary and intense for you.
Marietta: Thank you, Isabeau. I wish I could say I was surprised! I was contacted by his team to meet, I declined the request, as I felt it’d be unproductive, and then I found myself the victim of rant at his rally, and apparently some members of his team were handing out my home address for his most fervent fans to harass me. I was not home, but it was scary to see. I was driving in and saw the mob before I thankfully was able to turn around - I don’t want to imagine what could have happened if they had seen me in my car.
Isabeau: I’m very sorry you had to go through that.
Marietta: Selfishly, I’m a bit grateful I’ve not been the only one he’s done this to. I know who can relate to me, and I can reach out to them. It truly is a scathing indictment of him as a person and a leader that this can be said about him. And he wants to call himself the anti-crime president! I say to him: when are YOU going to stop committing them?
Later that day, after retuning home, Marietta calls Tammy.
Marietta: Hey, Tammy… I’ve decided something. Let me know what you think.
Tammy: Well, spit it out?
To be continued…
What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the season finale next week!
