COLLEGE
S3 Ep 2
"Remedial Relationship Studies (The Friendship Trilogy Part 2)"
Written by
William Fry and Michael Ledesma
INT. EDISON’S NEW APARTMENT - DAY
Edison and Paul sit on the couch playing video games.
PAUL
Wanna go to a strip club tonight?
EDISON
No.
PAUL
You sure, I got a coupon.
EDISON
For a strip club?
PAUL
Yeah, buy one lap dance, get another half off.
EDISON
How does that-
There is a knock at the door. Edison gets up and answers it. It is Andrew.
ANDREW
I know how to fix everything.
EDISON
Andrew, it’s cool. I forgive you. There’s nothing to fix.
ANDREW
Yes but we’re still not friends and you aren’t at the apartment. But I know how to fix it. Friendship therapy.
EDISON
That... is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of. Is that even a thing?
ANDREW
It is at our university. The counseling department is doing a therapy thing for couples and friends. I signed the two of us up for a session, it’s tomorrow at 2.
EDISON
Yeah, I’m not doing that.
Edison begins closing the door. Andrew stops it with his hand.
ANDREW
Please. If this doesn’t make us friends again then you’ll never see me again. Deal?
EDISON
(Sigh)
Fine.
ANDREW
Great.
THE NEXT DAY
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
Megan sits in front of a mirror in her room applying makeup to her face. Sarah enters holding lipstick.
SARAH
Here’s the lipstick you asked for.
MEGAN
Thanks.
Megan sets the lipstick next to her other makeup.
SARAH
So, what’s going on?
MEGAN
Samantha and I’s classes got canceled so we’re gonna make a day of it.
SARAH
Wow, you really like this girl?
MEGAN
Why does everyone seem so surprised?
SARAH
I’m not. Sorry. It’s just... it’s nice to know that one of us is in a stable relationship.
MEGAN
I thought you and Andrew were ok?
SARAH
We are, kinda. It’s just... things haven’t exactly been the same since... Andrew found out about Edison and I’s date.
MEGAN
Don’t worry, he’ll get over it.
SARAH
Really?
MEGAN
Look, I may like women, but I still know a lot about men. Andrew’s just a little... hurt. In his mind, he always had... dibs on you.
SARAH
Dibs?
MEGAN
Point is, when Edison asked you out, he was breaking the bro code. You just gotta wait for it to blow over. Eventually, Andrew will realize that he’s lucky to have you. Cause let’s be honest, he does not have a lot to offer.
Sarah smiles.
SARAH
Well, he does have one thing.
Sarah gives Megan a coy look.
MEGAN
How big?
SARAH
None of your business.
MEGAN
Wow, maybe I was wrong.
INT. COUNSELLING ROOM - DAY
Andrew and Edison sit on a couch across from university counselor JENKINS (40s, White Woman, Brunette).
JENKINS
So, Andrew and Edison. What seems to be the problem?
ANDREW
Well, Edison and I use to live together but we had a fight and now, we aren’t really friends anymore and he doesn’t live in the apartment anymore. I want to fix that.
JENKINS
That’s good. Edison, do you have anything to say?
EDISON
We already worked out the problem.
JENKINS
But you haven't moved back in.
EDISON
No.
JENKINS
And why is that?
EDISON
Look, I know how this works. I’ve seen Frasier. I know all the tricks that therapists use. It won’t work on me.
JENKINS
I just asked you a question Edison. Why haven’t you moved back in?
Edison looks at Andrew. Andrew gives him a “go on” look.
EDISON
Because Andrew and I were never really friends.
Awkward silence.
EXT. CAFE - DAY
Megan and Samantha sit outside a cafe drinking coffee.
SAMANTHA
Tell me, why did you choose to live with two guys?
MEGAN
Well, My last roommates were women and they were total bitches so I thought why not try guys. Also, you could tell that they need some order in their lives.
SAMANTHA
Didn’t one of them try hitting on you?
MEGAN
Edison, yeah, he tried to kiss me. But now, we’re two peas in a pod.
Megan and Samantha smile at each other.
MEGAN
Hey so this is gonna sound... awkward but... this is my first... actual long term dating.
SAMANTHA
What do you mean?
MEGAN
I mean... I’ve been with women. Just... not like this.
SAMANTHA
You mean a relationship?
MEGAN
That’s the word.
Megan and Samantha smile at each other.
INT. COUNSELLING ROOM - DAY
Andrew, Edison, and Jenkins sit in awkward silence.
ANDREW
What do you mean we weren’t ever really friends?
EDISON
I mean, we weren’t really friends.
JENKINS
Why do you think that Edison?
EDISON
Do we really have to talk about this?
ANDREW
Yes, we have to talk about this! We lived together for two years!
JENKINS
I think it would help if we knew WHY you never saw yourself as friends Edison.
EDISON
(Sighs)
Well, we don’t have the same interests. I like milky ways and he likes kit kats.
ANDREW
Seriously?
EDISON
He likes school. I don’t.
ANDREW
I don’t like school either. I just have a better attitude about it.
EDISON
Andrew also thinks it’s not ok to drink on a school night.
ANDREW
It’s ok to have one beer. Not an entire six-pack.
EDISON
See, we weren’t friends.
JENKINS
Interesting.
ANDREW
Those are just differences between us. We can still have differences and be friends.
JENKINS
Andrew, is there anything you would like to say?
ANDREW
Yes. Yes, there is. We absolutely are friends. You know why? Because I put up with his crazy shenanigans no matter how crazy they were.
JENKINS
And what kind of shenanigans are we talking about?
ANDREW
Oh, where do I even begin? You were a messy roommate, you made me teepee a fraternity house, you threw a party where I got high on ecstasy, you slept with my high school ex, you quarantined me by force, and slept with the girl I’ve loved since freshman year.
EDISON
Sarah and I didn’t sleep together.
ANDREW
What?
EDISON
Yes, we went on a date and yes we started making out. But when we got into bed, she said your name.
ANDREW
She said my name?
EDISON
She thought I was you. Nothing happened after that. She told me if I ever told you, she would personally neuter me. And she’s gonna be a nurse. So I knew she could if she wanted to.
ANDREW
So nothing happened?
EDISON
No.
ANDREW
Still, after all that, I still think we’re friends.
EDISON
Andrew, the only reason we know each other is because a computer algorithm paired us up as roommates.
Silence.
JENKINS
Well, I think I’ve heard enough. You two are not friends. You were roommates who fooled each other into thinking they were friends in order to stand living together. You are both different. Too different to be friends and to live together.
ANDREW
What?
JENKINS
You should both move on. Find new friends. Friends that share your interests and compliment you. I hope that helps.
Andrew and Edison look at each other, then back at the therapist.
ANDREW
Aren’t you supposed to help us work through our problem, not just tell us to give up?
JENKINS
Yeah, I really don’t give a shit, your time is up.
EXT. CAFE - DAY
MEGAN
Anyway, I just want you to know that if things seem... weird, it’s just cause I’ve never been with someone like you before.
SAMANTHA
And what’s that?
MEGAN
Someone I love.
Megan and Samantha smile at each other. They hold each other’s hands.
EXT. COUNSELING BUILDING - DAY
Andrew and Edison exit the building.
ANDREW
She’s wrong you know. We are friends. Always have been. And yeah maybe we were randomly paired, but... maybe it wasn’t so random. I mean for all we know, the universe paired us.
Pause.
EDISON
See you around Andrew.
Edison walks away.
INT. DORM - DAY
Sarah sits on her bed. There is a knock. She answers it. Andrew enters her dorm.
SARAH
Hey, how’d the therapy go?
ANDREW
Waste of time. He still won’t move back in.
SARAH
Don’t worry. He’ll move back. Just give him time.
Andrew and Sarah smile. They kiss.
ANDREW
Edison told me about what happened on your date. About how you said my name when y’all were making out.
Sarah stares at Andrew.
ANDREW
I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting.
SARAH
It’s ok.
Sarah walks over to her bed and grabs her coat.
ANDREW
Where are you going?
SARAH
I have to go neuter someone.
END.