The Bullpen Season 3 Episode 16: Warmup Compromise

 

ROBERT, LORENZO, ACE, FELIX, DEVIN, MANNY, and HARRY are all sitting on the bench watching Cat Police when a man in an Indianapolis Primitives uniform walks into the bullpen.

MAN
Hey, where are the balls?

DEVIN
Can you get out of the way? We’re trying to watch TV.

MAN
Yeah, and I’m trying to warm up. I’m pitching soon. 

FELIX
I’m sure there’s a ball around here somewhere, Anthony. 

ACE
Who’s Anthony?

LORENZO
I think he means the mean guy. 

ANTHONY
Mean guy? Nah, they just want me to pitch soon. Someone has to be a reliever, right?

FELIX
I would love to be, but they benched me all season!

ANTHONY
Understandable. Look, all I need is a ball and a place to throw it, is that too much to ask?

MANNY
Yeah.

LORENZO
I didn’t want to have to do this, but I do have a ball you can use.

ROBERT
Since when did you bring baseballs to the game?

LORENZO
I don’t. But I have a meatball in my Tu—

ACE
Don’t say it.

LORENZO
Fine. Plastic container. 

HARRY
Why?

LORENZO
In case I ever got hungry. Or bored. 

ANTHONY
Fine, I’ll take the meatball.

LORENZO
Not so fast.

ANTHONY
What is it?

LORENZO
First, you have to admit that we’re more popular than you.

ANTHONY (rolling his eyes)
Fine. You’re more popular than me. 

ROBERT
You also have to say that we’re more popular than the Charleston Capitols. 

ANTHONY
That we’re more popular than the Charleston Capitols. 

ROBERT
No, I mean—

HARRY
Close enough, just give him the meatball, Lorenzo. 

DEVIN
So are we just gonna pretend like we weren’t watching Cat Police?

FELIX
Also, I thought we were the bullpen?

ANTHONY
Coach said you’re useless for pitching. But hey, maybe one day you’ll go in. 

LORENZO hands ANTHONY his meatball. ANTHONY throws it to LORENZO, who is acting as the catcher. 

LORENZO
What was that for?! Now it’s all mushy.

ANTHONY
What did you expect?

ACE
He didn’t think that through. 

ANTHONY
Clearly. I have to go in the game now. Thanks for helping me warm up, I guess. 

LORENZO
You’re welcome!

FELIX
I want to redeem myself. 

DEVIN
It’s okay, I didn’t take what you said personally. 

FELIX
Huh? I mean I want to go in the game. Fix what I messed up last time. 

MANNY
We’ve been over this. That probably isn’t happening. 

ROBERT
I think we can all agree on one thing, though: that dirt area needs to go. Otherwise, we’re gonna have random people show up at all times. They might not even be from our team for all we know!

FELIX
I’ll be able to tell you, I was one of them for a while. 

ROBERT
Yeah, you’ve said—uh, someone want to check on Ace?

Everyone turns to see ACE doing the chicken dance while the corresponding music plays. 

MANNY
Ace...aren’t you a little old for that?

HARRY
He can have fun if he wants to have fun. 

ACE
Harry’s right. Now if only I had a cheeseburger...

HARRY
On it. Wait a minute. The game just finished. I’m out of here. 

HARRY quickly leaves the bullpen, as does everyone else. 

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