ACE, MANNY, DEVIN, LORENZO, ROBERT, HARRY, and FELIX are all sitting on the bullpen bench,
DEVIN
There’s not enough room here.
HARRY
Maybe if you got up, there’d be more room.
DEVIN
You’re the one who normally doesn’t sit on the bench.
HARRY
I’m comfortable. Manny will make us food if we want it.
MANNY
I will?
HARRY
You’re back-up snack man.
MANNY
That’s for when you can’t be here.
HARRY
Or when I don’t feel like doing anything.
LORENZO
Tell me about it. Sometimes I want to just sit back, relax, and pretend to enjoy a baseball game.
ROBERT
Nobody’s stopping you from doing that, Lorenzo.
FELIX
Also, should we be concerned that Harry was sick this week?
HARRY
It was just the sniffles. No big deal. And I got over it way faster than most people do, by the way.
ACE
Glad to know you’re better. You know, when I’m sick, I find myself doing some reflecting. It changes me.
FELIX
Clearly not for the better.
ACE
Hey!
HARRY
Who does self-reflecting?
ACE
Not you, apparently.
MANNY
I have an idea.
ROBERT
Is it a good one?
MANNY
Define good.
DEVIN
Just say it.
MANNY
We get rid of those warming up areas.
FELIX
What?! That’s the entire reason why we’re here!
LORENZO
Felix, everyone knows we get paid to sit on a bench and entertain the crowd. But since there’s not really any crowd, we just get paid to sit on a bench.
FELIX
No, we get paid to go in and pitch, we just don’t actually do that.
MANNY
Exactly. Come on, what are the chances any of you will have to warm up? It’s the playoffs, they’re not going to take any risks.
ROBERT
I’m pretty sure the playoffs are actually the time to take risks.
MANNY
What? Not. We’re not the Charleston Capitols.
DEVIN
Let’s get back on track. I like the thought of Manny’s idea, mind elaborating?
MANNY
Find a way to get rid of the dirt and replace it with grass. Then we can do whatever we want!
LORENZO
So you mean we’d have room to sit on the ground?
MANNY
Pretty much.
LORENZO
Will it be heated?
MANNY
No.
LORENZO
Light up in different colors?
MANNY
Nope.
LORENZO
What DOES it do?
MANNY
You just sit there.
ROBERT
We have to get more creative than that...we could put something there.
HARRY
Please don’t say second snack table.
ACE
We can put a TV there.
FELIX
Why would we need a TV when the game we’re supposed to be watching is televised? We’re basically already watching TV!
ACE
Yeah, but not anything good.
FELIX
You mean, maybe put on other baseball games? Not a bad idea, actually.
ACE
No. Entertaining TV.
FELIX
What passes as entertaining TV?
LORENZO
I like that Bake Your Heart Out show.
FELIX
Never heard of it.
LORENZO
That’s what everyone keeps telling me!
ROBERT
You sure that’s a real show that actually exists?
LORENZO
Yes! Guess I’m the only one who watches it.
MANNY
How much is a TV supposed to cost?
HARRY
A few hundred dollars, maybe? I don’t really know.
MANNY
I just bought one online for a couple thousand. Huge screen. Supposed to have cool features.
HARRY
Like what?
MANNY
Beats me. Guess we’ll just have to find out when we get it.
FELIX
Are you kidding me?
MANNY
There’s a whole other bullpen in the stadium, we don’t need this one.
FELIX
That’s the bullpen for the other team.
MANNY
There’s not much of a reason for any of us being here for the playoffs. I don’t think we have anything to lose by doing this.
ROBERT
Speaking of not much of a reason to be here, I’m leaving now.
ROBERT leaves, and everyone follows.