Marietta Season 2 Episode 20 - Marietta Poppins

Marietta Season 2, Episode 20
Marietta Poppins

At the Mayor’s Mansion…
Marietta: Are you ready four our big Saturday movie day?
Tammy: Marietta, I’m flying to New York for the week to see Mitch. I told you about it a few weeks ago but I guess you just forgot.
Marietta: You’re doing what? You can’t just leave me during the middle of my mayoral crisis!
Tammy: I haven’t seen my husband in months. I’ve seen the tour guide at the Key Largo Historical Society more recently than I’ve seen my husband! He already knows I’m coming, I have to go.
Marietta: Alright, fine. I guess I can watch movies with my parents. You can go back and see your husband and whatever it is that you think is more important than helping me grieve.
Tammy: My daughter is choosing Sunday to renew her vows because I’ll be in town!
Marietta: I never trusted people that renew their vows. What are they hiding?
Tammy: That’s my daughter you’re talking about!
Marietta: I like to think of you as my second mother so I’m really just making fun of my sister.
Tammy: Sure. Anyway, I wrote and printed out a full list of everything you’ve got going on in the week I’ll be gone and I’m just a phone call away. The most notable thing is that on Monday, you’ll be going in to substitute teach at Mahalia Jackson Elementary. It’s apparently a tradition or so I was told by both their principal and councilor Donnelly, who really seems to like you even though no one else on the council does. It’s sweet.
Marietta: I forgot about that. Probably because I wanted to. It’s going to be awful. Kids don’t like me.
Tammy: Aww, don’t say that. Their parents don’t like you either.
Marietta: Tammy! That was so out-of-character for you.
Tammy: Wine.
Marietta: And now you’re calling me a whiner! My god!
Tammy: No, I’ve been drinking. It’s The only way I’ve gotten through packing.
Marietta: Oh…
Two days later, at Martin and Patty Lynn’s…
Marietta: I can’t believe you guys! Why are you doing this to me?
Patty Lynn: Doing what dear?
Marietta: You’re seriously going away and leaving me alone at my most vulnerable time?
Martin: We’re only going to Jackson for two days. There’s a show there the girls wanted to go to.
Marietta: Why now?
Kathleen: You’ll have to ask Billie Eilish that question.
Marietta: You, my eighty year old parents and aunt, are going to see Billie Eilish, live and in concert, in Jackson, Mississippi? Those are words that do not belong together.
Kathleen: That’s because we’re going to a baking convention and we’re seeing a Fleetwood Mac cover band while we’re there. I was joking. I though that much would be apparent.
Marietta: Do you guys really need to go to a craft show now?
Kathleen: Baking convention.
Marietta: Whatever. Does this really have to be done at my  my most vulnerable time?
Martin: Please don’t be selfish, Marietta. Your mother doesn’t ask for much -
Patty Lynn: I appreciate the effort, Martin, but you’re laying it on a bit thick. Marietta knows better.
Martin: Okay, alright. Marietta, we’re going. It’s two days. We will be back and you can call us Marietta: Alright, alright. I’ll be alone these next two days. But when you come back, I’m staying here until Tammy gets back.
Patty Lynn: That’s fine. We love having you around more often. We’d bring you along to the baking show if we could.
Marietta: No, I think being alone sounds a bit better than having to experience that in person. I’ll make being alone work.
Patty Lynn: Good, now eat your dinner! It’s getting cold.
Marietta: Yes, mother.
The next day, at the elementary school…
Marietta: Good morning campers!
Josh (student): We’re at school, not camp!
Marietta: Yes, I do know that. I can already tell you’re going to be a fun one! Everyone, I’m Mrs. Landfield. I’ll be your sub for today. Not your submarine or your sub sandwich, but your substitute teacher. Some of you may have seen me on TV. Some of you may even know that I’m  the mayor of this wonderful city we all live in.
Shelby (student): My dad says you’re a crook!
Marietta: Well, we all have our faults.
Gunther (student): I saw that you’re getting divorced. My parents got divorced!
Marietta: My goodness, you kids are ten, how do you know so much about me?
Sarah (student): I’m eleven!
Marietta: My apologies.
Sarah: No worries!
Marietta: Alright kids, I’ll be quite honest. It’s a little earlier than I’m used to waking up.
Shelby: The mayor wakes up later than us?
Marietta: Yes, I do. It’s a fun think to look forward to in adulthood! Anyway kiddos, this is early for me and I know it’s early for you guys even if you’re used to it. So, I brought some snacks for all of us to share. I have graham crackers for all of you and you can all have a carton of milk as well. Just a little something to show you have grateful I am to be here!
Lennon (student): My mom said not to take food from strangers!
Marietta: I’m not a stranger.
Lennon: How do we know?
Marietta: I’m the mayor and your substitute for the day. You can trust me.
Lennon: Okay! I love chocolate milk too much to not take it anyway.
Marietta: That’s almost a little worrying. Don’t go telling anybody else that. 
Gunther: Mrs. Buchanan didn’t tell us we’d have a sub today!
Marietta: Well, that’s because Mrs. Buchanan forgot.
Josh: What are we going to do today?
Marietta: My lord, you kids sure are curious. Mrs. Buchanan didn’t actually leave much to do. I know the school year is just about over for you guys and all she told me is that you have an hour of reading to do and a fun surprise is in store after that.
Cheri (student): What is it?
Marietta: Would it be a surprise then? No. So just hold on for one house and then you’ll know what it is!
Thirty minutes later…
Josh: Mrs. Landfield!
Marietta: Yes Josh? Do you need to use the bathroom?
Josh: No, I was just wondering if it’s been an hour yet.
Marietta: No, we’re only about halfway there.
Josh: Halfway? Why?
Marietta: Because that’s how time works.
Josh: When will it be time for the surprise?
Marietta: In a half an hour. I’ll let you know when it’s time.
Thirty minutes later…
Marietta: Alright, room 119! It’s time for your big surprise! Who’s ready to go to the park? It’s right down the road so we’re all gonna take a nice walk there.
Cheri: What about lunch?
Marietta: Don’t worry, we’ll be back in time for lunch! Just bring yourselves along. We’ve got two hours at the park before we have to get back.
At the park…
Marietta: Okay kids, I did a headcount before and after we left and everyone made it! The only rules are that you can not leave these gates, don’t ruin anything and if something’s wrong with any of you, let me know immediately. It’s a big park so I’ll need your help to keep you guys all safe. Now, go play!
One hour later…
Shelby: Mrs. Landfield! Mrs. Landfield!
Marietta: Mrs. Landfield speaking! What’s up?
Shelby: Josh fell off the monkey bars! His arm is twisted!
Marietta: Twisted?
Shelby: His arm looks weird!
Marietta: I’ll come check it out.
Marietta walks over to the monkey bars and screams.
Marietta: Oh by god, what happened?
Darius (student): Josh fell off the monkey bars!
Marietta: That much I’ve heard. Josh, how are you feeling? What’s going on with your arm?
Josh: It hurts! It hurts a lot!
Marietta: I can understand that.
Shelby: What are you gonna do Mrs. Landfield?
Marietta: That’s a good question, Shelby. What am I gonna do? Has anything like this ever happened with Mrs. Buchanan?
Shelby: No. She’s never taken us here before.
Marietta: Wonderful. Josh, can you walk back to school? It’s only about a mile. Shouldn’t take too long.
Josh: No, I can’t.
Marietta: Of course you can’t. Your arm’s broken. What am I going to do? Guys, stay here with Josh. I’m going to go make a phone call.
Marietta calls the first person in her contact list.
Kate: Marietta! What’s going on?
Marietta: Kate! Are you busy?
Kate: The Senate’s in the middle of deliberation on a new gun control bill. So yeah, I’ve got time.
Marietta: I’m a substitute teacher for the day at one of the elementary schools here, it’s an old tradition for some reason. One of the kids fell off the monkey bars while we were at the park and broke his arm. What should I do?
Kate: Should I send Ellie t come help you?
Ellie: Send me where? I’m not flying down to any swamp! Not now! Not ever!
Marietta: We’re not a swamp!
Kate: Do you want me to fly down there and help out then?
Marietta: That would be great!
Kate: I was being sarcastic, Marietta. That would never work! It would take me hours.
Marietta: I’ll be honest, my head is spinning right now. I can barely even tell what’s going on. What do you think I should do?
Kate: Maybe you can call Tammy? Aren’t you guys attached at the hip anyway?
Marietta: She’s not here right now. She went back to New York.
Kate: Call your parents. Or your aunt Kathleen.
Marietta: They’re not here either.
Kate: Oh wow, that’s rough. How about your cousin? Surely she’s in town!
Marietta: Eliza? She just had twins.
Kate: That was six months ago.
Marietta: It was that long ago?
Kate: How do I remember this better than you do? She’s not even my cousin.
Marietta: Well, because I’m me.
Kate: How about you call your press secretary? She’s the only one you haven’t crossed off the list.
Marietta: You know, I’m still open to Ellie coming down.
Ellie: Not happening!
Marietta: Man, she’s mean today.
Kate: She was just yelling at some Republicans, let her cool down.
Milton: Hey Marietta!
Marietta: Milton! What are you doing there?
Milton: I don’t know how to tell you this, but I’m a senator now.
Marietta: I know that much! I’m not entirely clueless. But what are you doing in Kate’s office?
Kate: I’m not in my office. If you turned on CSPAN you'd see I’m actually talking to you on the Senate floor!
Marietta: How did you not get in trouble yet?
Kate: Everyone’s too busy watching Nate Smith screaming about the 2nd Amendment and holding up a picture of Ronald Reagan on a Triceratops for some reason.
Marietta: Those worlds don’t belong in a sentence together.
Kate: Yeah, I know. Now, I’d better get going because I’d like to bring this to a vote soon. Talk to you later, hope I helped!
Marietta: You didn’t, but thanks anyway. Bye!
Marietta hangs up.
Josh: Mrs. Landfield, please hurry up! It hurts so bad.
Marietta: I’m trying, Josh. Does anyone know the phone number of your school?
Nobody answers.
Marietta: I guess that’s a no. Fine, let me go do something quick.
Marietta pulls out her phone again and calls Amy.
Amy: Marietta? I thought you never wanted to see me again.
Marietta: I don’t.
Amy: So, uh, why are you calling me then?
Marietta: I’m in a bit of a bind. Nobody else is in town and this is an emergency.
Amy: What’s going on? You’re scaring me.
Marietta: Okay, you know how I was scheduled to be a substitute teacher for a day at an elementary school?
Amy: Yeah, it was on the calendar for weeks.
Marietta: Well, I’m here today and we went for a fun day at the park.
Amy: Okay…
Marietta: One of the students fell and broke his arm on the monkey bars. I don’t know what to do.
Amy: What school are you at?
Marietta: Mahalia Jackson Elementary.
Amy: Okay, I’ll be right there.
Marietta: Really? I didn’t think you of all people would want to help me out.
Amy: I don’t dislike you, Marietta. You’re one of my only friends. Knowing how much I hurt you broke my heart. Not as badly as that kid broke his arm though, so we can talk this out when that’s taken care of.
Marietta: Oh, right!
Fifteen minutes later…
Amy: Okay, Amy’s here to save you!
Marietta: You got here quick!
Amy: I don’t live that far away.
Josh: Please, someone help me!
Amy: Alright little guy, I’m gonna get you back to school so the nurse can look after you.
Lennon: Stranger danger! Stranger danger!
Marietta: You don’t need to worry about Amy. She used to be on the city council and her and I go way back. But, Amy, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to borrow your car to take him back. I don’t know if the school would love it if a random friend of mine brought a student back to school in her car.
Amy: Friend?
Marietta: Yes, friend.
Amy: Aww.
The next day, at Marietta’s office…
Amy: You wanted me to come in today. What for? You don’t have to thank me for helping yesterday. It was a kid’s wellbeing.
Marietta: You were incredible yesterday! Not only did you help me out with Josh and his broken arm, but you were able to convince the school and the kid’s parents to not go to the press about this incident. Lord knows I have enough for New Orleans to hate me about right now.
Amy: It’s no problem, I had to try to make it up to you for hiring that awful woman that spied on us and released your private information not the public.
Marietta: I jumped the gun on firing you. I was really emotional in that moment and felt betrayed. It wasn’t your fault. Can we still be friends?
Amy: Of course! I never didn’t want to be.
Marietta: Okay, tis is more important than that even. Will you come back as my Press Secretary?
Amy: Are you sure? Your aunt is doing that now, isn’t she?
Marietta: Nobody ever said I couldn’t have two.
Amy: Are you really certain about this? I don’t want you to hire me back before you’re comfortable.
Marietta: Yes!
Amy: Well, then, I’ll take the job. I guess I’ll announce today that I’m dropping out of the city council race.
Marietta: Look at us, getting along again! I love a happy ending!

This episode is dedicated in loving memory to Fred Willard, whose comedic style was the loose inspiration for the character of Martin, and who was a great comedic influence to the creator of Marietta.
Fred Willard
What did you think of the episode? Comment your thoughts, listen to the official season two playlist, vote in the poll below and make sure to read the new episode next week!

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