Marietta Season 1, Episode 21
Going, Going, Gone
Marietta is waiting in her dressing room before the first mayoral debate as Tammy gives her a pep talk.
Tammy: Alright Marietta! Big day! Your first debate with Amy. Remember what I told you to talk about.
Marietta: Hurricane Katya, Amy’s tweets, Betty Benoit’s endorsement, Betty being an obstructionist.
Tammy: Very good! And what should you not do?
Marietta: Call Amy any names. No sinking to her level. No quoting songs I like.
Tammy: Good girl! Oh god, I feel like a stage mom.
Marietta: You aren’t?
Tammy: Very funny. Now get out there, it’s about to start.
Marietta: Aren’t you coming out too?
Tammy: No, I’m staying back here. I’ll watch on the TV. Don’t worry, your parents and Milton are in the audience, just look out to them if you need inspiration.
Marietta: Alright, see ya.
Tammy: Good luck!
On the main stage, moderator Velma BeDreaux introduces the candidates.
Velma: Hello and welcome to the first and only New Orleans mayoral debate. I’m Velma BeDreaux, your moderator for the evening. All four candidates running for mayor have been invited to participate and let’s welcome them to the stage. First up, progressive activist Edith DeLine of the Democratic Party.
Edith DeLine walks onto the stage, tripping on her way out and breaking the heel of her shoe.
Edith: I’m fine, please continue.
Velma: Alright, moving on. Next up is businessman Ray Willark of the Republican Party.
Ray Willark doesn’t walk out to the stage when his name is called.
Velma: Mr. Willark, please come to the stage.
Ray still doesn’t come.
Velma: You know what, I don’t get paid enough to care if he comes. Next up is New Orleans Councilwoman Amy Applewhite of the Democratic Party.
Amy enters the stage, waving and mugging for the camera.
Velma: And finally, Louisiana Senator Marietta Landfield.
Marietta walks out onto the stage, accidentally standing at the wrong podium.
Velma: Senator Landfield, you’re supposed to be in the center of the stage.
Marietta: Whoops.
Velma: Oh look, Mr. Willark is joining us. Now we can begin. We’ll be skipping the opening statements portion and jumping straight into policy. The first question is for Senator Landfield. Senator Landfield, climate change is seen as a major threat to our city and it’s been cited as a leading cause for Hurricane Katya. What is your stance on climate change and how would you combat it?
Marietta: I support the House Democrats’ Green Plan. I think that decisive and severe action must be taken to stop this crisis from getting any worse, before the city that we all call home, and the entire planet, is too far gone to save.
Amy: Marietta, can you name one part of that socialist plan?
Marietta: First off, please respect me enough to call me Senator Landfield. Second, of course I can name aspects of the Green Plan. I wouldn’t be out here supporting it if I couldn’t.
Amy: Then name it.
Marietta: I think that’s unnecessary. Viewers can take it upon themselves to read over the entire plan, and I urge you to do so because it can save our planet.
Velma: Alright Senator Landfield, your time is up. Councilwoman Applewhite, care for a rebuttal?
Amy: Of course. While I understand the need for climate action, I think the effects of climate change have been greatly overstated by those on the far-left. It’s far more important to me that we continue to drill for oil in order to provide jobs for the people of New Orleans and the people of Louisiana.
Velma: Would anyone like to respond?
Marietta raises her hand.
Velma: Senator Landfield, you’ve already spoken on this issue but I’ll allow you to speak again as it seems important to you..
Marietta: Councilwoman, what you just said is ridiculous. The people of New Orleans won’t need jobs if the entire city is underwater!
Amy: These bleeding heart liberals are tearing our country apart, dividing us with
by telling all of us what we’re supposed to believe on every single issue. I’m left-of-center, but Senator Landfield is so far left that she makes Ellie Wilson look conservative.
Marietta: Councilwoman, I served with Ellie Wilson. I know Ellie Wilson. Ellie Wilson is a friend of mine. Councilwoman, you’re no Ellie Wilson.
Back in the dressing room, Tammy throws her binder full of notes across the room.
Amy: Huh? Wha-
Velma: Councilwoman Applewhite, Senator Landfield has the stage.
Marietta: Thank you.
Amy: Can I make one quick interjection?
Velma: Make sure it’s quick.
Marietta: Come on!
Amy: Senator Landfield, what in the name of our lord and savior Jesus Christ are you talking about? Of course I’m no Ellie Wilson! That was my whole point. She’s a far-left liberal and you’re even more extreme than her.
Marietta: Oh, I misunderstood.
Amy: Of course you did. You don’t know a damn thing.
Ray: Who am I? Why am I here?
Marietta: That’s enough outta you.
Amy: Let the man speak, Senator.
Ray: We need voting rights for butterflies.
Velma: Alright sir, that’s enough. On to our second question before this goes so wildly off-topic that it can no longer continue. Councilwoman Applewhite, you and many of your fellow members of the New Orleans City Council have been very critical of Mayor Landfield and have gone toe-to-toe with him multiple times. What would you do to ensure a better relationship with the city council during your mayoral tenure?
Amy: I’ll start out by saying that I think my two decades of service on the City Council has given me a unique relationship with the council. I’m the Vice President and have been unanimously selected by my fellow councilors to fill that role for the past six years. However, just as Mayor Landfield shouldn’t have relied on his last name to keep the council in his good graces, I won’t assume that being a longtime councilor myself will win me the backing of the council. In order to actually keep a working relationship with the council, I will do what no other candidate has pledged to do and that is working one-by-one with every member of the city council to keep a civil relationship going with every member. I think it’s in the best interest of New Orleans that the mayor works so closely with the city council in order to get as much done as possible to improve this great city we all call home.
Velma: Your time is up, Councilwoman. Does anyone else care to respond?
Everyone raises their hand.
Velma: Ms. DeLine, we haven’t yet heard from you. You have time for a rebuttal.
Edith: Thank you Velma. I object to Councilwoman Applewhite’s claim that none of us plan to work one-by-one with each city councilor. When I’m mayor, I’ll work individually with every councilor, including Councilwoman Applewhite, to get things done. If she had cared to read my campaign website, she would have known that. Both of the candidates in the center need to stop acting as if they’re the only ones actually running. They aren’t and it’s extremely elitist of them to act in such a way.
Velma: Thank you Ms. DeLine. My apologies to the other candidates, but we have a lot to cover tonight so we are moving on. This question goes to all of you. Mr. Wilark, you’re up first. What do you believe to be the biggest issue facing the city of New Orleans right now?
Ray: Beignets. What are they? Donuts? I don’t know, but as mayor, I will find out.
Amy: Political correctness. Let us say whatever we want to say.
Marietta: Climate change. I’ve already talked about it tonight but it’s greatly hurting not just this city but also our entire planet.
Edith: Senate Majority Leader Greg Sherwood. He’s harming all of America by blocking important legislation by the Democrats to combat all of the most important issues in America, including climate change. We need to get him out of office.
One hour later…
Velma: This debate is almost over, but before we go, we want to provide each candidate with a chance for a closing statement. Ms. DeLine, you’re up first.
Edith: You haven’t heard much from me tonight. That’s because Senator Landfield and Councilwoman Applewhite hogged the stage all night. It’s not hard to see why they thought that was okay. They’ve both been privileged their entire lives. Senator Landfield comes from a family that has dominated Louisiana politics for decades. Councilwoman Applewhite’s a third-generation member of the New Orleans City Council. They can both talk a good talk, but in the end, neither of them really knows how to fight in the trenches like me. I have marched and protested and gotten beaten and bloodied for the causes I believe in. I have helped make real change in this state. It’s easy to say you’ve made real change when you were practically born into a position of power like they were. It’s a completely different story when you grew up in poverty, feeling firsthand the injustice in this country when it comes to those that are financially disadvantaged. For someone like that to make real change they need to fight. And fighting is what I’ve done. For forty years. Each and every day. And it’s what I will do each and every day as your mayor. Thank you.
Marietta: Well, I’m not quite sure how to respond to that but I can assure you I have fought hard to New Orleanians every day of my political career. In the aftermath Hurricane Katya, I was out there helping out my fellow citizens the second I knew that it was safe to go outside. Amy Applewhite, who is the hand-picked candidate of our right-wing senator Betty Benoit, was too busy tweeting about me because she is obsessed with me. She claims to be a Demcrat, but just look at the basket of deplorables that’s supporting her. She’s the candidate of the Republicans who know they can’t win here in New Orleans on their own. The woman in a fraud and the truest obstructionist of them all. I don’t know about you, but I can’t go for that. No can do. Vote Marietta for Mayor and don’t stop thinking about tomorrow!
Amy: You just heard desperation, and I apologize for it. From false accusations against me to politicizing a tragedy for political purposes, there’s no low Landfield won’t sink to. There’s one way to ensure you’ll never have to listen to it ever again: vote for Amy Applewhite for mayor on Election Day. I will be a mayor for everyone.
Marietta looks out into the audience. Her family is nowhere to be found.
Ray: Pass.
Velma: You sure?
Ray: Yeah. Pass.
Velma: Well, that concludes the New Orleans Mayoral Debate. Thank you to our four candidates for their time and thank you to our viewers for spending their evenings with us.
Marietta heads backstage after the debate and runs to her dressing room.
Marietta: So, how did I do?
Tammy: I think you just lost.
Marietta: Lost what? My family? Because I didn’t see them in the audience anywhere.
Tammy: They texted me and told me they had to leave because the whole thing was so embarrassing for them. What was that? DeLine skinned you alive and then Applewhite threw you in the oven and baked you like a Thanksgiving turkey!
Marietta: I did great.
Tammy: Maybe you did great if the debate was sponsored by Hall & Oates and Fleetwood Mac. But last time I checked it wasn’t. So no, you did not do great. And with two weeks to go until the election, I don’t know if we can turn things around. I have to go home. I need some rest.
Marietta: It’s seven thirty!
Tammy: I’m going for beignet ice cream and you know it! I just need to relax because I feel like I just rode the world’s worst roller coaster.
Marietta: But… you’re my ride home.
Tammy: Ah crap. Well we’re stopping for ice cream on the way home and you aren’t allowed to say anything related to the debate.
Marietta: What do you want to talk about then?
Tammy: I don’t know, what movies have you seen recently?
Marietta: Toy Story 4.
Tammy: Are you 5 or 55?
Marietta: It is a heartwarming tale of friendship and love and I am not ashamed. Also, my dad made me go see it.
Tammy: Sure.
One hour later, Tammy drops Marietta off at home.
Milton: Marietta, what was that?
Marietta: Ah! What are you doing in my house?
Patty Lynn: We’re here to help!
Marietta: Help what?
Martin: Brainstorm ways to fix this.
Milton: Really Marietta? Hall & Oates?
Martin: Hey, at least it wasn’t Paula Abdul this time.
Marietta: How did you know that? Weren’t you all long gone by then?
Milton: We’re sorry for leaving. We just couldn’t watch that train wreck anymore. It hurt us to see it and it was embarrassed.
Marietta: I’m sorry for being an “embarrassment.” I’ll try harder next time.
Milton: There is no next time. Thank god.
Patty Lynn: Don’t worry, we’re going to fix everything. We've thought of a few solutions.
Marietta: Well. What are they?
Patty Lynn: Hear us out on this one. The first one is a parade.
Marietta: And what will that do?
Patty Lynn: Quite frankly, I do not know. But it’ll be fun.
Marietta: You just want a parade, mom. What else do you have?
Patty Lynn: We were really hoping you’d agree to the parade because we are stuck here.
Marietta: Dad, I get why they’re a part of this but why are you here? You’re better than this.
Martin: You’re mother’s still mad I “slept with” another woman and she made me come here. I wanted to go home.
Marietta: Wait, you did what?
Martin: During the hurricane. When I was hiding out at the Walmart, I shared a tent with a few nice people I met.
Marietta: Mom, why are you dad about that?
Milton: Have you met her? She’s nuts.
Patty Lynn: Can we focus?
Marietta: I’d really like to talk about your weirdness if that’s okay.
Patty Lynn: It isn’t.
Martin: Alright. I have an idea. We run a series of ads. You have plenty of campaign donations and if you need more, you can borrow from me and your mom. We aren’t doing anything with our money anyway so as long as you pay it back.
Marietta: No, I have enough money dad. But what is your plan?
Martin: We need to run a series of various ads. One with you in it where you come across as articulate and knowledgable and qualified, laying out your plans and the beliefs you hold dear. Another where you appear with the entire family to make you seem likable and approachable. It can also emphasize how you more than anyone have a huge stake in seeing New Orleans prosper, because of your son and your grandchild. You want to make this city into one they can feel proud to be living in. Another with an endorsement from some prominent and respected leaders. And finally, a negative ad that makes it clear how hypocritical and dangerous Amy Applewhite is for the city. We need these ads to be everywhere or this will not work. We need to do damage control here and this is the best way to do it. If we record all of the ads today, you can get them on TV in like three days. Because quite frankly, the ads you’re currently running aren’t working.
Marietta: What’s wrong with them?
Martin: A bunch of people in Jackson Square telling everyone how great you are doesn’t inspire anyone to vote for you. They’re terrible ads for someone that just bombed that hard.
Marietta: Aww. But Tammy and I spent a whole day recording those ads.
Martin: Do you want to win?
Marietta: Yes.
Martin: Then it’s best to take them down.
Marietta: Fine. I’ll call up Tammy, Kate and Ellie to record the endorsement ad for me.
Martin: That’s the spirit!
Marietta picks up the phone and calls her friend Ellie Wilson, the Senate Minority Whip. Ellie immediately answers the phone.
Marietta: Ellie!
Ellie: Marietta! I haven’t talked to you since…?
Marietta: Christmas! Me and Tammy have been so busy with this campaign, I haven’t gotten a chance to even call. I’m so sorry.
Ellie: It’s fine. I’m from Massachusetts so I haven’t had a competitive race since… ever. But I do know that campaigning can make you lose track of time. So what are you calling for?
Marietta: I need you to record an ad for my campaign. I had a rough debate today and I need to be a little more aggressive in my campaigning.
Ellie: Aggressive how? Do you need me to fly down there to beat up some of your opponents?
Marietta: What? No! I just need a ringing endorsement in the form of a fifteen-second video so I can use it an an ad. And I need it by the end of the day.
Ellie: I’ll get to it. Being in the minority in the Senate is boring as hell so I’m just gonna go do that right now. Let me just leave the floor.
Marietta: Wait, you’re talking to me on the floor of the Senate?
Ellie: Yeah. They can probably hear us right now on CSPAN! But don’t worry, I won’t miss anything much.
Marietta: Why, what’s going on?
Ellie: Just general floor speeches right now. Marjorie Hausen’s talking about trains or some s**t right now. It doesn’t matter. I’ll go to my office right now and have my intern Benji record it for me.
Marietta: Ellie, one more thing.
Ellie: What is it?
Marietta: can you ask Kate to do the same thing for me?
Ellie: Sure! She’s not busy either.
Marietta: Oh, good.
Ellie: Yeah, she’s just sitting in committee right now while some dude testifies.
Marietta: Which committee?
Ellie: Judiciary.
Marietta: Ellie, are you telling me Kate is in the Supreme Court confirmation hearing right now?
Ellie: Uh… yeah.
Marietta: Ellie, just tell her to record the video when she’s done. Do not interrupt it.
Ellie: Alright.
Marietta: I better get going. Talk to you later!
Ellie: Bye!
Marietta hangs up.
Marietta: Alright dad, we’ve got them handled. I’ll go stop by Tammy’s and quick film her endorsement. Then we’ll do the other ads.
Martin: Alright. It’s gonna be a busy day but we can fix this!
Three days later…
Martin: Marietta! Hurry in here, the ad’s about to air. It’ll be the first commercial of the next break.
Milton: Dad, can you turn the TV up?
Martin: Why?
Milton: Look at what’s on the TV.
Martin Oh boy.
Marietta: What is it?
NOAN anchor Jill Rocheneau is reporting on the recent mayoral debate.
Jill: NOAN has obtained two exclusive polls, the first released since the debate on Thursday. The first debate, conducted with the help of The New York Times, asked viewers of the debate who they thought won. A staggering 69% of respondents believed that Councilwoman Amy Applewhite won that debate. Even more surprising is that activist Edith DeLine, not Senator Marietta Landfield, was seen as the second-best performer at the debate with 22% of respondents selecting her. You can see the poll on the screen right now.
Jill: In the second poll, also conducted by NOAN and The New York Times, voters across New Orleans have Landfield and Applewhite in a dead heat at 34% when asked who they plan to vote for in the election, which will be held in a week and a half. Landfield was polling at 55% in our poll conducted in late June, while Applewhite was at 19%. Meanwhile, Edith DeLine is at 14%, up 6% from late June. Ray Willark is at 4%, down 4%. We’re heading into a break right now, but you can see that poll on the screen before we go.
Milton: Well, at least you aren't losing.
What did you think of the episode? Comment your thoughts and listen to the playlist below. Catch an all-new episode of Marietta next Monday at 8 PM Eastern!
