Jerry and Mitchell are working at Betty’s Boutique with Betty and Karl.
Mitchell: You know, Betty, business has really been booming lately.
Betty: Are you trying to butter me up to get some time off? It’s a busy tie of year, I can’t lighten your schedule too much.
Mitchell: No, I just wanted to say how impressed I was.
Karl: That seems unlike you. You’re usually complaining about having to do more work.
Jerry: That does sound like him.
Mitchell: That’s - that’s not true.
Karl: It’s completely true. It’s your defining character trait. You walk around here in agony over having to work while at work.
Betty: He’s not wrong, you are a bit lazy.
Mitchell: Well excuse me for enjoying my rest!
Betty: It’s fine, it’s how you are, but let’s just get this inventory out. We have a big sale going on, we need to make sure it’s ready for when people come in!
Mitchell: But my back hurts!
Jerry: Didn’t he just -
Betty: Yup.
Karl: Get to work, you’ll forget the pain in due time.
Meanwhile, at the house…
Teri: Is it just me or has Velma been on the phone a long time?
Danielle: What, you itching to make a phone call? You’ve got a cell, no?
Teri: I only have my hairdresser’s number saved on the home phone.
Tammi: I think your hair looks good!
Teri: Thank you!
Danielle: Eh, the gray’s starting to come through.
Teri: Excuse me?
Danielle: Just a little!
Cindy: Oh, yeah, I see it!
Teri: Someone get me a hat! Quick!
Danielle: Does anyone still wear a hat?
Velma: That was Jackie, Mitchell’s sister.
Teri: Wow, haven’t heard from her in a long time! What’s going on? She finally remember we exist? Did her man dump her? She should’ve dumped him years ago!
Velma: She called to tell us that earlier this morning, after a battle with cancer, Mitchell’s mother passed away.
Teri: Wow, that’s…
Velma: I… don’t know how to feel.
Ralph: Well, mom’s gonna be happy.
Cindy: She would never celebrate something like that!
Steven: Maybe Anita’s death.
Alysa: Yeah, she would definitely celebrate if something happened to my mom. That would be like Christmas for her.
Teri: She wouldn’t. Well, she might sing Ding Dong the Witch is Dead, but it would end there.
Alysa: That’s a pretty celebratory song.
Teri: Yeah, it is. You’re right.
Ralph: I’m just gonna say it… does she just live here now?
Velma: How am I going to break it to Mitchell?
Cindy: This is going to sound terrible, but… at least they weren’t close.
Velma: I think that might make it worse! He’s going to feel guilt about giving up on that relationship.
Cindy: It’s not his fault.
Tammi: Yeah, she was a nightmare.
Velma: I couldn’t stand the woman myself, but I can’t help but feel a little bad about this. She was still a human -
Teri: Was she?
Cindy: Don’t speak ill of the dead!
Teri: Your own daughter just called her a nightmare, I don’t think I’m the only guilty one here.
Ralph: Let’s be honest, guys. She was a nightmare.
Velma: She was the worst! God, I can feel the flames rising as I speak. Hell’s hot, and I’ve got a one-way ticket!
Teri: In fairness, so is Donatella.
Frank: So I’m sensing some complex emotions.
Teri: For the love of god, Frank, that’s already been said. Keep up if you’re going to punish us with your babbling psychoanalyzing.
Frank: I don’t t-
Teri: Enough!
Velma: I think I have to call Mitchell and tell him about this.
Cindy: Just give it a bit of time. You need to think out how you’re going to word it properly. You want to be gentle. It’s a tough subject.
Danielle: I feel like I missed out on so much by never meeting this woman.
Ralph: Nothing good, that’s for sure.
Danielle: She can’t be that bad!
Teri: Oh, she’s worse.
Tammi: Was worse.
Teri: Ah, right. Probably the best thing she ever did.
Danielle: What exactly did she do?
Ralph: Well, she hated mom.
Cindy: Mom wasn’t really a fan of her after the… incident.
Danielle: What incident?
Teri: The incident.
Danielle: Oh my god, context! Give me context! I don’t know the lore like you all do.
Ralph: Mitchell’s mom slept with our uncle Lawrence - mom’s brother - while she was still married to Mitchell’s dad - dad’s brother. It broke up two families, both within our family. That was just the one incident, there were also so many fights and spats and acts of deception. The woman’s a loon.
Velma: Was a loon!
Ralph: Sorry, getting used to it still.
Cindy: She certainly got around.
Tammi: Especially within the family.
Danielle: She sounds lovely.
Velma: She, as you can tell from this discussion, wasn’t.
Frank: Well, death’s always a tragedy.
Teri: “Tragedy” feels a bit much.
Frank: She had to have had some redeeming qualities.
Ralph: I did like that time she took up pottery.
Cindy: Yeah, she’s the one that made that terrifying ceramic pumpkin we put up for Halloween.
Teri: Wait, really? Why does mom put one of her creations out?
Cindy: She says that nothing is scarier in this world than Donatella, so it fits the Halloween theme.
Velma: That must be why she “accidentally” smashed the snowman decoration she gave to Mitchell on our first Christmas in the house.
Teri: Well, she wasn’t a very merry woman, was she?
Velma: The Grinch was merrier.
Teri: Well, she’s dead now. So…
Velma: Yeah, how will I break that news to Mitchell?
Teri: “Hey, Mitchell, good news…”
Velma: That is terrible!
Alysa: You know, Steven and I just saw Wicked, and I have to wonder if maybe this Donatella woman was just misunderstood. Maybe she was unfairly maligned in her life?
Teri: Are you calling my mother, and this whole family, a bunch of liars?
Alysa: No, not at all! I’m just saying, are people born wicked, or is wickedness thrust upon them?
Teri: She was wicked to the core, Ariana Grande. Straight out of the womb.
Velma: Speaking of things that came out of the womb, I don’t know when the funeral is, but we’re all invited, and we’re going to have to see all of Mitchell’s siblings.
Teri: You ruined my good mood!
Cindy: I think we’re getting ahead of ourselves. You still have to tell Mitchell.
Danielle: I know the pain of losing a mother. Mine was sane and kind and, uh… human, but I’m sure Mitchell will still feel pain from this loss. So let him know he can turn to me for a shoulder to cry on. Well, not cry on, that’s getting a bit too close for comfort.
Velma: I’ll pass it on. I think I should go tell him in person. This isn’t news you want to hear over the phone.
Teri: Make sure you record mom’s reaction. We’re gonna place bets on how she reacts.
One hour later…
Mitchell: Velma! What are you doing here? Did Betty call you to yell at me for not working hard enough?
Betty: I would never! Well, usually not.
Jerry: You’ve done it several times.
Mitchell: Always fun and not at all terrifying.
Velma: Mitchell, can we talk in private?
Jerry: Dropping a divorce on him right now is not right at all. He’s gonna leave me to finish all the work for today!
Karl: I’ll help you finish it up, don’t worry.
Jerry: I appreciate that.
Velma: Let’s just go.
Mitchell: If it’s a divorce, just drop it on me here. I don’t want to have to confirm it to them, it’d be demoralizing.
Velma: It’s not a divorce.
Mitchell: All right, see ya boys.
Betty: You two can use the stock room.
Velma: Thank you, Betty.
Betty: No problem, just bring him back to finish up work when you’re done!
Velma and Mitchell walk back to the stock room.
Velma: This is not really something easy to say.
Mitchell: What’s going on? Your face looks flushed. Did someone die?
Velma: Well…
Mitchell: Oh my god, I was joking. Who died?
Velma: Life is a journey, and your time on earth is just the end of that journey on this realm. The human spirit lives on -
Mitchell: Velma!
Velma: Mitchell, your sister called the house about an hour ago, your mother passed away this morning. I thought you should hear it in person.
Mitchell: Oh, wow.
Velma: Are you okay?
Mitchell: Am I supposed to be?
Velma: You don’t have to be. This is hard for anyone to hear.
Mitchell: I feel odd. I don’t feel sad. Should I not feel sad?
Velma: What are you feeling?
Mitchell: Nothing.
Velma: That’s fine, any reaction is valid. I know you didn’t have the typical mother-son relationship with her.
Mitchell: She split up our family, then her alcoholism and sociopathic tendencies ruined whatever remained of our relationship, and her continued egomania destroyed a temporary reconciliation. I tried with her, I had no intention to give up on our relationship, but she forced me to do it. I tried my best.
Velma: I’m glad that you are coping well.
Mitchell: Didn’t you think I would?
Velma: It’s a complicated situation. I didn’t know how you’d feel.
Mitchell: I’m not happy she’s gone, I wish she were still alive, but it doesn’t impact me much. I wasn’t ever planning to see her again, we don’t even live in the same state. I had no contact with her, and that’s just life. Now, I have to get back to work.
Velma: You sure you’re okay?
Mitchell: Yes, Velma.
Velma: All right, I’ll head out.
Velma returns home.
Teri: So… how’d it go?
Velma: He said he feels nothing. In fact, he wanted to get back to work, so he cut the conversation short.
Cindy: Well, he’s not well if he’s asking to go back to work.
Velma: Exactly, it’s not like him at all. I’m terrified!
Danielle: It’ll hit him later, maybe. He’s in shock a bit.
Velma: I don’t know if it will. He was very certain about it, he said he was done with her in life, so this has no impact on him. I believe him.
Danielle: Well, regardless, we’re all here for him.
Velma: For the first time ever, I actually wonder what’s going on in that head of his.
Teri: You two have such a perfect marriage.
Alysa: Steven, can we promise each other not to have a marriage lie that when its time?
Tammi: When it’s time, in ten to fifteen years.
Steven: I don’t think anyone else on earth could ever possibly have a marriage like theirs.
Later that night…
Velma: He’s seemed… off today, right?
Teri: He’s always off. He’s an odd guy.
Velma: More odd than usual.
Danielle: I noticed it. There was a change. For one, he’s in bed already. Elsbeth’s not even over yet.
Tammi: Does he usually stay up with us to watch Elsbeth?
Teri: Yeah, he constantly yells his guesses for who the killer is at the TV.
Tammi: But Elsbeth -
Teri: Shows us who the killer is at the start of each episode? Exactly.
Jerry: He was odd at the store, too. He worked. It was bizarre.
Betty: I couldn’t believe it myself. Though, I wasn’t around him much, I had to head to the bar to celebrate the good news with some drinks.
Karl: Okay, gang, Elsbeth’s back from commercial!
Teri: We’ll finish this when Elsbeth’s done.
Velma: Good plan.
Later that night, when Velma goes to bed…
Mitchell: Velma, that you?
Velma: Who else would it be? Eva Mendes?
Mitchell: I need to talk.
Velma: Okay, I’m a bit shocked you’re still awake, and I do have work tomorrow, but we’ll do this now.
Mitchell: How did it happen?
Velma: Your mother?
Mitchell: Yeah.
Velma: Cancer. Stage four bone cancer, it was quick, she didn’t know it was happening until a month ago.
Mitchell: Why didn’t they tell me?
Velma: I, uh… I don’t know.
Mitchell: When’s the funeral?
Velma: Next Friday.
Mitchell: I want to go.
Velma: We’ll go.
Mitchell: Thank you.
Velma: I’m glad you’re going. I think you’d regret not going. It’ll help on some level.
Mitchell: Besides, a trip to Maryland’s always nice.
Velma: Usually its better in summer than in December, but sure, Maryland’s nice.
One week later…
Mitchell: Hey, guys, I just wanted to thank you for coming with me to the funeral. That wasn’t easy, it did hurt me more than I expected.
Betty: Well, I did have to make sure the news was true.
Cindy: Mom! Time and a place!
Ralph: I think the place is now. Jokes are always funny.
Mitchell: I think it’s the loss of hope for reconciliation than the actual loss of her. We weren’t close, but part of me still dared to dream.
Frank: It’s the hope that kills you. Ted Lasso says that.
Teri: I hate you.
Danielle: I’m here for you any time. I’ve lost my mother. I know Velma has too, Betty has as well but I’d probably avoid asking her. To some level, we understand the feeling, and we can talk through it all with you.
Betty: That’s for the best.
Mitchell: Thanks, guys. You all do help a lot. I’m gonna head up to my room now. I’m tired in many ways.
Betty: Well, I still think this has been a pretty good week.
Cindy: Mom!
Betty: Kidding! Goodness, no one can take a joke anymore these days!
What did you think of this episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the new episode next week!
