SETTING: RSN’s corporate office. BENNY’s new assistant, DEVIN, is beginning his first day. Upon entering the office, DEVIN walks up to BENNY’s office and knocks on the door. BENNY’s face lights up as he opens the door.
BENNY
My assistant!
DEVIN
At your service, boss!
BENNY
Alright, talk to me.
DEVIN has a blank look on his face.
DEVIN
About what?
BENNY
You know, just general news, teams our stations cover, what do you got?
DEVIN
Uh…
BENNY
Don’t tell me you don’t have any news for me.
DEVIN
No I do, I’ll find something!
DEVIN takes out his phone, panics, and runs out of BENNY’s office. He frantically finds NICOLE sitting at her cubicle.
DEVIN
You, what’s your station?
NICOLE INTERVIEW
Benny’s got a new assistant. Like with the new station managers, he got this guy right out of the Indianapolis Primitives’ bullpen. Zero qualifications for this position.
NICOLE
Why do you ask?
DEVIN
I need help, it’s my first day and I’m already in trouble.
NICOLE just stares at DEVIN.
DEVIN
Oh don’t tell me you’ve never needed help before.
NICOLE takes a deep breath.
NICOLE
Fine. RSN Indy.
DEVIN
Hey, you’re the one who decided the Primitives don’t matter to the station’s future, pushing the team I was on out of state!
NICOLE
Yup, that’s me alright. This is a business, and women’s basketball is the future of RSN Indy. The Indianapolis Colds are just better for the station.
DEVIN quickly looks up ‘Indianapolis Colds’ on his phone and runs back to BENNY’s office.
DEVIN
I got something.
BENNY
Alright, what?
DEVIN
Right here. Rachel Rutsby joins Indianapolis Colds in historic 7-year, $340 million deal.
BENNY
Let me see that.
BENNY looks at DEVIN’s phone in horror.
BENNY
This is not good.
Suddenly, BENNY’s phone rings.
BENNY
I gotta take this.
DEVIN exits BENNY’s office.
BENNY [on the phone]
Hello?
On the other end of the line is BRYAN, the new station manager for RSN Indy.
BRYAN
Benny! You hear about Rutsby?
BENNY
Sure did. Your old teammate just told me.
BRYAN
Just told you? This was in the works for weeks!
BENNY
It was?
BRYAN
That’s what I was told at least. Anyways, we need a substantially larger budget for 2025. People gotta know the Colds have Rutsby.
BENNY
Can’t do it. You guys already take up enough of our budget.
BENNY hangs up. BRYAN calls right back.
BRYAN
Benny, I don’t think you understand. This would really help out Indy’s ratings. It could turn around RSN’s fortune. You’d be a hero.
BENNY
I’ll have to think about it.
BRYAN
How ‘bout $8 million.
BENNY
That’s all? Why didn’t you say so? I can give you that!
BENNY hangs up again. He proceeds to call MANNY, station manager at RSN Santa Fe, to inform him $30 million will be deallocated from his station. He leaves a voicemail when MANNY does not pick up. Proud of his accomplishment, BENNY then exits his office and approaches SASHA, KYLIE, NICOLE, BLAKE, AUSTIN, and TREVOR.
BENNY
Guys, I got good news!
The team liaisons all give one another a panicked look.
BLAKE INTERVIEW
Rule of thumb: When Benny says he’s got good news, it’s never good news. It’s just a question of who gets stuck doing damage control.
BENNY
The Indianapolis Colds got Rachel Rutsby! Now, it did come with a small change in marketing budgets. Indy’s getting an $8 million increase and Santa Fe an $8 million reduction.
SASHA
So Santa Fe has no budget anymore?
BENNY
Don’t be so dramatic, I know you’ll make do.
SASHA
Benny, it’s literally Santa Fe’s entire budget. $8 million.
BENNY
What? No! It’s…Santa Fe gets $40 million. So it’d be 32 this year!
SASHA
Alright first of all, why would you take away from Santa Fe the one year we finally get a major league sports team there? And second, budgets have gotten a LOT smaller since you were last in charge.
BENNY
I can fix this.
NICOLE
How?
BENNY
I’ll cut off communication with Santa Fe and Indianapolis. This whole thing will just blow over.
SASHA
You already told them you were changing their budgets!
BENNY
Santa Fe was a voicemail, who even listens to voicemails anyways?
BLAKE
Benny’s got a point.
SASHA
Most of us check our voicemails. You can’t just tell Indy you’re gonna give them $8 million and then blow them off, they’re gonna be calling and emailing you nonstop!
BENNY
I’ll set up an out of office.
SASHA
Like that’ll work.
BENNY
You’re right, that was a dumb idea. I’ll have Devin set up an out of office for me. If I can find him…
BENNY finds DEVIN, and the two head back to BENNY’s office.
NICOLE INTERVIEW
So Benny’s out of office indefinitely, as far as our stations know. Maybe they’ll actually work with me until they figure out he’s still here.
AUSTIN
Guys…is it me or is Benny just not good at this?
NICOLE
Why did they even call him? I’m the station liaison!
KYLIE
Probably because they knew he would approve it and you wouldn’t.
NICOLE
This can’t go on. I’m losing control of my station!
TREVOR
At least you have a station.
NICOLE
But they don’t respect me. They went right over my head to get what they wanted.
KYLIE
You know, they’re probably gonna start hounding you now that Benny’s made himself completely unavailable.
NICOLE’s face lights up.
NICOLE
You’re right! I can give them what they want and they’ll start working with me again!
SASHA
Um, absolutely not! What about me?!
NICOLE
Sorry Sasha, but I gotta do what I gotta do.
SASHA
So you’re gonna leave me with no money?! At least take from Los Angeles and their massive budget!
KYLIE
In case you forgot, LA is a huge market and brings in a lot of money too.
KYLIE looks SASHA in the eyes.
KYLIE
Unlike some of the other stations.
BLAKE
Kylie!
KYLIE
I know how that sounds. But I can’t have money taken away from LA. That holiday promo Benny made us do went way over budget and now they’re asking me for more money for 2025.
SASHA
I just lost my entire budget and you’re telling me *you* need more money?!
KYLIE
Kind of?
SASHA and KYLIE look at each other for a couple seconds, then run to BENNY’s office.
BENNY
Uhhhh…I’m out of office!
KYLIE
Los Angeles needs more money for 2025. They went over budget on that holiday promo you made everyone do.
BENNY
Oh I don’t know, they never said anything of the sort.
KYLIE
If you would check your messages, I’m sure they did.
BENNY shrugs.
BENNY
Sorry Kylie, I’m out of office.
KYLIE sighs.
KYLIE
Benny, this is what got you fired last time, remember? Your complete inability to work under pressure.
BENNY
Fine, LA can have more money. I’ll just take it away from uh…Santa Fe.
SASHA
Santa Fe is already completely broke under your plan!
BENNY
Right. Ok, um…
KYLIE
LA needs this money, Benny.
SASHA
Santa Fe needs it more!
Suddenly, NICOLE runs into BENNY’s office.
NICOLE
Benny, for the love of God please get rid of your out of office email. I need you to see something.
BENNY summons DEVIN, who helps him take the out of office message off his email. BENNY then looks at his email to see a message from NICOLE, forwarding BENNY an email from BRYAN at RSN Indy asking to bump the budget increase up to $11 million. After reading the email, BENNY looks up at NICOLE.
BENNY
So what do we do, take from Anchorage?
NICOLE
Benny. You’re tearing us apart. Just please do your thing and get this under control.
NICOLE leaves BENNY’s office. BENNY requests DEVIN, KYLIE, and SASHA to follow.
BENNY INTERVIEW
I pride myself in the self-reflection I did while I was out of a job. My two goals for this time around: don’t be hated, and be able to make a tough decision. [BENNY pauses]. Maybe I’m just not up for this job.
BENNY goes to respond to BRYAN’s email, only to find a new email from BRYAN. After reading it, BENNY finds TREVOR at his cubicle, in the same area where KYLIE, NICOLE, BLAKE, AUSTIN, and SASHA are also working.
BENNY
Good news guys! Crisis has been averted!
BLAKE
Don’t try to take credit for this.
BENNY
I wasn’t. Trevor, good job telling everyone ‘No.’
TREVOR
Yeah about that, why were so many station managers emailing me?
BENNY
I told Devin to put the least important person down as my emergency contact in my out of office message.
Everyone chuckles.
TREVOR
No really, why?
BENNY opens his mouth a couple times to start a sentence, but no words come out. He retreats to his office.
TREVOR INTERVIEW
Yes, I’m the least important person here, I’m not naive about that. But even the new assistant knows?! It’s his first day!!
AUSTIN walks over to BLAKE’s cubicle.
AUSTIN
By the way…you know the other three stations are pretty angry, right?
BLAKE looks up at the clock.
BLAKE
You and me got it easy. We may have nothing to air, but at least we stay out of trouble.
AUSTIN
Not a lot of return on investment in Anchorage though. I wish RSN Anchorage was relevant enough to cause this kind of chaos.
BLAKE looks at the clock.
BLAKE
I don’t think that’s a problem for 4:59 pm.