The cast of Bake You’re Heart Out is on the set filming in Helsinki, Finland.
Sam: Well, this week’s episode is nearly Finnished!
Diane: That was terrible!
Sam: Oh, go to Helsinki!
Diane: You think we should let these fine people know the results?
Sam: I guess, I am all out of Finland puns at this point.
Diane: So you can say you’re Finnished?
Sam: I already used that one.
Diane: Don’t be a buzzkill.
Sam: Janie, your lortsy pastries were fluffy, and the raspberry jam filling was the perfect touch for a sweet dish. Your laskiaispulla, which is a word I will never be able to pronounce, was also a highlight, easily being the creamiest, and the best, that we tasted tonight.
Diane: Andrea, while your lortsy pastries were also a highlight, it was your Runeberg torte tower that truly set you apart from the rest. The judges were wowed by your commitment to detail, and while many others delivered drier deserts, your were moist and delicious, and the judges couldn’t get enough.
Sam: Andrea, congratulations, you are the Top Baker for this week!
Diane: Unfortunately, not everyone had such a successful week. Some of you even had a bit of a Helsinki-ish week.
Sam: Oh, now we can do Finland puns?
Diane: Mine was clever.
Sam: Jacob, while your Finnish pancakes were pitch-perfect, and your Runeberg torte tower was satisfactory, the judges were concerned by how runny the cream in your laskiaispulla was, leaving the pastry itself a soggy mess. Nevertheless, your other desserts saved you this week.
Diane: Two other bakers didn’t fare as well. Mellie, it’s your third week in a row with major mistakes. This time, your Karelian pasties were burned and your decision to opt for a fruit filling confused the judges. Your Runeberg torte also collapsed before it was presented to the judges, though it did feature some lovely flavors.
Sam: Frank, The judges were impressed with your Runeberg torte tower, which was beautifully arranged, but your laskiaispulla was a sloppy mess, and your joulutorttu pastries were underbaked.
Diane: Sadly, the person whose journey on our show has reached its Finnish line is… Millie.
Sam: Millie, it’s been a delight having you on our show, and we will miss you.
Sam: Thank you all for tuning in to Bake Your Heart Out! We will see you next week in beautiful Paris!
Leslie: Cut!
Sam: God, I’m so happy we’re done. What a long day.
Frances: I’m sorry again about today’s baking choice. I didn’t realize it took so long to put together.
Sam: I think it’s having to make fifteen tortes that really set them back, one would’ve sufficed.
Frances: But one isn’t as extravagant!
Sam: You try standing for all six hours then.
Charlotte: Are we really whining over having to stand for six hours? On a movie set -
Sam: Ah, yes, no one has it harder than actors!
Charlotte: Those set days can be long!
Leslie: Believe me, I used to work in retail, I know the pain of standing for six, eight, ten hours a day, I get your pain. It won’t happen again, we’re letting Garry pick the next grand challenge.
Garry: I’m still figuring it out, but it’s gonna be great!
Diane: It better be, no one does baked goods better than France!
Sam: Spoken like a true Benedict Arnold. America is the baking capital of the world, we have Dunkin’!
Charlotte: I won’t embarrass myself by boasting about Britain’s baking. We all tasted it a few weeks ago, we know we’re not at the top of the world.
Sam: At least you’re self-aware.
Jacqueline: What’s this about our baking not being the best?
Charlotte: It’s just the truth.
Jacqueline: It is not!
Frances: Aww, they’re having a British-off. Who loves jolly old England more?
Jacqueline: Clearly not her!
Sam: All right, I’m tired and I’ve lost all interest in this. I’m heading to my dressing room and changing into something more comfortable.
Diane: You’re changing into your casual blazer?
Sam: You know my so well.
Leslie: It’s a good thing we have that sauna booked for tomorrow, that should help us all recharge.
Sam: I sure need it after all of this.
Frances: Everyone better keep their damn towels on, that’s all I’m going to say!
Sam: Several towels.
Garry: I forgot we were doing that!
Sam: We’re in Finland, what else is there to do?
Frances: I always wanted to meet a reindeer.
Sam: Who are you, Santa Claus?
Frances: If I were Santa Claus, I’d have already met many reindeer.
Diane: What is this conversation we’re being forced to listen to?
Charlotte: It’s no dumber than anything we’re used to hearing any other time.
Diane: How are any of us sane?
Leslie: We’re not. Now come on, let’s get out of here, I have a long night of relaxing in my king-sized bed planned for me tonight.
Frances: We should probably grab something for dinner, no?
Leslie: I forgot about that.
Sam: We’ll stop somewhere on the way to the hotel, something quick.
Leslie: Fine by me.
Later that night, when Garry returns to the hotel…
Carly: Ahem?
Garry: Ah, I’ve missed you!
Carly: It’s late!
Garry: Long day today!
Carly: You just wrapped filming? It’s after six! You’re always back to the hotel hours before now, especially on the second day of filming for the week
Garry: We didn’t just wrap, exactly.
Carly: Then where have you been?
Garry: We stopped on the way back to the hotel for a small dinner, because Frances was hungry.
Carly: Ah, well if Frances is hungry, might as well forget all about the wife you left back at the hotel.
Garry: It wasn’t my decision. I would have stopped for you.
Carly: Did you speak up?
Garry: That I did not do.
Carly: This is why I go so nuts.
Garry: You’re not nuts, you’re wonderful!
Carly: Garry, I’ve been having a good time, but I feel like I never get to spend any time with my husband. You’re always doing things with your co-workers. It’s great you’re all so close, but I need some time that’s just us! That’s how you pitched this months-long trip to me, as a romantic getaway.
Garry: I know, I’m sorry. It’s just hard to break way from them, they’re all really excited about this trip. How do I tell them I can’t join in on what they’ve got planned?
Carly: Just tell them your wife wants to do something with you. I think they’d get it.
Garry: You’re always included!
Carly: I do appreciate that, but it would be nice to do something that’s just the two of us. We never get time alone anymore, that’s key to any good marriage.
Garry: Sam never gets time alone with her wife!
Carly: Is that really your relationship goal? It’s not mine!
Garry: I’m not saying it’s a goal, I’m just saying it could be worse! I’m not helping myself, am I?
Carly: Not at all!
Garry: How about tomorrow, we go and do whatever you want to do?
Carly: You really mean it?
Garry: Of course! You being happy is my absolute priority. I don’t even think we have anything planned for tomorrow, anyway. It would’ve just been something last minute. Let’s plan a nice day together. In fact, we’ll spend all the time you want together on this trip from here on out. I don’t ever want you feeling like I’m choosing my friends over you.
Carly: Oh, I’m so happy! I have the perfect thing in mind! We’re going to go shopping here in Helsinki, they have so many nice stores. Then we’ll go for a romantic dinner together!
Garry: It sounds like you’ve been thinking about this.
Carly: I have a lot of time to myself. I can only go as far as I can walk on foot.
Garry: You know they have Uber, right?
Carly: It’s a waste of money!
Garry: We have plenty of money.
Carly: Not to waste on something like that. I can use the exercise.
Garry: You do not! You look fantastic!
Carly: Don’t try to woo me, Garry, I have no energy.
Garry: How do you not have energy? You haven’t been anywhere all day.
Carly: I just told you, I haven’t eaten.
Garry: How about we grab something to eat?
Carly: I like the way you think!
Garry: I’m so easy to manipulate.
Carly: Exactly.
The next morning, at breakfast…
Frances: You know, I wasn’t expecting breakfast in Finland to be so good. They have good food!
Charlotte: I don’t know, it’s not -
Sam: You eat beans on toast for breakfast, your opinion is immediately discarded.
Charlotte: We don’t all eat that, that’s a stereotype. That being said… I’ve been known to enjoy some b-on-t every now and then.
Diane: I’m just excited for today’s sauna!
Garry: Uh oh.
Diane: What?
Garry: Nothing!
Melanie: That’s something.
Garry: No, I just dropped my… what’s this called again?
Sam: I can’t pronounce any of it, it’s some pancake thing I think.
Leslie: You know, our strategy of ordering one of each thing on the menu does have its downsides, in that we are unable to name a single thing that we’ve eaten while we’re here.
Melanie: I’m not too worried, not many diners in Rhode Island serving Finnish breakfasts anyway.
Carly: What’s this about a sauna?
Diane: Oh, I booked us tickets for an authentic Finnish sauna here in Helsinki! Best in the world!
Sam: And I need it, I’ve been worked to the bone!
Charlotte: Yeah, she had to work for six whole hours yesterday!
Sam: Quiet, beans on toast.
Melanie: Oh, not again.
Sam: Not what again?
Melanie: You’re going to fight over who has to work harder. The answer is neither of you.
Charlotte: You’re cranky today.
Melanie: I barely slept.
Frances: You’re the one who came to my room asking to go out for karaoke!
Melanie: And it was fun, but ill-advised.
Leslie: What other sorts of hijinks do you two get into when we’re not around?
Frances: We live very full and rich lives.
Carly: Garry, you didn’t say anything about a sauna trip.
Diane: Oh, I sense something amiss.
Garry: Don’t worry about it! It’ll take an hour, tops.
Carly: Oh really, will it?
Charlotte: Why are we mad about getting to visit a sauna?
Carly: Garry and I were supposed to have the day to ourselves. I could accept a group breakfast, but this was going to be our day!
Sam: Not to give the false sense that I care, but I just want to say this is a really dumb argument.
Diane: That’s a lot coming from her, it almost sounds like she’s defending Garry.
Sam: Ew, no!
Leslie: You don’t have to go to the sauna if you don’t want, it’s all voluntary.
Frances: I wish I felt like last night’s karaoke was voluntary.
Melanie: You had fun, come on!
Frances: In the moment, yeah. The headache I’ve got now… not worth it.
Leslie: I don’t have time to address that at this juncture. Garry, once again, you don’t have to go.
Carly: No, appeasing your pals is important, go.
Garry: You can’t be mad at me for forgetting I had plans!
Carly: I’m mad that you’re clearly intent on breaking your word to me to keep them!
Jacqueline: Hello party people!
Diane: Oh god, not now.
Jacqueline: Good to see you, too! I don’t mean to interrupt your day off, but I have urgent news.
Sam: The season’s canceled and we can go home? Ah well, we had a good run.
Diane: You’d cry.
Sam: I would, this pays really well ever since we bullied Paul that one time.
Jacqueline: The President of Finland, Hannele Toivonen, has requested a meeting at her residence with all of you this afternoon. This is a great honor, and a chance to represent your country to a foreign leader.
Leslie: We’ll be there!
Diane: Excuse me?
Leslie: A sauna can be rescheduled, how often does the President of Finland ask you for a meeting?
Sam: We get to meet the Governor of Rhode Island all the time!
Leslie: Not quite the same thing, Finland is larger than a marble.
Diane: Fine, we’ll be there, but we’re going to this sauna tomorrow.
Garry: Am I allowed to go, Carly? Or would it be selfish of me?
Carly: This is a bit different from galavanting around town with your friends, and I think you know that.
Frances: Ah, this is gonna be a great day.
Later that day, at the Finnish President’s residence…
Hannele: It is so lovely to meet all of you and sit down to discuss your show. I am a tremendous fan!
Melanie: I’m a big fan of yours! Those videos of you out clubbing in New Orleans are legendary!
Hannele: I try not to think of that time, but I appreciate your support. Who are you, by the way? I’ve been meaning to ask, but didn’t want to come across as rude.
Leslie: Ah, that is our wonderful set assistant, Melanie.
Hannele: Lovely to meet you, Melanie!
Charlotte: This is such an incredible honor to be here. You are an inspiration with your work for defending human rights.
Leslie: We’re so happy you’re a fan of the show, too. Knowing this has become an international sensation after it started as just a small idea in my head, it’s quite wild to think about.
Hannele: Your show brings the world joy!
Sam: Yes, joy is our goal. We are such joyful people.
Diane: That we are.
Hannele: I’m getting a phone call, so I’m going to step aside for a moment. You all feel free to explore the residence, the lobby here is set up for visitors and tells of our nation’s rich history. I’ll be right back.
Garry: Carly! Can we talk?
Carly: About what?
Garry: I didn’t mean to blow you off, I just felt awkward about blowing off my friends when I’d already committed to going with them and I simply forgot. I was between a rock and a hard place.
Carly: I know, I’m sorry for overreacting.
Garry: You are?
Carly: I am, I was just emotional and a little jealous and it was ridiculous. Besides, it all got canceled anyway for this once-in-a-lifetime experience, so no harm done.
Garry: I’m so glad you see it that way. I was so scared you’d. Be mad forever.
Carly: I don’t hold grudges!
Garry: Well…
Carly: Just when they’re warranted.
Garry: Now that this is cleared up, I have to run to the bathroom.
Carly: I think I’ll join you if you catch my drift.
Garry: Really? Here?
Carly: When else will we get this chance?
Garry: Well, uh… okay.
Ten minutes later…
Hannele: I’m so sorry for that, it was the prime minister. Just nonsense, but he likes to talk. Now, I’m going to head to the bathroom and then we can resume our talk and maybe get a group picture.
Leslie: It’s no problem!
Frances: By the way, has anyone seen Garry?
Sam: No, and I like it that way.
Hannele: Oh my god!
Garry: I am so sorry you saw that!
Later that day, when the group returns to the hotel…
Jacqueline: That was…
Leslie: I’m still speechless.
Melanie: She looked so scared.
Sam: I’m kinda proud of you, Garry. Good for you.
Frances: I can’t wait to tell this story to whoever inevitably writes a tell-all about our show in the future.
Diane: We’re going to have to flee the country.
Sam: She was very nice about it.
Carly: Thank god I lied about how we were trying to have a baby and I got a message I was ovulating right now. She bought it hook, line and sinker.
Leslie: But really? In the bathroom?
Charlotte: What do they call the equivalent to the mile high club where you shag in a world leader’s bathroom?
Sam: I don’t know, but it has to be the more exclusive club.
Garry: I’d prefer we didn’t talk about it.
Leslie: I’d prefer it didn’t happen, and yet, here we are.
Charlotte: Hey, at least they apparently worked out their marital issues.
Diane: Small miracles.
What did you think of this episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
