Leslie walks into Jacqueline’s office and takes a seat.
Jacqueline: Leslie, thank you for meeting with me. I know your American Thanksgiving is just around the corner and you’re probably quite busy with that.
Leslie: I’m not sure I had much of a choice, you are my boss.
Jacqueline: That is true, I was just trying to be polite.
Leslie: I have a feeling I know what this is about, but if you could get to it, I’d appreciate it. I do have to make a run for a turkey today. It’s not Thanksgiving without one.
Jacqueline: We at the network have just realized that, due in part to mismanagement by my demoted predecessor, your show never filmed a Christmas episode, which has become tradition. It’s a staple of our annual Christmas lineup, and we’re ordering another one for this year.
Leslie: Well, I’ll get the gang to LA and we’ll do another special. Taping the Christmas special is usually less involved because the stakes are lower, we could probably film the whole thing in a day so it’s easier for everyone’s schedules.
Jacqueline: Not so fast!
Leslie: Excuse me?
Jacqueline: A special filmed in LA is nice and all, it worked for many years, but this season was a smash hit because it gave our viewers a look at the world around them. We’re not going to just go back to the same old studio now, not when viewers just watched you all in Berlin two weeks before the special will air! You’re going back to Europe!
Leslie: No we are not! Jacqueline, flying to Europe with a whole filming crew is a lot of work!
Jacqueline: I’m aware, I was there.
Leslie: Then from a business point of view, you have to know it’s a wild thing to mandate, and with such little notice.
Jacqueline: We are not breaking the European theme of this season for the Christmas special. You’re all under contract, you’re going. Prague awaits you all.
Leslie: Prague? I don’t even know where that is!
Jacqueline: You’re about to!
Three days later, at Diane’s Friendsgiving celebration…
Leslie: So, gang, I’ve received some news.
Sam: Nothing good ever comes after those words.
Charlotte: Not ever.
Sam: It’s never “I’ve received some news, you’re all getting a ten percent pay raise” or “I’ve received some news, they’ve cured cancer.” It’s always “I’ve received some news, here’s this awful thing the network’s making us do.”
Leslie: I’m your boss, I’m supposed to make you feel that way.
Sam: Are you our boss? You’re more our supervisor, hired by our real boss, who is somehow the annoying British lady that they had babysit us in Europe this summer.
Diane: I liked that trip, we got to see the world.
Leslie: Good to hear!
Frances: And why is that “Good to hear?”
Leslie: Well…
Sam: Whatever you’re about to say, I know I won’t like it. In fact, just keep it to yourself. I’m good not knowing.
Leslie: I legally have to tell you, or the network will consider it a breach of contract.
Sam: Just, get it over with. Fast. Rip that band-aid off.
Leslie: Jacqueline has informed me that the network is ordering a Christmas episode of Bake Your Heart Out that we’re filming near the Christmas Market in Prague.
Garry: Where even is that?
Leslie: The Czech Republic, glad you asked!
Carly: Where even is that?
Leslie: It, uh… it’s by Germany.
Sam: Are you the most uncultured group of ignoramuses on planet earth? You don’t know the Czech Republic?
Diane: In their defense, they didn’t go on a very successful stand-up tour of Europe in the 80s like you did.
Sam: It was still Czechoslovakia when I was there, and I was their queen!
Leslie: By the way, the special films on December 17 and we head home on December 19, I hope I haven’t ruined Friendsgiving, I’m sorry!
Frances: December 17? That’s right before Christmas!
Sam: Frances knows how calendars work, folks! Big news!
Frances: Do you want to fly to Europe a week before Christmas? I don’t! I have preparations to make for the big day, my family’s flying in from Michigan!
Leslie: And we will all be home for Christmas, so no worries. This was the only date that the venue had available for us to film. It’s unfortunate, but it is what it is.
Sam: Why can’t we just film it in LA? It’s not like there’s some dearth of studios in this city.
Leslie: It’s… a whole thing. Jacqueline’s very annoying, I don’t think she likes us.
Frances: Then she should publish us by canceling the show like a normal TV executive with a grudge! This is cruel and unusual punishment!
Diane: Everyone, stop whining! Prague must be beautiful this time of year, we’ll have such a wonderful Christmassy time!
Sam: You sound like you’re on the Hallmark Channel.
Diane: Do I? That’s wonderful! They have the best movies!
Sam: They do not.
Charlotte: Is Melanie going? I can’t travel without my emotional support assistant.
Leslie: She is not. They’re minimizing costs, only the necessary cast and crew are heading.
Sam: Hear that, Garry? You don’t have to go!
Garry: That… what?
Frances: She’s saying you’re not necessary, that was very easy to understand, it hardly took Einstein to figure that one out.
Three weeks later…
Sam: I don’t like this place. It’s cold.
Frances: You Californians are so pampered. This is nothing compared to a Michigan winter!
Sam: Well I’ve never had too deal with that, and I have no desire to ever do so. For me, this is basically the North Pole.
Leslie: Just put a heavier coat on. We’re only here three days.
Diane: I can’t wait to see the city, especially at Christmas. I’ve heard it has the best Christmas market in the whole world.
Garry: Well, after Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.
Sam: Bethlehem, Pennsylvania?
Garry: We went there on the Ballroom Celebrities tour right before Christmas. They don’t call it the Christmas City for nothing!
Frances: My dear former assistant Jane would absolutely think that that’s where Jesus was born.
Charlotte: He wasn’t? I’m sorry, I only have a vague knowledge of the story.
Frances: You don’t know the greatest story ever told?
Charlotte: As I said, I vaguely know it. My family weren’t very religious.
Frances: I’m shocked!
Sam: Since when are you religious, Frances?
Frances: I’m not, but I thought everyone knew the nativity.
Charlotte: I know it!
Sam: Oh, here we go.
Leslie: Christmas is my favorite time of the year, we get to celebrate Jesus and family and togetherness. I miss my family. I haven’t seen them for Christmas in years.
Sam: Oh boy, I’d rather talk about the nativity.
Garry: Why aren’t you seeing for family for Christmas?
Leslie: The family’s scattered all across the country, it’s too much for all of us to get home under the same roof.
Garry: You could still go home.
Leslie: I don’t want to be a hassle for mama and daddy.
Garry: A hassle? Come on!
Leslie: They’re in their eighties, they try and go above and beyond whenever I do go home, it’s too much for them.
Diane: Let me tell you, as a parent of grown children. It’s not too much. We’d do anything for our kids, and it brings us so much joy when they come and see us. It’s not too late yet, you can still go home to Oklahoma for Christmas.
Leslie: I get what you mean, but I don’t know if they even put up a tree.
Diane: Help them put one up! Come on, help them spread a little holiday cheer!
Sam: You know what’s gonna make me feel more holiday cheer? Getting to the hotel, where it’s warm!
Diane: Come on, this city is a winter wonderland!
Sam: We’re gonna spend tonight in the hospital while they amputate my frostbitten toes if we don’t get to some warmth.
Charlotte: It isn’t that cold!
Diane: She’s just a baby, don’t mind her.
Leslie: We do have to get to the hotel, though. I’m meeting Paul there to discuss the special.
Charlotte: They sent Paul here? I thought this was only essential cast and crew?
Leslie: They did. Apparently we act up so much that they felt we needed a supervisor to keep us on track, especially with the short filming time.
Sam: That’s, uh.. yeah, that’s fair.
The next day…
Diane: My god, this market is amazing!
Sam: It’s no better than the LA Farmers Market!
Diane: You must be joking.
Sam: What’s so great about this place?
Diane: Well, it’s a lot bigger. The LA Farmers Market is like a mall. This is enormous. It also actually feels like winter here. It reminds me of my childhood.
Sam: The LA Farmers Market is -
Paul: Ladies, I respect both of your opinions, but we have a lot of filming to get done today and the part at the market is just a very small part.
Leslie: Paul, I can handle this.
Paul: I’m sorry, I’m just… this has to be perfect, Jacqueline’s looking for any reason to fire me.
Leslie: Fire you? You developed the show that’s been #1 on TV for the last five years! She drove us so nuts, we almost decided to collectively throw in the towel on it!
Paul: Well, she doesn’t like me, and she wants me gone. She knows I wanted her gone.
Sam: That is kinda why you gave her to us and sent her across the ocean, no?
Paul: It is, but what I’m saying is this needs to be perfect! You all need to look happy, try to enjoy this market, show some Christmas magic! Do it for me!
Sam: That’s not a good argument.
Paul: Do it for yourself. You can’t stand Jacqueline, either. Don’t let her get her way.
Sam: Better argument!
Diane: I don’t need to try to enjoy this market, I’m in heaven.
Frances: It is beautiful. It really screams yuletide. It’s like if Christmas were a place.
Charlotte: That’s how I feel about my mum’s house. You should see it at Christmas, the woman’s like Mrs. Claus.
Sam: I suppose it is fairly nice.
Leslie: Good, get smiles on those faces and let’s get to filming! Come on, we still have bakers waiting for us and cookies and cakes to eat!
Garry: I could go for some cookies right now, I’m starving.
Leslie: You’re all going to try some goodies they’re selling at the market for the purpose of the show. Don’t stuff yourself too much, you all have to sample what the bakers make for you.
Garry: I won’t, I’m not six.
Sam: No, you just act like it.
Garry: I do not!
Sam: Do too!
Frances: It wouldn’t be Christmas without… whatever this is.
One day later…
Sam: Leslie, is there a reason you’ve asked us all to meet you at this cafe?
Leslie: There is.
Sam: Oh my god, no! This is your bad news face!
Leslie: I have a bad news face?
Sam: Yeah, you’re no Hoda Kotb.
Leslie: What’s that supposed to mean?
Sam: The woman’s always a delight, with a smile on her face, regardless of whether she’s reporting good news or bad.
Diane: I’ll miss her more than I miss my dead husband.
Charlotte: Did he not cheat on you?
Frances: Don’t get her started. It’ll get me started.
Diane: He did, but that’s beside the point.
Garry: So what’s the news?
Carly: Yeah, we’ve got lots we want to see in our last day here!
Paul: I know the news. Just sit there and enjoy your last moments not knowing it.
Garry: How bad can it be?
Leslie: There’s a blizzard in the forecast for later tonight, the snow’s going to keep up for five days. The flights out of Prague are all canceled for the next week.
Frances: The next week? As in, until December 26th?
Leslie: See, when you put it that way, it sounds bad.
Frances: It is bad!
Sam: We’re stuck in the Czech Republic until after Christmas?
Leslie: I understand that this is not what we all hoped for.
Sam: You think? I had plans for my wife to visit me for Christmas!
Charlotte: I was going to see my mum and dad!
Diane: I was going to see my kids.
Frances: I was going to Michigan.
Garry: Well, I’ve got my family here…
Sam: Shut up, Garry!
Carly: I don’t! My mom isn’t here!
Garry: And that is so sad…
Leslie: Look, I’m disappointed, too. I have to go call my mama and daddy and tell them that, contrary to what I told them, I’m actually not coming home for Christmas.
Paul: So what it all boils down to is Jacqueline has ruined Christmas.
Diane: She’s the Grinch.
Paul: She is indeed! Never forget this!
Sam: Well, my holiday spirit’s been zapped. I’m gonna go back to my room. Not like I have to rush to see the sights of Prague!
Leslie: Well… there might be some more snow on the ground the longer you wait.
Sam: I don’t really care.
Diane: By the way, will we still have rooms at the hotel for the next week? Or are we temporarily homeless, too?
Leslie: Jacqueline’s had it all handled, don’t worry.
Frances: Don’t even say that name to me… she stole my Michigan Christmas!
One week later…
Leslie: Merry Christmas, gang!
Sam: I’m sad. I miss Nicolle. We always spent Christmas together.
Charlotte: My god, there is a human in here!
Sam: Christmas exposes my emotional core. It’s why I never spend it with any of you. When you let people see what’s deep in your soul, it makes you feel so exposed.
Garry: I think I speak for us all when I say, please don’t expose yourself.
Sam: You have a sick mind. And on Christmas, no less!
Leslie: Look, everyone, I know we all miss the ones we love, but we also have so much love for each other. If we can’t spend Christmas with our families, I’m glad we get to spend it together, and in such a beautiful location, too! The snow looks so gorgeous in this city.
Frances: I’ll be honest, when I sang about dreaming of a White Christmas, I did not mean it in this way.
Leslie: This is a unique gift, though!
Sam: It is a gift, all right.
Leslie: We get to spend the holidays together, and share a great memory together. This moment in time, we’ll never recreate it.
Sam: Thank god!
Leslie: Stop being so pessimistic! It’s Christmas, it’s a day of magic and love.
Diane: I’d love to be with my kids, but aside from them, there are no people I’d rather spend this day with than all of you.
Charlotte: It barely feels like Christmas, though. We go back to our hotel rooms, it’s just a regular room. It feels like any day of the year. No one’s around.
Leslie: You know what? The market is just down the street? How about we go buy some stuff there to decorate my room, and then we all spend the day there together. We can also get baked goods and Christmasy food and buy gifts for each other. We can make this Christmas ours!
Diane: I guess we got lucky we got stranded in a city with a big Christmas market.
Leslie: So you’re all in?
Sam: It’s better than nothing!
Leslie: That’s the spirit. Sort of.
Later that day…
Diane: Wow, we, uh… we went above and beyond.
Frances: I’m tired.
Paul: I never knew I had it in me to be so holly and jolly.
Leslie: You did good today. We all did! This is Christmas! Coming together for love, to celebrate and uplift each other and make life a little better.
Sam: I’m gonna cry.
Garry: That’s a Christmas miracle in itself.
Charlotte: You know, I know we all miss our families, but Christmas together is pretty special.
Garry: Yeah, this was a pretty good idea, Leslie!
Leslie: Thank you, I try!
Charlotte: We should do this every year.
Diane: Maybe a week before or so? You know, so we can still see our families on the day.
Leslie: Sounds like a date to me!
Frances: Aww, this is like the end of The Grinch, when in spite of the Grinch’s evil plot to steal Christmas, every Who down in Whoville came together to sing in unity and harmony, and still let the Christmas spirit ring, for the unity and harmony is the true meaning of Christmas after all.
Sam: Do you think Jacqueline created the blizzard just to ruin our Christmas?
Leslie: Well, she is an ice queen…
What did you think of the Bake Your Heart Out Christmas Special? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the midseason premiere of Our House in early January! Bake Your Heart Out returns for season seven in summer 2025!
