Olivia sits down in her living room.
Fred: Starting the eggnog so early, dear?
Olivia: Have I any reason not to?
Fred: The desire to avoid cirrhosis of the liver?
Olivia: They just tell people that to scare them.
Fred: No, it’s very real.
Olivia: It’s one glass of eggnog with a bit of alcohol, it won’t kill me. Besides, it’s Christmas!
Fred: It doesn’t feel like Christmas.
Olivia: Whatever do you mean?
Fred: Does it feel like Christmas to you? Look at our tree?
Olivia: I put a lot of work into that tree!
Fred: Yes, for an hour, and then you got frustrated and packed up the ornament box. Half the tree is bare.
Olivia: It’s a modern aesthetic.
Fred: Since when have you ever been modern?
Olivia: The grandkids have highlighted the importance of it!
Fred: Even beyond the decorating disasters, you’re just not in a holiday spirit. It makes it feel like the day’s just passing us by without fanfare. It’s only three weeks ago away, you know.
Olivia: I’m aware of the calendar, dear.
Fred: For the record, I understand why you don’t have holiday this year.
Olivia: You do? Do enlighten me!
Fred: Feels fairly obvious, no? You’re to spend Christmas with those you love, and usually, that’s your family. You haven’t seen or spoken to yours in five months
Olivia: I’ve spoken to Ethan, briefly, to wish him a happy birthday. I’ll have to ring him and wish him a happy holiday, as well.
Fred: Have you considered, in any way, attempting to reconcile with your family?
Olivia: What reason do I have to do that? It’s their fault this has all happened!
Fred: Well, you wrote the book.
Olivia: Are you taking their side?
Fred: Of course not, you had the right too write about your life story. Just, from their eyes, they view you as the instigator, not them.
Olivia: They’re wrong.
Fred: Obviously.
Olivia: You know, you claim it doesn’t feel like Christmas here, but I must implore… what are your grand Christmas plans?
Fred: I thought we could have the kids over, do some Christmas traditions. Gingerbread houses, caroling, exchanging gifts, everything that fills the heart with yuletide cheer.
Olivia: You mean everything we’d do with the rest of the family.
Fred: It’s what we did for two decades before you reconciled with them, too. These are our traditions, once we’ve always honored.
Olivia: It’s just hard. Christmas reminds me of family, and that mine wants nothing to do with me simply for telling my own life story in a way that, rightfully, did not always portray them in a glowing manner. It’s hard to get yourself into a celebratory mood with all of that weighing on you.
Fred: I understand what you mean. Christmas can bring complex emotions for many people, including myself. I still miss my parents, I wish they were still around so I could celebrate with them.
Olivia: I miss your mum, too, she baked the best Christmas cookies.
Fred: The best way to honor those we’ve lost, and the moments that seem lost, is to carry on with the traditions, with the celebrations.
Olivia: All right, I’ll try and get myself into the spirit. We’ll watch some holiday movies, listen to holiday music, we can bake Christmas cookies. And, yes, I’ll invite the kids over for Christmas. Not everything has to be misery.
Fred: That’s the spirit! I’ll put on the Slade record!
Olivia: Oh, lord, please, no.
Fred: It’s Christmas!
Olivia: It won’t be if you put on that irritating record.
Fred: Fine, Shakin’ Stevens it is.
Olivia: That’s better.
One week later…
Gigi: Todd, we’ve got a problem.
Todd: Before I get myself upset, is it a real problem, or one you’ve just allowed yourself to get upset about because you’re insane?
Gigi: It’s a real problem!
Todd: What is it?
Gigi: I assume mother’s called you about Christmas.
Todd: Yes, is that a problem now? Are you anti-Christmas? The news warned about people like you!
Gigi: Okay, we’re going to have to have a frank discussion about what sort of news you’re watching. That’s another day’s issue. For now, we have to focus on Christmas. We’ve already told gran we’ll go to Sandringham for Christmas, because mum insisted she was skipping Christmas like Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis in that awful movie.
Todd: I liked that movie.
Gigi: You would.
Todd: So, we can just call gran up and say we’re not coming anymore.
Gigi: We could. I was always uncomfortable going, anyway,. Felt a bit like a betrayal of mum, even though she said she didn’t want to celebrate Christmas herself this year.
Todd: Do you think gran will be mad we’re canceling?
Gigi: We’ve got a huge family, there will be plenty of people there to distract her from our absence.
Todd: I certainly hope you’re right, I don’t want to burn any bridges. Leave that to mum.
Gigi: They’re family, they’ll understand the desire to be with our mother on Christmas.
Todd: I don’t know, I thought plenty of the things mum got in trouble for were quite reasonable. Didn’t stop them from reprimanding her.
Gigi: No one in our family is enough of a heartless miser to hold it against us that we want to spend Christmas with our own mother. All will be fine. Christmas will go on peacefully.
Later that day, at Buckingham…
Eleanor: Claude!
Claude: What did I do now?
Eleanor: Nothing. It’s about Genevieve and Todd.
Claude: What about them?
Christine: Are they demanding we invite their mother to Christmas? It’s not going to happen.
Eleanor: No, they’ve just canceled on us.
Arthur: Canceled on us? You don’t cancel on us! We’re the damn Royal Family!
Claire: That’s a bit pretentious, don’t you think?
Arthur: I don’t.
Claire: Eleanor, have they decided to celebrate the day with Olivia?
Eleanor: They have.
Claire: I don’t think it’s a crime for them to want to celebrate the day with their own mother. I was surprised they were ever planning to come at all.
Nathan: I miss Olivia, we sh-
Selina: How dare you even say such an awful thing?
Mandy: Has anyone seen Olivia? She was going to teach me to cross-stitch!
Selina: See what you’ve done? Mandy had just forgotten that and you had to go and remind her! We’ll have to hear that until past the New Year! Nice going!
Christina: Selina, leave my son alone.
Selina: He’s forty!
Nathan: I am not forty!
Selina: Thirty-five then!
Alicia: We prefer not to remind him.
Veronica: For some reason, they’re very squeamish about their own mortality. I don’t care, life’s a bitch and then you die.
Eleanor: Very Christmassy, thank you Veronica.
Veronica: Any time! I’m here for holiday cheer until January 14th!
Alicia: And then… we finally get some privacy again.
Veronica: Until Easter!
Alicia: We’re already so anticipating.
Ethan: Anticipating January 14th?
Alicia: Ethan, I would never have imagined you saying something so -
Selina: True?
Alicia: It’s Christmas! We should all show everyone love and compassion! Including Olivia, and Gigi, and Todd.
Nathan: Well, maybe not Todd so much.
Christine: I bet Olivia told them they’re not allowed to come here for Christmas. This reeks of interference.
Eleanor: Must we come up with conspiracy theories?
Christine: It’s no conspiracy theory, it’s merely the truth.
Eleanor: I know you’re all mad at her, I myself am not terribly thrilled with how things with her book went, but she’s still my daughter and I love her. I want her to have a good Christmas, even if it’s not with us.
Christine: It surely won’t be with us!
Claude: Mummy’s right, if Olivia wants to spend Christmas with her children, I think that’s swell. I hope they have a nice today. We can see Gigi and Todd and exchange gifts with them some other time, we do spend nearly a month at Sandringham.
Christine: We’re just giving in so quickly?
Claude: Giving in to what? We can’t force two adults and their families to come to Norfolk for the holidays.
Selina: You’re the king!
Claire: You’re right, he’s the king, not a dictator!
Selina: This is why the Magna Carta was a mistake.
Claude: I will leave you all to pine for the days of absolute monarchy while I go prepare the annual Christmas message to the nation.
Eleanor: Oh, I’ll help you!
Claude: You always do… for some reason.
Two weeks later…
Ethan: Christmas Eve! Can you believe it? So much work, now it’s here.
Eleanor: Work? I have people for that.
Ethan: Some people put in a lot of work for us to have this day. Not us, but some people.
Eleanor: I’m ninety years old, I have an excuse to not spend my time wrapping and decorating. What’s yours?
Ethan: I’ve a very busy man.
Claude: Mum, stop harassing Ethan.
Ethan: Thank you! You know, you’re a good big brother!
Anthony: Not quite as good as me!
Claude: Anthony! My god, it’s been months since you’ve been around. I didn’t know you intended to come!
Eleanor: All my children under one roof again! It’s magical!
Claude: Mum, O-
Anthony: Olivia’s here? That’s a surprise, I thought Claude kicked her o-
Eleanor: Oh, god! I forgot Olivia!
Selina: Wish I could!
Eleanor: Don’t say that!
Selina: You’re too forgiving.
Ethan: First time anyone’s ever accused her of that!
Eleanor: Claude, could we -
Claude: I don’t know what you’re about to ask, but I know it’s going to be bad.
Eleanor: Before I spit it out, recall that I am the sole reason you are king, and as such, I am owed a great deal of respect, which includes my requests being duly considered.
Christine: I can already tell it’s going to be very bad.
Arthur: When is it not?
Eleanor: It’s Christmas, family is supposed to be together at Christmas -
Claude: No!
Eleanor: Let me finish!
Claude: I know where this is going!
Eleanor: We need to invite Olivia. I know we’ve all got issues with what she did, but it’s not Christmas if we’re not together.
Christine: I think we managed just fine for those twenty years she was away.
Eleanor: I’m over ninety, I don’t know how many Christmases I’ll have after this. Let me spend it with my entire family. Besides, she’s said she’s sorry!
Ethan: Did she?
Eleanor: I don’t know. Does it matter?
Claude: It would make things uncomfortable. It would distract from Christmas.
Eleanor: If you don’t allow her here, I’ll just have to go to her so I can say I saw all my children at Christmas! I’ll drive myself, on the icy roads, for three hours!
Claude: All right, fine! Give her a call, tell her to come here.
Christine: You fold so easily!
Claude: I don’t need my elderly mother crashing her car on Christmas Eve!
Christine: It’s a risk I’d be willing to take.
Eleanor: Elderly? I’m aged, like fine wine or a sharp cheese.
Meanwhile, at Olivia’s Christmas Eve celebration…
Meredith: Olivia, it was so kind of you to ask us over for Christmas Eve.
Olivia: Well, uh… wasn’t my idea.
Todd: It was mine!
Fred: And we’re so grateful for it.
Meredith: Believe it or not, Norah and I were going to be all alone today. My husband’s back in Belfast, his mum’s not well. She doesn’t like me, she calls me “the Tory cu-“
Norah: Mum, it’s Christmas. Let’s not say that word.
Meredith: Ah, you sound like an American.
Olivia: I’m going to head into the kitchen, I want to prepare some pierogis and pigs in blankets for us. It’s early, but I want to make sure they’re ready by dinnertime. We have to get to be early tonight or Santa won’t come!
Meredith: Santa? I haven’t believed in him in four, maybe five years!
Olivia: You’re pulling my leg.
Meredith: Of course I’m pulling your leg! What do you think I am, simple?
Olivia: Uh… I don’t know how to answer that.
Olivia’s phone rings.
Olivia: Fred, can you please silence that? It’s so annoying.
Gigi: Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree is not annoying! Brenda Lee is a treasure!
Olivia: It is annoying when it keeps repeating over and over and over again.
Fred: Olivia, it’s your mother.
Olivia: Oh my god, has she finally gone and died?
Fred: No, she’s calling!
Olivia: Ethan must’ve stolen her phone to prank me. Not falling for it!
Todd: Mum, you should pick up.
Gigi: Yeah, I think gran was quite disappointed when we canceled.
Olivia: Canceled?
Gigi: Oh… I’ve made a misstep.
Todd: I thought I’d be the one that spilled the beans first.
Olivia: Spilled what beans?
Norah: Todd and Gigi were invited to spend Christmas at Sandringham. Since you were skipping Christmas, they planned to go.
Gigi: I felt awful about it, if you must know. I just had no excuse not to go, you know?
Warren: I’m going to excuse myse-
Olivia: Not so fast!
Warren: Dammit!
Olivia: Hand me that phone, I’m answering.
Fred: No starting any wars, please.
Olivia: You know me? Would I do that?
Meredith: I believe the answer’s yes.
Olivia: You stay out of this!
Meredith: Just happy to be here. Love Christmas. In fact, I think I’m going to turn on Love Actually. That’ll entertain us as we wait.
Olivia: I don’t care what you do.
Olivia picks up the phone.
Olivia: What do you want, mum? You want to steal Christmas?
Eleanor: Olivia! I’ve missed you so!
Olivia: Mummy?
Eleanor: Are you crying? Don’t cry.
Olivia: I’ve missed you too! I feel we’ve thrown away so much of our time, precious time!
Eleanor: Come to Sandringham. You’re welcome here. You’re family, it’s Christmas. Christmas is a time for love, and care, and reconciliation, and family. We ought to spend it together, under one roof. It isn’t Christmas without you.
Olivia: It isn’t Christmas without you, either! You know who I’ve got at my house now? The Prime Minister! That’s the depths I’ve sunk to! Christmas Eve with Meredith Trayman!
Eleanor: Sounds like the name of a terrible special on the BBC.
Olivia: Not one I’d ever watch!
Eleanor: You better get on your way, you’ve got quite the drive ahead of you.
Olivia: I know, good thing it’s early. God, I was really about to spend an entire day with the Prime Minister. Thank you for saving me.
Eleanor: Any time, dear! Now, hurry home for Christmas!
Olivia: See you soon!
Olivia hangs up.
Gigi: See you soon?
Fred: You buckled immediately.
Olivia: The sound of her voice, it just killed me. I could feel such warmth… I miss her. You should be with your mum on Christmas if you can be.
Fred: I so agree! I guess we should pack up and go.
Meredith: Am I invited? I’ve nowhere else to go.
Olivia: I’ll regret this, but yes, you are invited. You should not be alone on Christmas.
Meredith: A family trip!
Olivia: I so hate when you call us that.
Gigi: This is… definitely going to be a Christmas.
Later that night, at Sandringham…
Eleanor: Olivia’s here!
Selina: Oh, and she brought the Prime Minister. Lovely…
Claire: Why is she here?
Eleanor: She’s family!
Claire: I meant the simpleton.
Eleanor: Oh… you don’t have to talk to her.
Meredith: Believe it or not, this is still one of my better Christmases.
Claude: Olivia…
Olivia: Claude…
Claude: Welcome home, and merry Christmas.
Olivia: Merry Christmas, Claude. Can I have a hug?
Claude: Of course. It’s been too long.
What did you think of the Princess Royal Christmas special? Let us know in the comments! The Princess Royal will return for season five next summer!
