Marietta Season 1 Episode 3 - Cruel Intentions

 Marietta Season 1, Episode 3

Cruel Intentions

Marietta is standing on the steps of the New Orleans Mayoral Mansion, about to deliver a speak with the press.

Marietta: Milton, where’s Tammy?

Milton: She’s on her way. She just landed at Louis Armstrong. 

Marietta: What? That’s like a half hour away!

Milton: Actually Marietta, there’s been an accident on the freeway. There’s no way Tammy will get here in less than an hour.

Marietta: WHAT? I can’t stall these buffoons for more than an hour. 

Gene Brown, cameraman for the local news: What’s that supposed to mean?

Marietta: Oh, I’m sorry guys. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just very frustrated.

Gene: Oh, whatever lady.

Marietta: Milton, can you call her?

Milton: I’m Skyping her right now. She’s right here on my laptop.

Tammy: Hey Marietta!

Marietta: I’m so nervous Tammy! I wish you were here?

Tammy: Why are you nervous? You’ve ran for office so many times! Just be yourself. Be genuine. Speak from your heart. Emulate that election night Marietta. That was a concession speech for the ages.

Marietta: Aww, you think so?

Tammy: Yes! And I’ll be right here cheering you on. And in an hour or sixteen, I’ll be there in person.

Marietta: Thanks, Tammy. You’re the best chief of staff I could ask for!

Tammy: It’s my pleasure! You are my best friend after all.

Marietta: Milton! Where the hell is my soon-to-be daughter-in-law?

Milton: Maria's not feeling well. She called me this morning, she’s puking. She can’t make it.

Marietta: Puking? Oh lord, I’m going to be a grandmother.

Milton: Or she just has the stomach flu!

Marietta: But I’m probably gonna be a grandma! What’s the baby going to call me? Ooh! I know. Meemaw.
Tammy: Stop freaking out, Marietta!

Marietta: Ah! I forgot you were still there.

Tammy: Don’t focus on your potential grandchild. It’s probably noth-

Milton: Marietta, Maria’s calling.

Marietta: Oh no!

Maria: Hey Marietta.

Marietta: What is it, Maria? You sound nervous.

Maria: I really don’t know how to tell you this. I just got off the phone with Kyle. And he really wishes he could be there to tell you but- Excuse me for a second. I have to go vomit.

Marietta: Oh my God! It’s true.
Maria: Sorry about that. I was saying that Kyle wishes he could tell you this in person, but it’s urgent.
Marietta: Girl, what is it?

Maria: You’re going to be a grandmother, Marietta!

Marietta falls over.

Milton: Oh my God!

Tammy: Marietta!

Patty Lynn and Martin arrive just in time to see Marietta passed out on the ground.

Patty Lynn: My baby! What’s wrong?

Milton: No time. We need to get her to a hospital.

Marietta is rushed to the hospital, where she is given a room.


Milton: Oh, there she is! Welcome back to us!

Marietta: What happened?

Tammy: You were dehydrated. The doctors said that the stress of Maria’s announcement coupled with that caused you to pass out. You have to stay here overnight to get some fluids.

Marietta: Really? I don’t want to be anymore. I want to get back and make my announcement!

Patty Lynn: Oh, shut up! You had us so scared and all you care about is your campaign?

Marietta: But I feel fine.

Patty Lynn: But you’re not fine!

Martin: Oh my God, you sound like children! Marietta, you aren’t fine. Get some rest. Patty Lynn, lay off our girl. She’s going through a lot right now.

Patty Lynn: Oh, fine.

Marietta: Yes sir.

Martin: Okay. Good.

Maria rushes into the room.

Maria: Oh, Marietta! I got here as soon as I could.

Marietta: You really didn’t need to. I’m fine. But are you?

Maria: Well, what do you mean? Of course I am.

Marietta: Well, I know you’ve got morning sickness and I wanted to make sure you feel okay.

Maria: Aww, shucks. I’m fine. And I have really good news for you!

Marietta: What is it?

Maria: See for yourself!

Marietta: Oh my goodness!

Kyle, Marietta’s son, walks into the hospital room.

Marietta: I’ve missed you. How are you here? 

Kyle: Well, the flight to Sierra Leone didn’t leave until today. So when I  heard about Maria, I hopped on the first flight to New Orleans to surprise you two. I wish it wasn't like this, though.

Marietta: Oh, don’t be silly. I’m fine. You have a beautiful pregnant fiancée. Everything’s great.

Kyle: What I mean is that I wish you weren’t in the hospital. I know how much it meant to you to announce your campaign today.

Marietta: Well, I still can. 

Kyle: What do you mean?

Marietta: Well, I could have some cameras here. Kinda like how Joan Crawford accepted her Oscar in bed. That’s how I’ll announce my campaign.

Tammy: In bed? I don’t think that’s a good idea.

Marietta: It’s a great idea. It could even get some sympathy from people.

Tammy: Or people could think you’re using your illness as a tool. But whatever. I’ll call the press.

Milton: Are you sure about this, Marietta? You really should relax.

Marietta: Politics is relaxing for me.

Milton: Oh, so that’s why you almost had a heart attack on election night.

Marietta: My seat was supposed to be a safe Democratic hold! Just ask any of those political analysts!

Milton: My point is that you shouldn’t be.

Marietta: Milton! In the words of one Miss Ariana Grande, I’m gonna be alright.

Milton: You’re way too old to be quoting Ariana Grande.

Marietta:  F*** you.

Milton: Aww, there’s my sweet sister.

Tammy: Marietta, Don Kline from NBC is here.

Marietta: Oh, hello Don. We’ll be starting in a few minutes. Probably when some of the others show up.

Tammy: Gene Brown from NOAN is here, too.

Gene: Oh, not this lady again.

Marietta: Lovely to see you again as well, Mr. Brown.

Milton: Alright, we should clear out of this little room. Tammy, Maria, Mom, Dad, Kyle, let’s go into the hallway.
Now that all of the press has arrived, Marietta begins her speech.

Marietta: Hello everyone, I’m Marietta Landfield. You probably know me as the senior Senator from Louisiana.
Well, recently I lost my reelection campaign. You know the saying “When one door closes another opens”? Well, that’s how I feel. Because I have a big announcement for all of you. I’ve decided that I won’t be feeling defeated, or broken, or saddened. I’m running for mayor of New Orleans, because I know I can continue making a difference to the people of New Orleans. As a Senator, I fought for equal pay for equal work, an increased minimum wage, equal access to healthcare, a woman’s right to choose, gay rights, stricter gun laws, and the protection of our planet. As mayor of New Orleans, I’ll continue my brother Milton’s legacy as a progressive leader. I’ll continue to do the best I possibly can for all of you in New Orleans. Because you matter. Maria, come here.

Maria rushes into the room.

Marietta: This is my future daughter-in-law, Maria. I just found out today that she’ll be making me a grandmother very soon. And I’m so excited. And that’s why I want to be your mayor. I want my grandchild to grow up in a safe world. As your mayor, I’ll do everything in my power to keep you all as safe as possible. And I’ll make sure everyone has an equal opportunity, no matter your race, gender, or sexual preference. Because that’s how it should be. I’m Marietta Landfield, and I want to be your next mayor. Thank you for listening to me today. I truly appreciate it.

Milton: Ahh! Marietta, that was great!

Marietta: Well, that you. I just improvised there. That wasn’t planned.

Maria: I think me parents just found out I’m pregnant from your speech, Marietta.

Marietta: You didn’t tell them?

Maria: Well, I was going to but then you passed out and I wanted to make sure you were okay and now they’re gonna be really upset.

Marietta: Well, call them now. Maybe they didn’t hear it.

Maria: Okay. I’ll go do that.

Tammy:  Oh Marietta. You better turn on the TV.

Marietta: What is it?

Tammy: It’s the Spin Zone. They’re reacting to your announcement.

Marietta: Oh, no.

On the TV
Dan Freberg: Today, you heard Marietta Landfield, Senator from Louisiana, announce her 2017 mayoral campaign. She delivered some nice words, but did she really mean any of them? Let’s bring in our political analysts, former Republican Senator from New Hampshire Kristine Allen and former Democratic Governor of Minnesota Al Racine with their thoughts on the speech.

Al: Well, I thought it was a good speech. She certainly got her point across about what issues she plans to focus on as mayor.

Kristine: Excuse me, Al. Those were talking points. All she cares about is sitting in power. She couldn’t care less about New Orleans. I was defeated in my reelection bid for the Senate by a woman by the name of Marjorie Hausen. She also didn’t care about the people she was serving. She was governor for a few years. Then she decided that wasn’t enough. So she ran against me.

Al: Oh, the nerve!

Kristine: Oh, I know! And now she’s the future Minority Leader of the Senate!

Al: We’re really drifting off topic here.

Kristine: Oh, I know and I don't care. But back to Landfield. She clearly used her daughter-in-law’s pregnancy as a political tool. And don’t even get me started on the fact that she was in a hospital bed. What the hell was that?

Al: Alright, that was weird. I’ll give you that one.

Marietta, screaming at the TV: You freaking moron! You were supposed to defend me, Al!

Tammy: Don’t worry about it. I don’t think anyone’s watching this crap anyways.

Milton: Actually, the Spin Zone is the top-rated cable news show in the country.

Tammy: Not helpful, Milton!

Marietta: Well, it’s only the opinion of a few others. It probably isn’t a big deal. Now you guys can all go home now. I’m tired.

Tammy: You were asleep for four hours!

Marietta: I know, but I’m sick. I need my beauty sleep.

Kyle: You’re plenty beautiful, mom.

Marietta: Don’t flatter me, Kyle.

Kyle: Alright. I guess won’t compliment you anymore.

Marietta: Good.

Patty Lynn: Well, I guess we’ll be going now. Come on, Martin.

Martin: Whatever you say master. I mean dear.

Patty Lynn: Haha, very funny.


Tammy rushes into Marietta’s room.

Tammy: Good morning, Marietta! How do you feel?

Marietta: Better. Why are you here so early?

Tammy: Because things got a little worse. The local news is talking about your announcement. They’re not too optimistic about it either. I’m so sorry. It’s that freaking Kristine Allen. She put the idea in everyone’s head that you don’t care about New Orleans.

Marietta: But I do care about New Orleans. How do I possibly prove it to them?

Tammy: Maybe do some volunteer work. Get trashed in the French Quarter. I don’t know. Do the most New Orleanian thing you can think of.

Marietta: Well, I’m not getting drunk in the French Quarter. That won’t prove anything. And it’s also offensive that you think that’s how we act.

Tammy: I kid, I kid.

Marietta: This isn’t the time to kid. Y’know, that Kristine Allen always did have it out for me. She served on the Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions committee when I was chairwoman, and she was always jealous. She’s just a hater.

Tammy: If it helps, just call her by the nickname I use for her: Former, one-term Senator Kristine Allen.

Marietta: It does help to know she lost to Marjorie by such a huge margin- twice!

Tammy: I know. Even in our darkest of days, good ole’ Kris could only manage 30% of the vote! I mean, this was the year of the most Republican gains since 1980! And she still sucked majorly!

Marietta: I know, but it was a little better than the 19% in her 2010 reelection bid. I mean, that was just sad.

Tammy: Are we horrible people?

Marietta: Do you want the honest answer?

Tammy: Yes.

Marietta: Yes, we are awful. Just terrible human beings.

Tammy: Ha! At least we’re honest with ourselves.

Marietta: Oh, there’s my doctor. She’s probably here with good news.

Dr. Renault: Mrs. Landfield, you’re free to go home now. You’re perfectly healthy. Patrice will bring the wheelchair and officially discharge you.

Marietta: Mrs. Landfield? That’s my mother! You can call me The Honorable Senator Marietta Landfield.

Dr. Renault: Alright, you’re ready to go home, Honora-

Marietta: Get a sense of humor, I’m just messing with you! The name’s Marietta, you can call me that. 

Dr. Renault: Okay, Marietta.

Marietta: One more question. Would you like an official Marietta for Mayor button?

Dr. Renault: Oh, no thanks. I’m a Republican.

Marietta and Tammy look at each other.

Dr. Renault: I’m just messing with you now! Sure, I’ll take a button.

Marietta: Tammy, can you get the-

Before Marietta even finishes speaking, Tammy grabs a button with Marietta’s face on it from her purse.

Tammy: I already know what you were going to say. Here you go, Dr. Renault.

Dr. Renault: Thank you. Now I’ve really got to be going. I have surgery in like 15 minutes and it’s on the other side of the hospital.

Tammy: You should get on one of those golf cart things. It took me from the entrance to here in like a 30 seconds.

Dr. Renault: We aren’t allowed to ride those. I really gotta run, you two. I really don’t know where Patrice is, though. She should be here any minute with that wheelchair.

Marietta: Alright, you go ahead to your surgery. But I will give that Patrice a piece of my mind for being so late.

Dr. Renault: Oh, you do that. Bye bye now!

Tammy: Didn’t Dr. Reynolds or whatever the heck her name is say you’re perfectly health?

Marietta: She did say that.

Tammy: Well, then why do we need this Patrice to bring a wheelchair?

Marietta: Hospital policy.


Patrice: Oh, I’m so sorry Senator Landfield! I was dealing with a patient and he-

Marietta: I don’t care. I just want to go home.

Patrice: Alright, someone’s in a cranky mood today.

Marietta: Well, if you would have just gotten here even remotely on time, I would be fine!

Patrice: Please don’t yell at me, I truly was busy.

Marietta: Well, you should have sent someone else!

Patrice: I couldn’t send someone else, and saving a man’s life is a little more important that getting a wheelchair for some lame duck! 

Tammy: Care for a button?

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