Betty is at her store.
Betty: You know, I really figured that it would get more difficult around her with one less worker, but it feels like nothing’s changed.
Jerry: It’s almost as if Mitchell didn’t do anything around here and you were paying him for nothing?
Betty: I think that’s too harsh.
Karl: No, it’s perfectly accurate.
Betty: He tried his hardest.
Karl: He didn’t try at all.
Betty: Okay, so there was minimal effort on his part. Still not a reason to bash him.
Karl: I agree, but this isn’t bashing him. Just acknowledging reality.
Jerry: Speaking of work can anyone help me out over here? I don’t know where any of this crap goes, setting the new merchandise out is not usually my responsibility.
Betty: I’ll help ya. Karl, watch the cash register.
Karl: It is pretty busy, gotta make sure none of our many customers rushes over and steals while we’re not looking!
Betty: Someone could run in and rob us!
Karl: Very likely. This is the time of day when the criminals are rushing in!
Betty: Just stand there in case a customer comes in!
Karl: See, that’s more logical.
Woman: Hello. I’m wondering if anyone here is a member of the Lakey HOA.
Betty: See, I told you a customer would come in! Betty Bellwood, member of the Lakey HOA.
Woman: I’m Shelby Barden, I’m also a member.
Betty: Oh, right! I’ve seen you at meetings, now that you mention it.
Shelby: I’m sure you’re aware there’s a meeting tonight about the upcoming board elections.
Betty: I… was not.
Shelby: You know why? Anita DeFleur.
Betty: Ugh.
Shelby: I see you’re familiar.
Betty: That’s one way to put it.
Shelby: Would you like to no longer be familiar with her?
Betty: That feels like a threat, and I’m starting to fear that you’re an FBI agent undercover. I want Anita healthy and happy and out of my business.
Shelby: Oh, god, I don’t mean to imply any physical harm to her. I just want her voted out as HOA president. That’s why I’m running against her. It’s about time someone does.
Betty: Oh, good.
Shelby: She’s a deviant.
Betty: I think that’s a bit harsh. She’s a tyrant and an ass, but “deviant” is pushing it too far.
Shelby: Her daughter is seventeen years old and is prancing around pregnant like it’s normal! And now she’s “married?” It’s depraved! These people are morally dubious at best. Anita doesn’t have the character to lead. She can’t even parent properly.
Betty: I know that’s too harsh. You are way overstepping, missy.
Shelby: You think this is acceptable, teaching your kids it’s fine to get knocked up as a teenager?
Betty: I think what happened is unfortunate, but I think kids will be kids, and it’s not any of our business to judge Anita’s parenting based on what happened between her daughter and my great-grandson.
Shelby: Excuse me?
Betty: You heard me. I have my problems with Anita DeFleur. Any other time, I’d join in with you on bashing her and outright tell you that I hate her. But this is a family matter. You’re attacking my — I can’t believe I’m using these words to refer to Anita — family.
Shelby: Well, I’m sorry for wasting your time.
Betty: What you should be sorry for is casting judgment on others. I’m sure you’re not perfect yourself.
Shelby: I’m not flawed like that.
Betty: What I’ve seen here today proves that you are. Time to go, I can’t be preoccupied when customers arrive.
Shelby: I appreciate your time. I assume I’ll see you at tonight’s meeting.
Betty: Unfortunately, yes.
Shelby leaves.
Betty: My god, people like that just grind my gears.
Karl: I’m incredibly impressed.
Betty: By what? Me refraining from punching her?
Karl: You actually defended Anita!
Betty: I don’t think I defended Anita so much as defended Steven.
Jerry: You defended Anita. Pretty hard, too.
Karl: There was a warmth to it. Your heart is thawing when it comes to her.
Betty: I’m not a fan. I never will be. But I hate judgmental people even more. Heck, that’s why I came to hate Anita so much! But Alysa’s pregnancy has changed her a bit, she’s more understanding. She’s more human. Again, I don’t like her -
Jerry: Sounds like you do!
Betty: Quiet! I just felt the need to defend her from that awfully rude woman. I am depressed, though. I thought I’d be able to vote against Anita and get rid of her as our HOA president, but the only person running against her is even worse!
Jerry: Now you know how the average American feels every four years.
Betty: As if you don’t blindly pledge your love for whatever criminal the Republicans nominate every four years.
Jerry: At least my party nominates people who love America.
Betty: I won’t dignify that with a response.
Karl: Thank god!
Betty: Can you two handle the store on your own for an hour or so?
Jerry: Are you that bent out of shape over me being mean to your Democrats?
Betty: Say whatever you want about the Democrats! I have to go talk to Anita.
Karl: Oh my god.
Jerry: Are you okay?
Betty: I don’t want her to be caught off guard tonight when Shelby ambushes her. She needs to be ready with a counterargument, or she might lose this race.
Jerry: And that would be terrible.
Betty: The prospective new HOA president thinks your grandson is a deviant. So, yes. It would be awful!
Jerry: I guess you have a point.
A bit later, at Anita’s…
Anita: What in the world? Is Alysa all right? Did she go into labor and they sent the least valued family member over to tell me because you’re the only one they’d risk missing the birth?
Betty: We have phones now, we’d just call you. Come on, you’re twenty years younger than me, you know this stuff.
Anita: I couldn’t’ imagine any other possible reason you’d show up here.
Betty: I have troubling news.
Anita: Just spit it out, I’m sick of you already.
Betty: Shelby something-or-other is running against you for president of the HOA.
Anita: Shelby Barden?
Betty: I guess.
Anita: Why’s she doing that?
Betty: Well, she dislikes you. That’s the nicest way to put it.
Anita: She does? She’s never said that to my face. Are you making this up? That wouldn’t be cool.
Betty: She called you a deviant. She really doesn’t like the whole Alysa pregnancy debacle.
Anita: Join the club.
Betty: She says you’re a bad mother, and that you’re morally dubious and lack character.
Anita: You sure that’s from her and not you?
Betty: I promise. I defended you.
Anita: No way.
Betty: I will be honest, I wouldn’t have done it if it didn’t involve Steven. But it does, so I feel I’m being judged, too, in addition to my grandson being judged. I won’t allow that. And I won’t allow her to beat you over this. You should be voted out for being a vindictive, cruel, heartless maniac who is basically a dictator. Not because your daughter got pregnant. This lady’s a nut.
Anita: How did no one else tell me about this before you?
Betty: Maybe I’m the closest thing you have to a friend.
Anita: Are you trying to get me to jump off a bridge? That’s an awful and cruel thing to say to somebody!
Betty: I’m just saying, remember who had your back and warned you straight away when trouble was afoot.
Anita: I will. I guess I’ll have to spend the rest of the day trying to counter her attacks, then. This will be a more exciting meeting than I’d previously expected.
Betty: A little excitement does the body good!
Anita: Does it?
Betty: I don’t know, I’m trying to be supportive. I’m much better at it when I actually like the person I’m supporting.
Anita: Fair enough.
Later, when Betty returns home…
Teri: Mom, where’ve you been?
Karl: Running Anita’s re-election campaign.
Alysa: Excuse me?
Betty: It’s not what it sounds like.
Karl: It’s pretty much what it sounds like.
Betty: Karl, I don’t want to upset her.
Karl: She’ll hear about it one way or another. Might as well come from a friendly face.
Alysa: What happened to my mother? If she’s being nice to you, she might’ve been abducted by aliens.
Betty: Another HOA member wants to run against her, and she’s using your pregnancy as evidence that your mother is… morally-challenged.
Cindy: Oh my god, they’re Sarah Palin-ing her.
Alysa: That’s awful! I can’t believe that!
Teri: Exactly! She’s done so many other things showing she’s morally-challenged, supporting her daughter through a tough time is perhaps the only good thing she’s ever done.
Alysa: She’s really not as bad as you all think.
Danielle: Remember when she made Jerry get rid of his boat because it was in the yard?
Jerry: That was the one day that I hated her even more than Betty hated her.
Ralph: She tried to get Lianne to fire me. Several times!
Steven: She tried to break us up.
Tammy: Let’s not pretend others under this roof weren’t involved in that plot as well.
Betty: Whoops.
Frank: She tried to force me to take that treehouse down that I built for Steven.
Jerry: When really, all she needed to do was wait a few years and he’d outgrow it on his own!
Steven: I mean, I had pretty much outgrown it already by the time it was built. But the thought was so nice!
Teri: How about when she accused Mitchell of being in a biker gang?
Danielle: That one was just funny. I liked that.
Alysa: All right, she’s not great. But she’s my mother, and I love her.
Tammi: As you should. Everyone should love their mother!
Steven: That feels very pointed. Have I not given you enough attention lately?
Betty: Everyone, we’re getting distracted. The enemy is now Shelby Barden, not Anita. Anita is a known evil. Shelby is a new evil that poses a threat we haven’t assessed yet. And even worse, Shelby has insulted this family and our honor. She has to lose! Which means Anita has to win.
Alysa: So what, exactly, have you been doing about it?
Betty: I went around talking to HOA members. I told them what an upstanding person Anita is, what a great mother she is, how dedicated she is to the HOA.
Teri: And no one found the sudden switch-up odd?
Betty: Many did.
Karl: All did.
Betty: It was hard to explain. I don’t know how many of them understood the threat Shelby Barden poses.
Teri: You’re talking about her like she’s Hitler.
Betty: She’s not Hitler, but you don’t need to be that bad to be a bad person. And she is a bad person. The way she spoke about Alysa and, yes, even Anita, was unacceptable. That’s not what I want in an HOA president. Of course, I couldn’t use that argument to the other HOA members, so I jut lied and said I thought she was doing a good job leading the HOA. Which, well… I’ve lied worse in the past.
Teri: Like when?
Betty: When I said the cat knocked over the hamster cage and let it get out.
Teri: Who did?
Karl: Me. It was late, I didn’t want to turn the light on -
Betty: I was drunk. Raising you kids took a toll, mama needed some help from Jack Daniels.
Teri: So what happened?
Betty: I knocked the cage over, didn’t realize the hamster got out, and the was that. Never saw it again.
Cindy: Poor Pringle.
Teri: But we gave Fluffy to grandma because of that! You said you couldn’t trust him not to get violent against us kids!
Betty: I was in too deep. I’m sorry, Fluffy. But he had a great life at your grandmother’s, and she needed the company.
Karl: Yeah, Fluffy was much better company than those nasty old gossip hounds she’d have over for tea on the porch once a week.
Later, at the HOA meeting…
Anita: Okay, I want to start out the meeting by addressing a matter that’s come to my attention. I’m aware of a campaign against me. I know that the events of my personal life have been unusual for an HOA president. It’s my job to be somewhat of a moral authority for the community and keep everyone following the rules, and my daughter getting pregnant at seventeen doesn’t fully line up with that. I know it’s disappointing for many of you, and you have the right to feel that way. But those are the choices of my daughter, and I refuse to do anything other than offer her my full support. That’s my job as a mother. If you wish to vote me out due to that, then I still have no regrets. My Alysa deserved the support, regardless of the professional consequences for me. But I hope you’ll all consider how you’d react in my situation. I can’t police every action of an impulsive teenager, but I can police my own actions. The same would apply to you. I hope you’d all do what I did, and support your own child, even if it’s not how you personally envisioned their life playing out. And some will say that she made this choice because I raised her improperly, and that indicates that I surely govern this HOA improperly, too. Again, you’re free to believe that. But I’m no deviant. I have a conscience, and a strong moral compass, and I tried my best as a mother. And no matter what, I’m proud of that kid. So, Shelby, throw whatever you want at me. I’m waiting. I wouldn’t change a single thing I did, no matter what your judgmental self has to say about it!
Betty: Yes! You tell her, Anita!
Teri: This just…
Danielle: Isn’t natural?
Tammi Even I’m having trouble digesting it.
One hour later…
Amelia: And in the race for HOA president, Anita DeFleur has earned 52 votes to Shelby Barden’s 33, and has been re-elected to another two-year term. Congratulations, Anita!
Lianne: I really didn’t know how I was going to vote, due to your long history of being a complete monster. But Betty really vouched for you. I couldn’t ignore it.
Anita: Thank you, everyone! This is a wonderful honor to have bestowed upon me. I would like to officially announce, as my first act during this term, that I am creating the position of HOA vice president, and I am nominating Betty Bellwood to the position. With no other opponents prepared to step up for it, we’ll conduct a voice vote. All in favor, say aye.
Crowd: Aye!
Anita: Those opposed, say nay.
Shelby: Nay…
Amelia: It is my opinion as secretary that the ayes have it.
Betty: Anita, I don’t know what to say.
Anita: I say this is a way of turning over a new leaf. How about this?
Betty: We are family, after all.
Anita: Let’s not go that far. And, remember, this is a ceremonial position with no official power aside from filling in for me when I'm unable to attend a meeting. And meetings are held upon my request.
Betty: Got it!
What did you think of this episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read a new episode next week!
