Teri walks into the house with groceries.
Alysa: Teri! Finally, I was waiting for you to get here! I have something to ask you!
Teri: Just let me set these down and then you can feel free to ask away.
Alysa: Do you need help?
Teri: No, you’re pregnant, I’d feel so strange having you carry groceries in.
Alysa: I’m pregnant, I’m not paralyzed.
Teri: You’re carrying life in your stomach.
Alysa: Well, if you insist. Although, my backpack at school has to be heavier than those groceries.
Teri: You still wear a backpack? Isn’t that hard to, like, slip on?
Alysa: The pregnancy generally impacts your front, not your back.
Teri: You should’ve seen my sister when she was pregnant. Like a blimp! Just swelling everywhere.
Cindy: What about it? I’m not ashamed! I was creating life!
Ralph: I think that’s the same line you used on mom when she started flipping out about her daughter being pregnant at seventeen.
Cindy: I was actually sixteen.
Ralph: That’s not better!
Alysa: I didn’t even bother try manipulating my mother like that. I wasn’t proud of it, and she knew that.
Teri: Where did the two of you come from?
Ralph: I was in the basement and saw you pull up and I figured I’d watch you bring the groceries in.
Teri: No desire to help?
Ralph: Why would I do that?
Teri: Good question.
Alysa: You brought all the groceries in now, right? I wanted to ask you that question before Betty and Steven get here.
Teri: Are you escaping? I’ll help you get away, don’t worry.
Cindy: You will not!
Alysa: I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry.
Cindy: Correct, you are not.
Danielle: I think Cindy’s insinuating that Alysa’s not allowed to leave.
Cindy: I’m not insinuating. I’m saying it.
Danielle: That has to be illegal. Kidnapping of sorts.
Cindy: Anyway!
Alysa: Teri, I have a question for you specifically, and if you say no, that’s fine.
Teri: Go ahead. They’re not gonna go away, so you’ll have to say it in front of all the vultures.
Alysa: I want you to plan my baby shower. I can’t ask any of my friends to do it, they’re all teenager. It would be weird to ask pretty much anyone else to do it. I certainly don’t want my mom or Steven’s mom or grandmother to do it, throwing the shower is not the responsibility of the grandparents. So, if you want to, I’d love it if you could throw it for me.
Teri: Oh! Of course! Anything to help you out. I know this is a really unusual time for you.
Alysa: That’s one way to put it.
Teri: Danielle, you want to help me?
Danielle: Why the hell not?
Alysa: If it gets to be too much for you guys, I know you’re busy -
Teri: Uh, we are not.
Alysa: Well, if it ever becomes a hindrance, let me know. I don’t really need a shower. To me it’s not that big of a deal.
Cindy: Of course it’s a big deal! I know you’re only saying that because you think you’re too young, but I want you to allow yourself to enjoy this process! You are creating life.
Ralph: We get it Cindy, life is precious, abortion’s murder, women are put on earth to reproduce.
Cindy: I didn’t say that.
Ralph: You’re thinking it.
Danielle: I’m staying out of this one.
Alysa: Me too. I have to go do my homework.
Cindy: All I’m trying to say is that I want Alysa to be excited about this baby and not feel shame. It’s not the ideal time, sure, but this is the start of a beautiful thing!
Alysa: Anyway, I’m excited to become a mother, I just feel a little awkward. It’s not something anyone else at school can relate to, and I just don’t know how to go about having this shower and inviting them. We’re all seventeen and eighteen years old. They’re getting ready for homecoming, I’m getting ready for delivery.
Teri: Homecoming’s overrated, anyway.
Ralph: She’s only saying that because nobody wanted to grow with her.
Teri: That’s a lie! An awful lie!
Ralph: It’s not, though. You went alone.
Teri: By choice!
Danielle: You feeling better about not having to deal with homecoming now?
Alysa: I just hope I’ll be available for senior prom.
Cindy: We’ll watch the baby that night! You have your fun!
Alysa: I can say a lot of things about all of you. I can’t say you’re unsupportive!
Teri: So, about this shower. I don’t know your friends, because I am, uh -
Ralph: Old?
Teri: Yeah. I’m old. So, if you could just get me a list of people who you want to invite, that would be awesome. ‘Cause let’s be honest, kid, we’re running out of time.
Alysa: What ever do you mean?
Teri: You’re not going to be able to fit through the door soon if you don’t give birth,
Danielle: She’s not that big!
Teri: Her belly is full. That’s all I’ll say.
Alysa: I’ll never forgive Steven for making me fat.
Cindy: That’s the story of married life.
One week later, there’s a knock on the door.
Betty: Karl, can you get that?
Karl: What’s stopping you?
Betty: My hands are full of raw chicken!
Karl: That’ll do. I’ll be right in.
Betty: Oh god…
Karl: What?
Betty: I can see through the side window who it is…
Karl: Who is it?
Betty: The demon woman.
Alysa: Oh, my mother.
Betty: Ding ding ding!
Karl: Conveniently, I just remembered I have wash in the basement to get.
Alysa: I’ll get it!
Tammi: No! You stay on the couch, you don’t need to overexert yourself!
Alysa: I’m fine! So I have a big stomach, that doesn’t mean I can’t walk!
Steven: I think your stomach is beautiful!
Alysa: You just don’t want to sleep on the couch tonight.
Jerry: Wow, the honeymoon sure ended fast.
Alysa: There was no honeymoon, because he knocked me up, which is the whole reason we even got married to start.
Tammi: Hello, Anita!
Anita: You seem unnaturally pleasant today.
Tammi: It’s always a joy to be greeters by a friendly face!
Betty: Where’s this friendly face you speak of?
Tammi: I’m trying to be nice.
Anita: I was actually wondering the same thing.
Tammi: So, what brings you here today?
Anita: My daughter’s having a baby shower and I find out from an invite in the mail?
Alysa: I didn’t want to bother you about it.
Anita: Bother me? I want to plan it! You’re my daughter! My one and only daughter!
Teri: Nope, I take my responsibilities very seriously. You can’t have my job!
Anita: She’s my child, I’m going to plan her baby shower.
Betty: And leave me out of it?
Alysa: Oh my god.
Teri: I would you we shouldn’t invite either of them. Didn’t I?
Alysa: You did.
Betty: You did?
Teri: Never! She lies!
Frank: Look, ladies, I think she just didn’t want to burden you.
Alysa: Yes, that’s it.
Jerry: Her worried look does suggest that that may not be it.
Frank: Jerry…
Teri: He always talks too damn much.
Anita: So what’s the real reason you don’t want me to plan you shower?
Betty: And me! Don’t forget me!
Alysa: Can I be honest? You’re both sort of controlling. Like dictators.
Betty: Me?
Alysa: Yeah.
Betty: Steven, do you think I’m controlling?
Steven: No comment.
Alysa: Really?
Steven: Yes, grandma, you’re very controlling.
Cindy: Wow, she has him whipped in a way that usually takes a good decade to perfect. She has my respect.
Anita: You really see me as controlling? That hurts my feelings!
Teri: Already with the emotional manipulation…
Anita: I don’t agree that that’s what I’m doing.
Alysa: If I let you two assist Teri and Danielle in planning my shower -
Betty: Danielle is helping? You trust Danielle more than me?
Alysa: It’s not about trust. She’s very easy-going. You and my mother butt heads and it’s very uncomfortable for me. Besides, this is not usually the job of the expectant mother’s mother or the father’s grandmother. A friend throws it. Hence why I asked Teri.
Teri: I trust Danielle more than you, for what it’s worth.
Danielle: Aww, thank you.
Alysa: So will you four agree to work together?
Anita: Yes.
Alysa: And will you be truly cooperative and not just force them to go along with what you say?
Anita: Yes…
Betty: We’ll see.
Teri: I feel like I’m being demoted.
Alysa: Oh, most important thing! Teri still gets the final say!
Anita: I didn’t agree to that.
Alysa: It’s my call. It’s my shower. Take it or leave it.
Anita: Fine…
Alysa: All right, you’ve got one week to throw it together, better make it good!
One week later…
Alysa: You guys did such a great job with this today! I’m so pleasantly surprised!
Teri: I did it all.
Anita: She’s not kidding. She’s the real dictator.
Alysa: I don’t care, really. You all worked together, at least I think, and gave me this wonderful gift. I’m very thankful.
Teri: I’m glad all of your friends were able to come, too.
Alysa: Yeah, it was so nice to see them in this setting. I think they finally began to understand, you know?
Teri: I think I do.
Betty: The banner was my pick, by the way. I had to fight for that.
Alysa: It was a very nice banner, good pick.
Betty: Thank you. You’re welcome.
Teri: I did most of the rest.
Anita: I got outvoted on most things, which I knew would happen!
Alysa: Mother, this is a happy occasion. Quiet, please.
Teri: Good response!
What did you think of this episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read a new episode next week!
